Fifty Shades of Sacrifice
by 50-CG-AS-fan
Summary: Ana and Christian meet in college, he whisks her away to Seattle and she stands by his side as he builds up the business. Now married, rich and deeply in love, they must navigate busy careers and Christian has to reassess his priorities to achieve a work-life balance. Sexy lemons, HEA, no cheating and lots of drama!
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Note:**_ _So this idea came to me reading some of the fanfics of Christian and Ana meeting earlier in life, in college or high school (though that's a bit too early for my taste but fun to read). This isn't related to any of those story lines but instead it explores the notion of Ana being alongside Christian as he builds up his multibillion-dollar business, and the sacrifices they both have to make along the way._

 _In my version, Ana is 18 and goes to school in Boston, while Christian is 21 and attends Harvard when they meet. Same Elena backdrop (though that's not a plot line) but he's left Elena behind and our favorite couple instantly have a mutual attraction and fall in love. Christian drops out and leaves for Seattle to start his company, taking Ana with him. Ana transfers to a school in Washington State, they get married when she turns 21, GEH becomes a major success, she graduates and a year later she finally lands a job at SIP. Five years after they met, that's where this story starts._

 _No kids yet. This is all about how Christian navigates Ana's desire to step out of his shadow to forge her own career path as both of them try to achieve a better work-life balance. Some lemons and HEA, but there is a more serious fight than the kind I usually depict as Ana begins to feel neglected and Christian, who is deeply in love with her but a bit dense, has to reassess his priorities._

 _If you like this, PLEASE review and follow — and also check out my main book, "_ _ **Something Tangible**_ _," and follow that. Reviews keep me inspired so feedback is really appreciated! Thanks and enjoy!_

 **Fifty Shades of Sacrifice**

Ana burst into Christian's personal lobby practically skipping — and tripping over herself. For once in her slightly clumsy life, she was brimming with confidence.

"Hi Andrea! How are you?" she beamed.

"Morning Mrs. Grey. I'm great. Thank you for asking. He's meeting with a few associates in his office but go on in."

"No no, I'll wait," she declined.

"Mrs. Grey, you know he's left explicit instructions for you to interrupt…"

"I know Andrea," she pre-empted her husband's ever-efficient personal assistant. "But it's not urgent. Will he be finished soon?

"He should only be another 10 minutes."

"Terrific. I'll wait."

Ana took a seat on one of the sleek white chairs that graced the lobby but struggled to sit still, anxious to tell her husband the good news. As usual she didn't have to wait very long. Andrea had already surreptitiously emailed her boss alerting him to Ana's presence.

A minute later, Christian shooed the three men in drab, indistinguishable suits out of office before setting his sights on his wife, who was radiating joy.

"Hi baby," he greeted her wearing a huge, goofy grin.

"Hi Christian," she ran into his arms.

"What's up? To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I have amazing news. I got the job at SIP! I'm going to be an assistant editor," she squealed, unable to contain her excitement any longer.

"That's wonderful baby! Congratulations. I knew you could do it." Matching her enthusiasm, Christian twirled his wife in the air and planted a loud, sloppy kiss on her lips before setting her back down. "Come on baby, you can tell me all about it," he clasped her hand and ushered her into his office.

"I got the call this morning. Oh my gosh, I knew the interview went well but I was trying not to get my hopes up. It's been almost a year since I graduated, which I know in the grand scheme of things isn't that long, but these temporary editing gigs were starting to get on my nerves. And this is exactly the type of publishing house I was dying to work for. Just think, I'll get paid to read manuscripts all day long!" She paced his vast, sparse office, flustered with giddiness.

"Whoa baby slow down," Christian chuckled, pulling her into his embrace. "That's amazing. SIP has a stellar reputation. I'm sure you'll skyrocket to the top before you know it."

Christian dipped down to nip her ear before moving down to suck on the delicate skin of her collarbone, her creamy flesh driving him wild with need. _Jesus this woman is like a homing beacon. I get hard if she's within a 10-mile radius._

He had been swamped with the pending acquisition of a major Chinese port over the last few weeks and it had been two solid days since he'd been intimate with his wife. He needed his fix.

Ana felt his impatient erection pressing into her belly. "I think there's only room in the family for one CEO at the moment," she laughed. Her sweet giggle sealed the deal and Christian began hiking up her skirt.

Ana swatted his chest in a feeble attempt to resist his lewd advances.

"Come on baby," he crooned, kneading the soft skin of her thigh. "I'm so proud of you. Let me show you just how proud I am."

"Christian!" she screeched in mock outrage. "I know you love office sex but I'm always so paranoid someone will hear and …" — before Ana could finish her half-hearted protest, he began teasing the wet silk of her panties, an arrogant smirk playing on his face.

 _Fuck it, he can be as conceited as he wants. He's got the sexpertise to back it up._

Ana's head thumped back against the wall Christian had pinned her up against, her throaty moans fueling a primal desire to reclaim his wife.

"You're soaking just for me Anastasia. You want this as much as I do," he observed coolly, yanking the fabric out of his way to slip a finger knuckle-deep inside.

"Yes but…"

"You know it's soundproof. I'd never let anyone hear my wife in the throes of ecstasy. I need you baby," he cajoled her, the dulcet tones of his plea breaking down her resistance.

When he eased a second finger into her swollen folds, Ana finally dropped the last pretense of her inhibition and crashed her lips against Christian's, desperate for his taste and touch. Christian wasted no time plunging his tongue deep inside, dueling with hers as he ripped her panties to shreds.

And another pair bites the dust, she thought. _Good thing I have a running tab at every lingerie store in town._

Ana vaguely heard the clatter of Christian's belt buckle in the distance but was too distracted by the thumb gently massaging her clit to notice or care. All of her attention was concentrated on the bundle of nerves that her husband was so skillfully manipulating.

She began to grind against his hand for more friction, frustrated when he abruptly removed his fingers and left her feeling bereft.

"Christian," she cried out, clutching his broad shoulders.

"Don't worry baby. This is going to be hard and fast — and good," he vowed, lifting her by the ass and impaling her on his engorged cock in one swift motion.

A soothing wave of bliss washed over both of them as Christian stilled to savor his favorite moment of their lovemaking. Sheathed inside her enticing warmth, he gave her time to acclimate to his size again as he slanted his lips over hers, devouring her in a fierce kiss.

"I've missed you so much baby," he groaned as he began to pump languidly in and out of Ana's drenched core, allowing her to feel every ridge and contour of his erection.

"Please Christian. More, more," Ana begged, her walls clenching around his throbbing cock.

"I'll always give you more baby," Christian panted, his muscles flexing with each delicious thrust that stretched and filled her to the brink.

Methodically controlled strokes quickly gave way to animalistic pounding as Christian fought to bring her to the pinnacle with him.

"Oh fuck baby. You feel so unbelievably good," he grunted, barreling into her like a man possessed.

Ana tightened her legs around him in a vice-like grip as she weaved her fingers in his hair to anchor herself against his unrelenting onslaught.

"I need you Christian," she mewled.

"I'm right here baby. I'll always give you what you need," he promised, bucking wildly into her.

Christian's slid his hand up to roughly squeeze her breast while he suckled on her neck, the sensation of his teeth puncturing her skin bordering on the edge of exquisite pain.

"Do you want this baby?" he taunted her, grinding and circling his hips into her, pulling out just before slamming back into her. "Tell me who you belong to Anastasia."

"You! You! Oh God, don't stop," she whimpered, every nerve ending on fire.

The tingling in his balls told him it was time to redouble his effort, so he snaked his hand down to rub her clit in tandem with his hot, wet kisses.

Ana's breasts tantalizingly writhed against the rock-hard expanse of his chest as her body bowed in unadulterated pleasure. She gasped every time he banged her up against the unforgiving surface of the wall, praying that his office really was soundproof.

"We're going to test that theory out Ana," Christian said, his odd power of telepathy giving her goose-bumps.

"Scream for me Anastasia. Scream my fucking name as I make you come all over me. Now baby," he commanded gruffly, ramming into her with all the strength he could muster.

Her high-pitched wail rent the air as she exploded in a mind-bending orgasm that clouded her vision. Her muscles contracted around his almost unbearably painful erection and sent Christian spiraling over the precipice right alongside her.

"Oh shit, that's right. Give it all to me damn it!" Christian let out a feral growl as he buried himself to the hilt, his cock pulsing and swelling as he erupted into hedonistic overload — the hot jets of his seed lashing her walls. Trembling from his own aftershocks, Christian held Ana's thrashing body down as she rode out the last of her climax.

Christian kept his arms firmly locked around his wife as he let out a guttural, gratified moan.

"Jesus baby, I needed that," he exhaled, tenderly nuzzling her neck with the coarse whiskers of his stubble.

"When don't you?" she retorted, a mischievous gleam in her eye.

"With you? Never." He gave her one last impassioned kiss before carefully placing his still woozy wife back on her feet.

"So do you know who your boss will be?" Christian asked matter-of-factly, resuming his business-like demeanor as if nothing had happened.

"Yes his name is Mike Staunton. I interviewed with him briefly a few weeks ago. He's climbed the ranks fast at SIP but he's really knowledgeable about publishing and has some discovered some real gems."

Christian's jealous ears perked up. _A guy huh? And a young one at that. Don't spoil her good mood Grey. Wait until after you've run the background check before you ruin it._

"When do you start?"

Ana stifled a laugh. _Nice deflection Grey but I know you're just saving this battle for a rainy day._

"Monday," she replied, readjusting her outfit in the well-practiced post-coital routine she had perfected over the years.

"So soon?"

"Yeah, I could've waited another two weeks but I figured what's the point? With you working long hours and me stuck at home, it didn't make any sense to delay the inevitable. Besides, I'm eager to start this next chapter of my life!"

A tinge of sadness flashed across his face. _With two busy schedules, it's only going to be that much harder to carve out time for each other now. Will we become one of those couples who have to pencil in date night just to see each other?_ Christian shoved the depressing thought aside and refocused on his wife.

"Well then, I guess I'll have to take advantage of you while I still can," he said, trying to sound cheerful — and seductive.

"As if you don't do that already Mr. Grey?" she grinned.

"Yes but now my window is narrower. How about we celebrate this Saturday with something special — just the two of us?"

Ana was about to clap when Christian threw out a caveat that put a damper on her parade: "I may have an important conference call with the Shanghai team that day but I promise I'll do everything in my power to wrap it up and be free that evening. I just wanted to give you a heads up in case something goes wrong."

 _Murphy's Law — it always does._ Ana tried to disguise her disappointment by giving him a reassuring peck on the cheek. "It's alright Christian, I understand." _I always do._ "You have an empire to run. I know you'll do the best you can."

Lately though, Ana couldn't shake the niggling feeling that his best wasn't enough for her any more.

"Thank you baby," he returned her kiss with indebted fervor. "I don't mean to sound rude, but I have a meeting…"

"Don't worry, I'm leaving," she said, sensing his imminent dismissal. "Have a good day Mr. Grey. Try not to bite off anyone's head off." She turned on her heels, knowing the fuck and duck drill _._

"Baby wait, I'll see you out." _He may be an absentee husband, but he's still a gentleman about it. Ana, where did that come from? Stop giving the man a hard time. Wait, did I just mentally berate myself for something I didn't even say out loud?_

Ana's internal reprimanding was interrupted by Andrea's gentle warning over the intercom.

"Mr. Grey, Miss Abramson is on her way up to meet with you about the Statisnomal merger."

"OK send her up," Christian instructed, absentmindedly sifting through a mountain of paperwork on his desk.

 _Ah great, this impromptu visit keeps getting better and better._ The mere mention of Stacie Abramson's name made Ana's skin crawl. By all appearances, Stacie was a model employee: She was a brilliant financial advisor and a hard worker who was unfailingly polite to Christian and friendly to Ana.

But she was also conniving — and unlike the usual women who shamelessly flirted with the billionaire tycoon, Stacie was too smart for that. She coveted her boss while courting his wife so as not to arouse any suspicions.

But Ana wasn't dumb — nor were Andrea or Ros, who dropped hints to Ana about Stacie's less-than-honorable intentions, not that she needed them. The only one who apparently hadn't gotten the memo was Christian. He was always diligent about maintaining his distance from the cadre of female employees who fawned over him, but he was oblivious to the cunning fox in his own hen house.

 _Are all men so clueless? Scratch that Ana. When it comes to women, yes they are. But I won't let my insecurities dictate this one. If Ros and Andrea can see through Stacie, then Christian will eventually too. Hopefully she won't be wearing a sheer nightie when that happens._

Ana snapped herself out of her morbid reverie and headed toward the door. "I should let you get back to work."

"Oh sorry baby, I'm coming," Christian mumbled, absorbed by the file he was reading.

As she waited for her distracted CEO, Ana was struck by another wayward thought.

"Christian," she began tentatively. "You won't interfere with my new job will you? I know we've discussed this before but I need to make sure…"

"Of course not baby," he reiterated. "I kept my nose out of your job search didn't I?" _Despite my valiant efforts to butt in at every corner._

"Umm sure, we'll go with that," she scoffed. _Even though you tried to use your influence at every turn._

Christian gave Ana a sound kiss and thwack on the ass before escorting her to the elevator. As soon as the doors closed, he turned to Andrea. "Get me everything you can dig up on SIP and Mike Staunton pronto," he demanded tersely before retreating back into his office.


	2. Chapter 2

Christian's promised celebration on Saturday never materialized. Instead, he was holed up in his study all weekend for a marathon screaming match with a Chinese translator while Ana was treated to a few more fuck and ducks.

On Sunday night, after exhaustively preparing for her new job, Ana decided to pamper herself with a hot bubble bath while partaking in some long overdue girly gossip.

"Hang on Kate. I need to make sure the speakerphone is on and the handset is as far away from the water as possible or else Christian will throw a conniption."

"And where is my favorite control freak?" asked Kate, who was in New York on assignment for a local magazine.

"Where else? His study working on the next deal to conquer the universe — or at least the Pacific West Coast," Ana answered with a trace of scorn as she gradually stepped into the scalding water.

Actually, Christian had made his way inside the bedroom and was about to knock on the door to ask Ana where she'd put his iPad when Kate's next question stopped him in his tracks.

"Does he know how much you hate being a billionaire's wife?"

"What? Don't be silly Kate. I don't hate it … per se," Ana hedged.

"OK fine. Despise? Better choice of words Mrs. Editor?"

"Assistant editor to be accurate. And 'detest' if you really want to be accurate."

 _What the FUCK! She detests being my wife?!_ Christian's jaw plummeted while his hand remained frozen to the spot, as if still about to knock on the door.

"I'm just kidding," Ana was quick to add, though it lacked conviction. "I'm not about to start bemoaning having a billion dollars at my disposal. That would make me the most supremely ungrateful brat on the planet. I don't hate it and I love my husband. I don't care for some of the baggage, but that's no secret."

Christian expelled the breath he didn't realized he'd been holding.

"Don't mince words Steele. You hate being in the limelight and all those parties. That's not an exaggeration."

"No it's not. But Christian knows I hate those unseemly events where society women flaunt their wealth — and boobs at him — and the sycophants kiss his ass. So we keep it to a bare minimum. And stop calling me Steele. You know you do that just to rile Christian up."

 _Adda girl baby! You tell that meddlesome bitch._

Kate snickered on the other end. "OK _Grey_. So what's been eating you up lately then? I can tell things have been off."

Christian stood rooted to the floor. He knew he should stop listening but he couldn't tear himself away from the door. He was finally privy to the innermost sanctum of his wife's mind, which she usually shielded from him, and he wasn't about to squander this rare tour inside.

"I think it was the frustration of looking for a job and being kooked up in this penthouse all by myself for a year," she sighed. "Mind you, I'm not complaining. Christian is a busy man. He's got thousands of people he's responsible for."

"Oh cut the crap Steele. It's me you're talking to. That's the problem — you _never_ complain. You bottle it up and let it fester. Stop being the long-suffering martyr."

"Again Kate, being a billionaire's wife is not exactly the paradigm of suffering."

"Being taken for granted is."

Ana's silence was deafening. Dread began to churn in the pit of Christian's stomach as he waited for her response.

"I'm not being taken for granted Kate. I'm just a little … lonely," she confessed, her voice achingly sad.

Her revelation twisted his gut, pain lancing through him.

"Have you told Christian that?"

The pain was replaced by anger. _No she damn well hasn't! True to form as always!_

"Of course not and I'm not going to," Ana said with finality. "He's got enough on his plate. I'm not going to pile onto it with my neuroses."

Kate remained uncharacteristically quiet, hoping the silence would compel Ana to finally be honest with herself.

Ana took a deep, cleansing breath. "It's just hard spending 100 hours a week on your own. But what can I do? I knew what I was getting into when I married him. I didn't have blinders on. He built a multibillion-dollar conglomerate from the ground up. I'm not about to whine that he doesn't come home at five on the dot for dinner."

"Why not? You would think after he made his first billion, he could afford to step back and make you a priority."

"Kate it's complicated. He does prioritize me, when he can." Her defense sounded weak even to her own ears.

Christian stood there dumbfounded, his body shaking. _Priority? She's my entire fucking world. How much more of a priority can she be?_

"Besides, I think it was just the whole stagnating career-wise while Christian went to work every morning and fulfilled his ambitions that got to me. It sapped my mojo. It should be better now that I have a real job to focus on."

"Is Christian happy for you?"

"Of course. What a strange question. Why wouldn't he be?"

"Umm, how do I put this delicately? Because he's a tad overprotective of you Ana. As in he'd like to lock you up in his bedroom and throw away the key."

Christian smirked. _Kate may be a royal pain in the ass but she did always have a keen intuition._

"There are days when I wouldn't object to that either." The smirk on Ana's face matched the one plastered on her husband's, both of their minds in the gutter.

 _That's my girl!_

"Maybe you two could do some role-playing. You could be the prisoner and he could be your warden," Kate said, joining them in the gutter.

"Kate!" Ana squeaked.

The confines of Christian's pants grew uncomfortably tight as he pictured the possibilities. _Hmmmm not such a bad idea. We've already got the cuffs, and I've always fantasized about having her all to myself._

"But yes of course he's happy," Ana said, interrupting Christian's lust-filled visions. "He's always been incredibly supportive of me."

"And you've been equally supportive of him Ana," Kate reminded her. "But let's talk about more important things. Give me the scoop on your new job. What's your boss like — that Mike guy you told me about?"

"Dreamy," Ana giggled, the sound making Christian's blood boil — but this time for all the wrong reasons. "He resembles that actor who played in the new 'Superman' movie. Him and Christian have that in common: There's no shortage of women in the office who'd gladly drop their drawers for him."

 _And would you be one of those women Mrs. Grey? Is this Superman prick your kryptonite?_ Christian felt a pang of guilt at the realization that now he'd never keep his pledge to stay out of Ana's job. He was already busy debating among three options he'd execute by week's end: Buy SIP, get Mike fired or force Ana to quit.

"Speaking of, what about that work wife of Christian's? Stephanie, Shannon?"

 _Work wife?!_

"Stacie Abramson," Ana muttered, disdain dripping on every syllable. "Same old same old. She hasn't shown her true colors yet. Ros wants me to say something to Christian but I refuse to be that paranoid wife, so I just try not to let her stress me out."

 _What the hell is she babbling out? Stacie isn't interested in me, is she? What is Ros telling her? Jesus, where the fuck is all this coming from? I'm going to start tapping Ana's phone conversations with her little best friend from now on — not to mention my traitorous number two._

"Is that a wise strategy? Just let things play out?"

"What do you want me to do? Tell them to cease all communications? They work together Kate. And honestly, I'm too tired to care. For five years I've watched women who could double as supermodels fall at my man's feet to worship him. Can't say I blame them. He's got sexy feet," she quipped.

 _I do? And wait, she doesn't care? What happened to her territorial streak? She doesn't give a shit about me any more?_

"Good to hear you're not letting them get to you. Christian idolizes you anyway. But don't wait too long to out that Stacie bitch. Do you remember that girl Carol who was a family friend of mine? She was in college when we started high school."

"Vaguely."

"Well," Kate began, pausing for dramatic effect. "Ethan just told me that she's getting a divorce."

"So?" Ana shrugged off Kate's anticlimactic news, failing to see its relevance. "Half the country gets a divorce."

"Let me finish Mrs. Impatience. Like you, she got married while she was still in school to a guy who later became the city's top neurosurgeon. She stood by his side every step of his grueling residency and then the minute he makes a name for himself, bam! He unceremoniously dumps her for a 20-year-old nurse, leaving her with nothing to show for the last 10 years except the title of 'accommodating trophy wife' on her resume."

"Again, so?" Ana was growing increasingly irritated with Kate's not-so-subtle jabs. "Are you implying that Christian is going to trade me in for a newer model in a few years?" she asked, venom seeping into her voice.

Christian's fists tightened into balls. _Fucking cunt. Why does she always fill Ana's head with this nonsense? Elliot's going to hear from me and if he doesn't teach his busybody wife to shut her trap, then I'll do it for him._

"No of course not," Kate said, contrite. "I know Christian would never be unfaithful to you. The man's head over heels devoted to you. I'm sorry Ana."

Her apology tempered Christian's rage somewhat, although he was still going to have a chat with his brother. Perhaps I'll loan him my ball gag, he thought darkly.

"It's fine Kate. I'm not crazy about the fact that he probably spends more time each day talking with Stacie than he does to me, but that's not uncommon. A lot of people spend more time with coworkers than spouses," she said, her resigned sorrow piercing his heart. "I know we got together young and that's going to be a constant challenge. Christian has women permanently latched onto him and I'm not going to waste any more time getting riled up over it. I pray he doesn't get bored with me but I can't prevent that. I've adopted a new philosophy about it in recent years: No sense being consumed by something you can't predict."

Christian's chest constricted, and he flattened his palm against the wall to steady himself. _How can she think I'd get bored and dispose of her like she was some piece of trash? Is she saying she expects us to not work out? Is she preparing for the inevitable disintegration of our marriage? I'm going to fucking hurl._

"That sounds like a defeatist attitude Ana," Kate chided her.

"No it's realistic," Ana defended herself, entranced by the bubbles she was popping with her finger. "I love Christian with every fiber of my being. I know he feels the same. We're going to encounter problems that will test our union — and bitches who will try to break it — but I have faith that our love will help us overcome them, but there are no guarantees in marriage and that's the best any two people can do."

Christian's body sagged in relief but the tension was still evident in his shoulders, the mere thought that Ana assumed their marriage was so fickle making him dizzy.

"That's what I'm talking about though. It's just that you seem beat-down lately Ana Banana. I worry about you. You've made so many sacrifices for Christian and I want to make sure he appreciates them."

Christian's fury returned with a vengeance. _Of course I fucking do Kavanaugh!_

"He does Kate," Ana pinched the bridge of her nose. The only thing beating her down at the moment was a certain irrepressible reporter. "Listen, I know you mean well but let's take a break from grilling me and giving my hubby grief. It's time to turn the tables on you. How's Elliot? You two get over your slump yet?"

"Oh yeah, he's been striking out lately but he pitched a perfect shutout last night. Man, we dirtied up the sheets so bad that…"

Christian took that as his cue to exit. He could care less about his brother's love life. Instead, he felt blindsided by his own.

 _When the fuck was my wife going to mention that she hated the life I've bent over backwards to provide for her? Was she ever going to do me the courtesy of letting me know that she was miserable? That she despised me?_ Christian raked his hands through his hair so violently that he began pulling out clumps of copper-burnished strands. _At this rate I'll go bald and she won't have to worry about Stacie or any other fucking female coming onto me. Maybe then she'll ditch me for her dreamy new boss/boyfriend and finally be rid of her neglectful husband!_

Panic roiled his gut as every worst-case scenario flitted through his mind: Ana lying to him. Ana leaving him. Ana cheating on him. Ana no longer needing him. Ana marrying someone else.

As his age-old demons reared their ugly heads, Christian knew it was better to vent his frustrations on a punching bag than on his errant wife. So he ran down to the gym, where he spent the next few hours trying to not let his fears get the best of him, or his marriage.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Author's note: Hi guys – thanks as always for the reviews! Here's a quickie chapter and just a brief note to say that yes, this story is a little more angsty than my other ones, but it's still no cheating and all the drama is underpinned by the love they have for each other. But they are at an important turning point in their marriage and being tested by real-world problems — who doesn't work too much or not communicate enough? — so there will still be plenty more angst to come, but like I said, they'll find their happy ending after the heartache.**_

Ana awoke to an empty bed, terrified she had overslept for her first day on the job, but then heaved a sigh relief when she glanced over at the alarm clock. Christian must've had an early morning meeting, she reasoned.

She sprinted into the bathroom for a quick shower, eager to be early for work.

Ana was surprised to see her husband waiting for her downstairs at the breakfast bar.

Christian had decided to postpone airing his grievances about Ana's new job in favor of supporting his wife on her big day. He was also going to his call his brother later today to ream him a new one about his own wife _._

"Hi baby," he greeted her warmly. "You look beautiful. Gail made you a Western omelet. Make sure you have a few bites and some OJ before you dash off to work."

"Thanks! I didn't expect to see you here. I assumed you had an early meeting."

"Of course I'd be here to see you off on your first day. How could I miss that?"

Ana hid her look of disbelief and gave him an affectionate kiss on the cheek. "It's not quite like the first day of kindergarten, but that's very considerate of you."

Christian's sunny disposition stood in stark contrast to the dark thoughts plaguing him. _She figured I'd miss it._

"Were you able to get some sleep? I didn't notice when you came to bed in last night. Did the Chinese keep you up till the wee hours?" she asked, concerned about his poor sleeping habits.

"No I actually spent a few hours at the gym," he replied glumly.

Ana's heart sank. _So you have time for the treadmill but not your wife._

"Maybe next time I can come down and work out with you?" she offered hopefully, digging into her perfectly prepared omelet.

"Huh? Oh sure baby," Christian said as if in a trance. _What if this Mike douche finds her attractive as well? His background check indicated he was single. She's so naïve; she'll be easy prey for all those sex-starved bookworm types._

 _So that's a no on the gym I guess. Screw it, I hate exercise anyway._ She hated mornings and breakfasts too, but Ana wolfed down her omelet to appease her food-obsessed husband before calling Sawyer to get the car ready. Ana noticed Christian glancing down at his Blackberry, yet another email from Stacie at the top of his inbox. A ghost of a smile crept on his lips. Ana refrained from rolling her eyes.

Christian was reading the risk assessment Stacie had emailed him regarding SIP's financial health. The CEO was immensely pleased. _The company is ripe for the takeover I commenced yesterday, just as I suspected. Shouldn't be long before the new owner, i.e. me, can take over. I'm only granting my wife's wishes — to be more involved in her life._

"Hopefully I'll see you later tonight. Good luck with the Chinese. I'm sure you'll woo them over. You always do," Ana said cheerfully before darting for the elevator.

"Ana wait," Christian yelled, grabbing her elbow with one hand while the other tucked a few loose locks of hair behind her ear. "Good luck on your first day. I'm sure you'll wow them. You always do," he said, echoing her earlier words of encouragement. He cradled her face, his thumbs tracing lazy circles on her cheeks. The longing in his stare was so intense that Ana felt her knees almost buckle. "I love you. You know that right?" his voice cracked.

 _Do you?_ Ana felt tears prick the back of her eyes but couldn't pinpoint where these sudden doubts were coming from.

"I love you too," she gave Christian a forced smile and rushed off to work not wanting to dwell on her negative thoughts, leaving him dejected and afraid.

 _Do you Ana?_


	4. Chapter 4

Ana's heart thudded against her rib cage so hard that she was convinced everyone in the elevator could hear it. She was so anxious to make a good first impression that she had arrived to work an hour early, thanks in part to Sawyer's speedy maneuvering through traffic.

 _Who would've thunk it? Me early to something!_

Ana began smoothing down the unassuming grey skirt and white blouse she had strategically chosen to wear in the hopes of looking professional but not pretentious. Even though her closet was overflowing with an array of designer labels, Ana was determined to play down her connections to a certain über-rich CEO.

She wiped the sweat on her brow and stepped into what she hoped would be her future career.

SIP was a hipster paradise. There were no unsightly cubicle dividers, naturally. Instead, the wide-open workspace exuded chic restraint. The latest Mac computers sat atop IKEA-assembled wooden desks; ambiguously shaped modern sculptures adorned the lobby; and elegantly framed photos of the company's bestselling authors lined the exposed brick walls.

Ana stood amid the teeming masses of immaculately polished 20-somethings — all just as eager as Ana to make a good impression — and tried to get her bearings. _Crap, I hope I don't look too frumpy! Don't think that way Ana. You of all people need to blend into the crowd. Remember, plain Jane, not Seattle royalty._

Just then, Mike spotted the intimidated new girl and took pity on her. He was still relatively young and remembered his own first-day jitters.

The board had wanted to hire Ana primarily because of Christian. For years, SIP had been hemorrhaging money, but with the addition of Mike and a few other forward-thinking editors, the company was finally back in the black. Still, a billionaire wife's could prove handy one day.

Mike felt sorry that Ana would forever be pigeonholed as Christian Grey's wife. He wanted to hire her because he felt she'd earned the position on her own merits. She had aced the editing exam and excelled above the other candidates' paper-thin resumes. And he detected the same motivation and drive in her that had made him want to shake up the publishing world.

"Hi. Anastasia right? Welcome to SIP," he said as he approached her.

"Oh hello Mr. Staunton. Thank you. And thank you for this tremendous opportunity. I won't let you down," she stammered before composing herself. "Do you know where I should go to get started?"

"Call me Mike. Everyone else does," he said amicably. "And come this way. I'll show you to your desk and Vanessa is going to get you set up with your orientation packet."

"Awesome!" _Awesome, what the hell are you 12 years old?!_ "I mean that's wonderful sir, err, Mike. Thanks for your help," she said, eyeing her desk with pride. _My very own desk! How cool is that!_

"No problem," Mike laughed. _She could probably afford to buy a gazillion desks but she's gazing at this one like it's her most prized possession._ "Enjoy your first day. Vanessa's on her way to get you settled in." He gave her a quick wave before returning to his own desk.

Between perusing a million instruction manuals and signing a few nondisclosure agreements — a type of contract with which she was intimately familiar thanks to Christian — Ana scarcely had time to breathe before lunchtime had rolled around.

"So how long have you worked here Hannah?" she asked, striking up a conversation with the bubbly young blonde seated across from her.

"Only six months but it's been great. The company is snagging some really innovative authors and they've been at the forefront of the e-book revolution, so it's exciting to be a part of that."

"I know. SIP was at the top of my wish list when I was interviewing at different publishing houses. It took me a year after school to land this job, but it was worth the wait."

"It is. You'll love it. So are you from here originally?" Hannah asked, happy to continue their small talk.

"No, I'm from a tiny town called Montesano but I went to school for a brief stint in Boston before transferring over here to be with my boyfriend."

"Ah how romantic. Are you guys still together?"

Ana was perplexed by her question until it dawned on her. _She doesn't know who I am!_

"Yep. We actually got married when I turned 21," Ana replied, thrilled with her newfound anonymity and grateful that SIP management hadn't broadcast her marital status.

"Good for you! I've been with my boyfriend since college too. He's studying to be a lawyer now but we hope to get married after he graduates. What does your husband do?"

"Mergers and acquisitions," Ana said, conveniently leaving out a few minor details.

"Hmm, sounds complicated. What does that involve?"

 _Damn, Hannah's not only nice, but inquisitive_. "Honestly I couldn't even tell you what he does every day other than crunch numbers. Finance was never my forte," Ana joked, circumventing the issue. She knew eventually everyone would find out that she wasn't just a Grey, but _the_ Grey. For now, though, Ana's plan was to keep her identity under wraps for as long as possible — at least until she forged a few genuine friendships and stood on her own two feet.

"I hear you. We wouldn't be in editing if we excelled at math I suppose."

"Exactly! I aced a college-level course on Shakespearean tragedy in high school but flunked calculus — twice! I finally had to take summer school just to get my degree."

"Don't feel bad. My brother's a math whiz so I made him do all my calculus homework. Otherwise I would've failed too," Hannah consoled her. "By the way, me and some of the girls are heading to the deli next door in a few minutes. Want to join us?"

"Sure I'd love to!" Ana was practically bouncing off her seat, on a high at how smoothly her first day was going. She felt like the ugly duckling who had gotten an invite to the popular table at the school cafeteria.

Just then, the elevator doors opened and the most popular kid in town — in the form of a chiseled Greek god — appeared.

Looking dapper in a tailored navy pinstripe suit, Christian strode in clutching an enormous bouquet of crimson roses.

The gasps were audible throughout the office, interspersed with whispers of, "Holy shit is that Christian Grey?" "What's he doing here?" "He's so much better looking in person than in the magazines." Ana was pretty sure she saw one particularly susceptible woman in the back faint.

It was official. Her cover was blown.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Author's Note: Enjoy this chapter, because it's the last rosy one. After this things go downhill and the story gets angsty and more serious. I try to stay somewhat true to the characters and let's face it, they're a little immature in the books, so communication is not their strong suit (but aren't we all like that?). But they'll get there eventually! It wouldn't be a story though without some drama :)**_

 _ **And thank you for all the follows and reviews — I love reading each and every one of them! I had someone ask me if this was based on real life. It's both — I take artistic license with some stuff and incorporate real life in other parts. I'm the one who works late hours, frustrating my hubby, and he's done the work wife thing, which pissed me off :) I try and write about real-life issues where I can since I don't go in for a lot of the melodrama stuff.**_

 _ **As for Something Tangible, that story isn't going anywhere! I'm just going to be swamped the next few weeks and I like to take my time with the chapters to make sure they're good, whereas this story has been easy to crank out, so these updates will come faster and hopefully tide folks over!**_

 _ **P.S. – I updated Chapter 3 to incorporate a key part that Christian is buying SIP (surprise, surprise). Enjoy!**_

With an air of privilege, Christian breezed past the receptionist and strolled over to Ana's desk, eyes trained squarely on his stunned wife.

All the other pairs of eyes in the room were now transfixed on Ana as well.

As usual when the spotlight was on her, Ana began to squirm in discomfort. Christian mistook her profuse sweating for elation, not embarrassment, and patted himself on the back for pulling off his little surprise.

"Hi baby. I thought I'd stop by to properly congratulate you and take you out to lunch," he said brightly, leaning down to give her an obscene kiss on the lips. A hush descended over the room. Their usual spark ignited her senses but Ana had enough wherewithal to pull away before creating any more of a spectacle than he already had.

Not wanting to wound his pride, Ana slipped on her mask of impassivity — a trick she'd mastered by watching Christian — and gave him a loving, albeit chaste, kiss back.

"Wow, I'm speechless Christian. Thank you. They're gorgeous. This is so unexpected. I didn't think you'd be able to sneak away from the office," she said, the tenor of her voice slightly off.

"I'm always able to make time for you."

 _Was that a flicker of doubt I spied on her face?_ Christian tilted his head trying to decipher her expression but it remained unreadable. _Damn, I taught her well._

The sound of papers tumbling to the floor interrupted his guessing game. Hannah had returned to her desk, immobilized by the handsome stranger sucking up all the bandwidth in the room.

"Oh Hannah, this is my husband, Christian," Ana said, still unwilling to trot out her famous last name.

But Ana saw the recognition dawn on Hannah's features as she put two and two together. _Yep, now you're good at math!_ It took Hannah a minute to stop gawking long enough to extend her clammy hand to Christian.

"Hello Hannah. It's lovely to meet you." Christian gave her his dazzling all-American-boy smile, putting on a full-court charm offensive to impress Ana's coworkers — and Ana. _See how fucking supportive I can be. Kavanaugh can take my support and shove it._

"Uhhh, likewise," Hannah managed to stutter out.

"The girls were actually just about to go down to the deli," Ana told Christian hesitantly.

"Don't worry about that baby," he cut her off. "I've got reservations at that French place we love. No need to get yourself a sandwich. It was a pleasure to meet you Hannah."

Ana was acutely aware that all eyes were still glued to their exchange, so she gave Hannah a meek smile and accompanied Christian to the elevators.

"Oh wait. As long as I'm here, why don't you introduce me to your boss?" Christian said, his attempt to sound casual coming across as lame even to his own ears.

Ana pursed her lips to keep from rolling her eyes. _So that's what this spontaneous visit is all about. Snooping. Don't quit your day job to become an actor Grey._

"I'm sure he's busy Christian and I don't have a lot of time for lunch," she began in a futile attempt to dissuade him from his little fishing expedition.

"Don't be ridiculous Anastasia," he said, taking demonstrative steps in the direction of Mike's desk, his hand hovering at the small of Ana's back.

 _Funny how he can pinpoint the guy in a crowded room. He's probably got his mug shot on file, along with his social security number and mother's maiden name._

Mike was prepared. He knew who Ana was when he hired her and since then, the stories had circulated about her husband's notorious jealousy.

"Hi Mr. Grey. Mike Staunton," he decided to bite the bullet and make the first move.

"Mr. Staunton. Nice to make your acquaintance," Christian nodded, cordial but curt, his arm firmly attached to Ana's waist. "I just wanted to say hello to some of my wife's new colleagues."

Ana shuffled her feet, her cheeks flushed by Christian's humiliating display of ownership. _In other words, he wanted to check up on me — and check you out._

"Well, we're glad to have Anastasia on board. I'm sure she'll be a beneficial addition to the team," Mike said amiably.

"I'm positive she'll be a tremendous asset," Christian corrected him.

 _Why the fuck are those two alpha males talking about me in the third person? I'm right here!_

" _She_ is also hungry," Ana chimed in, glaring at Christian. "And on a limited timeframe, so we'd better get going. I'll see you later Mike."

 _Mike? Wait, she fucking calls him Mike? And why the hell is she blushing?_

Christian didn't have time to object before Ana was dragging his prying ass out the door.


	6. Chapter 6

Ana arrived back home exhausted but elated that her first day at work had gone so well — with the exception of a few minor hiccups. After she had returned to the office, a bevy of female coworkers accosted her, all hoping to become her new best friend. After a while, though, the commotion died down and she and Hannah had really hit it off. Ana had also begun editing her first manuscript and Mike seemed unfazed by Christian's earlier pissing contest.

Ana put her briefcase down and headed toward the bedroom when she was halted by her second surprise of the day: Christian.

She stood there baffled, mouth agape. He was never home at 6 p.m. _It's still light out for God's sake._

Bemused, Christian sauntered over and encircled her in his arms. His tongue lightly traced the outline of her lips before coaxing them apart to dip inside for a voracious kiss that left her breathless.

When he finally let up, his eyes burned into her. "Surprised baby? I wanted to spend the evening with my lovely wife."

"I am. Very," she gaped at him, trying to erase the remnants of her shock. "First breakfast, then lunch and now dinner!"

Christian began to seethe that Ana was typecasting him as the workaholic husband who neglected his wife, but he stowed away his resentment for now.

"You know I like to monitor your eating habits Mrs. Grey. Come, Gail prepared us some veal and mushrooms," he said, leading her to the candlelit dining room.

Ana was still a little confused by the attention he was showering on her. She hadn't seen the hearts and flowers version of her husband in well over a year, but she'd take advantage of his reappearance, even if it was only fleeting.

So she spent dinner regaling him with stories of her first day, his earlier reconnaissance mission long since forgotten. Unfortunately for her, Christian hadn't forgotten about Ana's heart to heart with Kate. He'd thought of little else all day — snippets like "dreamy" and "detest" worming a hole into his psyche.

"Your boss isn't overloading you with work on your first day is he?" Christian asked, trying to keep his interrogation to a minimum.

"No of course not," Ana replied, trying to keep her condescension to a minimum. "In fact, he's entrusted me with a manuscript that could be the next 'Eat, Pray, Love.' It's a big responsibility so I'm in heaven!"

"I'm happy for you baby," Christian said, conflicted by a sincere desire to see his wife succeed and his innate fears of losing her to someone else.

"Mike's a decent guy Christian," Ana arched her brow sardonically.

"I'm sure Staunton is," he grumbled. _Hopefully that decency comes in handy when I sack his ass and he looks for another job._

"Perhaps you could invite Hannah over for dinner some time," Christian suggested, wanting to get off the subject of Ana's hero of a boss.

"That's a terrific idea. The two of us could have a girls' night in or something!"

"I mean with me here Ana," he snapped, turmoil simmering beneath the surface of his cool exterior.

 _Why does she keep assuming I'm going to be MIA for everything?_

 _Why he's so damn touchy lately?_

"Oh sorry. I misunderstood you. Sure, Hannah has a boyfriend so we could do a double date whenever you're free. Be forewarned though, she's pretty smitten with you. She may choke on her food if you make her swoon too much."

"I'll remember that the next time I stop by for lunch," he chuckled.

 _Next time? What the hell's gotten into him? It's like he's out to prove something. He already staked his claim in front of every eligible male in the office. And the ones who were out sick surely got the memo by now._

Ana wrestled with how to let her husband down gently. SIP was her long-awaited chance to step out of Christian's larger-than-life shadow; instead he completely overshadowed her on her first day.

"Those were such beautiful flowers you brought today," she gushed, genuinely moved by his sweet gesture, which made her next request all the more difficult. "Are you planning on any more visits this week?" she ventured cautiously.

"Why? Any reason why you wouldn't want me there?" he asked, his tone vaguely accusatory.

"No, no, of course not," she stammered. _Shit this already going downhill. Salvage this Ana._ A crease marred her forehead as she contemplated ways to head off Christian's pending meltdown. She opted for a tried-but-true tactic: flattery. _Nothing like boosting a man's ego. Shallow? Yes. Effective. Definitely._

"It's just that an appearance by the enigmatic Christian Grey does cause such an uproar. The work productivity among the female population was pretty much nonexistent after your visit," she winked, appealing to his vanity. "It gets tedious fending off your fan club off on your behalf. Maybe just these first few weeks, we could, ummm, I don't know, not be too obvious?" Ana seductively slid her foot up his leg to take the sting out of her rejection.

Christian wore an unaffected scowl, though the growing bulge in his pants told Ana that he wasn't completely immune to her charms.

"Your Adonis reputation precedes you. You know the effect you have on us ladies," she winked to further soften the blow.

 _Could she be any more transparent? Does she really think I'll bend to her will because she batted her eyelashes at me? She doesn't give me enough credit._

Christian didn't give her enough credit either, because when Ana leaned forward to give him a generous view of her cleavage, he was bombarded with images of bending her over every surface in the penthouse. Maybe I should trap her wrists behind her and pound her into oblivion so she doesn't forget who she's married to, he mused, feeling his dick twitch in response.

 _Fuck it!_ Christian pounced, tugging Ana into his lap and smashing his lips to hers. She felt the metallic tang of blood as he drowned out her faint whimpers with a ferocious kiss. _I'll show you obvious Mrs. Grey._

"You decided to play with fire Anastasia," he said, frantically pawing at the buttons on her blouse. "You have no one to blame for this but yourself."

Christian yanked down her lacy bra and began to lave one rosy nipple with his tongue while rolling the other with his adept fingers. He sucked the tiny pebble hard before biting down on it, causing her to yelp as the exquisite jolt of electricity surged through her veins. Christian chuckled against her sensitized skin, reveling in her harsh gasps for air. _Obvious enough?_

Without warning, he heaved her up into his arms and carried her over to the couch, bending her roughly over the armrest.

"Did you really think you'd distract me with a game of footsie Mrs. Grey?" he asked, the baritone of his voice menacingly low as he bunched up her skirt and ripped off her panties. "Who's distracted now?"

Ana secretly smirked. _Guess my little game backfired on me — and it looks like I'll be a sore loser._

Christian's hand wandered over the firm flesh of her ass before fumbling with his zipper. Fisting himself, he kicked Ana's legs apart and spread her with his massive erection, her wetness coating him. "Is this what you want Anastasia?"

"Yes," she let out a strangled cry, clutching the fabric on the sofa in anticipation of his carnal assault.

"Give me your wrists," he ordered.

Ana instantly obeyed as Christian whipped off his tie and bound her arms behind her. He rubbed the tip of his rock-hard cock along her folds, toying with her. "Are you ready for me? Do you want me inside you Anastasia?" he asked, sounding like the devil incarnate.

"Please," she whispered, her voice strained.

"You should be careful what you wish for," he said before ramming into her so forcefully he had to grab her shoulders to keep her from flying forward.

Encased in her perfection, a groan of unbridled veneration escaped his lips. Christian's pace was brutal and unforgiving as he pumped in and out of her, one hand around the nape of her neck to keep her in place.

"Is this what you wanted Ana?" he grunted, refusing to give her any respite from his merciless thrusting. His cock stretched her to the brim as he leaned down to cocoon her body, the choppy staccato of his breath warming her ear.

Christian reached around to cup her breast, pinching her nipple and making her squirm in delight. "Still," he instructed, slapping her ass hard, the red imprint of his hand visible on her skin as drove into her.

"Tell me Ana. Tell me who makes you feel this way? Who do you belong to?" he said through gritted teeth, his demands laced with possessive urgency.

"You," she said without hesitation. Ana arched her back and submitted to his punishing assault, her keening wails reaching a fevered pitch.

"Louder Ana! Or I'll make sure this is for my pleasure only and not yours," he threatened, a hard edge to his voice.

"You Christian," she wept as he hit her womb repeatedly, his fingers digging into her hips. "Only you," she swore.

Christian covered her body with his broad frame, pinioning her beneath him and hooking his hands around her shoulders for better leverage as he pummeled into her.

"Don't you dare forget it. When you're sore tomorrow I want you to remember who fucks you raw every night Ana. Only me — ever. You're mine. Now come for me!"

Ana's traitorous body complied as she let out a mournful sob, a wave of all-consuming spasms paralyzing her and stealing the air from her lungs. Christian bit down on the wing of her shoulder as he emptied himself inside his quaking wife, shards of color temporarily blinding him until he collapsed on top of her, prostrate and sated.

When their panting subsided, Christian shifted his weight off of Ana, wordlessly untying her and helping her to her feet.

"Are you OK?" he mumbled, adjusting his pants.

"More than OK," she caressed his cheek, peeking up at him through hooded lashes. "May I go finish my meal now Mr. Grey?"

"Go before I take you again," he said sternly.

Christian sat back down with a dramatic huff. He was furious with the lack of control he'd just exhibited. Oblivious to his inner turmoil, Ana prattled on about the rest of her day, a pink hue to her cheeks.

Picking at the food on his plate — his appetite for all things other than his wife's delectable body gone — Christian tuned Ana out as he plotted ways to reassert his dominance.

 _My errant other half may have surrendered control to me back there, but she wielded all the power — and she fucking knows it. I had my reservations about buying SIP but her little display of topping from the bottom cemented it. The company will be mine by week's end. I just have to figure out a way to break the news to Ana._

"So thanks for understanding," she interrupted his reverie, a victorious glint in her eye.

"Understanding what?"

"About keeping things on the DL at the office, just for now," Ana said casually.

A shadow passed over his rakish features. "DL? You're not in fucking college any more Anastasia. Grow up and use that English lit degree you supposedly earned. And news flash: We're married. That's not exactly DL," he barked, wrenching the plate away from her so fast that Ana was left with her fork awkwardly dangling in midair.

I guess that means dinner is done, Ana thought, dutifully following her irate husband to the kitchen. Christian's back was turned away from her as he stood over the sink, but she could see the muscles in his back flex and tighten with tension.

"And I didn't agree to shit. Is there a particular reason you want to conceal the fact that you're off the market Anastasia?" he snarled, the restrained animosity in his question making her shiver. "Are you ashamed to announce that God forbid you're married to another man? Or is it the billionaire part that crawled up your ass?"

"Huh?" she asked, confounded. _So much for the post-sex glow._

"Perhaps your marital status is just something you prefer to keep hidden from your boss?"

"What?" Her shriek of incredulity bounced off the walls. _So that's what that Neanderthal fuck was all about? He's nuts! A fucking insanely jealous nutcase!_ "You're not even going there Grey," she warned. "I mean it, take a left turn at Crazy Town and the exit ramp at Stalker Ville because I'm not even going down this well-worn road with you."

"Ana, your clever little driving analogies can take a backseat to my justified anger. Or perhaps Mr. Staunton would be so kind as to give you a few linguistic pointers since he's so fucking 'knowledgeable' about publishing?" he sneered.

"Perhaps he can, right after you parked your jealousy at the curb smartarse." _Bring it on Grey!_

"You're one to talk," he snorted. "I suppose your double standards don't apply to Stacie."

Ana blanched, her poise slightly faltering. "Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Ros told me how you feel about her," Christian lied, not wanting to expose the source of his information. "What's your fucking problem with Stacie? She has never once expressed an iota of interest in me. You hardly know her and you're already sending an innocent girl off to the guillotine because Ros has filled your head with poison."

His verbal lashing sliced deep. _He's going ballistic on me but defending her? She's about as virginal and innocent as Christian was when I met him. For a cutthroat corporate titan and ex-philanderer, my husband is naïve as fuck._

"First of all Christian, give me an ounce of credit. I'm not so weak-willed that I just buy to whatever Ros suggests. Secondly, it's not my place to comment on your business relationships so I don't. I've never once disparaged the girl in the least, so take your pity party for her somewhere else. And third of all, your epic hypocrisy truly takes the cake."

"What the fuck are rambling about?" he demanded to know, incensed.

"You're acting like Mike's judge, jury and executioner. You're the one who's already condemned the man to the firing squad and for what? Saying all of five words to me? Meanwhile you communicate more with Stacie in one day than you do with me all week," she spit out. Ana hadn't meant to let her bitterness about Stacie slip out, but Christian exposed a raw nerve by bringing her up. "Get off your high hypocritical horse Grey!"

"Pot calling the kettle black," he mumbled cryptically.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "What?"

Christian was about to excoriate Ana for her lack of communication skills but decided to hold off on playing his trump card. _I'll corner her about Kate once she admits to how irrational she's being about Stacie. That way I can gloss over the whole eavesdropping part._

"Nothing. The point is that your hysteria about Stacie is completely absurd and unwarranted."

 _Hysteria? What am I madwoman in Victorian England being shipped off to the looney bin for getting her period? Misogynistic asswipe!_

"And your hissy-fit about Mike is just as asinine. Although perhaps I should start spending hours emailing him so that you finally get a taste of your own 'hysterical' medicine," she fired back using sarcasm-laden air quotes.

"So that's your ingenious plan? Develop a relationship with Mike as some sort of retaliation? Tread carefully Anastasia. That type of immaturity has consequences for a marriage," he warned, the tenor of his voice eerily low.

A frisson of fear coursed through Ana. "What the hell are you saying?" she croaked out. "Are you threatening to leave me?"

Her horrified expression jolted some sense into him. "No of course not! Don't ever jump to that conclusion. That's the last fucking thing I want!"

She gave him a perfunctory nod, unconvinced.

"Ana listen to me, I made a vow to you and I consider that pledge sacred."

"I'm not an obligation Christian," she said inaudibly. _Which is what I've clearly become if you can barely spare one night of the week to be with me._ "If you want out that's your prerogative. I just wish you'd own up to it instead of hiding behind some chivalrous promise you made at the altar," she sighed, on the verge of tears.

He stared at her in wide-eyed astonishment. "Out? How the fuck can you even think that Ana? You're not an obligation. You're everything to me!" he exclaimed. "I love you. Isn't that patently obvious by now?"

Her eyes penetrated his, the sorrow in them clawing at his heart and fueling a volatile mix of despair and frustration. _She doesn't believe me. How the hell can she not believe me?_

"Maybe it's best I leave," Ana whispered, the fight seeping out of her. Her hand shot up when she saw his panicked expression. "Upstairs. I'm turning in for the night before we say things we both regret, though maybe it's too late for that. This is ridiculous. We're just running around in circles and I don't even understand how all this even started."

"The only thing that's ridiculous is the insinuation that I'd ever abandon you Ana! It's you who's running away like a coward." Ana barely reacted to his insult. Christian could see her shutting down, which only propelled his tirade. "I don't want 'out' — I want you to let me in! Why can't you just fucking talk to me? Is it that hard to open up to your husband?"

"You don't exactly make it easy with your adolescent mood swings Christian," Ana scoffed. "And I'm not indulging you in this latest temper tantrum. Goodnight."

"Said the woman whose own churlish behavior started this. Maybe if you'd acknowledge the effort your husband made today instead of forbidding him from your office so that you could flirt with your new boss, we wouldn't be having this discussion."

Ana was rendered speechless by his baseless accusations. _Is there anything this man does not warp to fit his delusions? What's the point in responding to him? No matter what I say he won't believe me. It's like talking to a brick wall._

Shoulders slouched, Ana just shook her head — not in defiance but in defeat — and began to walk away, ratcheting up Christian's annoyance.

"Fine Ana. Just fucking run away, like you always do! As a matter of fact, you're right. This entire fucking conversation is ridiculous and I'm the one who's done with it so if you want to cower in the bedroom then just get out of my sight," he roared, slamming the plate he'd been holding into the kitchen sink and shattering it into a million pieces.

The loud crash pierced the silence and cut through Christian's fog of rage.

Ana begrudgingly moved to help Christian pick up the broken pieces but he stopped her.

"I'll take care of it Ana," he said, rueful for his actions and words. "I don't want you getting hurt."

"Too late for that," she choked back a sob, turning her back on him.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Author's Note: First off, thank you so much for the heartfelt reviews! It really means a lot to hear that people enjoy my writing and to see how many follows this story has gotten.**_

 _ **This is a relatively short chapter. The bigger battle royale is next. And yes, to reiterate, they have a serious rift in their marriage that they need to resolve, but there will be a HEA and no cheating. In the books, Christian was already established professionally so I think he had the luxury to make time for Ana. In this version, he was building his career up, so that changes the dynamics.**_

 _ **And I'm sure there will be plenty of Ana haters or Christian haters (especially for the next chapter) and I appreciate all your feedback, but just to give you a backstory — my goal in writing this is that they are both right and both wrong, the way it usually is in most relationships. They're both misguided but well-meaning.**_

 _ **As a guest reviewer so aptly put it, both their filters are broken. They lack good communication skills but we all do in some way. So don't get too frustrated with them (or me!). Remember, that it will be less than a week from start to finish of their communication breakdown, which isn't that tragic. Plus, if there wasn't drama, what would I have to write about?! Enjoy :)**_

Christian spent the rest of the evening replaying the night's disastrous events until he finally gave up and headed to bed himself. His sleeping wife had scooted as far away as possible from Christian's side so that their king-size bed looked practically empty — save for the tiny blanket-covered lump huddled on the very edge. Never one to take the hint, Christian simply migrated all the way over to Ana's side, wrapping his arms around her tightly to ensure she wouldn't fall off the bed.

A few hours later, the incessant buzzing of his Blackberry jarred him awake. Groggily, he scrolled through the litany of urgent emails from Ros informing him that a group of Hong Kong investors was threatening to bail out and derail the port acquisition he'd spent months hammering out.

"Motherfuckers," he cursed under his breath so as not to wake Ana, referring to both the investors and his employees. "Can't they for once in their worthless lives handle shit on their own?"

He eased his hold on his wife, reverentially stroking her cheek. Christian took a moment to watch the steady rise and fall of her chest, the soothing rhythm almost lulling him back to sleep. _I love you so much baby. Why can't you just realize that?_ He kissed her temple, inhaling her scent, before reluctantly flinging the covers off of him.

Two hours later, Ana stretched out her limbs, her hand bumping up against the piece of paper that Christian had left for her. She lifted herself up and read his note:

 **Ana, I'm sorry I didn't want to leave you this morning but I got called into the office on urgent business. Can we talk about last night later? I hope you have a good day at work. I love you, with all my heart.**

 _When isn't it urgent?_ Ana sighed, wrapping her arms around her knees and idly rocking back and forth. She looked through the window at the bleary Seattle skyline, which matched her mood. _Enough wallowing Ana. You have a job to do — literally — and it's only your second day at it, so pull yourself together. Stop pouting or you'll become known as the office Debbie Downer._

She took a fortifying breath and rummaged through her closet for the most sophisticated, eye-catching outfit she could find — guided by the motto "fake it till you make it."

Christian mirrored Ana's agitated state, although unlike her, he was a wreck both inside and out. His eyes were puffy and his unruly hair flew in every direction as he issued a barrage of commands while simultaneously wracking his brain for ways to get back into his wife's good graces.

All morning, he had paid close attention to Stacie's interaction with him. They exchanged some witty banter but otherwise she was the picture of professionalism.

Christian, however, was the picture of a tyrannical boss as he reamed one unsuspecting victim after another, his rancid mood leaving no casualties in its wake. He had just finished eviscerating the department heads for dropping the ball on the Chinese deal and was now out for blood with the rest of the staff.

"Andrea, where are the schematics from the Shanghai Port Authority?" he demanded. _The sooner I can tie up these loose ends, the quicker I can fix the bigger mess waiting for me at home._ "And Stacie quit dawdling. I want that financial risk assessment on my desk ASAP."

"Yes sir," she replied, demurely but calculatingly bending over Andrea's desk to retrieve some files.

Christian eyed Stacie's long legs and svelte figure with the detached admiration he reserved for all beautiful women, which to him were like works of art — to be appreciated from afar. The moment he'd met Ana, Christian embraced the motto adopted by men and museums the world over: Look but don't touch. And if you look, don't get caught.

 _I'm a red-blooded male. I won't deny that she's attractive and I like her. But I love Ana and I'd never tarnish that love by cheating on her or acting inappropriately. Can't my wife see the effect she has on me, how much I crave her constantly? Fuck, just thinking about her is giving me an inconvenient hard-on. She has to know how I feel about her._

But then Christian recalled Ana's panged expression when he callously threw Stacie in her face, resurrecting her latent insecurities. He couldn't even imagine what it would be like if the roles were reversed and she had to work this closely with Mike. He tried to banish the thought, though it haunted him.

Christian waged an internal war with himself. On the one hand, he wanted to evict Mike and Stacie from their lives to save them both the inevitable hassle. On the other hand, he wanted to have faith that their marriage was strong enough to withstand the occasional good-looking coworker.

 _I'd sooner die before I hurt Ana, but do I fire Stacie just to placate her? I won't ever risk my marriage but what kind of precedent would that set? Stacie is intelligent and she's never crossed any boundaries with me. I refuse to persecute her for Ana's paranoia. I'll just limit my contact with her and keep my guard up. And I'll give Ana some leeway with Mike — an inch, for now._

Satisfied he'd reached a compromise, Christian whipped out his phone to text Ana. He wanted this slugfest to be over and, going against his usual track record of obstinacy, he wasn't about to prolong their mutual misery. _Besides, the Stacie-Mike brawl is just a prelude to the bigger battle looming ahead: confronting Ana about what she revealed to Kate. But one showdown at a time Grey._

 **I know you said you didn't want me stopping by your office, but we need to discuss our argument. I'll pick you up for lunch at 1 because I have a conference call in the evening and may be in the office late. I look forward to seeing you.**

Ana took a break from researching the top chicklit authors on social media when she heard her Blackberry ping. Instead of being glad that Christian had made the first move, Ana was exasperated. _He's probably come to some resolution on his own and wants to let me in on it — or rather steamroll me into accepting it. And why does he expect me to accommodate his schedule? My lunch hour isn't even at 1; it's at noon. Presumptuous ass._

 **Christian, my lunch hour isn't even at that time. Please, I need to concentrate on my job without any distractions. Can you just let me get through my first week in peace — please.**

"What the fuck!" Christian exclaimed to himself, livid that Ana had rebuffed his peace offering.

 **So what are you going to do? Not talk to me for the whole week?!**

 **Of course not, but can you at least give me one day? Let's not act like you don't shut me out for much longer than that when you're mad.**

It was a low blow, but Ana was still smarting from Christian's silent treatment last month when she dared to have a spontaneous coffee with Jose. Between that and late nights barricading himself in his study, Christian had avoided her for six days straight. _But all of a sudden one day is too much for him?_

Still, Ana wasn't about to resort to the kind of truculence that Christian thrived on, so she decided to extend him an olive branch.

 **Sorry. I'm just frazzled. Let's talk this evening. What time will you be home? I'm happy to wait up.**

 **Don't bother. I'll be home late.**

 _And there's the juvenile jackass I know and love._ Ana tossed her Blackberry on her desk in an exaggerated fashion.

"Anything wrong?" Hannah asked, eyeing her curiously.

"No," Ana replied, plastering a fake smile on her face before resuming her work. "Just the usual crap."


	8. Chapter 8

_**Author's Note: Because it's the holidays and I'm feeling generous, here's the next chapter – the epic smackdown! Before you get too frustrated, just remember that even in their lowest points they still love each other :)**_

Ana stepped into the cavernous penthouse only to be greeted by their trusty housekeeper Gail. Part of her was hoping to see Christian, but the rational part of her had been prepared for his absence.

Christian never got back in touch with her, so she didn't know what time he'd be home. So she took her dinner to the library, where she holed herself up for the remainder of the night.

After stewing for several hours — getting her hopes up every time she thought she heard Christian's footsteps — Ana decided to call it a night. Walking into the bedroom to be met by a huge, empty bed, however, reinforced the chasm in her chest. _This is how it always is with Christian. He makes me seesaw between hurt and anger. But I still love every part of him — and I miss him so much when he's away. It's physically painful to be without him. Being alone in a marriage is far lonelier than actually being alone._

Ana picked up the elegant silver frame by her nightstand depicting the young newlyweds staring lovingly at each other on their honeymoon in the French Riviera, a picture of marital bliss. He used to pick me up every day from classes no matter how busy he was, Ana recalled wistfully. _He'd bring his laptop to bed just so he could be near me. He used to invite me to lunch. He even did my homework with me._

But then the exceptions crept in: a phone call at dinner, Friday nights at the office, texting while they watched TV, emailing while she was talking, coming home at odd hours. It was incremental, like a thousand small cuts that add up to one bleeding gash. Heartbroken, Ana flipped the photo over. _I may be a good little wife who puts up with his absence but I'll be damned if I'm spending another night in this bed next to him, close yet so far apart._

So Ana gathered up some clothes to decamp in the guest room, but not before her conscious nagged her. _Don't exacerbate your husband's insecurities Ana. You need to at least leave him a note letting him know where you are; otherwise he'll hyperventilate when he sees an empty bed._

Christian returned home to stillness, everyone having retired for the night. There was no sound of Ana clanking pots in the kitchen or rushing out to greet him with an exuberant hug. The silence in the apartment was suffocating, amplifying the colossal void in his heart.

He had wanted to come home sooner but didn't trust himself, fearing a repeat of last night's clash. Instead, he harangued Stacie to leave the office so he wouldn't wind up alone with her, erring on the side of caution in case Ana misinterpreted anything, and he closed up shop at GEH by himself, along with a smattering of janitors.

 _I should've just caved and called her so she wasn't waiting up for me. But she said she wanted a day to herself. I was just following her instructions_. Christian combed his fingers through his disheveled hair. _No Grey, you were punishing her._

Remorse flooded him as he trudged his exhausted body to their bedroom, careful not to trip over anything in the darkness. _She must've gone to bed. At least I can hold her before we duke it out for round two in the morning._

The lights were off but Christian immediately noticed that their bed was untouched. Crippling panic seized him when he saw the note on his pillow. _Oh God, she's left me. She's finally had it with my bullshit and left!_

With trembling hands, he opened the note and bolted upstairs as soon as he read that she was in the guest room.

Christian heaved a sigh of relief when he burst through the door and saw Ana peacefully asleep. He took a few deep breaths to calm his racing heart before making his way over to her.

The room was shrouded in darkness but Christian could still make out the rings under her eyes and splotchy skin, evidence of her fatigue. His stomach roiled with shame when he saw the crumpled wads of tissues by her bedside. _I made her cry, yet again._

Careful not to disturb her, he gingerly tucked the duvet around his wife and brushed a few locks of hair out of her eyes. _I know you're tired baby. So am I. We'll hash this out in the morning but you need to rest first._

Christian kissed her forehead and wandered aimlessly downstairs, taking a swig of scotch and cranking out a few tunes on the piano before laying down for a fitful two hours' worth of sleep. At four in the morning, Christian officially gave up and clambered back up to the guest room, pulling up a chair to watch Ana sleep until the sun mercifully rose and put an end to his wretched night.

Ana's breath hitched when she saw her husband, refreshed after his workout and standing like a soldier at the breakfast bar, where her omelet, OJ and tea were laid out for her.

"We need to talk," he declared in a tone that brooked no dissent. Gail took that as her cue to make an inconspicuous exit.

Ana eyed her husband apprehensively. "Can this wait Christian? I can't handle another one of our 'discussions' because they just devolve into shouting matches. Can we postpone this for now so I can go to work? I'm pretty wrung out."

"No Anastasia, this cannot wait. Sit," he ordered, assuming his Dom posture and motioning her to the barstool.

 _Oh geez, it's way too early in the morning for bulldozer Grey to be out in full force. Appease him Ana so you can get out of here before you're late to work. Just don't call him Sir._

"I overheard your conversation with Katherine on Sunday when you were taking a bath," he blurted out, waiting for the implications of his revelation to sink in.

When they did, Ana's hand flew up to cover her mouth. "You spied on me," she said, outraged.

"I listened to my own wife lamenting about the life she has with me, yes," he said, his reply clipped and brusque.

"So you eavesdropped?" _And violated my privacy — for the umpteenth time!_

It was Christian's turn to look affronted. "It doesn't matter how you want to label it Anastasia," he scolded her. "The point is that you chose to confide in your wacked-out friend who holds a perennial grudge against me as opposed to your own God damn husband!"

"Because my husband overreacts to everything," she retorted, the decibel level in the room rising, along with the temperature. "And because I don't want to become one of those clingy wives who burdens you with every single worry of mine."

"So instead you become one of those disgruntled ones who suppresses everything? When were you going to tell me that you 'detested' being with me Ana?"

She furrowed her brows in confusion. "Christian I think you've misconstrued whatever it is you _think_ you overhead. When did I say I didn't want to be with you? If anything, I said I want to be with you _more_."

"You said, and I quote, that you 'detest' being a billionaire's wife."

"Did you record me or something?" Ana hissed. _I waited to talk for hours last night but of all the times in the world, he picks the morning before my third day at work to ambush me with this nonsense._

"Don't be evasive and answer the damn question Anastasia!"

"Christian, calm down. It was a bitch-fest with my best friend. Stop reading so much into it. Yes it's true that I'm not crazy about some of the baggage that entails being a billionaire's wife, but I've never made that a secret. You know the money makes me uncomfortable sometimes."

"You told Kate you were lonely. Why would you conceal that from me?" He was trying to act nonchalant, but Ana saw the hurt residing behind his impassive façade.

"Christian, I may not have blared my feelings over a megaphone but I didn't exactly hide them either. I've been dropping hints for us to spend more time together for over a year. Did you really think I enjoyed being utterly alone 24-7? I know subtlety is not your strong suit but you're a smart man. I've constantly tried to make plans with you but you either turn me down or flake out on me."

"I'm not a 'flake' Anastasia," he shot back, indignant. "I'm a busy CEO who has a million people clamoring for a piece of me. I don't enjoy being in the office 24-7 but I don't do it to spite you. I do it because I have to. I have responsibilities that you can't even possibly fathom."

It was Ana's turn to be indignant. "In that case, I'll let you get back to your responsibilities since there's no point in wasting any more of your precious time on this useless conversation."

"Stop acting like a petulant child," he chastised her.

"Then don't patronize me like an arrogant father," she parried back.

They engaged in a silent staring contest, each too stubborn to give in. Christian towered over her, his nostrils flaring in anger, while Ana craned her neck up to meet his glare, hands on her hips, her stance unyielding. Finally, she blinked. Ana was diminutive compared to his six-foot frame, but she decided to be the bigger person. Taking a step back to de-escalate things, Ana tried to explain herself.

"Look Christian, I admit that I've been guilty of closing myself off when I get upset and not always expressing my opinions. But let's not pretend like you don't shut down every time you get pissed off. Let's not pretend like I haven't been begging you to spend more time with me, only to be cast aside in favor of one emergency meeting after another. And let's not act like your mercurial mood swings haven't prevented me from opening up to you."

"You knew about my fifty shades when you married me Ana," Christian reminded her insolently. "Deal with it."

"I do, and I've patiently lived with the rainbow that is Christian Grey, but everyone has their limits. You blow so hot and cold that it's impossible to keep up. Hell, over the course of a single day, you lavished me with praise, fucked me like an animal, yelled at me like a banshee and then gave me the cold shoulder after I cried myself to sleep. You morph from attentive husband to jealous stalker so fast I get whiplash."

"Plenty of women would gladly put up my mood swings," he grumbled, chauvinism personified.

"Then go fuck them Christian," she thundered, wiping the smug look off his face.

"Ana," he began, regretting his deliberate provocation.

"Save it Christian," she pre-empted him. "I don't need your apology or another hate-filled invective. I can't believe you choose to saddle me with this 20 minutes before I need to go to work, when all you did yesterday was ignore me from morning to night. But now you expect me to drop everything because you finally feel like talking?" she asked, her tone laced with derision.

His fiery eyes bore into hers, refusing to back down. "Let's face it Anastasia. My schedule is a bit more complicated than yours. I highly doubt the world will come crashing down if an assistant editor shows up 10 minutes late." Christian saw Ana wince at his backhanded slap.

"I'm sorry," he sighed. "I didn't mean to belittle your job. In fact, I want to support you in it, which is why I've purchased SIP. I take over at the end of the week and you can subsequently take the helm when you feel you're ready."

Crickets.

Aghast, Ana staggered backward and plopped herself on the barstool, reeling from his latest bombshell.

Uncharacteristically, Christian questioned his less-than-impeccable timing. _In hindsight, this might not have been the opportune moment to make my little announcement_.

"Please tell me this is some kind of joke," she finally found her voice. _I know it's not but please just tell me it is._

Nonplussed, Christian simply shook his head.

"I need to ensure you're safe Ana."

"You mean you need to spy on me," she corrected him, revulsion rolling off her.

"Semantics," he shrugged. "But I won't deny that I want to keep close tabs on the person who means more to me than anything in this world."

Ana threw him icy daggers. "Don't sugarcoat this with your suave BS. You want to keep me under your thumb, to track my every movement. Is nothing in my life sacred to you?"

"Your entire life is sacred to me Ana," he countered, offended by her insinuation that he didn't know what was best for her. "And you can track my movements if it makes you feel any better. You know all my passwords, my schedule — I've been nothing but transparent with you from the start. We're married. Our lives should be an open book to one another."

"So to pry mine open you've taken it upon yourself to become my boss? I can't believe… how… why…" Ana grappled with what to say to her well-intentioned but severely misguided husband. _How does he not comprehend that he's taken control freak to a freakish new level? He'll be in charge of every facet of my life. Everything I do will be up to him but I have no say in anything he does. Oh God, is this what the rest of my life will be like?_

A look of concern spread across Christian's face when he saw his pale-faced wife clutching her chest, looking at him as if he were vile.

"Are you alright? Talk to me baby," he said, distress seeping into his voice.

"Other than being appalled by your complete disregard for my wishes, I'm just peachy."

"Nice to see your signature sarcasm is still intact. Look Ana, if you want to berate me for safeguarding your future, then so be it, but I won't apologize for it. I'm your husband and I consider it my job to not only protect you, but to guarantee your happiness."

"And you think this is the way to make me happy?" she asked horrified, still trying to calm her erratic breathing. "You promised me you wouldn't interfere. How could you hijack my dream from me? I'll be the laughing stock of the company."

"You'll be the CEO if I have anything to do with it — and I do," Christian replied, cavalier and confident.

The crickets continued to chirp.

Christian ran his hands through his now-unkempt hair. "Ana, my underlying motive wasn't to intervene and I'm sorry I went back on my word," he said with an air of haughtiness that belied his apology. "But I know how business works. It's cutthroat, especially when you're starting out. You yourself said we don't spend enough time together. Well, I hate to break it to you but a new job is demanding. If we set the rules, however, we can also tailor them to accommodate our schedules."

Ana stood there flabbergasted by his perverse logic. _So instead of simply cutting back on your hours, you commandeer an entire company to cut back on mine?_ Her silence prompted Christian to continue with his rationalization.

"My point is that I don't relish being away from you either. You're not the only one who's lonely. But you're putting me in an untenable position. Your job is more flexible than mine. What do you expect me to do? Tell a few hundred Chinese investors that I won't deliver on a $500 million promise because my wife is feeling a little neglected at dinnertime? Fire Stacie and put down 'insecure wife' as the cause for her unlawful termination? You can't relate to any of these pressures because you've just entered the working world, but that's not how businesses operate, especially not multibillion-dollar ones," he said, wagging a lecturing finger at her.

"You know what Christian, then why don't you have Stacie take care of your little loneliness problem?" Ana sniped, the mention of Stacie's name bringing out her inner bitch. "And just fire me from my insignificant job and we can kill two birds with one stone."

"Stop being petty Ana and twisting my words damn it!"

"Then stop being vindictive and hurling Stacie in my face!"

Christian began furiously pacing the room, his mounting frustration bringing out the combative nature that worked to his advantage in a professional setting but failed him in a personal one.

"This isn't about Stacie, or Staunton or SIP for that matter," he coolly informed her. "I'll tell you exactly what this is about because unlike you, I don't skirt around the truth. I'm brutally honest and perhaps I make enemies because of it, but you should learn to take a page from my handbook Ana. So let me be unabashedly blunt with you: I think you're acting like an ungrateful brat. No woman on the planet has a husband who loves her more, but do you appreciate it? No. Instead, you blatantly disregard everything I've offered you on a silver platter — an entire company for fuck's sake! Do you know how many people would kill to be in your position?" he said through gritted teeth, eyes blazing with fury.

"But the moment my back is turned, you bitch and moan about my inadequacy as a husband while whining about the billions of dollars I put in your bank account and my nonexistent 'work wife' tempting me away from you. I'm done wasting my time on this idiotic back-and-forth. You are going to accept that I work with beautiful women and that some of them may be my acquaintances. You are going to accept that I have to work long hours. You are going to accept my assistance. And above all, you are going to grow up and learn to listen to me, your husband and, yes, your boss — because as both, quite frankly, I'm sick and tired of your complaining."

 _And there's my fifty shades, in all his unfiltered, Technicolor cruelty._

"Don't you dare," Ana bellowed, slamming her tea mug on the counter, the last of her tenuous control unraveling. The venom in Christian's words stung but gave her the courage to finally speak her mind.

"I've been nothing but supportive for years while you toiled away night and day building up GEH. Not once — not once! — did I complain. Not once have I said anything about that bitch who'd like nothing more than to spread her legs and fuck you senseless — all while you defend her and insult me." Christian's jaw dropped, floored by the vitriol spewing out of his usually restrained wife.

"Meanwhile, take a good look in the mirror Christian. I have a job for two days — TWO whole days! — and you're attacking me left and right. The minute I try to establish an identity outside of our marriage, you completely wig out. Who the fuck buys an entire company because he feels threatened and wants to exert control over every aspect of his wife's life? Is the idea of me attaining some shred of independence just that revolting to you?"

"Watch it Anastasia," he growled. "You're treading on thin ice."

But Ana wouldn't be bullied into submission. She paused to catch her breath and finally articulated the sneaking suspicion that had been gnawing away at her ever since she got the job offer. "Are you deliberately trying to sabotage this for me Christian? Are you trying to make me your puppet and pull all the strings in my career? Or is your real aim to keep me at home at your beckon call — to keep your bed warm while you enjoy an entire life outside the house?"

"How the hell can you even think that? That takes fucking nerve Ana," he fumed, struggling to rein in his own temper. "That life provides you with everything you could possibly ever desire. I work my ass off to give that to you!"

"Bullshit," she yelled, venting her pent-up rage. "You work your ass off for you — not me! You do it because that's how you're built. The money's just a happy byproduct. And that's fine. I accepted your grandiose ambitions and inhuman work ethic when I married you, and I've always admired you for it. But don't try to feed me that crap that you work your fingers to the bone for me. You do it because you love your job more than anything — or anyone — else."

The admission was stunning and sobering, but Ana had repressed it for far too long and it felt liberating to finally exorcise herself of it.

"Everything you do is driven by what _you_ want! You want to dictate my life choices, without any input from me. You want to screen who I associate with. You want to control my career. But you want to have free reign over yours. Meanwhile, you can't even make me enough of a priority to bother coming home by 10 p.m. — except when you want a fast fuck," she hiccupped, her voice hoarse yet unwavering. "You wanted the hard truth — there it is Christian, in all its unvarnished glory. You may never admit it, but every action of yours screams how absolutely unimportant and irrelevant I've become to you. Maybe Kate was right. Maybe I am just a trophy wife because you treat me like a possession, one to be sequestered away and let out only at your discretion."

Christian stood in front of her, resembling a rigid, mute statue. On the one hand, he wanted to physically shake some sense into her, baffled as to how she could place such little value on herself. On the other hand, it dawned on him that he was partly to blame for chipping away at her meager self-esteem.

Ana's lip began to quiver and tears pooled in her eyes, but she pressed on with her cathartic diatribe, the floodgates of her resentment now fully open.

"You know the irony? I resigned myself to my second-place status a long time ago, but you just kept poking and prodding me like you always do. You wanted to know what I said to Kate. Well, now you know. I hope you feel better now that we've 'communicated' and shared our feelings in this kumbaya bonding moment. As for me, if you don't mind, I'm officially done with this conversation. I'm done with you, with all of this! You can stay here, you can go to work, you can buy every publishing company in Seattle, you can fuck Stacie or the parade of 'beautiful' acquaintances you work with for all I care. Because guess what Christian? I don't give a shit any more! How's that for acceptance? I'm waving the white flag. You win! All I want is for you to stay away from me — which, incidentally, is what you do most of the time anyway."

Her body shaking uncontrollably, Ana whirled around and stumbled blindly toward the elevators, in a daze after her explosive rant. Equally shell-shocked, it took Christian a minute to recover before he chased after her, blocking her from the door.

"Wait Ana! Get back here," he said breathlessly. "What do you mean you're done with me? You can't possibly…" his voice broke, a foreboding sense of dread making his blood run cold. "Stop this now! What the fuck do you mean?"

 _What do I mean? Does it even matter what I say?_ She was too emotionally spent to even formulate an answer.

"I have to go," she whispered, eyes downcast as she knotted her fingers and averted his expectant gaze. "Just leave me alone. I can't be with you right now. I need you to stay away from me."

Terror set in as Christian felt his wife slipping through his grasp, his worst nightmare coming to life. He grabbed her face and forced her to look at him. But her stare remained vacant and unreachable. She was like a lifeless rag doll in his arms, drained of her feisty spirit. _You finally fucking did it Grey. You pushed her too far. Jesus Christ, she's actually disgusted by you._

"No Ana! You don't mean that. You're just upset. You're not going anywhere. We can't leave things unsettled like this," he rambled, each sentence more desperate than the last as he watched her retreat into the darker recesses of her mind. "Baby listen to me. You are the most important thing in the world to me. The business, the money, the power, the prestige — none of it means shit without you by my side. Don't you see that?"

His hands moved down to clasp her shoulders and haul her up so that her face was level with his, her deflated body offering no resistance. "No Christian, I don't see that. Now if you excuse me, like you, I have a job to do, even though it's essentially a moot point right now," she said devoid of any emotion as she wrenched out of his hold and moved past him.

"No Ana don't go," he pleaded, violently yanking her back toward him and caging her in his arms. His breathing ragged against her ear, Christian felt Ana stiffen but refused to release her from his ironclad grip. "Talk to me baby. We can discuss the acquisition. We have to work this out."

"Just let me go Christian," she said, her voice monotone and flat.

"NO!" Panic-stricken, Christian crushed her body to his — petrified by the subtext of her words. "I won't let you go Ana. Ever. I can't."

"I'm only going to work Christian." She tried to sound reassuring but knew it came across as hollow. Ana's heart clenched at the fear emanating from her husband, but a certain numbness also descended over her, dulling her pain yet sharpening her resolve.

Wordlessly, she extricated herself from his arms and punched the elevator button.

She could barely see Christian through her tears, but as she blinked, freeing the rivulets of water down her cheeks, she was ensnared by his imploring grey eyes. The last glimpse she had before the elevator doors closed was that of her mighty husband, ashen and devastated.

During the 20-floor descent, Ana had to grip the handrail to keep from collapsing to the floor in a heap of regret.

As soon as the doors reopened, Sawyer rushed to her, alarmed by the tears streaming down her face.

"It's OK Ana. Taylor informed me," he said gently, helping a wobbly Ana out to the car. "Do you still want to go to work? I can take you somewhere else."

"No that's kind of you Sawyer but I'll be alright. I just need a moment to collect myself, but thank you." She gave him a weak smile, grateful for his sympathy and unfailing discretion.

Ana sat in the backseat in a stupor, hypnotized by the blur of cars and buildings whizzing past her window. Occasionally she overheard Sawyer report back to her distraught husband over the cell phone.

"She's staring out the window sir," he repeated in a hushed tone. "Yes sir, I believe she's been crying. She hasn't said anything. I will notify you at once if she requests to go somewhere else. Yes sir. As soon as we arrive. I will keep you abreast of everything."

 _How could he do this to me? How could I say such spiteful things to him? And how did this snowball into the worst argument we've ever had? I should never have guilt-tripped and threatened him like that. No matter how ape-shit overboard he goes, I had no right to add to Christian's self-loathing. He must be having a coronary thinking I'm going to leave him. Either that, or he's calling a lawyer right now to wash his hands of a bitch like me. Maybe that's what I deserve._

Ana plunged into another bout of crying. "Sawyer, can I please speak to my husband?" she sniffled.

"Christian." Her voice sounded so tiny and frail that it left him winded.

"Baby, please come back to me," he choked on the ball of emotion lodged in his throat. "Turn around and come home. It's imperative that we work this out."

Ana marveled at her husband's gumption. _Only Christian could pull off authoritative asshole and wounded animal at the same time._

"I'm just going to work. I'm not leaving you. Do you hear me?"

She was met with silent disbelief.

"I mean it Christian. I'm sorry if I gave you that impression. It's no excuse but I was feeling overwhelmed and cornered. But I'm not leaving. I'll never leave you," she stressed. "I love you."

There was a sharp intake of air over the phone.

"I love you too baby, so much. Only you, until the day I die."

"I know Christian. And I know we need to resolve this — and we will. But right now I need you to back off a little. You can't keep doing this to me. One second I feel abandoned, and the next I feel smothered. I'm so fed up. Please, just let me go to work for now, OK?"

"OK," he relented. "I'll give you whatever you need baby. You know that right?"

"Yes." She sounded dubious, spurring his determination to prove her wrong.

"I love you baby. Don't leave me. Don't give up on me, on us." His tortured entreaty triggered another round of tears.

"I won't, ever," she affirmed solemnly. "You're the love of my life."

Christian took a deep, shuddering breath. "And you're mine. You're also by far the most important priority in my life. You _are_ my life. Please Ana, you have to believe me," he beseeched her.

"I will. I promise. I'll talk to you later."

Ana hung up before she gave in to temptation and asked Sawyer to turn the car around. The rift between them was killing her — but so was Christian's overbearing nature.

 _What's done is done Ana. He won't relinquish control of SIP no matter what you say, so make the best of it. You can still prove yourself. This doesn't have to break you._

Chanting the mantra of "make the best of it," Ana resolutely squared her shoulders when Sawyer pulled up outside her office. _Five years I've been under his wing and now he's rebelling because I'm chafing under it. You have to rise above this. Focus Ana. Focus. It's time for you to leave the nest._


	9. Chapter 9

_**Author's Note: Wow – thank you for the amazing reviews. I was really worried how everyone would react to the last chapter but the feedback was so wonderful and on point! I'll respond more personally later but I wanted to get this chapter out before I go out of town. There is still plenty more drama to come (and yes a little with Stacie) so their journey isn't over, but they have definitely turned the corner.**_

 _ **On a strangely personal note, I was randomly talking to someone tonight who had this very same issue with their marriage — being absent because of work — and he used some of the exact same phrases I did in the story (even the word sacrifice). It really hit home to know that in a weird way I'm writing about what many real-life couples go through, and a lot of you have recognized that, so thank you!**_

Christian mindlessly stared at the droplets of rain pelting the window of their penthouse for over an hour, still shaken by Ana's breakdown. It was only until Sawyer informed him that Ana was safely ensconced in SIP that he was able to tamp down the all-consuming fear that she was going to run away from him and never look back. Going against every instinct to storm into her office and drag her back home, Christian decided he couldn't risk alienating her any more than he already had and finally made his way into his own office.

He barged into his private lobby, mowing down anyone who got in his way. "Andrea, cancel all my meetings and hold all my calls, unless it's my wife. And get Ros in my office on the double." He slammed the doors before Andrea even had a chance to respond.

Five minutes later, Ros strolled in, chipper and unaware of the tempest brewing next door. Christian barely looked up from the papers he was marking up.

"First order of business, what the hell is going on with the Hong Kong investors? Have you addressed their reservations yet? I want to squash this and move on to more important things."

"They're demanding to meet with you in person before they sign off on anything. I've scheduled the trip for the week after next. Perhaps you can swing by Shanghai while you're on the last leg of your Asia trip. Also, Stacie will have to accompany you since she's taken the lead on the financials for the port project."

Christian finally detected the thinly veiled note of disapproval in Ros's voice when she uttered Stacie's name but he was too tired to examine it. _It doesn't matter. I'm not going on the trip anyway._

"I'm not going. Find someone else to take my place."

The shock etched on her face infuriated him.

"What Ros? Spit it out. I can't skip a fucking business trip every once in a while?"

His outburst didn't intimidate her. Ros had built up an easy rapport with Christian over the years and thought nothing of some good-natured ribbing at his expense."It's not exactly your MO Christian. You're married to your job, like me — and that makes you a slave to travel. No shame in that. We rack up plenty of frequent flier miles," she chuckled.

"I'm not fucking married to GEH. I'm married to Ana!" He slammed his fist down on his desk, knocking over one of the frames holding a picture of Ana on their wedding day. "Go on, say it Ros. You think I'm a selfish bastard. Well let me tell you, _selfless_ bastards don't rake in billion-dollar profits." _No Grey, they get fucking divorced._

Christian buried his face in his hands, groaning in agony at the mere prospect of ever splitting from Ana. _I'll never allow that to happen. Never._

Ros just stared blankly as the most ruthless man she knew transformed into a scared little boy in front of her, exposed and completely vulnerable.

Finally, he scrubbed his face and cleared his throat, resuming his veneer of invincibility.

"Ros, listen to me carefully. Things are going to change around here, which is the real reason why I called you. As for the Chinese, we've been pandering to them long enough. Make our bottom-line offer and let them know they either take what's on the table or we walk away. At this point, they either want this deal or they don't — but they won't be rewarded by a personal appearance from me every time they cry wolf."

Christian was back in command and had Ros's full attention as she furiously scribbled on her notepad.

"Nor will other investors who are on the fence. I'm a CEO, not a glorified babysitter, and I won't be coddling every one who demands my time. That goes for this company at large. There's been far too much handholding and not enough delegating, but that ends now. I know you can't pick up the slack for all the outstanding deals, so as of today, your top priority is seeking out two to three subordinates who can take over large projects when you or I aren't available. Get in touch with the usual roster of headhunters and poach the talent at our two California and New York rivals. Pay is irrelevant. Offer what it takes to bring them over. I like Jerry Farber and Leslie Nicholson but cast a wide net for candidates in your search. But start today. Am I making myself clear?"

She nodded dumbly. Ros knew when her boss was being difficult and when he was being dead serious.

"You're welcome to continue working your hours or you can transfer some of your responsibilities onto the new hires. That's up to you. My schedule and availability, however, will be truncated from now on — without exception. All major decisions will continue to go through me, but I will not get into the weeds of every acquisition or the minutiae of managing every department. Only the issues that deserve my time will receive it from now on. I have more important matters to tend to."

Ros gave him a sly grin. _Ana must have really lit a fire under his ass. About time._ "Understood boss."

Somewhat mollified that he was starting to make amends with his wife, Christian resumed his work only to be interrupted by a tepid knock on the door. His aggravation returned full force when he saw Stacie peek her well-coiffed head in.

 _Not what I fucking need right now._

"What do you want Ms. Abramson?" he snapped, formal and aloof.

"I just need you to sign off on the Canyon Telecommunications paperwork so I can finalize the merger," she said impishly.

Christian scrawled his signature on the contracts and dismissed her with a nod. Knowing how temperamental her boss could be, Stacie wisely scurried off — but not before she picked up on the overturned picture frame on his desk.

Trouble in paradise, she thought to herself.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Author's Note: Thanks for all the feedback! It inspired me and I wanted to get this chapter out before the weekend. After this they finally begin to work on their problems (and yes Stacie will rear her head eventually, but again no cheating). Have a good weekend everyone!**_

Meanwhile, Ana was in her hipster paradise — in hell.

As soon as she had walked in, pallid and shaky, she was besieged by well-meaning but intrusive coworkers asking if she was alright. She tried to brush off their concern as tactfully as she could, refusing to air her dirty laundry with women who were more interested in getting their hooks into Christian than they were her welfare.

The only one who didn't offer her a trace of sympathy was her supervisor Vanessa. Ana was perplexed by the recriminating looks Vanessa lobbed at her. _That's odd. She's one of the few women in here who hasn't succumbed to the Christian fairy dust. So why is she looking at me like I've shot her puppy?_

Ana shoved Vanessa's stink eye aside and buried herself in work, determined to prove herself before Christian's latest acquisition became public and her efforts became a foregone conclusion.

"Did you hear the rumors?" Hannah looked up, a salacious glimmer in her eye. "Word is there's a hostile takeover of SIP!"

 _Yep, and once word gets out, I'll encounter nothing but hostility from my coworkers._

"Really?" Ana asked, feigning ignorance. _I'm as sucky an actor as Christian is._

"Yeah unfortunately. I didn't really get the scoop on who's buying the company, but it's a real shame. The owners definitely aren't happy about it and in a weird way I feel like I got robbed too."

Ana crinkled her nose and tilted her head to the side. "How so Hannah?"

"I don't know. I realize the takeover probably won't touch a runt like me, but it still stinks because I never would've accepted the position here if I knew the job was so tenuous. Who knows what the new owners will do? They could can run roughshod over everyone and totally upend the entire company — or liquidate it for that matter."

"You never know. They might breathe new life into it too and the buyout could be a blessing in disguise," Ana offered encouragingly. "Try to look on the bright side and don't worry about things that are out of your hands anyway."

 _Just like they were out of mine._

"I suppose you're right. It still stinks to not be in control of your destiny," Hannah shrugged.

Ana could only murmur her assent, the off-handed remark cutting her to the bone.

 _It more than stinks Hannah. It's absolutely devastating to be a bystander in your own life._

Ana held back the tears pricking her eyes — _enough crying you baby!_ — and resumed marking up the manuscript in her hands.

Just then, the company's top three executives, Mike, Vanessa and Jerry Roach, emerged from the conference room, looking a little worse for wear. Their eyes were pinned on Ana, who could hazard a guess as to what their meeting was about. _My too-significant-for-his-own-good significant other has blindsided all of them._

"Anastasia, are you done yet with the 2015 bestseller analytics report yet," a grim-faced Vanessa snapped as the trio passed by Ana's desk.

"Umm yes I just…"

"Vanessa don't pester Anastasia," Jerry Roach piped up, clearly walking on eggshells around his new boss's wife. "I kept her preoccupied this week with that social media report, which was excellent by the way Anastasia. Keep up the phenomenal work." He gave her an awkward thumbs-up. Vanessa rolled her eyes.

In the middle was levelheaded Mike, who took the acquisition in stride and extended sympathy to the woman who probably had little say in it.

"It was a good report Ana," he smiled. "Are you alright? You look a little drawn."

"You do look like you've seen a ghost Ana," Hannah concurred. "Are you sick?"

"I'm great — I just ate like a whale at breakfast," Ana tried to deflect their concern. _A big breakfast? That's the lame excuse I came up with in a pinch. Pathetic Ana, absolutely pathetic._ "But thanks for asking. I'll tidy up that report for Vanessa right now."

 _Jesus do I really look that shitty? If people don't look alright, does it really help to point out the obvious and remind them that they don't look alright? I seriously need to get a grip if I'm ever to face these people with some dignity once Christian's ownership becomes public. I just have to devise a strategy to hunker down for next two days so I can at least survive my first week at work somewhat intact._

Ana picked up the phone to call Kate. _Even though she can be a nuisance, she's my reliable nuisance._

"Hey Banana, what's up," Kate answered.

"Plenty, though I won't bore you with the details right now. But listen, I have a question to ask. More like a favor."

"I'm usually the one who asks all the questions but fire away."

"Since Elliott is away on business this week, do you mind if I stay over at your place for one, two nights max, if it's not too much of an inconvenience?"

"Course not, but why…"

"And before you put your reporter cap on, can I say 'no comment' for now? I just need to get my shit straight for this job and I need some down time to do that."

"So am I banned from asking why exactly you can't do that at home?"

"It's not rocket science that the reason why is Christian. I'll tell you all about it but on one condition. I don't want you to demonize Christian or launch an inquisition into the latest installment of the Grey family saga. Can I just come over, chill and we can pretend like we're back in college? No drama, no bitching, no heavy confessions."

"Sure! It'll be like old times, before we both became old married balls and chains," Kate replied, thrilled to have company while Elliott was away. "But I have one condition as well."

"Yeesss?"

"Bring the wine," she instructed, hanging up on her bemused friend.

With that out of the way, Ana now had to break the news to Christian, without breaking him down any more than she already had.

 _ **To: Christian Grey**_

 _ **From: Anastasia Grey**_

 _ **Subject: This week**_

 **Dear Christian,**

 **I'm sorry again for what transpired between us this morning. I said things that were out of line and I wish I could take back. And I don't want this note to make a bad situation worse, but please understand that right now all I'm trying to do is survive my first week of work and for that I need a clear head, so I've decided to stay at Kate's until Friday. This isn't about holding a grudge or avoiding you. I simply don't have the energy to keep locking horns with you; nor can I keep coming into work a ball of nerves, so I just need a little space. It's only for two nights. This job is incredibly important to me, and this very brief break will be good for us. We can discuss everything over the weekend when we've both had time to cool off. Thank you for understanding.**

 **Yours always,**

 **Ana**

Christian's reaction was predictably apocalyptic.

 _ **To: Anastasia Grey**_

 _ **From: Christian Grey**_

 _ **Subject: NO!**_

 **Please Ana. We have a penthouse that's the size of five houses — I'll give you all the space you want. Don't shut me out. I need you home with me. You can always see Kate another time. I love you.**

 **Your husband,**

 **Christian**

 _ **To: Christian Grey**_

 _ **From: Anastasia Grey**_

 _ **Subject: Yes**_

 **Christian, I love you too but this isn't about what** _ **you**_ **need. And it doesn't matter how big the penthouse is. I don't like being there when we're not speaking. It's yet another painful reminder that there's so much distance between us right now.**

 **Please try to understand,**

 **Ana**

 _ **To: Anastasia Grey**_

 _ **From: Christian Grey**_

 _ **Subject: Illogical**_

 **So your solution is to put more distance between us?! That's real fucking smart.**

Remorse flooded him as soon as he had hit "send." Her response was just as instantaneous — and just as harsh.

 _ **To: Christian Grey**_

 _ **From: Anastasia Grey**_

 _ **Subject: Re: Illogical**_

 **I learned from the best.**

Her terse reply hit the mark, his childish antics over the years boomeranging around to bite him in the ass. How many times had he sulked off to his study and given her the silent treatment despite her pleas to resolve whatever minor disagreement had sent him into a tailspin? Before he could analyze his past mistakes any further, his inbox pinged again.

 _ **To: Christian Grey**_

 _ **From: Anastasia Grey**_

 _ **Subject: Re: Illogical**_

 **I'm sorry Christian. We've got to put a stop to this malicious tit for tat and I need to do my part. That was childish of me. I know we have a ton of space at home but I need to go to Kate's for a short while to decompress. Please. It's important to me.**

 **Thank you,**

 **Ana**

Christian screeched his chair back and began pacing his office, looking out at the Seattle skyline as if seeking divine inspiration, or intervention. _Fuck! How do I get her off this whole staying with Kate stupidity? This is just going to be a prelude to some sort of bullshit break, or worse, a permanent breakup. FUCK! Think Grey, think. You're in charge of 40,000 people every day. Surely you can come up with a strategy to get your own wife to come home to you for one night. Do I stop by and just talk to her in person? Send her flowers? No, she doesn't want to draw any more attention to herself at the office. Fuck it Grey, what you need to do is grovel, big time._

He picked up the phone to plead his case but his call went straight into Ana's voicemail. Christian tried to mask his irritation at the thought that she could be avoiding him and got to work groveling on bended knee.

"Please talk to me baby. I agree we've got to stop this vicious cycle and I'll respect your wishes and stay away from your office, but at least come home tonight. I've already talked to Ros about cutting down on my hours. Hell, I'll transfer Stacie or get rid of her altogether. Things will be different, I swear. I'll do whatever it takes to make this right. I'm sorry for my earlier behavior. Please call me as soon as you can."

Ana returned from the bathroom and saw the blinking light on her cell. She listened to the message with a mix of wry exasperation. _Nothing gets Christian's ass into gear like fear. Why do things have to become so extreme before he finally starts to listen to me?_ Part of her wanted to ignore him but she wasn't going to draw out his torture. Nor was she going to respond in an impersonal, cowardly email, so she took her cell to the conference room for some privacy.

"Ana," Christian answered on the first ring.

"Hi," she said diffidently.

"Baby, listen to me. You don't need to go to Kate's. That won't accomplish anything. I'll give you…"

"Christian, wait," she interjected. "Just hear me out. I know we have a lot to discuss, but please let me have this. I'm begging you, from the depths of my soul. You need to give me some breathing room. I know I tend to close myself off but I feel like I'm at my breaking point here. I love you but please, please just give me the space I need to clear my head and put this first week of work behind me before I tackle everything between us," she croaked out, raspy and desperate. "I physically can't argue with you any more. Please, I need this."

"OK baby. It's OK," he reassured her. "Don't get upset. It'll be alright. If you need to be at Kate's place tonight, I understand and I won't stop you."

"Thank you Christian," she breathed. "I have one other request." _Though I'll hate myself for making it._ "I don't want you to fire or move Stacie for me. I mean it. You're right, she hasn't done anything and I won't have that shit on my conscience." _And there's my good deed of the century, which should earn me my ticket to heaven._

"Ana that's not your concern."

Her non-response radiated hurt. "Fuck, that didn't come out right baby. My intention wasn't to dismiss you. I was merely trying to say that my mind is made up in that regard. I'll sort out some type of arrangement so that she doesn't suffer professionally, but I will not allow her or anyone else to jeopardize our marriage. I will never permit that to happen Ana. Never," he underscored.

"Christian, I'm only trying to be reasonable. I've never butted into your business affairs and I don't plan on starting now."

"Ana _you_ are my business! Can't you see…" Christian abruptly stopped himself before he flew off the handle again. _Tone it down Grey or you'll scare her off again._ "Baby, we'll figure out this Stacie BS later — _together_ , as a team. In the meantime, spend some quality time with Kate. Before you go though, I just need to know one thing," he said nervously. "You'll come back to me right?"

The low, domineering octave of his voice was replaced by an uncharacteristic tentativeness. Never in his life had Christian felt more vulnerable, but he was past the point of caring. "I have to know baby. I need to know that you'll come back to me."

"Of course Christian," she replied with hesitation. "Just because we're having problems right now doesn't mean I'm going anywhere."

"Alright baby," he exhaled. "Have a good time. I love you. Just text me when you get there, OK?"

"I always do."


	11. Chapter 11

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Wow – I'm just blown away by the positive response this story has gotten. Over 350 follows – love it! There is still more angst to come but here's a nice breather from the drama. And no, in my story Kate is not the villain. She's just that friend who's like an overprotective sister (come on, we all have one).**_

 _ **And I know some people don't like the idea of Ana running away. I don't agree that her wanting to get a two-day break to survive her first week of work is running away. Who hasn't felt overwhelmed and needed to step back for a minute? Good for you if you confront and resolve your demons right away, but a lot of people aren't like that.**_

 _ **Also, while I take some liberties, I try to keep elements of the original Fifty characters, so that's why they are the way they are.**_

 _ **But thanks for the feedback – I listen to it all and appreciate it!**_

 _ **Christian618 – He hasn't given up on his negotiating skills, as this chapter shows :)**_

 _ **Mitzi1958 – You're right, Christian's got a lot of issues, but he'll get there.**_

 _ **grey girl 618 – He is starting to get it, but it's a long road.**_

 _ **iamkaren10 – Well said. There's always melodrama in these stories but I try to add elements of realism into them, and I agree that Ana had a balanced reaction in Chapter 8 — she stood her ground but was similar to the Ana in the book in that she's always concerned about Christian.**_

 _ **HopelessShay – Thrilled to have such a big fan – yay!**_

 _ **MissG909 – Precisely – couldn't of said it better myself!**_

As Ana took large gulps of her crisp pinot grigio, she felt the tension of the last 24 hours slough off of her.

"Better?" Kate snickered, popping the cork to her favorite bottle of red.

"Wine usually has a way of making things better." Ana had missed the playful repartee that flows naturally among best friends. That, and the alcohol.

"So are you going to spill about Christian or are we going to keep ignoring the megalomaniacal pink elephant in the room?"

"Kate, I told you, I don't want this to devolve into a 'what's wrong with Christian' session. You've always bashed my husband," Ana said disapprovingly.

"Yes, to a degree — more so his possessiveness, not him per se — but I've warmed up to him. I get it, the guy's devoted to you, fanatic about your safety and faithful to you. I just think you both need to achieve a better work-life balance and improve your communication skills, which to be honest suck — and that's both your faults."

Ana was impressed by her armchair psychiatrist friend. _Kate can be a flippant bitch sometimes but she can also be an exceedingly wise one too._

"So what happened Banana?"

 _And a persistent one._

"I already sketched out the rough outline earlier. We practically came to blows about his long hours, his controlling tendencies and how low I am on the totem pole of his life. You'd be proud of me. I didn't hold anything back — well, after he needled it out of me of course."

"I can guess he must've really pushed your buttons before you reamed him a new one," she said knowingly. "Look, contrary to popular opinion — i.e. your husband — I don't have a personal vendetta against Christian. It's plain to anyone how in madly in love he is with you. But at the same time, he is a man — dense. Let's face it, subtlety does not go over well. He needed a good kick in the ass."

"I don't want to kick his ass to get him to pay attention to me," Ana reproached her.

"Please! He's been working mad-crazy hours and relegating you to second-class status. His ass needed a good kicking Ana. Don't get me wrong, it's a nice, perky ass, but it still needed a few indentations from your shoeprint."

Ana stifled a laugh before turning serious again. "I suppose, but GEH is his baby. I don't want to hoist an ultimatum on him to choose between me or his company. He'll never be a 9-to-5 guy. You know that's not how he's built. He does this because he's passionate about it. People don't fundamentally change."

"No but they adjust Ana, especially for the people they love. GEH may be his baby, but you are his wife. Respect yourself and your position, or else he won't."

Ana introspectively swirled her wine, digesting her friend's gentle rebuke. _I hate it when Kate of all people is the voice of reason._

Just then, a soft knock on the door startled them. Ana's pulse sped up, even though she knew Sawyer was manning his post outside. _Good lord, Christian's obsession with safety has made me paranoid._ Unfazed, Kate got up from the sofa and squinted through the peephole, shaking her head in amusement as she turned to sit back down.

"It's for you," she said mysteriously.

Eyeing her quizzically, Ana got up and cautiously opened the door. She expected to see Sawyer but was instead met by her roguish husband. Christian looked edible in his custom-fitted suit yet awkward as he held a large paper bag, splotches of grease making the brown bag soggy.

"Hi baby. I brought you dinner from your favorite Chinese takeout," he said, sheepishly holding up the overstuffed bag. "I won't interrupt your girl bonding. I just thought maybe you two hadn't eaten yet." _And I know Kate's lazy ass hasn't bothered to stock her fridge. And I missed the shit out of you today._

Ana was bowled over by his endearing bribe. _I hate how much this clever man makes me love him when I'm furious with him._

"Thank you Christian. That was sweet of you," she blushed, taking the bag from him. _Sweet, and smart._

He exhaled in relief. _Sweet, not stalkery. Good call Grey._

"We were just about to watch a movie and were going to eat later." He grimaced. "I had a large, late lunch, so I'm stuffed," Ana was quick to clarify. "But this will come in handy afterward." _Since Kate's fridge is a wasteland of expired cheese, orange soda and vodka._

"What movie are you going to watch?" he inquired, as innocently as he could. Christian began to rock on the balls of his feet anxiously, feeling like he was in high school asking the girl of his dreams out on a date.

"22 Jump Street. I can't believe I haven't seen it yet and Kate's been raving about it for over a year."

His face fell when she didn't invite him to join them. _Don't force this on her Grey. You already saw the backlash when you painted her into a corner earlier today. You don't need a repeat of that performance._

"Well, like I said, I won't interrupt you girls," Christian mumbled, dismayed. "I'm sure you want to get started on your evening." He glanced down at his designer-label shoes as Ana waged an internal debate whether to let him in.

That's all she ever wanted to do — let him in — but she remained wary. _Christian has a knack of saying the exact right thing to get out of the doghouse, only to turn around and go right back to the old patterns that landed him in the doghouse in the first place. I need some backbone if he's ever going to take me seriously and change his ways._

Looking into his puppy-dog eyes, however, her backbone began to wobble.

"Ummm, I know silly comedies aren't your thing, but you're welcome to join…"

"OK," he beamed, giving her a megawatt smile as he wasted no time stepping into the apartment. "Let me put this food in the fridge for you baby."

She chuckled to herself. _If only I could freeze this version of my hubby for all of eternity._

Christian graciously took the soggy bag into the kitchen when he spotted Kate sporting a know-it-all grin as she sipped her wine on the sofa.

"Katherine," he nodded coldly.

"Christian," she gave him an equally glacial greeting.

Ana rolled her eyes, eventually taking a seat between Christian and Kate on the long couch to act as a buffer between the two frenemies.

Christian's palms were sweaty, mimicking first-date jitters. He was itching to drape his arm around Ana and touch his wife, but he didn't want to violate their unspoken truce.

As if picking up on his thoughts, Ana reached over to shyly entwine her fingers with his. She was instantly rewarded with an affectionate squeeze and another brilliant, boyish smile. Christian then promptly scooted as close to her as possible just as the movie began.

He only paid fleeting attention to the plot — _why exactly hasn't anyone picked up on the fact that the two 40-year-old men in college are actually undercover cops?_ He was more mesmerized by his wife's soft giggles than by the antics on screen. Finally giving into temptation, Christian wrapped his arm around Ana's shoulder, nestling her in the crook of his neck and kissing her head a dozen times. Kate eventually migrated over to the bedroom, sick of their canoodling. Christian's thumbs repeatedly skimmed the top of Ana's shoulder as he watched her watching the TV.

 _Fuck I've missed this. She loves these screwball comedies. When was the last time I just sat and watched a movie with her? The last one was some chick flick she got for Labor Day. Jesus, that was nearly a year ago._ Christian unconsciously snuggled Ana tighter into the sanctuary of his arm _. I'm a fucking fool. I swore I'd spend more time with her as soon as whatever deal I was working on was finished, but then one deal bled into another, and next week became next month, and now a whole damn year has slipped by without my wife. How could I let things get this far? I almost fucking lost her today._

Christian began rubbing the back of his neck trying to massage out the kinks, when Ana peeked up at him worried. He seized the opportunity to give her a slow, tender kiss that he hoped conveyed the depths of his devotion to her. "I love you so much Ana," he murmured, trailing a line of butterfly kisses on her face before resting his forehead against hers.

"I love you too Christian. That was never the issue," she sighed, pulling away from him to gather her scattered wits. Every part of her body hummed with desire for him — except her backbone, which was finally making its presence known.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're here, but I don't want you to assume that everything is all of a sudden copasetic between us. Actions speak louder than words Christian and you've really hurt me with your actions over the last year. I go days without really connecting with you but look at you — you've barely been able to stand going one day without seeing me. Imagine how I feel most of the time."

He dropped his head down in shame, panged to hear the irrefutable truth of his behavior.

"I know baby," he said. "And I swear to you my words will be matched by deeds. I understand why you'd be hesitant to believe me and I don't blame you, but I'll prove to you that I can be a better husband. Nothing in my life matters if you're not there to share it with me."

"I hope so Christian because I want us to really _share_ our lives, not live them separately, side by side. Otherwise..." She angrily swiped a lone tear away from her cheek. The implications of her silence spoke volumes, as did the torment in his eyes.

"I'd never threaten you with the 'D' word Christian, but I can't be in a marriage where I constantly feel like I'm teetering between being alone and being suffocated. It's not fair and it's going to eventually wear me down. It already has."

Ana could see the wild beating of Christian's chest, but she needed to get one last thing off of hers.

"I can't be in a marriage where my voice doesn't count," she said so sadly that Christian wasn't sure if he could find his to respond.

"It does count Ana," he whispered earnestly. "I hear you. I won't let you fade away from this marriage. I won't let you sacrifice who you are for it, because I've loved everything about you from the moment I laid eyes on you."

He suddenly enveloped her in a fierce hug, clinging to the tether that had grounded him since he was 21 and refusing to let their union unravel.

After several minutes, Christian slackened his hold but cradled his wife's face. "I know tonight doesn't remedy the horrid way I acted earlier and I know we still have a lot to discuss. And I'm happy to stay here as long as it takes to hash it out with you if that's what you want. I just figured you'd rather not delve into all of this tonight. I realize I've been an insufferable ass about your job and I didn't want to pile onto the shit I've already burdened you with this week."

"I wouldn't say insufferable," she winked, purposely leaving out the "ass" part. "It wasn't my finest hour either Christian. And I'm ecstatic that we're finally talking, but you're right, I've been on overload this week and just need to recharge so I can survive the next two days. But thank you for listening to me," she said, stroking the scruffy whispers of his unshaven stubble. He leaned into the healing balm of her touch.

"I always listen to you Ana, even when it seems like I don't," he vowed.

 _And I'll start by doing what you originally asked of me and not encroaching on your personal space any more tonight._

"I'll let you enjoy dinner so you and that ball-buster friend of yours can catch up. Maybe though, if you're feeling up to it, you'd consider coming home tomorrow instead of Friday?" Christian asked hopefully.

"OK, let me think about it," Ana smiled warmly.

"Come, you can walk me to the door," Christian said, clasping her hand in his as he helped her off the sofa.

He stopped at the doorway and gave her one last repentant look.

"Thank you for letting me spend time with you after today," he said, humbled by Ana's infinite capacity to accept and forgive him.

"I always want to spend time with you Christian," she replied, without a hint of malice.

Her declaration gutted him. "I know baby. Believe me, the feeling is more than mutual, even if I've been a prick about showing it."

He bent down to give her another heartfelt kiss, taking his time to savor his wife's sweet yet sinfully luscious lips.

"Goodnight baby. Call me before you go to sleep. If you're not too tired, perhaps we can talk a little?"

"I'd like that." He gave Ana one last kiss before turning to head home.

"Christian," she hollered before he was about to board the elevator. "I love you."

"I love you more Ana," he replied, willing her to see his sincerity. "Sweet dreams baby."

He could only hope that the promise of having his wife home tomorrow night would keep his own nightmares at bay.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Author's Note: Muuaahhh, the plot thickens! Sorry this is short. The next chapter will be longer but I'm still working on it.**_

Compared to the morose ass he'd been all week, Christian arrived the next day at GEH practically giddy, convinced he was taking the first crucial baby steps with Ana to atone for his yearlong absence. He'd spent an hour on the phone with her the night before talking about her new job, sidestepping the issue of SIP's new ownership for now, and she had texted him first thing in the morning like he'd asked her to.

He was so engrossed in sending flirty texts back to Ana that he hadn't even bothered to go inside yet. Instead, he stood outside the front doors grinning like a loon at his phone, oblivious to the stray paparazzi who camped outside his building ever since he was named on some rag's "hottest businessmen bachelors in the world" rankings a few weeks earlier. Christian promptly served the publication with a cease and desist order and sued the owners for libel for mislabeling him a bachelor when in fact he was married.

But Stacie noticed the cameras — and Christian. Her morning routine had always been to linger in the lobby hoping to catch some elevator alone time with Christian when he came in, but now there was a sense of urgency in her machinations.

She had received an email yesterday from the boss himself informing her that she was being transitioned to a project at GEH's sister office in New York, where she would be spending the bulk of her time.

The pending move drastically sped up Stacie's plans.

She walked outside and immediately tripped on an invisible crack in the sidewalk, landing squarely in Christian's arms. He flinched, uncomfortable with anyone touching his arms but his wife, though his ingrained civility won out and he helped Stacie to her feet.

"Are you alright Ms. Abramson?"

"Yes, I'm so sorry Mr. Grey," she said, lingering on his arm as she pretended to regain her balance from a nonexistent broken heel. "I was just going out for some coffee. Would you like some?"

"No I'm fine," he said distractedly, returning to his Blackberry.

In the periphery of her vision, Stacie saw the cameras clicking away, so she decided to give them a show. Shrewdly maneuvering herself closer to Christian, she brought up the one topic that always broke his cantankerous shell.

"Once again, my apologies for my klutziness. I'm in good company from what I hear though. Ros tells me that Mrs. Grey suffers from the same affliction as I do and has tripped on more than one occasion at GEH, so at least I'm not alone," Stacie smiled.

 _Ana does have a habit of that_. Christian fondly reminisced about all the times his wife had bumbled into his office, literally. His ear-to-ear grin was enough to illuminate the bleak Seattle skyline. Fortunately, I'm always there to catch her, Christian ruminated, lost in a trance. _I always will be._

"Maybe clumsiness is just a female thing," Stacie joked, strategically placing her hand on Christian's forearm while his thoughts were preoccupied with his wife. His haphephobia had waned significantly since he'd met Ana, so he didn't instantly recoil like he used to, but Christian still pulled his arm back and glowered at her.

"Well, I better be off. Sorry again Mr. Grey." She promptly walked away as Christian brushed off their exchange. _At least she has the decency to know when she's being a nuisance._

All in all, the encounter lasted barely a minute, but it was just long enough for the vultures circling overhead to get their money shot.


	13. Chapter 13

_**Author's Note: Wow over 400 follows and 264 reviews — I'm blown away by the positive response. Thank you! I also loved what a strong reaction Stacie inspired, so hopefully you guys like her comeuppance in this chapter.**_

 _ **I guess with this story, I officially nominate Ana and Christian for having the worst week ever LOL! There's still more drama before they find their happy ending, but it's coming.**_

 _ **And to those who have asked about Something Tangible — thank you so much for all the touching comments about that story. That one is really my baby so I want to devote time to it when things settle down over the holidays instead of throwing together chapters, so that's why there hasn't been an update in a while, but I will try to get something out this month. In the meantime, enjoy!**_

Ana walked into SIP with a newfound buoyancy in her step. She knew her and Christian still had a mountain of issues to surmount, but she felt like they'd made a small dent and that something fundamental had shifted in their relationship — for the better.

"Hi Ana," Hannah said merrily. "I love that grey sweater dress. Where'd you get it?"

"Thanks. I think it came from Saks. Honestly, Christian is in charge of the clothes department. I don't even know where half the stuff in our closet comes from. I have no patience for shopping."

 _Oh crap, that came out weird. Now it sounds like my husband has a clothes fetish. Do I mention that he got me a personal shopper? No, that screams prima donna. Stick to weird, not snotty._

"Derek picks out most of my clothes too. I'm actually color-blind so before he came along, I used to wear orange tops with green pants and assumed I looked snazzy," Hannah chortled.

 _Thank God, Hannah's weird too._

"In that case we should send the boys out to the store while we enjoy a day of drinking," Ana replied, sharing a laugh with the quirky coworker who was really growing on her. "Actually, you and Derek should come by for dinner some time. Christian and I rarely double date."

"Wow, ummm, sure," Hannah said, somewhat awestruck — and daunted — by the prospect of having dinner with a billionaire.

"Don't worry — just something casual," Ana added to appease her fears.

"We'd love to. Derek has to go to San Francisco at the end of the month so if you guys are free next week that would be great."

It was Ana's turn to be hesitant. _Will Christian be available? He rarely is on such short notice. Oh hell, he claims to be turning over a new leaf. Maybe this will be a good test case._

"Sure that should work. Let me just check Christian's schedule and I'll let you know about a day."

"Cool."

Ana clicked into her Blackberry to access Christian's daily schedule, which was linked to her calendar. She was dismayed to see a large chunk of time blocked off in red to denote a pending two-week trip to Asia. But she was devastated when she saw Stacie's name accompanying the trip details.

 _You've got to be kidding me! She's like a fucking parasite leeching off my husband. And you're a fucking moron for not taking Christian up on his offer to fire her bony ass._

Ana took a deep breath, reprimanding herself for the mean girl pettiness that Stacie inspired in her.

 _Take a chill pill. He's not going to cheat. And if he does, then he's not the man you thought you married. He works with her. So he's going to invariably spend time with her. Only problem is that I'd like him to spend time with me, too. He's wigging out about me being gone for two days while he's jetting off to Asia for two solid weeks. I hate constantly being put in this position. Do I make him feel bad for going and pressure him to cancel a trip on which thousands of jobs — and people's livelihoods — may hinge? This deal could be a windfall of up to half a billion dollars. Is staying home with me worth that cost? Sure, some things are more important than money — but 500 million freaking dollars?! That's a bucket-load of money._

Ana tried in vain to concentrate on the manuscript in front of her, rereading the same line about 17 times, but the Asia trip loomed large in her mind.

 _If I tell him my reservations, he'll bail on the trip, but I need him to cut back on his hours because he wants to, not because he's forced to. You've got to act like an adult about this and find a happy medium Ana. Figure out a way to stay in constant touch with him while he's away and spend a ton of quality time together before he leaves. Have faith that he'll maintain a safe distance from Stacie. And in the meantime, do the adult thing. Fantasize about her getting plowed down by a rickshaw and focus on your own work._

Ana did just that, buckling down on manuscripts until a few hours later a text from Kate resurrected her murderous fantasies.

 **Hey did you see that photo spread in Nooz? That Stacie is a class-A cunt! Hope the hubby finally gives her the heave-ho after this! I'll have the wine chilled and ready for you later.**

Ana mentally braced herself as she scrolled down the website of her old nemesis, the Seattle Nooz, which thrived on knocking down her "gold-digging" marriage to the city's wealthiest, most eligible bachelor. _Why do they keep referring to him as a bachelor anyway?_

Her breath hitched as a barrage of images nearly blinded her with rage and disbelief: Christian valiantly holding Stacie upright. Stacie casually resting her hand on Christian's arm. Christian grinning like the cat who ate the canary. All in all, it was a picture of two people who at least on the surface cared about each other.

The poison began winding its way through her mind, like relationship toxin. _Is this why he's always so sensitive whenever I bring her up? He gets so defensive about the subject. And what happened to his haphephobia? Is it possible that I've misread all the signs and Christian really is cheating on me? No, no, no. I've got to stop this paranoia from infecting my marriage. I couldn't have been wrong about my own husband for five years — could I?_

She looked back at the pictures mocking her. They were like a visceral punch in the gut, his stab in the back splashed on the front page in a series of close-ups of him and Stacie smiling and touching one another. Ana felt the contents of her omelet roiling her stomach and began to gag on the bile rising in her throat.

"You OK?" Hannah inquired. "Those pics in the Nooz huh? I hate those nosy fuckers."

 _Everyone hates those nosy fuckers, yet everyone still reads them religiously._

"Huh? Oh I don't even look at that trash," Ana lied, closing the site. "It's part and parcel of being Christian's wife."

She quickly swallowed down the bitter taste of betrayal and pretended to resume her daily tasks. _I'll wait a few minutes before I run to the bathroom to puke._

In the meantime, an email from Christian's trusted head of security had alerted him to the same photo spread.

"FUCK," he screamed, hurling a large paperweight across his office, smashing it through the wall. The hole it left behind was nothing compared to the gaping one in his heart.

 _This shit is going to wreck every ounce of progress we've made! She was just starting to trust me again and now all of her worst fears look like they're coming true. Fuck! She's going to be humiliated. And she's going to hate me for it. Ana will never want to reconcile now._

He frantically reached for his phone, fumbling with the buttons before he dialed his wife's number.

"Baby," he said breathlessly before she even had a chance to speak. "Listen to me please. I didn't know. Nothing fucking happened…"

"Christian, it's OK," Ana replied wearily as she made her way to the conference room, away from prying eyes. "I know how these gossip magazines operate and how they twist shit around. It is what it is."

He could hear the emotional toll this last week had wrought on her and was paralyzed with fear that this might be the last straw for her.

"Ana, she tripped and I caught her. That's all it was. I didn't even give it a second thought. I was texting you for God's sake. Hell, I was even thinking about you! I mean how you clumsy you are. Fuck, this isn't coming out right. What I'm trying to say, rather unintelligibly, is that I don't give two shits about her. Her ass is already out the door. You have to believe me baby."

"Christian, it's alright. Calm down," she let out a humorless laugh at his string of expletives. "Look, I've never once doubted your loyalty to me and these photos aren't going to change that." _OK, maybe a few teeny tiny doubts, but I'm human._ "It's not exactly pleasant, but it's not the end of the world either. The Nooz has had a target on my back for years. All part of the Christian Grey package, remember?"

 _Yeah, and you're about to get buyer's remorse._ Christian had already snatched his jacket and was halfway out the door before he could finish his thought.

"Ana I'm coming down. I need to see you."

"No," she shrieked, alarmed. "Christian, please. If you come here the office will turn into a circus freak show and I'll be the main act. Everyone will know why you came. It'll be like free advertising for that stupid gossip site. Please, please, I don't want to draw any more attention to this. I'm already mortified."

"Fuck," he cursed under his breath, furiously raking his hands through his tousled hair as he stepped back into his office. "Fine Ana, but I'm seeing you tonight. Is that clear?"

"Yes Christian," she said mechanically.

"Baby, I love you with everything that I am," he said, his tone softer. "I would never risk what we have for anyone or anything else. You believe me right? Tell me, or I'm coming down regardless."

"I believe you" — _since you're not exactly giving me much of a choice_ , she thought bitterly. "I'll see you later. It'll be fine. I'll be fine." Ana was still trying to convince herself that everything would be fine when she unceremoniously hung up the phone.

 _Fine my ass._ Christian wrestled over his next move. _Of all fucking people, that pariah photographer had to capture me with Stacie. Jesus this is just going to fuel Ana's insecurities. I can already feel her pulling away from me. Think Grey! First things first, slice of the balls of that paparazzi fuck, and then tend to the home-front._

Walking with purpose toward his phone, Christian buzzed Taylor to his office. With military-like precision, his head of security arrived two seconds later.

"Taylor I want the name of the little shit who took those photos."

"Already done sir. It wasn't difficult. Cameron Slovak. He's the one who's been hounding you and Ana ever since the honeymoon — a freelancer who's made a pretty penny off both of you. He stakes out GEH pretty regularly."

"Good. Contact him right away and pay him double to retrieve the original, full roll of footage that he took documenting the exchange. I want it in my inbox within the hour. I guarantee you he still has all the photos and will be more than happy to give them up for the right price."

Taylor nodded.

"He'll need the money. Once the transaction is complete, get in touch with Alysa in our PR department and have her reach out to every publication in town, sleazy and reputable, to inform them that if they ever purchase Slovak's pictures again, they will be blackballed from all future scoops on GEH or Christian Grey. I want him ostracized."

Again, Taylor simply nodded, knowing that Christian's rampage wasn't quite finished.

"Finally, get me his address. I'd like to pay him a personal visit at some point."

"Sir do you think that's wise?"

Christian shot him a withering stare.

"On it Sir."

His rage tempered somewhat, Christian went back to clearing out the glut of emails in his inbox, though he was still worried about Ana's reaction. _I'll pick her up from work. She can't avoid me if I'm standing at the front door, and technically I'm not breaking my promise since I'm not coming inside her office. This staying at Kate's bullshit ends tonight._

He was about to head out to his next meeting when the source of his aggravation quietly walked in.

Stacie knew a man like Christian wouldn't abide by predatory females, so instead, she adopted the role of damsel in distress.

"Mr. Grey, I apologize for interrupting. I just wanted to say how truly sorry I am for what happened this morning. If I had any idea a photographer was lurking around the corner, I never would've stopped to talk to you."

"It's fine Ms. Abramson," Christian replied blandly, standing in front of her as she blocked his exit.

"Thank you, I just feel so bad," she sniffed, shedding crocodile tears. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be crying. It's just that I've never had anything like this happen to me before. I feel so violated. You've been such a wonderful employer and I would never want to endanger my position here."

Christian rocked on his heels awkwardly as he looked down at the incongruent sight of his hard-nosed financial risk advisor balling her eyes out. _Give me a break. I don't have time for the fucking waterworks. You're still going to New York._

"Ms. Abramson, I can assure you that the matter is already being dealt with. We have a regular attorney specifically charged with handling the Nooz and those photos will be taken down by the afternoon. Don't waste your time worrying about it."

"Oh that's terrific. Thank you. I should've known you'd take care of it," Stacie said, glancing up at him in gratitude. Just then, Christian saw what Ana, Ros and Andrea saw: Stacie wanted him. He'd always suspected it, but her little stunt — and the look she was giving him — crystallized what he'd stubbornly refused to acknowledge all along.

Stacie mistook his silence as an invitation and lunged for her opportunity, grabbing Christian's biceps as she kissed him in an all-out assault.

It took Christian a second to process what was happening. It had been over five years since he'd kissed any one other than his wife and another woman's lips on his felt alien — and unwanted.

"What the fuck," he yelled, shoving her away so hard that Stacie almost lost her balance. "Have you lost your fucking mind?"

"Um no," Stacie stammered, regaining her composure. "I thought… Well, I thought that's what you wanted Sir."

"In that case you've been laboring under a false impression Ms. Abramson. I have zero interest in you or jeopardizing my marriage.

"She wouldn't have to know," Stacie purred, giving him her most alluring come-hinter stare.

"But I would," he countered. Steely-eyed, Christian returned to his desk to retrieve Stacie's employment dossier and ring Taylor.

"In case you haven't put two and two together Ms. Abramson, you're terminated, effective immediately. You've also obviously forfeited the severance package in your contract — inappropriate conduct is one of the clauses and is grounds for immediate dismissal. GEH will not impede your future job prospects but you will be unable to use this company as a reference. Security will now escort you out. You can choose to go quietly and spare yourself any further embarrassment or you can cause a scene and feel the full wrath of my personal retribution."

Christian could practically see the steam rising from Stacie's head as he tried to calculate her next move. It was an intricate dance. The CEO/Dom in him wanted to send the message that no one ever crosses Christian Grey. But the husband in him just wanted to banish her for good so she wouldn't cause any trouble for his wife. She wouldn't be the first scorned woman to set her sights on Ana. _Just take the deal and go quietly woman. I won't make another enemy for Ana — one who could tarnish my reputation in the press, and tear down any shred of sanity my wife might be clinging to._

"You can't do this to me," Stacie protested, straightening up her spine as she opted for a fight pose instead of a flight one. _So much for quietly._

"You gave me all indications that were quite interested in me Mr. Grey. Now you're backtracking, out of guilt or second thoughts or whatever. Regardless, don't lay the blame for your inappropriate behavior and innuendoes at my doorstep. I'm sure your wife would be keen to hear of this little indiscretion and what in fact led up to it."

Christian's head reared up. He balled his fists and clenched his jaw as every muscle in his body shook with restraint. "You come anywhere near my wife or even mention her name again and I will bury you," he snarled.

Stacie involuntarily shuddered at the malevolence behind his threat. "I won't allow you to do this," she whimpered, taking one last stand. "This is my career we're talking about."

"And this is my life," he roared, slamming the files on his desk and whirling around his desk to confront her directly. He towered over her, every vein in his neck bulging with fury. "And I consider anyone who attempts to wreak havoc on it my enemy. You've worked here for over a year. You've seen what I do to my enemies. Don't think I'll have any qualms to ruin what's left of your career."

"And for the record," Christian growled, "I have never exhibited one iota of interest in you and I challenge you to find anyone in this building who would back up your ridiculous assertion. The only thing that 'led up to this' are the delusions filling your brain. But since there was obviously some miscommunication on your part Ms. Abramson, let me be perfectly clear and pay attention because I will not repeat myself: If you fuck with me or my family, I will expend every resource, every single penny of my fortune, to destroy you and everyone and everything you care about. Do you understand me?"

Stacie meekly nodded just as Taylor entered. "Now get the fuck out of my sight while you still have some semblance of a future," Christian waved her off without a second glance.

On the outside, he was the cold, unruffled titan of industry who brought adversaries to their knees. On the inside, Christian was a nervous husband who knew he needed to fess up to his wife, but dreaded doing so.

 _Don't delay the inevitable Grey. She's going to know something's up when she learns that Stacie was fired. How many times has keeping shit from her backfired in your face, spectacularly. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me 8,000 times, then I'm just a fucking idiot._

Christian grabbed his jacket and headed for SIP, determined to quash Ana's doubts before they spiraled out of control, which is precisely how he felt at the moment.


	14. Chapter 14

_**Author's Note: Like I said, I definitely nominate Ana and Christian for having the worst day ever! The proverbial shit hits the fan in this chapter. I try not to paint Christian in too bad a light in my stories, but he is based on the books and he is a dark character, so aspects of his darkness come out here. But this is it for the melodrama. I don't have any plans to bring back Stacie. After this chapter, there's only one more left and a brief epilogue (and yes, as promised, HEA).**_

 _ **But I've decided to keep the story going with a "prequel" of sorts about their first year together. I've already got some of it written — more fun and drama! I'll drop some hints about the plot in the epilogue. In the meantime, keep the reviews coming — I'm thrilled with the feedback this story has gotten!**_

Ana zoned out staring at the dreary Seattle skyline, a grey sheen of mist blanketing the anonymous rows of skyscrapers. _Perfect weather for a perfect fucking week._

The sound of footsteps interrupted her maudlin reverie.

"Sorry Ana, we're going to need the conference room in a few minutes," Mike said gingerly.

Ana quickly swiped away a few lone tears trickling down her cheeks and put on her best "I'm fine" act.

"Of course. I'm so sorry. I just had to take a quick call and I wasn't sure where else to go. Well, I should've stayed at my desk, but I thought it might be alright to slip in here for a few minutes. I really apologize for hogging the room," she rambled.

"It's OK Ana," he replied, eyeing her with a mix of sympathy and admiration. It must take a strong-ass woman to be married to someone like Christian Grey, he thought.

"Look, there's really no need to skirt around the issue. We both know your husband is buying the company, and I for one am looking forward to the new owners shaking things up a bit. It's long overdue — SIP has gone stagnant and the infusion of fresh blood will be good for it, so don't fret about the takeover."

"I swear to you I didn't know. I would never try to usurp anyone's authority around here or try to skip to the front of the line."

"I believe you Ana, and it's alright. Whatever position you ultimately take on, I'm sure you'll excel at it. Publishing is your niche. I wouldn't worry too much about what everyone else thinks. Just do the best you can and keep your chin up."

"Thank you Mike. I really appreciate your kind words," she exhaled, feeling somewhat reassured that between Mike and Hannah, she had a few allies in her corner and might be able to navigate Christian's upcoming acquisition. "I think I will get back to my desk now. Thanks again for the pep talk."

"No problem," he smiled amiably, ushering her out of the room. As they walked out, however, they both ran headlong into the towering inferno that was Seattle's most powerful businessman.

Once Hannah had told him that his wife was in the conference room, Christian barreled down the hallway, impatient to speak with her. His impatience was replaced by red-hot rage when he spied Mike's hand innocently hovering at the small of Ana's back. He immediately assumed the worst.

"What the fuck," Christian thundered, his booming voice echoing along the corridor. "Get your hands off my damn wife Staunton!"

Ana thought she was going to faint as the train wreck in front of her played out in agonizing slow motion.

"Christian don't..."

"Don't what Anastasia?" he cut her off. "What the fuck were you doing in there? Is this some sort of payback for the photos? Do you want him?" Seething, Christian grabbed Ana's elbow before he noticed that Mike's arm was still frozen in place. "What part of get your fucking hands off my wife are you not comprehending Staunton?"

Christian's hands reached for the lapels of Mike's jacket when he felt Ana smack them away as she sandwiched herself between the two men.

"That's enough Christian! Stop this now."

"Excuse me?" He glared down at the five-foot-tall spitfire who appeared to be on the verge of violence herself. Opting not to antagonize her any further, he dropped his hands but refused to budge from Mike's face.

Ana turned toward her flabbergasted boss. "I'm so sorry about this Mike. If it's alright, I need to step out for a moment."

"Uhhh, of course. No problem," he replied dumbly.

Christian gave Ana an Arctic scowl but she ignored it. "I'm leaving Christian. It's up to you if you want to come with me or not."

Incensed that she was taking Mike's side over his, Christian resisted the urge to throttle his errant wife, but instead marched out to the elevator behind her.

"How dare you speak to me that way in front of that asshole Anastasia," he exploded as soon as the doors closed. "Are you getting ready to leave me and cozying up to my replacement?"

"How dare _you_!" she hissed, appalled by his ludicrous accusation. "If you say one more cruel thing to me like that Christian I _will_ leave you. For good. Is that clear?"

Her threat snapped him out of his belligerent haze. He scrubbed his face trying to rein in his emotions.

"Anastasia…"

"NO," she screamed, livid. "Don't even speak right now! For your information, Mike needed the conference room. He also had nothing but kind words to say to reassure me about your impetuous buyout, so don't make him the scapegoat for your anger."

"I'll bet he had kind words," Christian sneered. "The kind to seduce you away from your husband!"

"Enough! You say one more word about this and it'll be the last one you say to me for a very long time."

Christian's heart beat against his ribcage. _Shit, this isn't exactly how my groveling session was supposed to go. I'm my own worst enemy. Just shut up Grey. Shut the fuck up._ He took a step back, out of his wife's crosshairs, and gave her room to pace the length of the elevator floor.

"I can't believe you have the balls to even insinuate anything like that," Ana fumed. " _He_ wasn't the one with his fucking hands all over another woman for all of Seattle to see, so don't give me some self-righteous talk about the sanctity of marriage!"

Her jab slashed deeply — a sobering reminder of why he came to visit her in the first place. "I apologize for my outburst Ana," he muttered, head hung low.

His penitence was little consolation. As soon as they'd reached the lobby, she stormed off to a secluded alcove as Christian trailed behind her, at a loss for words.

"Ana slow down," he said, catching up to her.

She swiveled around to face him, exasperated. "Why are you here Christian? I told you we could talk about the pictures later."

 _Maybe this isn't the best time to tell her._

"Well?" She tapped her feet.

 _It's like a Band-Aid. Just rip the fucker off Grey._

"This isn't about the photographs Ana. Something else came up — not an emergency, but it's urgent. Can you just come for a brief ride with me so I can talk to you about it, and then I promise I'll drop you back off?"

She eyed him dubiously.

"Please," he implored her. "I have to speak with you."

"OK," Ana sighed, pinching the ridge of her nose. "Where's your car?"

"Right outside baby." Christian escorted her out of the lobby only to be bombarded by a swarm of paparazzi.

"Fuck," he exclaimed, lifting his jacket over Ana to shield her from the flashing bulbs as he guided them through the thicket of cameras. "You've got to be kidding me. Motherfucking pariahs must've followed me from GEH. Where the hell is Taylor?"

Both Taylor and Sawyer were trying to push their way through the horde of paparazzi clamoring for a piece of Christian Grey and his deer-in-the-headlights wife.

"Mrs. Grey, is your husband having an affair?" one man shouted.

"Ana, what do you think about Grey's cheating? Are you going to leave him?"

Christian, who was nearing his breaking point, fought the urge to rain down blows on the scrum of photographers questioning his fidelity. Instead, he pulled Ana closer into the sanctuary of his arms and honed in on the car around the corner. "Keep ignoring them baby. I see the SUV. We're almost there."

Just then, however, a smug, familiar face in the crowd stopped Christian in his tracks.

"Mrs. Grey, how do you feel about the photos I took earlier? They were pretty revealing," Cameron Slovak crowed. "Stacie Abramson, your husband's mistress…"

Before Cameron could finish his sentence, Christian's fist connected with his jaw, the dislocating crack reverberating among the now-hushed swarm of paparazzi. Despite the blood dripping down his nose, Christian landed several more relentless punches as the cameras silently clicked away. Ana blanched at the gruesome sight, stumbling backward into Taylor's arms. Meanwhile, Sawyer pried his boss off the delirious photographer and both bodyguards ferreted the couple out to the waiting SUV.

In the backseat, Ana struggled to calm down as Christian held her face, frantically checking for any signs that she was injured.

"Are you OK baby? Did they touch you? Are you hurt? Talk to me."

"No, no. I'm fine," she stuttered, still somewhat traumatized. Normally, her husband's brute strength turned her on. At the moment, though, it repulsed her. Ana flinched when she saw the splattering of blood marring Christian's otherwise-pristine white dress shirt.

He looked down and sighed, burying his head in his hands. He couldn't bear to see the disappointment and disgust on her face. Ana knew about his bouts of violence as a teenager, but she had rarely witnessed the beast within him rear his ugly head.

"Ana, please don't look at me like I'm a monster," he said, defeated. "Everyone else can think I'm a monster for all I care, but not you. I couldn't live with myself if you saw me in that light."

"Christian," she breathed, equally defeated. "I don't think you're a monster. I think you have serious anger issues that you need to address. Your behavior back there was unacceptable. It's frightening to see that side of you."

Christian felt his voice and heart splintering. "Please don't ever be scared of me. I'd sooner die than hurt you."

"I'm not scared of you but I am scared for you. You're going to start seeing Flynn regularly again to get your temper under control. That won't ever happen again," she said with finality.

Christian nodded like a contrite schoolboy.

Eventually, Ana softened as she appraised her shattered husband and the gash on his right hand. She reached over to examine it but Christian pulled back, too ashamed to let her inspect it.

"It's fine," he mumbled. "I've had worse. It will heal."

"He'll sue you. He could press assault charges."

"He'll try," Christian said dismissively. "But he'll be no match for my lawyers. Besides, I know greedy scum like that. He'll settle before it even comes to that."

Ana rubbed her temples at her husband's cavalier attitude. "Money doesn't absolve you of everything Christian," she chastised him.

"I know it doesn't. And I know I shouldn't resort to violence. But I'd be lying if I said I gave a shit about that photographer. He went after you and if I had to do it all over again, I would. I'm sorry, but I'm just being honest."

"I know," Ana murmured, leaning her head back against the leather seat. It suddenly felt incredibly heavy. She could lecture him all she wanted, but Ana knew that her safety was a red line for Christian.

"I lost it baby. I'm sorry. It's been a trying day."

"No shit Sherlock," Ana scoffed. "I bet it just got a little more trying after that unprovoked altercation."

"That prick is the least of my worries — and he did provoke me, but that's besides the point. I've already had Taylor email you the complete roll of footage he took so you can see the entire exchange with Stacie, from start to finish. It should be in your inbox by the time you return to your desk."

"Christian that's not necessary…"

His hand shot up, adopting one of his no-nonsense CEO mannerisms. "Yes Ana it is. It's important to me, so please just take a look at it when you get back to the office — for my own peace of mind."

"I still don't understand why you insisted on coming down here to tell me that," she frowned.

 _Band-Aid Grey. Rip the fucker off or Ana will do it for you and pour lemon over your open wound._ He squared his shoulders. "That's not why I came down here. There's something else I need to tell you," he said solemnly.

Ana noticed the infinitesimal slump of his posture as Christian began to squirm in his seat. She could already feel the knots forming in her stomach, a dewy coating of sweat gathering on her forehead.

Stony-faced and grim, Christian grasped her hand and held on as tightly as he could. "She kissed me Ana."

The blood whirred in Ana's ears so loudly she could scarcely make out Christian's voice in the background, vaguely hearing snippets like "fired her" and "pushed her away." His eyes bore into hers but Ana was in a catatonic state, besieged by visions of another woman's lips on her husband's mouth. _She kissed him. He kissed her. They kissed. It actually happened._

"Ana are you listening to me?" Christian tenderly cupped her chin, forcing her to look into his panic-stricken face. His touch felt strangely foreign and unwanted.

"Did you… what did you do?" she whispered faintly.

"What else? I shoved her off of me. It lasted a split second. I fired her ass and warned her to never come near me or my family again. Then I rushed straight over here to tell you." _What more could I have done?_ He tucked a stray wisp of hair behind her ear, relieved when she didn't push him away. "I would never cheat on you. That's not the kind of man I am. Do you believe me Ana?"

She nodded automatically, still light-headed from his disclosure. Christian rubbed her knuckles in a soothing rhythm, willing her to say something, but she was too lost to notice. _Another woman kissed my husband. Oh God this hurts so much more than I ever thought it could._

Christian couldn't stomach Ana's excruciating silence any more and abruptly yanked her into his arms. He clung to her like she was his life raft, burrowing his face in her neck. "I love you so much baby," he murmured. "I swear to you I didn't see this coming. I would never be unfaithful to you."

 _I know you wouldn't but everything you've done this week has shaken my faith in us. How the fuck did Mr. Master of the Universe not see this coming? Even 1-800-Psychic could see this shit coming. What precipitated this? Did he lead her on? No woman goes in for the kill without some sort of encouragement. Do I even want to know? I'm so mad — at her, at my own husband, at this fucked-up situation. One drama-free day — that's all I asked for this week. I couldn't even get one damn day!_

His muscular frame swallowed her whole, but she didn't reciprocate, her own body limp against his. Christian clung to her more tightly in response, though the gulf between them only grew.

After a few minutes, he reluctantly let her go. "Ana please say something."

"I don't know what to say," she replied, utterly drained. "I believe you. It's all just so much to digest."

"I know baby. I hate that this shit happened. I should never have allowed things to get this far and I take full responsibility for that. Please forgive me. Come home tonight so we can talk. We need to heal this rift between us. I can't bear to watch us drift apart any further."

"I can't either but I need to be alone," she said, her voice feeble but firm. "I'm going back to Kate's tonight." _Because right now I love you but I don't want to be with you._

Despair clouded his vision. "Ana don't do this," he pleaded, squeezing her hand so tightly she winced. "Don't withdraw into your shell."

It was too late though. Christian could see Ana retreat, closing him off. It was her standard coping mechanism to protect herself. _From me and my bullshit._

"I just need to get some perspective on everything that's happened this week." _And it's not even Friday._ _I wonder what tomorrow has in store for me,_ she thought morbidly.

Perspective. Christian mulled that word over and over again in his mind. _The fucking death knell of any relationship._

"Ana, are you leaving me? If you are, just tell me," he said plainly. _If my world is ending, I want to at least prepare for it._

"Christian, when I said 'till death do us part' in our vows, I meant it. I didn't say 'till conniving bitches and parasitic photographers do us part,'" she quipped, hoping to diffuse some of the suffocating tension in the car.

It worked. Her husband cracked a wistful smile. "Neither bitches nor death will keep me away from you anyway. You'll still be fending off my lewd advances in the afterlife."

Ana snorted but continued to fiddle with the hem of her skirt, avoiding his gaze.

"You're still not coming home with me, are you?" he asked, desolation clawing at him because he already knew the answer.

She gave him an imperceptible nod reaffirming her plans. His face contorted in pain.

" _Nothing_ happened. I don't care about her," he reiterated.

"I believe you," she said robotically. "But something _did_ happen Christian. And it wasn't rocket science that it would. If the shoe were on the other foot, how would you be reacting right now?"

 _I would've beaten the guy to a bloody pulp. I would've demolished anything standing in my way. I would have forbidden her from ever stepping foot back inside her office. I would've yelled at her, cursed at her and then snubbed her for days until I could come up with some other form of punishment._

Christian swallowed. He didn't need to respond. His pissing contest with Mike spoke for him.

"Exactly," Ana said. "So perhaps me needing some alone time isn't all that extreme or irrational. I don't blame you for what Stacie did. I can't help but wonder though what _you_ did that might've led her to believe that she had a chance with you. Maybe you did absolutely nothing. It's impossible for me to know that because you've hardly been home lately and when you are, you hardly speak to me about your day, so you're essentially living this other life that I'm not privileged enough to ever see. I trust you Christian and I know you'd never deliberately hurt me, but what person in their right mind wouldn't have their trust eroded by crap like this?"

Guilt-ridden, he slouched in the backseat, searching for a way to salvage their relationship after the week's catastrophic events.

"I'm so incredibly … tired. It's not just Stacie, or Mike or that barbaric caveman stunt of yours back there. I feel like everything is chipping away at my sanity. I don't really know what else to say to be honest. What more do you want from me?"

"You Ana," he croaked. "I want you. Only you. That's all I've ever wanted."

"I know. But this whole week… Hell, this entire year… It's all just been…"

"Too much," he finished her sentence.

Christian anxiously scanned his wife's face but she had long since checked out. Her once-bright sapphire eyes were now lifeless and dull.

Ana stared at the flashing paparazzi bulbs as the SUV rounded the corner into an underground parking garage to drop her back off at work. Her eyes flicked down to Christian's swollen knuckles and the abrasion from where he decked out that photographer. She remembered how close Christian was to knocking out Mike. She imagined Stacie salivating over his alpha-male display of brutality. And even though Stacie was no longer in the picture, Ana thought about her husband leaving for China — and leaving her behind, yet again — for half the month. Knowing him, though, he'd be orchestrating every move of his latest acquisition, SIP, behind the scenes, all in the name of ensuring her "safety." She was his marionette, even when he was a continent away.

 _I'm sick of this shit._

Ana didn't have to say it out loud — Christian could hear her thoughts a mile away.

"Ana," he sighed. "I know I sound like a broken record, but please don't give up on me. I realize I've pushed you to your limit, and I'll do whatever it takes to make this up to you. I can't live without you. I mean it. I literally live _for_ you."

Ana couldn't live without Christian either — his romantic chivalry, his foul temper and everything in between that comes with choosing to accept someone for better or worse. But the ugly truth was that at the moment, she couldn't live with his baggage. She didn't want out of their marriage, but she wanted out of the car — now.

"Christian, I know I've been complicit in a lot of this. I've always blindly agreed to go along for this turbulent ride that you take me on, with you at the steering wheel, but I'm fed up of always being in the passenger seat and feeling like I have no control over my own life. You abhor being out of control, so perhaps you could try to empathize with what I'm going through right now."

"I do baby," he vowed. "And I want to make this right." Ana saw tears streaming down Christian's face, the floodgates of his fears wide open, but she was oddly numb to it all.

"We'll _both_ make this right, but I have to go," she said, her voice small and strained. "I'll call you when _I'm_ ready."

He roughly grabbed her arm and pulled her back for one last desperate hug. She felt the wetness on his cheek, causing tears to well in her own eyes. But it didn't dampen her resolve. _For just today, I need to do what Christian has been doing all year: put myself first._

She wriggled out of his embrace and gave him a timid smile before wordlessly stepping out of the car. Christian watched in a daze as Taylor escorted her to the entrance. His anguish was palpable as Christian Grey, the man half of Seattle feared, openly wept in the backseat of his car outside of his wife's job.

After discreetly giving him an hour to recuperate, Taylor finally clambered back into the SUV. "Where to sir?" he asked gently.

 _Where do I go? I don't want to go anywhere without Ana._

"Home," Christian whispered, the word ringing achingly hollow now that his wife wouldn't be there waiting for him.


	15. Chapter 15

_**Author's Note: Hopefully I didn't rush this chapter and it ties things up nicely. I was going to end it with a lemon but I've got a nice juicy one already written in the prequel (and there's only so much of those I can do). On that note, I'm really excited to get the prequel out since I've got a lot of that written and I think people will really like it :)**_

 _ **Thank you for all the reviews — I'm needy so keep em coming :) I really appreciate that people saw that this fight was both their faults, which is what I was going for. I'll be over the moon if I get to 500 follows!**_

 _ **I wanted to reply to two comments specifically, just because I thought it might be interesting to give some insights into this story. Not everyone cares about why a writer writes the way they do, so feel free to skip this part, but some people might find it interesting.**_

 _ **A guest commented on why Ana said that Christian must have done something to make Stacie think she had a chance with him (sorry I can't reply directly to guest comments). I appreciate the criticism and honestly didn't equate it with people saying that a woman who is raped must've done something to deserve it, though it's an interesting point. Actually, a lot of the stuff in my stories is plucked from real life, including that particular line. Perhaps this is TMI, but years ago, when my husband and I first met, he was a bartender. He was always flirty to get a good tip and he told me one night that a girl at his bar had invited him to a party (course he said no). I responded that a lot of girls aren't that forward and I asked if he'd done something to give her the courage to ask him out. He admitted that he was acting too flirty and had learned his lesson. Anyway, it's random, but there's a method to my madness in these stories and it's always fascinating when people point out things that resonate like that.**_

 _ **It also gets to another point: I was very conflicted about Stacie. Originally, I wanted to depict her as a normal girl, not take the easy way out of painting her as the conniving fanfiction character. I debated writing a story of two coworkers innocently growing closer together and the natural conflicts this creates at home, but I thought it might veer too close to those Christian cheating stories and opted not to do it. Real life is harder to write about than melodrama in my opinion. That's why my other story, Something Tangible, is taking more time — I try to base it more on real life, whereas Sacrifice is more Fifty canon.**_

 _ **On that note, MissG909 – that is the probably one of the best lines ever: "Time is the enemy in most marriages." Wish I'd come up with it myself :) I've also considered writing about Ana and Christian's marriage after 10, 20 years, when the spark dies out, but that's a tough "romance" story to write. Maybe one day though.**_

 _ **Anyway, enough babbling. Hope everyone enjoys the conclusion. More to come. In the meantime, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!**_

Shell-shocked, Ana walked back to her desk, putting one foot in front of the other while paying no heed to the scores of eyes glued to her every movement.

 _If they didn't hear about the commotion downstairs, they'll find out about it from the front-page headlines tomorrow. I can just picture them now — 'Unfaithful, Violent Billionaire Attacks Photographer.' Oh Christian, why couldn't you just put a lid on that temper of yours?_

Rattled but resolute, Ana kept her head down as she tuned out the recriminating whispers around her, though she heard every word — the disadvantage of a trendy office with no cubicle walls."

"Did you hear that Grey nearly killed some photographer outside?"

"Word is he blew his top because the guy revealed an affair he was having!"

"What an idiot. She never even signed a prenup. She'll take his ass to the cleaners."

"Why else would he hit the guy if he wasn't cheating? Dude got caught with his fancy designer pants down!"

 _Can't people whisper quieter?_

"Ana." Mike's gentle voice made her jump. "Do you want to call it a day early?"

She shook her head, refusing to cower to her gossipy coworkers.

"I figured as much. In that case, the conference room is all clear. I've set up a laptop in there for you to work on. You can finish up in there if you want."

"Thank you Mike," Ana said, her lip quivering at the magnanimous gesture. "No, bless you."

"It's not a big deal."

"Yes it is, especially after that spectacle. I can't apologize enough for Christian's behavior. It was out of line."

"It's not a problem, really. Your husband wouldn't be the first man with a territorial streak."

"You mean it's not just a billionaire thing?" she gave him a meager smile.

"No, it's a homo sapien thing. Don't worry about it."

Ana gladly took Mike up on his offer, reveling in the solitude of her self-imposed exile.

Getting lost in a book always helped Ana forget about her troubles, but the visual of Christian pummeling that photographer was seared into her memory. But so was his harrowed expression when she stepped out of the car, leaving him to wallow in his own misery.

As she replayed the week's disastrous events in her mind, Ana realized that Christian probably felt just as buffeted by them as she had. _He didn't handle it with grace, but then again, neither did I. We both let events overtake us._

Her buzzing cell startled her, a text message from Kate blaring on the screen.

 **Still coming over tonight Steele? Hope you're doing OK.**

Ana glanced down at her watch and was surprised to see it was already 8 p.m., feeling a kindred bond with Christian. _I guess it is easy to get so lost in work that you don't realize how late it is._

She gathered up her files and typed out a quick reply to Kate.

 **I'm OK - thanks. Actually I'm going home tonight. Let's catch up over the weekend.**

She took a deep breath. _Time to be a big girl and face the music._

The penthouse was deathly still. The kitchen was pristine, the sofa cushions were untouched and no piece of artwork was out of place. It was like sneaking into a museum at night. The only flicker of light streamed in from Christian's study.

 _He must've thrown himself in work again._

Ana cautiously opened the door, peeking inside and fully expecting to see Christian hunched over his laptop. Instead, she was stunned by the pathetic sight that greeted her: His hair disheveled and eyes bloodshot, Christian sat on the floor reclining against the sofa, his elbows resting on his bent knees. He was staring vacantly at a framed picture of their wedding day in his hand, oblivious to Ana's presence.

"Christian," she whispered, distressed. "Are you OK?"

He blinked when he saw Ana, as if she were a mirage, before staggering to his feet and running over to her. He promptly heaved her up into a bone-crushing embrace.

"Ana, have you come home to me?" Christian was elated by the prospect, but when she didn't respond right away, his blood ran cold. _Or have you come to get your things?_

He set her down and studied her carefully, a look of consternation on his face.

"I'm home," she giggled, catching her breath.

"Oh thank Christ," he exhaled, peppering her with kisses as relief swept over him.

Intoxicated, his tongue traced the seam of her lips before sealing over them in a desperate kiss that drowned out her tiny whimpers of protest.

With monumental effort, Christian pulled back, his eyes filled with worry.

"What's wrong baby?"

"Nothing. Well, everything," she let out a humorless laugh as a shadow passed over his face. "I just mean that we need to talk."

"I know. I didn't mean to delay the inevitable. I was just so happy to see you," he said, effortlessly picking her up and settling himself on the sofa with her in his lap. He looped one arm around her shoulder while the other reverentially stroked her cheeks, cradling her close to him.

"First off, I want to express my sincerest apologies about Stacie. I didn't know that would happen but I should've. The truth is I did like Stacie, as a colleague … and a friend."

Ana's body involuntarily stiffened, so Christian began massaging her shoulder.

"Go on," she said nervously.

"Not like that Ana, I swear. I just don't want to lie to you. Unlike so many of my employees, she didn't grate on my nerves and we got along. We never spent an inordinate amount of time talking on a personal basis, but she had a sharp business sense that I admired. I didn't berate her like I do some of my other employees, and I think in a convoluted way that might've given her some kind of false hope. It was my fault and I will never make that mistake again. Please believe me though — misleading her or disrespecting you was never my intention. You're it for me baby."

Ana nodded in understanding as Christian kissed her forehead in veneration.

"I've thought long and hard about your 'work wife' comment and I've come to the conclusion that it's a slippery slope, one where you inadvertently grow close with someone you spend so much time with. On the one hand, it's harmless because you can't exactly keep your coworkers at arm's length. On the other it's dangerous precisely because it sneaks up on you. It's insidious. Which is why I wish you would've articulated your concerns sooner. I don't mean to shift the blame on you, and I realize that I should've been more aware and considerate of your feelings, but there was never any malice behind my actions. My love for you has never wavered for a split-second. I have never even remotely considered being with anyone else, so it never entered my mind that she posed a threat. It was always a given that I'd never cheat on you, because it would be inconceivable for me to live without you, so I didn't take Stacie seriously and as a result, I let my guard down. Does that make any sense?"

"Yes it does. Thank you for being honest. And in a strange way, I think I was protecting myself by not saying anything," Ana confessed. "I saw that you and Stacie had a natural rapport and that you were always working. I just…" She glanced down at her tangled fingers.

Christian tilted her chin up. "What baby? Tell me."

"I just assumed you were getting bored of me."

Dumbfounded, Christian gawked at her, mouth agape.

"We've been together now for five years and we got together so young," she tried to explain. "You're gorgeous. You're a freaking genius for God's sake — a billionaire boy wonder. I could barely land a job a year after graduating college. We've always been on two different playing fields. I've conquered some of my insecurities over the years but I still can't help but wonder what you see in me. It used to be the, err, bedroom, that freaked me out, but in a weird way now it's the boardroom. We're in sync in one department, but we've grown apart in the other. You stopped bothering to tell me about work a long time ago — not to mention the fact that I can barely understand half of what you say anyway — whereas you had so much in common with Stacie. So I suppose on some level I wasn't all that surprised that you'd eventually find someone more suited to your personality. I know it sounds awful, but I didn't confront you about Stacie or your long hours because in a weird way I was worried that you'd dismiss me, so avoiding it was my way of preparing myself for the worst."

"Ana how can you possibly…" He grappled to find the words to reassure her without reaming her a new one for her asinine lack of confidence. "You're the smartest, sexiest, kindest, most exciting woman I've ever met. I think the sun and moon revolve around you, because you're the best person I know — far better than I could ever hope to be."

It was Ana's turn to be floored by the depths of Christian's own insecurities, which in many ways paralleled hers. "That's not true. You're an amazing man. Look at what you've accomplished."

"And you're a phenomenal woman — my match in every way and then some. Have I ever for one second made you feel inferior to me in any way?"

"No of course not," she admitted, ashamed. "But in my defense, I did drop hints left and right for us to spend more time together, only to be rebuffed. I was scared that if I outright confronted you and demanded that you devote more time to me, that you'd reject me and break my heart. So instead I stayed quiet. It was easier for me to tell myself that you were an incurable workaholic than a husband who'd lost interest in his wife, because that was a reality I wasn't prepared to face."

"And it's not one you'll ever have to face Ana. Every time I'm in a dull meeting or a long-haul flight or listening to some executive drone on and on about spreadsheet reports, all I picture is you. I'm consumed by you — I always have been. You're my rock, my touchstone. I couldn't function if I didn't know you were waiting at home for me."

"I know Christian but I can't function in that kind of arrangement — waiting at home like the good little wife, twiddling my thumbs while you go off and fulfill your lifelong ambitions. It's stifling and unfair."

"You're right, and I've completely blown everything out of proportion this week," he conceded. "I was just nervous that your new job would leave no room for me — that you'd establish an entire separate identity away from me and I'd lose you."

"I know the feeling," she reminded him glumly.

He closed his eyes. For the first time Christian was able to fully appreciate the neglect and fears that had been torturing his wife over the last year.

"Ana, you will never know that feeling again. I swear to you on my life that things will change. You're 100-percent right. I am a workaholic and a perfectionist. I do it because it's in my nature to succeed. But paradoxically I got sloppy. I grew complacent that you'd always be here for me no matter what. After all, I was faithful. I provided for you materially. It never dawned on me that me just doing my job would ever come between us. But it did. I allowed myself to get bogged down in every single transaction, every minute detail. I kept telling myself that the next deal would be different, that there'd be less pressure for me to do everything myself, but then I invariably kept the pressure on myself. I was terrified of failing."

She cocked her head, astounded by his revelation.

"I realize it's hard to understand. But I wanted to prove myself to everyone who thought I couldn't amount to anything — my father, your father, your friends. But above all, I wanted _you_ to be proud of me, of your husband, of the choices and the sacrifices you made. I wanted you to be proud of marrying me."

"Christian, the best thing I ever did was marry you! My proudest achievement is us."

"I know baby, but remember that when we met, I was a man who had never had a real relationship other than contractual ones; I was someone who couldn't bear to be touched; I was plucked out of a living nightmare as a child; I was a rebellious disappointment as a teenager; and I was on the verge of dropping out of Harvard and being the black sheep of my family."

"I hate your self-loathing," she griped.

His thumb delicately grazed her cheekbone as tears swam in her eyes.

"And I hate your self-doubts," he retorted. "But I love your unconditional faith in me. You saw past all of my flaws and stayed with me. You moved across the country for me. You chose to believe in me when the odds were against us. That's seared into my memory. You have no idea how much that drives me to work harder and make a name for myself — for us. Why do you think I was so adamant about you being a Grey, not a Grey-Steele? I want you to be proud of your identity, of being my other half. I want to give you the world."

"Christian," she sniffed, "the world is worthless if I don't have you. A life of luxury doesn't mean anything without an actual life to enjoy with the people you love. I don't need all that fancy crap. How many times do I have to drill that into your thick skull?"

"I hear you baby, but it wasn't just about the material things. I wanted you to see that you didn't marry some sadistic, fucked-up college dropout. I never wanted you to regret your decision to spend your life with me, to have sacrificed so much while I built up the business."

"And I never wanted you to sacrifice who you are for me," she hiccupped. "That's why I've been so reticent about asking you to cut back on your hours. Even if you did agree, I was afraid you'd wind up resenting me for taking you away from something that you love."

"Work is what I do. You are what I love," he corrected her, kissing the tip of her nose.

"I know you love me, but your job is part of your identity as well, and I respect that. In fact, I want that for myself, which is why your takeover of SIP felt like you were trying to co-opt the identity I was finally starting to build for myself. I'm pretty accommodating of your controlling tendencies Christian, but you're trying to muscle your way into my career and deprive me of the same sense of accomplishment that fulfills you every day. It's not right and you know it. I feel robbed."

"I only want to give to you Ana, never take from you."

She narrowed her eyes at him.

"OK, I also want to have a say in your career. I can't stand the idea of you venturing out on your own. What if you flounder? What if someone takes advantage of you, hurts you? Why should you endure failure when I have the means to prevent it?"

"Because I'll never learn anything if you try to bubble-wrap my ambitions and stunt my growth."

"I should hire you for my negotiating team," he grinned.

"I prefer my job. Speaking of which, we need to stop avoiding the elephant in the room. Are you still buying SIP?"

"It's already done Ana. The announcement is scheduled for tomorrow."

"I hate the position you've put me in," she said, eyes downcast as she fidgeted with her fingers. His chest constricted with guilt.

"What would you like me to do baby? The last thing I want is for you to be unhappy."

"Sell it."

Christian assumed she was joking until she saw the seriousness in her expression.

"It's not that easy Ana. If I put SIP on the market, it will appear worthless. Vulture investors will smell blood and snatch it up, possibly breaking it up into pieces and jeopardizing not only your job, but everyone else's. I can be a silent owner. I'll leave the senior-level management intact and they will have complete discretion over the running of the company."

Ana chewed her lip as she contemplated his compromise. It was reasonable, but she still needed the noose around her neck loosened.

"No," she said, steadfast and unyielding. "I'm asking you to sell it and let whatever happens happen — consequences be damned. I don't want a safety net. I'm asking you to do this for me, for our marriage."

The CEO in him scrubbed his face, furiously debating ways to make his wife see the error of her ways. The husband in him recalled how close he came to losing her this week.

"Alright Ana," he sighed. "I'll set the paperwork in motion tonight."

"Seriously? Are you really willing to do this for me?"

"I'd do anything for you. I can't guarantee what the outcome will be, but I give you my word that I'll put SIP up for sale."

She scrutinized his face trying to decipher his intentions, concluding that he was being truthful with her.

"Good. In that case don't sell it."

He did a double take. "Excuse me? What do you mean?"

"Don't be mad but I needed to know if you were serious about giving me more latitude and space at work. I don't want to be responsible for SIP going under and I see your point about a resale tarnishing its reputation, but I had to know that you were willing to do what it takes to give me my freedom."

"So you were testing me?" he asked, both irked and impressed.

She gave him a bashful nod.

"You're going to make a fine CEO one day my duplicitous little wife." Christian gave her a devious smirk before bending down to taste her lips, coaxing them apart to slip his tongue inside.

Just as their kiss grew heated, Ana pulled away before she forgot the rest of her speech.

"Wait. I do have a few conditions."

 _I'll accept whatever they are. Just give me those succulent lips again._

"Fire away Mrs. Grey," Christian replied, amused by his take-charge wife.

"First, you keep your promise and remain a silent owner."

"Agreed. Next?"

"Since you're being so amenable and you yourself offered to keep senior-level management on board, that means you can't fire or transfer Mike."

Christian's playful mood evaporated, his entire body tensing. "Why does Mike's welfare concern you so much Anastasia?"

"It doesn't. But he's been very kind to me this week — and don't even think of overanalyzing that — and just like I told you with Stacie…" She gave him a pointed glare. "I won't allow personal biases to mess with someone's career. Unlike Stacie, however…" Another glare. "Mike hasn't done a single thing to give you cause for concern."

"Are you going to hold this Stacie shit over my head for the rest of my life?" Christian asked, feeling worn-out.

"No, but I think you can give me one day."

"Fine," he grumbled like a kid whose shiny toy has just been taken away. "Staunton stays. But if he so much as looks at you the wrong way, he's out on his ass and that's nonnegotiable. And Ana, I know this might sound like the height of hypocrisy considering what happened today, but please don't allow him to get too close to you. Work friendships can be a recipe for disaster — a painful lesson I won't soon forget."

"Agreed," she said brightly.

"Good. Anything else Mrs. Grey? I'm itching to take you upstairs and spend the rest of the night making amends for our week from hell."

"I'm more than ready for that as well, but before we officially kiss and make up, I have another request. You'll make an appointment with Flynn right?"

"Already done. I'm seeing him next week," Christian bragged, preparing to lift her up and get on with the making up part.

"Wait."

"Oh for the love of fuck Mrs. Grey! What now?" he groaned, sinking back down onto the couch with a huff until he saw tears shimmering in Ana's eyes.

"Baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to assume everything was alright," he said alarmed. "Please don't cry."

"No, no, I'm OK. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get upset. It's just that … there's one more thing I have to ask."

"Anything baby," he said, his knuckles tenderly caressing her cheek, wiping away her tears. "Tell me what's bothering you."

"Are you still going to China in two weeks?" she said, the tenor of her voice so quiet he strained to hear her.

"China? How did you know about that? And no, I already told Ros I wasn't going."

"Oh," she mumbled. "I just saw it on your schedule when I wanted to set up a double date with Hannah and I thought … well, I thought you were going away again."

"Andrea must not have removed it but no baby, I'm not leaving. I've had a discussion with Ros about paring down on my hours and work trips. She's already in the process of hiring three additional vice presidents to handle and disperse the workload. I meant what I said that things will be different from now on."

Her resulting smile was breathtaking. "Thank you Christian. I should've brought it up earlier, but things have been so insane this week. I know I don't have a stellar track record about airing my grievances and I promise that I'm going to work on being more open with you. Sometimes I just feel bad because there's so much money riding on what you do. But beyond that, there are thousands of jobs — people's livelihoods — on the line. I…" Ana paused, taking a deep, fortifying gulp of air. "I never felt worthy enough to challenge that and insist that you make any sacrifices for me."

"Oh Ana," Christian gasped, smashing his lips onto hers in a fierce kiss that he hoped conveyed the lengths he would go to for her and their marriage. After several minutes, he gave his wife a reprieve but kept her flush against him, resting his forehead on hers as their labored breaths mingled with each other.

"I'd give up anything and everything to have you in my life baby. It wouldn't even be a sacrifice, because you are the reason I have a life worth living."


	16. Chapter 16

**Epilogue – two years later (Ana age 25; Christian age 28)**

"Mrs. Grey," he said in a drawn-out, mockingly stern tone.

"Mr. Grey," she replied in an equally stern tone that belied her amusement.

"It's 6:45. You were supposed to be down at 6. Tsk tsk tsk. Punctuality Mrs. Grey."

Per his usual routine, Christian was parked outside, waiting for his wife to finish work. Every day without fail, he picked her up outside Grey Publishing at 6 on the dot. They would spend the next four hours together, before each retreating to their respective studies to wrap up their work.

"Tsk tsk tsk Mr. Grey. You forget I work for a hard-ass slave-driver." _I left that one wide open for you Grey!_

"Baby, you have no idea how hard I can be on your ass, but I'd love to show you."

"I wrapped that one up in a bow for you Mr. Grey!"

"You did, but then again, you're the one who has a way with words," he laughed. "Hurry up and get down here so I can show you what I have a way with."

"I'm coming. I'm coming." _One more gem for you Grey!_

"That one's too obvious even for me woman."

"OK. It's the end of the day. My creativity is zapped. Just give me a minute to gather up my things."

"May I also remind you that you missed our Thursday lunch today," Christian added with a not-too-subtle hint of disapproval.

"I know but in my defense we had an impromptu lunch on Monday on top of our regular Tuesday lunch. I've basically spent all day rewriting a manuscript from our 'best' writer. Little did I know that he's only the best because he has a good editor."

"You're the best editor in there and you'd be the best CEO if you just swallowed your pride and took the helm of Grey Publishing, especially now that it bears your name."

" _Our_ name. And humility is a virtue Mr. Grey. I prefer to work my way up to the top."

"Touché Mrs. Grey. For tonight, I prefer you to be on top as well," he said salaciously.

"You and your pervy — and predictable — double entendres," she joked, sneaking up behind him as he talked on his cell outside the car. Ana wrapped her arms around his waist wearing a triumphant smile. "Surprise!"

Christian turned around and practically mauled his wife. With one hand securely latched onto her rear and the other curled around her head, he went in for a brazen kiss that left _her_ surprised.

"Christian," she screeched, trying to duck out of the way but his hold on her remained locked. "There might be paparazzi out here."

"So? Fuck those motherfuckers," he cursed, resuming his very public display of affection as he shoved his tongue down her throat.

Finally letting her catch her breath after their teenage groping session, he released her and opened the car door for her while Taylor pretended to be preoccupied with a fascinating pack of geese flying overhead.

"I'd tell you to wash that mouth out with soap Mr. Grey but since your tongue is down mine most of the time, I'd rather not have the lingering soapy aftertaste."

"Good call smart mouth," Christian laughed as he got into the backseat beside Ana.

"Speaking of paparazzi, some reporters from Time called GEH wanting to do a spread on Seattle's 'golden couple.'" They both rolled their eyes. "That's what I thought but I figured I'd consult with you first. I'll give them the usual 'we don't do interviews' fuck off."

"Fine by me," Ana shrugged. "One minute we're breaking up and the next minute they're painting us as an inseparable power couple. I can't keep up with our roller-coaster relationship."

"Don't fret Mrs. Grey. We have nowhere to go but up for the rest of our lives."

"Aren't you a smooth-talking optimist?"

"I don't think my staff would exactly agree with that characterization."

"Oh," she teased. "And how would they characterize you? A verbally abusive tyrant?"

"Something like that," he chuckled. "But yes my dear wife, you have smoothed out my rough edges and made me see the brighter side of life."

"Like I said, smooth Mr. Grey. Very smooth."

"I suppose I'm laying it on a bit thick in an attempt to butter you up. I have some news."

"Bad or good?"

"Neither, but not great," he prevaricated.

"Out with it Grey."

"I have no choice but to visit Hong Kong for 10 days next month to seal a deal Ros and I have been working on for a while."

She expelled the breath she'd been holding. "Christian that's no problem. Other than a few quick trips to New York, usually with me in tow, you've hardly been out of town for business in over two years. I didn't expect you to stay on permanent lockdown in Seattle."

"I like being locked away with you," he said suggestively. "But as I said, it's not all bad news. I talked with Staunton."

"For the millionth time, he prefers to be called Mike," she chastised him.

"Whatever. Anyway, Staunton said there's a big publishing conference in Hong Kong at the same time and he agreed with me that it would be useful to have a representative from Grey Publishing — i.e. the heir — to attend on its behalf."

Christian detected the trace of disapproval in the narrow squint of Ana's eyes. _He agreed or was coerced by you?_

"I didn't interfere. I swear." He threw his hands up in mock surrender. "I was merely checking on your engagements for the next month on the off chance that you would be free to accompany me."

"OK," she smiled, deciding not to prolong his misery. "I'll gladly go with you. I've never been to Asia before!"

"Good. Now that that's settled, there is one other tiny matter to address. Ah, we're here," he said as the car pulled up outside of Escala.

Ana's brows knitted together. "We're not going to the house on the Sound?"

"Oh no Mrs. Grey. Remember, you missed our appointed lunch today and that deserves a punishment. I believe a side trip to the playroom is in order. And don't think that excuses you from our regular Friday session either. I get that one as well."

"Greedy, greedy. Hmmm, I'm starting to agree with your employees' assessment that you are a tyrant Mr. Grey. I may indulge you in this so-called punishment of yours, as long as it results in our mutual satisfaction, but first, you'll have to catch me," Ana squealed as she darted out of the car.

In no time at all, Christian chased her down, pinning her up against the wall as they breathlessly waited for the elevator.

"You can run but you can't hide Mrs. Grey," he said, a sly glint in his eye. "I'll always catch you."

"That's because I'll always let you Mr. Grey," she replied, leaning up to kiss his insistent lips.

 _ **Author's Note: Short but sweet – I just wanted to show that they've been working on their communication issues and spending time together.**_

 _ **Thank you everyone for the kind notes and all the follows! I hope everyone enjoyed the holidays and had a great New Year! Sorry I couldn't update sooner. Between the holidays and catching the requisite cold this time of year, writing took a backseat. But as promised, here's a summary of the prequel (don't read any further if you don't want to know what it's about). I'll be posting the start of it in the next day or two.**_

 _ **As I've said, in my story, Ana and Christian meet in Harvard when she's 18 and he's 21. Similar backdrop to the books — Christian gets with Elena at age 15, but in my version he breaks it off with her when he gets to Harvard. She still helps him contract out submissives though, until he meets Ana and he quickly wants "more" with her. Six months after meeting he leaves Harvard and takes Ana back to Seattle with him.**_

 _ **He tells her about Elena and his mother and his BDSM lifestyle but leaves out one key detail — the contracted submissives. Oops! A year later, the bomb drops and Ana is forced to reassess their relationship.**_

 _ **SPOILERS AHEAD: There will be no cheating and HEA, but the story is not for the squeamish. There will be a brief breakup and Ana will go out on a (gasp!) date with someone else. Not to give too much away, but personally I like to know what I'm getting into before I read a fanfiction.**_

 _ **I'll post the story soon but in the meantime I would love to hear your thoughts!**_


	17. Chapter 17

_**Author's Note: Thank you everyone for the kind feedback and follows. I wouldn't normally respond to trolls (naturally they are all guests, who prefer to remain cowardly anonymous), so this is the only time I'll dignify it with a reply. I suppose you've "made it" in the fanfic world when you start to get asinine messages, but this is exactly why I was hesitant to go online. It's really discouraging to both the writer and their faithful (and normal) readers when the weirdos come out of the woodwork.**_

 _ **Fortunately over 95% of the feedback has been positive (or constructive criticism, which I have no problem with). And fortunately the really negative stuff has been either ignorant or, quite frankly, illiterate. Someone asked how a date can be considered cheating. WTF are you talking about?! Another bright one said a threesome fic with Elliot would be more creative. Go ahead and write it then. Knock yourself out. I'm sure it will be a literary masterwork. Someone said I should go back and read my story when they clearly didn't bother to read it themselves because they wouldn't be asking such dumb shit. Another complained my stories are too HEA for them. Guess what? In Fifty Shades, there was no cheating and there was … a happy ending! It's probably the same sad soul, but let me give you some insights into the wonderful world of fanfiction: You don't like it, don't read it. You've got this much time on your hands to spew hate, start writing yourself.**_

 _ **If you have a legitimate question, I'm happy to answer it. If you ask a question in a rude, angry way, it's not worth my time.**_

 _ **It's sad to see people vent the anger in their lives through petty stuff like this, because we all know that they simply don't have a life and they need some kind of outlet. I know this has driven away writers from this site, which only punishes the readers, so I hope that doesn't happen here.**_

 _ **Like I said, I won't get into a back and forth because that's what trolls want. I suggest guests sign up with a log-in name, so if they spew venom, we can do everyone a favor and block them. In the meantime, I will leave them with this adage that they should tattoo on their foreheads: It is**_ _ **better to remain silent**_ _ **and be thought a**_ _ **fool**_ _ **than to speak out and remove all doubt. Just try to get the spelling right.**_

 _ **Now that that's out of the way, onto the story. This scene takes place about six months after Christian met Ana. They've left Harvard so he can start GEH in Seattle.**_

 _ **To answer a few questions, I haven't forgotten about Something Tangible. Honestly, between the holidays, a sickness and just plain old writer's block, it's been put on the backburner, but I'm doing the best I can. I really appreciate that so many people care about that story.**_

 _ **Sacrifice will continue with these independent, different parts of the story. You'll know they're over by the epilogues. The length just depends on what I can come up with in my head, but I don't like to drag stories out too much. There won't be any kids (maybe mentioned in the background). I don't have any so I'm not good at writing about them.**_

 _ **Think that covers it. Enjoy!**_

With his psychiatrist poker face firmly in place, John Flynn scribbled down a few random observations on his notepad in illegible handwriting.

"So now we're up to Ana."

Christian couldn't mask the broad grin that lit up his face. It was the first time in over two weeks of seeing his mercurial new patient that Flynn had actually seen him smile. Up until now, their appointments had consisted of delving into Christian's dead mother, the unspeakable abuse he suffered as a child, his unease at being adopted into a "perfect" family, his phobia about touching and the older woman who'd introduced him to BDSM at age 15 and who helped him continue the lifestyle with a string of subs when he turned 18 after he officially ended their unconventional "relationship." Now he was 21 and back in Seattle following a stint in Harvard, where he had met the 18-year-old girl who'd upended his entire outlook on life.

"How did you two meet?"

Christian struggled to contain his ear-to-ear smile as he grew nostalgic about the moment he first encountered those piercing baby-blue eyes. "We bumped into each other on campus, literally," he reminisced, closing his own eyes at the memory.

 **FLASHBACK**

"Why the fuck do I need to redo a 20-page paper on the origins of capitalism when I know more about business than that washed-up economics professor who couldn't hack it in the real world? I can't wait until I get out of this motherfucking hellhole," Christian grumbled under his breath as he barged into the library — just as a frazzled young girl was barreling out.

The subsequent collision caused an explosion of books and flying papers.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Christian muttered, looking down at the debris below. Begrudgingly, he bent down to help the girl pick up her books when he was met with a pair of incandescent blue eyes.

"I'm so sorry," the woman said, intimidated and flustered by the irate man in front of her. She fought to sweep a few wayward strands of hair out of her face while he resisted the urge to help her.

"I'm an incurable klutz. I should've been more careful. At least I didn't walk into a brick wall this time around," she said in a breathy voice that made his dick twitch. An embarrassed pink flush colored her cheeks as she busied herself gathering up her belongings to avoid the man's intense gaze.

"That's alright. It's my fault. Here let me help you." Christian collected her scattered papers while trying to get her attention. _Look back up baby. Let me see those eyes._

He scooped up the papers and handed them to her, a jolt of electricity coursing between them.

"Thank you. That was very kind of you." _Kind. That's not exactly a description I hear every day._ "Sorry again," she mumbled distractedly.

The discombobulated woman was barely able to fold her arms around the oversize stack of books before darting off toward the dorms, leaving Christian blind-sighted. _What the fuck was that? Leave her alone Grey. She's not exactly sub material and you don't fuck with college girls._

Before he could finish the thought though, instinct propelled his legs in the direction of the woman stumbling down the sidewalk, weighed down by an overstuffed backpack and a pile of books balanced precariously on her hip.

"Wait," he called out, rushing over to her side. "Let me at least help you. I don't think you'll make it far carrying all of that," he said, pointing to the books she had just heaved back up before they could slip out of her hands again.

"I'm just going back to my dorm. It's right around the corner so I should only trip about three more times before I get there," she giggled, the sound sending shivers down his spine.

"I insist," he informed her, cocky and cool, as he took the books off her hands. She shot him an admonishing glare. _Did she just scold me?_ "Please," he added in a softer tone, reaching for her backpack. "I'm pretty sure you'll tumble backward if you keep this on."

"OK, if you _insist_ ," she laughed, making him feel strangely carefree. "I'd probably tumble with or without the backpack but thank you — again."

It was a short walk punctuated by small talk — she was a first-year bookworm who studied English lit and knew nothing about economics while he was a business major who knew nothing about classic literature. "Well here's my door," she said tentatively, taking back her books. "Thanks again. That was very gallant of you." She gave him a mock curtsy and wedged her key in the lock.

 _Gallant. There's another word no one uses to describe me, ever._

"You're welcome miss…"

"Anastasia, but everyone calls me Ana."

"I'm not everyone."

"I can see that. Not everyone would've come back to help me. Who are you then?" she retorted, a sly edge to her voice.

"Christian Trevelyan Grey."

"That's a mouthful!" She stifled a giggle while he tried to conceal the growing tent in his pants. _Oh baby, what I could do with your mouth._ "I take it no nickname then."

"No nickname," he confirmed, snapping out of his licentious reverie.

"OK Christian Trevelyan Grey. In that case, it was nice to meet you."

She began to head inside when Christian interrupted her. "You shouldn't be lugging around all those books at once. You could fall and hurt yourself," he chided her.

"Or I could bump into chivalrous strangers who keep me on my toes — and lecture me," she teased, a mischievous gleam in her eye.

"Technically, we're not strangers any more since you know my full name," he flirted back, resting one arm on the doorframe to lean in closer. _Shit her breasts are perky._ "And since you think I'm chivalrous, perhaps you'd allow me the honor of taking you to lunch. I believe the dining hall is serving cardboard hamburgers, rubbery chicken and flat soda. Nothing but the best for my lady." _My lady?! Jesus I sound like a tool. Cut the crap Grey._

Ana laughed at his medieval brand of formality. "Hmmm, as tempting as that feast sounds, kind sir..." Christian's ears perked up. "I've already taken advantage of your generosity."

Christian gave her an expectant look. "I don't know about the generous part but you're welcome to take advantage of my dining hall pass."

Ana scrunched her nose as she debated whether to trust her white knight in shining armor. Christian watched her wage an internal battle and was surprised to find that he hoped she would indeed trust him.

"What the hell," she gave him a heart-stopping smile, dropping her books on a nearby table with a loud thud and grabbing her purse. "But on one condition. You let me pay you back by carrying one of _your_ books."

"You have a deal Anastasia."

 **END FLASHBACK**

"Sounds like kismet. What happened next?" Flynn probed.

"We had lunch, then dinner that night. She let me kiss her," Christian beamed. "I took her on a date the following evening and we spent the night together."

"Rather fast. You must've been pretty smitten."

 _Smitten? Where do the Brits come up with these terms?_ "I'm a man who knows what I want," Christian shrugged matter-of-factly. He stood in front of the window, mindlessly staring out at the cloudy skyline. "She was a virgin," he added quietly.

Flynn arched his brow. "Did that give you pause, given your prior experience?"

"Somewhat. I hedged when she told me and tried to resist at first, for all of about three seconds, but like I said, I'm a man who knows what I want," he replied with a mix of confidence and conceit.

"So how did your relationship evolve afterward?"

"I didn't want to complicate matters so I decided to forgo telling her about my past and simply enjoy her company for a week or two — fuck her out of my system so to speak." Christian cringed when he recalled his blasé attitude.

"And how did that go?" Flynn prodded him.

"I failed miserably, though subconsciously I always knew I was deluding myself," he chuckled. "We spent seven days together and it was the best week of my life. We went ice skating. I walked her to class. We made love. We fucked. For the first time ever, I felt … normal."

The psychiatrist jotted down a few notes in the hopes that the silence would compel his reticent new patient to open up.

"I knew at that point I had to tell Ana about my past," Christian said, a melancholy undercurrent creeping into his tone.

"Did you want her to sub for you?"

"Not necessarily, but I wanted to do things to her, to dominate her."

"Sexually or in general?"

"Both if I'm honest with myself. I wanted to exert my control over her so I could keep her from running, which is what I figured she'd do once she learned about my predilections."

"And did she?"

"No. My Ana is brave," he smiled fondly.

"What happened?"

Christian sighed. "I told her about Elena and my introduction to BDSM."

"How did she take it?"

"She was appalled, disgusted. Called her a pedophile."

Flynn grunted in understanding but didn't say anything else, knowing Christian wasn't yet ready to face Elena's corrosive influence over the formative years of his life. He nodded for Christian to keep going with his tale.

"I told her that even though Elena and I had ended our partnership, that I still only practiced BDSM, even though admittedly I had made an exception for her. She seemed curious but apprehensive. Naturally her reaction concerned me, so I left out a few of the less-than-savory details."

"Like what?"

"The contracts mostly," Christian replied vaguely.

"So you didn't want her to sign one?"

"No, when I broached the subject in general she seemed repulsed. Plus, an NDA was a moot point by then. She knew about my mother, my fear of touch, Elena. I had also told her that I'd occasionally frequented BDSM clubs and that I'd never been in a traditional, committed relationship."

"Sounds like you still revealed quite a bit. How did she take it?"

"In stride. She was shocked and a bit wary, but also curious. I made it clear that I wasn't interested in being anyone's boyfriend but that for her I would attempt dating if she would try being my submissive. She was initially disappointed by the arrangement I proposed but agreed to give it a trial run."

"How did it go?"

"Wonderful. Ana was nervous but she was amazing in every respect. She was my ideal match. Everything was perfect until…" Christian expelled a guilt-ridden breath. "I went too far."

Taking a seat back on the sofa, Christian furiously raked his hands through his hair, avoiding eye contact with Flynn. "She went to lunch with this fucker friend of hers, Jose. He never could get it through his thick skull that she was mine. Anyway, she forgot to tell me about it so naturally I told her I needed to punish her. It was part of the deal she had signed up for. She was scared but reluctantly agreed." Christian glanced down at the sweaty fingers knotted in his lap, his head hung low in shame.

"I reassured her that I would never subject her to anything beyond her limits. I was only going to spank her but she surprised me yet again by asking for the full, no-holds-barred punishment. I hesitated but she insisted that she needed to have an idea of what she was getting into."

"So what did you do?" Flynn asked cautiously.

Christian buried his head in his hands. "I belted her," he swallowed. "Hard. And she ran." He suddenly leapt to his feet, migrating back over to the window as if trying to escape the truth of that fateful night.

"Do you need to stop or do you want to keep going?"

"Might as well lay it all on the table now Flynn. She left me. It was the darkest period of my life," Christian shuddered as the pain of her absence washed over him again. "After three days, I contacted her, begging her to meet with me just so we could talk."

"Did she agree?"

"Yes. Like I said, my Ana is brave. I apologized for my actions and asked her to give me another chance — a fresh start with no punishments, no rules. I offered to be her boyfriend, to take care of her if she'd let me."

"Did she accept?"

"Yes," Christian breathed, upbeat again. "That was six months ago and neither of us have ever looked back."

"Have you struck her again?"

"No," he snapped, oozing disdain. "And I never will."

"Do you miss the lifestyle?"

"Not particularly. She's allowed me to incorporate some of the lighter aspects of it and we have a terrific sex life."

"And now you have both left Harvard."

"I'd heard speculation about a Seattle telecommunications company that was floundering and I knew it had the potential to corner the market if someone could eliminate its redundancies and overhaul some of its wasteful operations. So I decided to seize my chance and acquire the company in order to start my own. My business plan was already in place and I'd lined up a few investors, but it meant leaving Harvard, and Ana, behind," Christian explained, steely-eyed yet grim.

"And you didn't want to do that?"

"I could give a shit about Harvard but of course Ana was a different story. She encouraged me to follow my dreams and swore we could do the long-distance thing. She put up a good front but I could see she was merely trying to disguise her fears. I was outright devastated by the prospect of leaving her behind and scrambled for ways to make it work. I even floated the idea of marriage but she turned me down flat. She said she was only 18 and her father would kill her.

"I was torn," Christian admitted, "but decided to gamble on my company. I rationalized that I could bring her over as soon as it was successful, but on our last night together, I couldn't go through with it…"

 **FLASHBACK**

Ashen and apprehensive, they both clinked their champagne flutes sitting on the floor of their cramped dorm room, though the mood was hardly celebratory.

"It'll be alright. We'll figure out a way to make it work," Ana stroked his day-old stubble soothingly.

Christian stared vacantly ahead, relishing the feel of her touch but not his imminent departure. "I love you Ana," he croaked out, the thought of leaving her sending him into a tailspin. _She'll find someone else, someone less fucked up. She'll get bored of me and move on with her life._

"I love you too. And that's precisely why we'll make it work." She gave him a smile to appease his fears but it lacked conviction. _He'll find someone else, someone less reserved and more adventurous. Or he'll get bored of me. But I won't destroy his dream. Maybe one day we'll find our way back to each other._ Ana dutifully took the champagne flutes and stood up to get her jacket.

"Now, enough of this brooding," Ana chirped, another fake smile plastered on her face. "We've got reservations at our favorite restaurant and we're going to toast your big move — because I know you'll be a huge success."

Christian merely nodded, sullen and withdrawn. _She's my only believer. Everyone else assumes I'm making the mistake of a lifetime by leaving Harvard. Go with your gut Grey. You always have. It's who you are._

"Come with me Ana," he blurted out impetuously. "Transfer schools and move with me."

Ana gawked at him in wide-eyed astonishment. "But…"

"I'm not asking you to marry me, although I would in a heartbeat if you would just say the word. But come with me," he pleaded, walking up to her and cradling her face.

She furrowed her brow as tears swam in her eyes, speechless by his proposition.

"I know I'm asking you to make an enormous sacrifice by leaving Harvard. But I'm a selfish man Ana, especially when it comes to you, and I can't live without you. I promise you that I'll make GEH work and I'll take care of you. It will be worth it. I'll give you everything and anything you could ever need. I've researched it and Seattle University has an excellent English program too. I'll pay for everything. Fuck, I'll buy you an entire library as soon as I can afford one," he rambled as he anxiously scrutinized her reaction.

Ana had that same look as the day she met Christian, when she warred with herself whether or not to go to lunch with him. But ultimately she decided to take a chance on the unusual yet exceptional man who had stormed into her life — and brought it to life.

"Yes," she said almost inaudibly, tears flowing down her cheeks.

"Really? You'll do it? Say it again!"

"Yes Christian. I'll come with you."

He lifted her up and twirled her in the air, radiating unbridled joy. "Oh baby, I swear you won't regret this. I'll give you the life of your dreams."

 **END FLASHBACK**

"So she agreed to move with me the very next day," Christian said, immensely pleased with himself and his intrepid girlfriend.

"Congratulations. And how has the transition gone?"

"It wasn't without its hiccups. Her father, Ray, strenuously objected but I was able to sway her, though it remains a sore spot between the two of them. Then when Ana found out that Elena was giving me the bulk of the seed money to launch my company, she flipped. I tried to convince her that Elena no longer meant anything to me and that the money was a necessary evil. Ana eventually relented, but I could tell she was still upset, so I went to my grandfather Theodore for the funds instead. Thankfully, unlike my own father, he agreed," Christian said, dripping scorn.

"So you were able to sideline Elena?" Flynn nodded in tacit approval.

"Yes I severed all ties, though my parents don't know what transpired between us so they still stay in touch with her.

That's a discussion for another day, Flynn thought. "And how is the business going?"

"The acquisition went through and GEH is off the ground. Ana will pursue her English lit degree when she transfers to Seattle University this fall. Fortunately between my grandfather and my trust fund, I had enough left over to cover her tuition as well as an apartment for us. It's been a hectic summer but I have Ana by my side and couldn't be happier. If all goes according to plan, GEH will absorb its second company in the next few months and Ana will marry me before she graduates — or preferably sooner," Christian said, clapping his hands in a way that signaled he would make his plans a reality no matter what.

"That's great, but it does beg the question. What can I help you with?"

"There's a small snag."

There always is, Flynn thought to himself.


	18. Chapter 18

_**Author's Note: Wow, I am blown away and humbled by all the positive feedback and follows — a heartfelt thank you! A special shout-out to MissG909, Reds 77, QueenBee03, carol711, jm263, Rosiekin, iamkaren10, grey girl 618, taochansekai, raye85, ShadoeCoon, Pielietje and anyone else I missed for the support and kind reviews — they really inspire me! One guest reviewer referred to my little cliffhangers as "sublime perfection." Wow – that pretty much made my week :)**_

 _ **So these next two chapters are short, which is why I'm posting both at the same time. This chapter wraps up the "background" stuff with Flynn that sets the plot up. The next one has an overdue lemon. Enjoy!**_

"So what is this snag?" Flynn inquired.

"I have tried to be as forthright with Ana as possible. But as I mentioned earlier, when I first told her about my preferences, I omitted certain key details."

Increasingly impatient, Flynn's hands mimicked a rotating ball, motioning for Christian to continue.

"She knew I'd visited some BDSM clubs and had a few one-night stands, but I never revealed the extent of the contractual relationships I had while at Harvard that Elena had set up for me."

"And what did those relationships entail?"

"Sex," Christian said blandly. "And boundaries. Generally, I contracted a sub for roughly three to four months, depending on our compatibility. We saw each other at prescribed times during the week, engaged in scenes and that was that. It was pleasurable but there was no other interaction outside the dom-sub parameters."

Unlike his animated recollections of Ana, Flynn noticed how aloof Christian had become. Even his posture was more rigid.

"And you needed Elena to arrange these subs?"

"Not particularly," Christian shrugged. "It was more a matter of convenience. She knew what I liked, though it wouldn't have been too difficult to find women myself once I became familiar with the community."

"So why have her seek them out on your behalf?"

"She could ensure my anonymity. I was also just lazy and let Elena do the dirty work I suppose. She always had a ready pool of applicants it seemed — beautiful, accommodating women who were amenable to my rules."

"It was that straightforward?"

"Look doctor, I have a big dick and know how to use it. Plus I'm fairly well off financially. It was easy to find women who were willing to submit to my terms," Christian replied nonchalantly.

"OK," Flynn said, unfazed by his patient's arrogance. "So what about Ana?"

Christian instantly rounded on Flynn with an accusatory glare. "What about Ana? I never said she was easy. What the fuck are you implying?"

"You're misinterpreting my question," the psychiatrist responded, unruffled. "I meant did you tell Anastasia any of this?"

"Oh. Not exactly." Christian unclenched his fists. "I began to when I explained the intricacies of BDSM, but I could see that aspects of the lifestyle, particularly the concept of ownership, repelled her. She had already digested so much — Elena, my mother etc. — and she's always been inherently insecure that she wouldn't be enough for me. I worried that I was overloading her with information, so I vowed to tell her about the subs I'd contracted at a later time, once she became more comfortable with me, with us. But then the belting incident occurred and I was terrified it might derail our fragile reconciliation."

"And now?" Flynn prompted him.

"And now a shit load of time has gone by and I'm convinced I'll lose her if I tell her that a line of women came before her," Christian exclaimed, exasperated. "But I hate deceiving her. It's eating away at me because I've always been upfront with her and this is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, but I can't run the risk of ruining the best thing that's ever happened to me! That's why I'm here."

"So what do you want me to do about this dilemma Christian?" Flynn asked, confused.

"I want you to tell me how to handle it?" _Are all psychiatrists this dense?_

"Tell her," he said plainly. "Or don't and learn to live with the guilt that is gnawing away at you and the consequences if she uncovers the truth at some point. If you would prefer, you could bring here to present the information in a neutral setting. But those are really your only two options. There is no magical solution I possess. She sounds like a formidable woman and has thus far processed everything you've revealed and given you a chance. I don't think you give her enough credit, but you'll only dig a deeper hole for yourself by keeping the truth from her."

"That's your advice?" Christian said dumbfounded. _That's what I pay you $200 an hour for?_

"Christian, you're obviously a bright, determined young man. Besides confessing to her or opting not to, what other middle ground do you see?"

"That's what I was hoping you could help me with but clearly I was misguided in my assumption of your skills," Christian barked, snatching up his jacket before storming out of the office.

 _Ana was right. All these shrinks are overpaid charlatans!_


	19. Chapter 19

Christian arrived at their one-bedroom apartment with the smell of lasagna wafting through the air and the sweet sound of Ana humming while she prepped the salad.

"Hi baby," he crooned, snaking his arms around her waist as he nuzzled her neck.

"Christian," she squeaked, dropping the tongs. "I wish you'd stop sneaking up on me while I'm cooking!"

"What's wrong? Afraid you'll burn something?" he smirked, pinning her against the counter and nibbling on her ear.

She turned around, a wicked grin playing on her lips. "You don't burn a salad my little smart-ass chef," she rolled her eyes, earning her a slap on the ass.

"I am neither a chef nor little," Christian countered, pressing his growing erection into her belly. She gasped at the flutters he so effortlessly elicited in her but decided to up the ante in their game of wits.

"I'm determined to work on the chef part, because taking an hour to chop a tomato does not count as 'cooking.' As for the little part…" she winked seductively, "I admit that I've had a taste of your, errr, size and it's definitely impressive, though perhaps you could offer me an appetizer before dinner to remind me." Ana's teeth sank into her lip as her hand roamed his chest and dipped down to stroke his throbbing erection.

"Fuck," Christian growled, crashing his lips onto hers. He cupped his hands around her face to hold her in place as his tongue dove in, frantic and ferocious for the sweetness of her mouth. Ana moaned, her ardor matching his as their tongues slid against each other and hands eagerly explored every curve of the bodies they both knew so well. She hitched her leg up and ground against his now-raging erection, causing Christian to bite down on her bottom lip.

"You shouldn't play with fire Ana. You want this you got it baby." Christian roughly grabbed each cheek of her ass and wrapped her around his waist as he raced toward the living room.

"Bedroom too far," he mumbled as he tossed her onto the couch. "Take off your shirt and bra — now," Christian ordered, a husky urgency in his voice as he yanked off her shoes and jeans. Christian savored the sight of Ana sprawled out before him completely naked as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt and pants, freeing his aching cock.

He took one last admiring look at his love and pounced, straddling her chest and pointing his engorged cock toward her lips, his carnal intent clear. "You said you wanted a taste baby. Time to oblige me."

She readily complied, opening her mouth to take the entire length of him in.

"Suck me, all the way," Christian ordered, his eyes transfixed on Ana's head as she bobbed up and down trying to fulfill his request. "Relax your throat muscles baby," he counseled as he pushed in deeper, thrusting in and out of her mouth, his own salivating at the luscious warmth that encased him. Ana whimpered as he swelled inside her and hit the back of her throat, her eyes watering and her nails digging into his thighs. "That's it. Good girl. Take all of me in," he praised, mesmerized by the lustful sight below him.

"Fuck, enough!" Christian quickly pulled out, overcome with desire. He slowly dragged his wet erection across her breasts before laying his taut body on top of hers. "I want to be in you when I come."

Ana moaned, the yearning in his voice driving her wild with primal need.

"Your breasts are so fucking beautiful," he murmured before he took a pebbled nipple in his mouth, suckling hard while his hand expertly kneaded the other creamy mound.

"Oh Christian," she yelped, tugging on the back of his head as she arched her back off the couch in ecstasy. "Please. More."

"Is this what you want baby?" He slid his hand down past her naval, skimming her clit and playing with her drenched folds while his tongue continued to lave her nipple.

"More," she rasped. "I need you."

"Like this?" He gradually inserted one digit, gliding in and out at a tortuous pace. Ana began to keen in frustration, grinding against his hand for more friction, her arousal seeping out of her.

"Tell me what you want Ana," Christian encouraged her as he nipped and bit his way back up the gentle slope of her breast, his hot breath washing over her skin. He fisted his pulsating cock, rubbing it along her clit to ratchet up her submission.

Christian pushed the tip of himself inside but refused to go any further. "Say it Ana, or I won't give you any more," he warned.

"You Christian," she cried, writhing under him in wanton need.

"Not good enough. Be specific Anastasia." He wore a fiendish grin as he twisted and pinched her nipples with his adroit fingers while his cock taunted her.

"I need you Christian! Inside me, fucking me, hard," she whined.

"Your wish is my command." Christian spread her legs and sheathed himself deep inside in one swift movement, burying himself to the hilt as he let out a feral growl. Ana's eyes flitted shut as her head lolled back at the intense sensation of his enormous length stretching and filling her completely.

"Open your eyes baby. Watch me take you," he demanded, pausing to give her time to acclimate to his size. When she hooked her legs behind him, allowing for deeper penetration, he took that as his cue and began to plow in and out of her exquisite warmth.

"Fuck baby, you feel so amazing," he grunted, methodically pumping in and out of her as his tongue plundered her mouth, ravishing every inch of her. Fueled by her high-pitched mewling, Christian slammed into her with all of his might, every muscle bunching and flexing beneath her touch.

Suddenly, he reared up on his haunches, flinging her ankle over his shoulder so he could angle himself deeper.

"You were made for me Ana. Only me. Christ, I love you so much," he groaned, ramming into her mercilessly — one hand clasped to her ankle while the other rolled and flicked the sensitized bundle of nerves at her entrance that had her seeing stars.

"Love. You. Too," Ana panted, overwhelmed by the hedonistic pleasure tinged with pain that threatened to consume her.

"You need to come baby," he instructed, his voice hoarse and strained. "I want to feel you around me. Now Anastasia. Give it all up for me."

"Ahhh," she wailed incoherently as euphoric spasms seized her body, her walls contracting around him and pushing him over the brink.

"Shit! That's it. That's it. Give it to me. I want every piece of you!" Christian's back went rigid but he continued to pound into her as he detonated into a soul-shattering climax that shook him to the core.

After one final powerful thrust, Christian sagged on top of Ana's sweat-soaked chest, his body prostrate and his seed spilling out of her.

Gasping for air, he vaguely registered a muffled giggle against his shoulder. "Mr. Grey, you are neither little nor light," Ana reminded him.

"Shit, sorry baby," he instantly rose on his forearms to ease his weight off of her.

Replete, he kissed the crook of her neck and gazed longingly into her eyes, tracing circles on her cheeks with his thumbs. A crease marred his forehead as the all-too-familiar fear welled up within him during these moments of intimacy. _I'd die without this woman in my life._

Ana tilted her head at the sudden shift in his demeanor. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing baby," he smiled. "Absolutely nothing. Everything is perfect."

"I love you," she sighed, looking up at him with such adoration that it left him gutted.

"I love you too Ana. So much more than you can even possibly fathom," he said solemnly. _And I'll never do anything to lose you._


	20. Chapter 20

_**Author's Note: Wow – nearly 600 follows – thank you everyone! Please keep the follows and reviews coming. And glad everyone liked the lemon :)**_

 _ **These next two chapters are short again, so I'm posting two at once. This takes place a few months later — on Thanksgiving. Our boy Christian still has not fessed up to Ana. I know in the books he was always honest with Ana, but he was also always fearful of losing her, so that's the basis for my plot. It would definitely be smarter for him to just confess, but then there'd be no drama :)**_

 _ **MissG909 – I love that my story helped you get over a crappy day! A good story always does that for me too :)**_

 _ **Raye85 – In my story Ana and Christian meet earlier than in the books, when she was 18 and he was 21. This part takes place roughly a year later, so now they're 19 and 22.**_

"I'm proud of you." Ana reached over the console to give Christian's thigh an affectionate squeeze, jarring him out of his road rage-induced trance as he cursed the wall-to-wall traffic ahead of them.

"For what baby? Going to my parents' house for Thanksgiving?" he asked, befuddled.

"For putting aside your family feud with Carrick to make your mother happy."

"Well, I have a beautiful girl on my arm to show off," he said, lifting her hand off his thighs to plant a tender kiss on her palm. "One who's going to break my concentration if she keeps up this petting."

"OK, OK. Eyes on the road Mr. Grey. I'll keep my hands to myself," she laughed, wrenching her arm away.

"I didn't say you had to go to extremes baby," he said, tugging her hand right back. "I rather enjoy your roadside distractions. Perhaps when the streets are emptier on our way home you can wow me with your oral distraction techniques?"

Ana's cheeks flamed crimson when she felt the growing bulge in Christian's pants. "Incorrigible Mr. Grey."

"Only for you." He bit his tongue to call her Mrs. Grey. _Soon baby. Soon._

"Besides, it also helps that GEH just banked its first million. That should give my father and I plenty to discuss," he said with a self-satisfied smirk.

"Christian. Don't rub it in his face."

"I wouldn't dream of it baby."

Ana threw him a dubious glare. _You've been dreaming about little else for the last six months._

"Maybe just a little," he conceded. "But what would really be icing on the cake would be if my commitment-phobic girl finally agreed to walk down the aisle with me, so I not only have a girlfriend to show off, but a full-fledged fiancée."

"Christian," she enunciated his name in a long, reprimanding drawl. "What did I tell you about badgering me into marriage?" _Not to mention the fact that you skipped the actual romantic proposal part and just informed me that we'd be married someday._ "I fully intend to spend the rest of my life with you, but I want to at least be able to legally enjoy champagne at my own wedding silly!"

Christian's head whipped around. "What? Then you'd be 21 — that's over two years away Anastasia! You want to wait that long?"

"Uh, I don't know," she stammered, reeling from his 180-degree mood swing. "Maybe. We're still both so young."

"What the fuck does age have to do with it? You either know what you want or you don't," he barked, his knuckles becoming translucent from gripping the steering wheel so hard. "Are you having second doubts about us Anastasia?"

Ana glanced up to the roof of the car. _Lord grant me patience so I don't smack him upside the head if he busts out my full name again._ "Of course not Christian. Stop jumping to unfounded conclusions. I'm positive that I want to be with you — in spite of your snappiness." She arched her brow at him. "But I don't exactly have the next few years of my life planned out to a tee. Can't we just see how things go?"

"How things go?" he repeated with thinly concealed disgust.

"Yes Christian," she reiterated, as if speaking to a child. "It's not blasphemous to wait and see how things go. That's what a lot of people our age do. Not everything has to be planned."

"Life requires planning Ana," he chastised her with a haughty air. "I don't allow outside events to dictate my life."

She rolled her eyes, earning her an admonishing glare.

"Christian," she tried to reason with him. "I'm a person, not an event."

"I'm well aware of that Anastasia," he huffed. _And a difficult one at that._

"Good. Then you're also aware that I don't fall into a pre-determined schedule and that you can't force these things."

"What's there to fucking force? A man proposes and a woman either accepts or doesn't. It's not rocket science."

 _Pissed-off Fifty is itching for a fight. Keep calm and carry on Ana._

"Proposals involve persuasion, not bullying or browbeating Christian. Look, can we cross this bridge when we come to it? I'm not about to set some arbitrary date right this instant because the marriage bug flew up your butt. Please, let's not argue about things that haven't even happened yet."

"They could happen if you'd just let them," he pouted insolently.

Ana decided to ignore his latest display of adolescence and focused on lifting his spirits.

"They _will_ happen Christian," she reassured him. He stared resolutely ahead as he pulled into his parents' driveway, his petulance firmly intact.

"Because I love you and I'll always be yours." A reluctant smile tugged at his lips. _Damn straight Mrs. Grey._

Ana allowed herself a victorious smirk. _Men. Or more accurately, boys._


	21. Chapter 21

"Ana! It's lovely to see you again," Grace greeted the couple enthusiastically, folding Ana into a bear-like hug whose exuberance was matched only by Mia.

"Oh my gosh Ana. It's been way too long," Mia gushed, shoving her mom aside.

Christian smiled as his mother and sister encircled Ana, whom they saw as his savior and was therefore beyond reproach. _Who am I kidding? She has the patience of a saint to put up with me._

"Hello to you too ladies," Christian piped up, amused by the affection they always lavished on his unsuspecting girlfriend.

"Don't be jealous Christian," Mia swatted his chest while Grace went in for an awkward pat on the back — which itself would've been out of the question before Ana had come along.

"Hello son," Carrick approached Christian, extending his hand.

"Father," Christian responded with a brusque handshake, stepping aside to let Ana give his estranged father a hug.

"You look wonderful Ana. I trust my son has been treating you well."

"Of course I have," Christian interjected gruffly, tightening his grip around her waist.

"Nobody has ever treated me better Carrick," Ana said, resting her head against his shoulder — her presence a soothing balm to Christian's agitation.

"Enough fondling my brother! Get over here little lady," Elliott shouted, hauling Ana up into a large hug.

"Alright Elliott, put her down before you drop her," Christian said, yanking Ana back to his side.

"Relax. She's not made of glass. And hello to you too kid brother. I see you're as festive as ever," Elliott ribbed him.

Christian grunted.

"The Grinch who stole Christmas makes an appearance," Kate snickered, leaning over to give Ana a kiss on the cheek.

"Stop giving my boyfriend grief you two scrooges," Ana scolded them. Christian kissed her temple in solidarity.

"Well, now that we've all become reacquainted, how about we step out of the foyer and head into the salon for some hors d'oeuvres and cocktails," Grace told the crowd. Ana smiled to herself. _Only rich people call a living room a salon and a hallway a foyer._

"Your grandparents are coming by later and we'll have a few other guests trickling in throughout dinner," Grace informed them as she handed out glasses of wine.

Christian curled up next to Ana on the sofa, a propriety armed slung around her shoulder.

"So son. I hear congratulations are in order."

"On what? Our new apartment or GEH's first sale?" Christian replied smugly. _If I had my damn way it would be on our engagement, but my headstrong girlfriend apparently has other plans._

"Both I suppose."

"Well, Ana deserves a share of the congratulations. She's decorated both the new apartment and our office, and she's been helping me weed through resumes and find prospective candidates now that we're expanding," he boasted, radiating pride.

"And in return Christian helps with my econ homework," she giggled.

"Fair trade," he kissed the crown of her head. "But if you're referring to the sale of Dynacorp Telecommunications, then yes that raked in a tidy profit — as I suspected it would earlier this year when I came to you with the proposal." Christian squinted his eyes at his father.

"It was a sound proposal son, and I always knew you had an uncanny business acumen. I just wanted you to develop it a bit further at Harvard."

"Timing is everything in business — and life. I see little sense in waiting for something that you know you want." Christian looked down pointedly at Ana, their argument about marriage still fresh on his mind.

"Ana dear, how are your studies going?" Grace chimed in, careful to avoid another row between her husband and son.

"Great," Ana exhaled, grateful for the diversion. "Seattle accepted all my credits from Harvard and I'm really enjoying my classes so far. I haven't had a chance to meet too many people yet since I don't live on campus, but I know Kate and a few others."

"Speaking of," Kate said. "Why don't you come with me to a party next Friday? You could meet some of the undergrads in my sorority."

Ana saw Christian grimace in the corner of her eye. "I'll see," she said noncommittally. "It depends on what Christian and I are up to."

"I'm sure he could give you a pass for one night," Kate winked.

"Maybe Christian and Elliott could have a guy's night out," Mia suggested, sensing the friction between the two erstwhile brothers. "You two could use some bonding time."

"Why not? You remember what a bar is right Christian?" Elliott joked.

"Fuck off Elliott. I have a girlfriend. I don't need to prowl around bars."

"Last time I checked, I have a girlfriend too bro," Elliott corrected him, growing defensive.

"Then hang out with her and I'll be with mine."

"Maybe a quick beer wouldn't hurt," Ana offered timidly.

"Besides, it's just a sorority party with a bunch of girls," Kate was quick to clarify.

Christian frowned. _And drunk guys._ "Ana is not big on college parties Katherine and I don't appreciate being ganged up on. Besides, we may have a fundraiser to attend that evening," he told Ana, effectively pre-empting Kate's inquisition.

Ana took a sip of her wine. _Thanks for letting me know. I'd much rather spend my Friday night with a bunch of old stuck-ups talking about merlot and hedge funds than people my own age._

The doorbell interrupted the tense silence that had descended over the room as Grace got up to answer it.

"Are you alright baby?" Christian whispered, grasping Ana's chin in his hand. "I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that but I'm not comfortable with you going to a fraternity party and the last thing I want to do on a Friday night is spend it with my man-whore brother."

Ana gave him a perfunctory nod. "Technically it's a sorority party and I think Kate would beg to differ with your description of Elliott, but that's fine."

Christian glowered at her. He was just about to berate her for her obstinacy when a certain blonde made a dramatic entrance. Christian groaned. _Oh great. This fucking family reunion keeps getting better and better._


	22. Chapter 22

_**Author's Note: As many of you guessed, it's Elena time! So, I'm curious to hear some reader feedback on where I should take Elena's character. A lot of fanfiction depicts her as the evil bad guy, which is fine but sometimes it becomes a caricature. In the books, I always thought EL James was kind of ambivalent about her — she was bad but not that bad.**_

 _ **What do you guys think? Should I portray Elena as a straight-up, conniving villain or as a more complicated, nuanced person? For the record, in this chapter, she genuinely assumes that Ana started out as Christian's sub. She will reappear in later chapters so I'm really curious to hear your feedback. I'm leaning toward complicated but not sure. Please review or PM me with your ideas – I would love to hear them! As always, thank you for the reviews – I read them all so please keep them coming!**_

"Everyone, you remember Elena," Grace announced.

"Carrick, Mia, Elliott, Christian — it's so good to see you all again," the impeccably dressed woman with flawless cheekbones and a svelte hourglass figure beamed, making the rounds.

Christian wrapped his arm protectively around Ana as he felt her body stiffen, making no move to get up to greet his mother's longtime friend. "Elena," he muttered.

Grace offered her guest a glass of her favorite cabernet. "Elena, this is Katherine Kavanaugh, Elliott's girlfriend, and Anastasia Steele, Christian's girlfriend."

"Katherine, Anastasia, it's a pleasure to meet you both," she nodded, taking a seat by Grace and Carrick opposite a suspicious Christian and his shocked girlfriend.

Words escaped Ana. She simply sat there — mute and mystified by the entire exchange. _What's the protocol for greeting your boyfriend's pedophile dominatrix neighbor who's best buds with his mom? I don't believe they teach that one in finishing school. Are we all going to pose in front of the tree holding whips for some demented holiday photo?_

"So Christian," Elena purred. "I never thought I'd see the day that you'd have a girlfriend. You were always such a loner. Good for you."

His arm locked around Ana's shoulder, Christian's expression remained guarded as he drank his wine.

"Anastasia has been such a positive influence on Christian," Grace smiled. "She truly helped him break out of his shell."

"I'm sure," Elena said artificially. "Anastasia, what a lovely name."

"It is," Christian concurred, stony-faced.

"So Anastasia," Elena continued, unperturbed by the icy daggers Christian was aiming at her. "What do you do?"

 _I don't do little boys._

"I study English lit at Seattle U."

"What does that entail?"

Ana arched a sardonic brow at the stunning blonde. "Reading English lit."

"I know that," Elena let out a shrill laugh. "I meant why did you select that major? I was never partial to the classics myself."

"Too old for you?" Ana sniped. Christian coughed, both nervous and proud of his feisty girlfriend. In the end, his nervousness won out.

"Anastasia has been a literary buff most of her life," he interjected. _Shit, I need to put a stop to this before Ana blows it for me._

"Ah a bookworm," Elena said in a tone laced with derision.

Ana felt betrayed by Christian's silence and tried to yank her hand out of his lap. Christian frowned and gripped her tiny hand harder, refusing to let her go.

"I suppose I was always more partial to reading and writing than hair and makeup," she said curtly. _And I suppose if my boyfriend won't defend me then I'll have to do it myself._

"Well, hair and makeup has put food on my table. But no, I meant what do you hope to do with a degree in English literature? It's not like the world of business and finance that Christian specializes in. I was just wondering where that profession leads to."

"A job hopefully," Ana replied, stubbornly snarky. _Everyone can think I'm rude, but I refuse to take this bitch's bait._

"In publishing," Christian added, his tone more conciliatory. "Perhaps with a publishing house that will fall under GEH's umbrella one day." He lovingly tucked a stray wisp of hair behind Ana's ear. Ana's face remained guarded, though she appreciated the gesture.

"That's very ambitious of you Christian," Elena observed.

"Christian is the most ambitious person I know. He can accomplish anything he sets his mind to." Ana gave Christian a toothy grin, purposely stretching her hand to rest over his heart. "He just needed the _right_ kind of push."

"Fortunately Anastasia gave that to me," he reaffirmed, resting his hand atop of hers in a not-too-subtle dig at the woman who contributed to his fear of touch.

Thwarted, Elena turned her attention to Kate and Elliott. "So Katherine, what about you? What are you studying?"

Christian tuned out the cacophony and leaned down to whisper in Ana's ear.

"I didn't know she was coming. We can leave if you'd like. I'll come up with some excuse."

Ana stared up into his panic-stricken face and sighed. "No that's OK. And don't worry, I won't blow your cover. I don't get this weird-ass arrangement but it's not my place to say anything."

"Your place is by my side Ana. Hers is in my past," he vowed.

"Except she's here now, very much intruding on our present," she reminded him with an irritated scowl. "It's fine. Whatever. Let's just get through the evening."

Crestfallen, Christian kept his arm firmly latched onto Ana's shoulder as he deflected Elena's snooping, occasionally skating his thumb along the column of Ana's neck to quell her anger.

After an hour of mind-numbing chit chat, the assembled guests had broken up, a few stragglers joining them — everyone anxious for dinner to start. Christian seized on the lull in conversation to drag Ana into a small, out-of-the-way sitting room.

"Anastasia, I know you're not thrilled about Elena being here, but can you please keep your feelings to yourself? Your performance back there was glaringly obvious."

"Pardon me," she said, dripping sarcasm. "I wasn't exactly sure how to 'perform' in front of my boyfriend's pedophile former lover."

"Watch it Ana," he warned through gritted teeth, his deep baritone dipping down a few more octaves. "She helped me get through a rough patch in my life. We had an arrangement. It's worked while it lasted, it's over now and I think it's high time you got over it too."

Ana's lips pursed into a thin, truculent line as streaks of red clouded her vision. "You know what I'm over? This asinine lecture about how I should behave in front of your mistress or whatever the hell you called her. Sorry, I forgot my dictionary of BDSM slang at home. Look, I said I wouldn't blow your cover and I won't, but don't give me that shit about how she 'helped' you. She fucked you and beat you when you were 15 so she could get her jollies off. That doesn't exactly make her a good Samaritan. There are lots of other ways to help lost little boys besides fucking them."

"Enough damn it!" Christian towered over Ana, the veins in his neck pulsing and his nostrils flaring. "That's quite enough! Stop talking about something you have no clue about. For your information, I was a horny guy who got _my_ jollies off — not the hapless victim you keep painting me out to be. Why do you insist on dredging up my past? It's just that — in the past. I refuse to hear another word about it. You will let this go Anastasia or I'll take you home."

"Don't threaten me. I'm not a child," she whisper-yelled.

"Then stop acting like one! The only one behaving like a brat tonight is you and I won't tolerate it any more. It's petty and quite frankly unattractive. What the fuck do you expect me to do? Reveal my affair to my mother and father — and destroy any semblance of a family that I have in the process — just so that you can punish Elena for her supposed transgressions? That's absurd and selfish. You're badmouthing a woman you know nothing about because of your own insecurities when in truth, Elena is none of your concern or your business for that matter."

The cruelty of his words cut Ana to the bone, but not as deeply as the seemingly impenetrable bond that her boyfriend still had with another woman. From the start, Elena's presence — and Christian's unfailing obligation toward her — was an invisible cleave between them. Ana had overlooked his past, but that didn't mean she accepted or understood it.

Remorse stabbed his heart when he saw tears glistening in her powder-blue eyes. _As always Grey, the Sensitive Boyfriend of the Year Award goes to you._ Christian reached out to hold Ana's hands but she crossed her arms across her chest, shunning his touch. Stung by her rejection, he ran his fingers through his hair for the umpteenth time.

"Ana, I'm sorry. That came out badly."

"Ya think? Don't worry about it. I'm used to your insults." Christian winced, her barb hitting its mark. "And you're absolutely right — this isn't any of my business. I'll stay out of your affairs. I'm out of my depths with what you two have anyway."

" _Had_ Ana," he emphasized. "What we _had_ is over and was nothing compared to what we have! How many times do I have to tell you that? I love you and only you. Haven't I proven that to you over and over again? What do I have to do to convince you? Enough already with this bullshit!"

 _How can this man profess his undying love and then deride it as bullshit in the same breath! Jekyll and Hyde has got nothing on Christian Grey. Hold it together Ana. Don't let your bottom lip quiver like a little bitch. Don't be that girl._

"I've had enough of this too," Ana said sadly, throwing his words back at him.

"What do you mean?" Christian asked, failing to hide the alacrity behind his question. _Enough of what? Of me? Of us?_

"Enough of this blind loyalty you feel toward her," Ana replied, her demeanor lifeless and sapped of its usual spirit. "Enough of you defending her and disparaging me — the woman you supposedly love. Enough going around in circles whenever this topic comes up. You win. I won't bring it up again. Relax. I would never betray your confidence and it's not my place to reveal this God-awful deceit to your mother, so I'll keep my mouth shut and play the part of the dutiful girlfriend. But if you'd rather take me home, that's your prerogative too. I could care less after your little display."

"Ana of course I don't want to take you home. I apologize for suggesting that. I want you here, with me." Christian made another attempt to touch her but she stepped back, out of his reach, ratcheting up his frustration. "Please Ana. I want to spend all my time with you. Can't we just enjoy tonight? Don't let her come between us."

"The only thing coming between us is you," Ana said, deflated.

Bewilderment crossed Christian's handsome features. "Me? How can I come between us when all I want is for us to be together for the rest of our lives?"

Ana just shook her head and sighed. She was fed up with her boyfriend's despotic attitude and his perpetual refusal to see Elena for what she really is. "Never mind. Forget it. I'm going to the bathroom. Or powder room. Or however the fuck you guys call it. Point is, I'm going to sit on a toilet to pee," she fumed.

 _Crap, she's spouting nonsense — the telltale sign that she's pissed beyond belief. Pull her back from the ledge Grey._

Christian began to follow when Ana abruptly turned around and shot her hand up. "I don't need help peeing. If I fall in I'll call you, but otherwise I'll meet you in the dining room, where I'll keep my promise and won't say another word about this idiotic charade."

"Baby I'm…"

"Yeah, yeah," Ana muttered, already out the door. "Spare me."

Not really needing to use the bathroom, Ana meandered over to the kitchen, hoping to delay the inevitable debacle that surely awaited her at dinner. The sprawling kitchen, dotted with shiny, high-end appliances, was empty save for one harried server bustling plates out to the dining room. Left alone to her own devices, Ana picked a stuffed jalapeño off a tray as she fiddled with an elaborate pumpkin-harvest centerpiece on the granite island. _Martha Stewart would be proud. What ever happened to just carving out an old-fashioned pumpkin?_

"Don't worry Anastasia. I'll be leaving soon," Elena interrupted her thoughts, popping a grape into her mouth from the tray in front of Ana.

"I don't waste my time worrying about unimportant things," she dismissed her as casually as she could.

"You'll have to forgive me for making an appearance tonight, but I couldn't turn down Grace's invitation. Curiosity got the best of me. I was dying to meet the woman who tied Christian down."

"Careful. Curiosity killed the cat," Ana shot back. "And he doesn't need _tying_ down any more. He's chosen to settle down."

Undeterred, Elena ignored her snide dig. "Well congratulations. He's quite the catch. I confess I was a little miffed that he went outside my services to contract a new submissive, but you have clearly excelled where others have failed. I tip my hat to you."

Ana eyed her quizzically. "Excuse me? Christian and I met on campus."

"Oh Ana, drop the pretense. Just indulge me for a second — how did you do it? He would always tire of my submissives after three, four months max, yet here you are a year later as his bona fide girlfriend. I realize no girl likes to divulge her tradecraft but what's your secret?"

"Get out Elena," Christian bellowed, storming into the kitchen after having scoured the house looking for Ana.

"What has gotten into you Christian?" Elena asked, baffled by his outburst. "I wasn't harassing Ana. I was merely asking…"

"Shut up! Your filthy mouth doesn't talk to her at all," he roared, slamming his fist down on the counter, making both women jump. "Get out of this house before I share all the details of what we did with my mother."

"You wouldn't dare," Elena hissed. "You have as much to lose as I do Christian."

"Last time I checked, I'm not the one who would get jail time, so do yourself a favor and make yourself scarce. You are no longer welcome in my life and therefore in this house," he warned, barely able to contain the latent menace brewing beneath his tightly coiled exterior. "Don't test me Elena or you'll live to regret it."

Taken aback by her protégé's hostility, Elena scurried off toward the door, unwilling to risk any more of his wrath — or her salon's lucrative reputation among the Grey women.

"Are you OK?" Christian rushed over to Ana, concern etched on his face.

Shell-shocked, Ana took a step back. She had rarely witnessed him so angry. _Five minutes ago he was singing this woman's praises and now he was about to skin her alive. Jesus, even Jekyll and Hyde didn't switch personalities this fast._

"Baby, don't be frightened," he choked out. _I'm the one who's terrified right now._ "It's just me."

"Christian what was that?" Ana finally said, perplexed by the bizarre encounter. "What was Elena talking about — contracts, submissives? You told me you had only gone to clubs before."

"Ana please, can we discuss this when we get home?"

"No! I want to know what in God's name is going on."

Christian's face contorted in agony. _I knew this fucking day would come and bite me in the ass._

"Baby, I'm begging you. It's not what you think. I'll explain everything when we get home. Just promise me that you'll hear me out. But for now, please, let's not spoil my mother's Thanksgiving." He extended a shaky hand to stroke her cheek but she pulled out of his reach.

"Fine," she snapped, bolting out the door.

Dejected, Christian dropped his head and followed Ana out to the dining room.


	23. Chapter 23

_**Author's Note: Sorry for the long note, but I wanted to address everyone's comments/concerns. I always said this is an angsty story, so this is the beginning of a long journey for our favorite couple. This is a bit of a filler chapter but the writing is coming along quickly, so I will post the next chapter (a meatier one) in a day or two.**_

 _ **Thank you everyone for the feedback. I want to address all your great ideas but first I need to get some business out of the way.**_

 _ **A few guests (or the same one) keep asking about when this story takes place (some more rudely than others – again if the story upsets or confuses you so much personally, I suggest you save yourself the hassle and stop reading it). If you read each chapter and the author's notes, it should be fairly straightforward but I'll explain to clear up any confusion. Not to be rude, but this is the last time I'll address it since any time jumps are explained in the author's notes.**_

 _ **The premise of this entire story, as stated in the first page, is that Ana and Christian meet at Harvard when she is 18 and he is 21, a little earlier than in the books. Different parts of the story will examine different points in their lives.**_

 _ **Chapters 1-15 take place five years after they meet, so she is 23 years old and he is 26. Chapter 16 is an Epilogue (as marked at the top) that offers a view of their life two years later, so she is 25 and he is 28.**_

 _ **Chapter 17 starts what is a "prequel" (as explained in the author's note) that examines their life when she is roughly 19 and he is 22, with a few flashbacks thrown in.**_

 _ **Once this "part" of the story is wrapped up, other parts may examine different times in their lives. I've chosen to keep everything under the same story because it all goes with the theme of sacrifice and the characters are the same. Hope that clears it up.**_

 _ **Now onto the show! A few people have commented on how frustrating Christian's behavior is — I know and I totally agree! I write him that way because he's frustrating in the books too, and he tends to defend Elena in them, so I'm trying to stay true to his character and the weird bond they had. Him figuring out their bond will be part of the story.**_

 _ **And thanks for noticing that Ana tends to stick up for herself in my stories. I always thought her character was a little too weak and that's tough for me to write since I like strong women, so while I try not to go overboard, I like to give Ana some balls :)**_

 _ **People seem to be leaning toward a complicated Elena, which is what I had in mind as well, although I completely hear others on the fact that she is an opportunistic molester, and I'm going to incorporate a little bit of both perspectives (she'll be complicated but still a bad egg).**_

 _ **Millarca666: You make a great observation that it's all a question of "degrees" with his BDSM past, parts of which Ana already knew about it. I definitely agree. My take on it is twofold: One, I like to portray my characters as realistically as possible and in the books it always bothered me that Ana saw pics of Christian with naked women and was just like, "Oh well. No biggie." Most women (myself included) would be irked and jealous. But it's not really the BDSM contracts that are the root of the problem. It will be the lack of trust and the fact that he deceived her that she can't get over (plus the Elena crap).**_

 _ **MissG909: I totally agree that EL James left out a lot of details about Elena and I always wondered about her character. I'm going to try to fill in some of the blanks!**_

 _ **FanFicFanWI: I couldn't of put it better myself. You've predicted where I'm going with this story :)**_

 _ **Luvdisney2007: She wants to forgive him and is conflicted, but it won't be that easy for Christian. He messed up and I want her to stand up for herself.**_

 _ **Anyway, keep the reviews/suggestions coming and for those in the blizzard, stay warm! (And before anyone wonders, no Ana is definitely not pregnant.)**_

Grace cornered Ana as soon as she stepped back into the living room. "Ana darling, Christian's grandfather has been dying to say hello to you."

"Hello Mr. Grey," Ana smiled stoically as Christian came up beside her, watching her like a hawk in case she tried to flee.

"None of this Mr. Grey nonsense. It's Teddy, or just grandpa. You're practically a member of the family," the jovial, white-bearded man with a portend belly laughed.

Christian's mood plummeted even further. _She's definitely not going to want to join this dysfunctional family after tonight's theatrics._

"Christian my boy, how are you? Are you treating this little lady well?"

Ana bit her tongue. _Like a queen, hidden away in a castle from the truth._

"I'm trying to grandfather," Christian mumbled, downtrodden.

"Try harder. This here's a priceless jewel — you don't want to lose her," he winked.

"No I don't," he replied somberly. Christian draped his arm around Ana's shoulder and was dismayed when he felt her flinch, though she went along with the charade for appearance's sake. While the Grey patriarch quizzed his grandson about his burgeoning business, Ana took a large swig of wine as her mind began to drift — into unwelcome territory.

 _How many girlfriends came before me? Or submissives, or whatever the fuck you label them. Point is, he fucked them for months on end, not as quickie one-night stands. By most definitions, anything over 100 fucks constitutes a damn girlfriend._

Christian detected a fiery blush stain Ana's cheek and rubbed his thumb across her collarbone in an attempt to soothe her, though it only infuriated her.

 _I see Mr. Sexpertise is relying on his tried-and-true formula: fuck away his problems. Well, little Grey will be sorely disappointed in that department. Apparently the only thing my boyfriend knows how to zip up is his mouth. The man's a veritable fortress of dirty little secrets. Why couldn't he just tell me about the women? I would've been pissed, but I would've dealt with it just like I did everything else he offloaded on me. For crying out loud, I stuck around after he told me he whips brown-haired girls who look like his mother to get his rocks off. Talk about an Oedipal complex. Why doesn't he have any faith in me? What did he do with all those women that he couldn't tell me about it? What else has he kept from me? What if he's still deceiving me? Is Elena still his pimp? Oh God, what if he still has submissives on the side and our entire BDSM storybook romance has been a lie?_

As the poison began to wind its way through her mind, Ana felt the walls closing in on her and the contents of her stomach churning. _Oh fuck, wine, a lying boyfriend and a girl with a history of panic attacks are not a good combo. Hurling projectile vomit at a nice, elderly man is not a good idea either._

Ana extricated herself from Christian's claustrophobic hold and politely excused herself, sprinting to the bathroom as soon as she rounded the corner — a certain boyfriend hot on her heels.

"Ana," he pounded on the door. "Are you OK? Talk to me." His response was an uninterrupted torrent of vomit, intermingled with dry heaves and a few expletives directed squarely at him. Christian began yanking on his hair as panic crippled him. "Baby, I'm begging you, open the door. Let me help you."

The next sound he heard was a flush, running water and some gurgling. Ana emerged, wobbly and weathered — the rosy hue in her cheeks replaced by an unattractive sheen of sweat. His face as deathly pale as hers, Christian grasped Ana's forearms to stand her up. She wasn't thrilled with his touch, but welcomed its steadying presence.

"Baby, let me get my mother."

"No I'm not sick. I'm in shock."

"Ana, you're not…" he gulped. "Are you pregnant?"

She shot him a murderous glare that put an end to that particular line of inquiry.

"Sorry. Sorry. I had to ask. But you're clearly not well. I'm going to get my mother."

"I'm here. I'm here," Grace rushed in, her prescient medical instincts kicking in. "Ana dear, are you alright? What happened?"

 _Your son fucked and beat a parade of women and made them sign their name on the dotted line for the pleasure._

"I think it was some sushi I ate earlier Grace. I haven't felt right all day. The wine probably didn't help. I'm so incredibly sorry but it might be best if I head home. I'm just not up for a big meal."

Christian was perversely impressed. _She's a more convincing liar than I am._

"Of course dear," Grace said, fussing with Ana's forehead as she checked her temperature. "Elena wasn't feeling well either. I hope there's nothing wrong with the food," she remarked offhandedly.

 _No, just the company._ Ana held her tongue as Christian held his breath.

"Would you like to rest upstairs dear?" Grace inquired kindly.

"No, thank you so much, but if it's some kind of stomach bug, I'd hate to infect the entire household."

Christian marveled at Ana's mendacity.

"I'm terribly sorry Grace. You've been so hospitable and I feel absolutely awful about this. I hope I didn't ruin Thanksgiving."

"Don't be ridiculous. The most important thing is that you recover. Drink plenty of fluids, eat crackers or some other bland foods once your stomach settles and call me if it gets any worse. I'm sure it'll be out of your system by morning. Christian, give Ana whatever she needs tonight."

"I will mother. Can you make our apologies to the family? I'd like to get Ana home as soon as possible."

"Of course dear. Call me when you arrive and let me know how she is doing."

"I will. Thank you for understanding." Christian gave his mother a peck on the cheek before turning back toward Ana. "Do you want me to carry you baby?"

Ana threw him a look that told him in no uncertain terms to back off, so he settled for holding her upright as they walked down the driveway. Ana gave Grace, who was standing in the doorway, a goodbye wave, swaying a little as the crisp night air hit her.

"Baby, I know you don't want me anywhere near you right now, but let me just ensure you make it out to the car without collapsing. You've had a lot of wine on an empty stomach," Christian said once they were out of earshot.

"Fine," she relented, allowing him to bend down and gently scoop her into his arms. She felt so soft and pliable as she rested her head against his chest. _Enjoy it while it lasts Grey._ He eased her into the front seat and buckled her seatbelt, retrieving a plastic bag from the trunk in case she got sick on the way home. "Thank you baby," he said, stealing a quick kiss on her forehead.

As Christian pulled out onto the highway, a terrifying thought seized him. _What if that's the last time she lets me kiss her?_ Christian felt as if he might need that plastic bag himself. He periodically glanced over at Ana, who was curled up into a fetal position with her eyes closed. He suspected that had as much to do with the fact that she couldn't bear to look at him as it did her nausea.


	24. Chapter 24

_**Author's Note: Thank you everyone for the encouragement.**_

 _ **KariSue, shansanchez, elizabeth bennette, nedbella, HopelessShay, XANEM – If I knew how to post a blushing emoticon on here, I would. I really appreciate the kind words.**_

 _ **A shout-out to Eleanor Wyatt for plugging my story and if you haven't checked out hers, I highly recommend "Fifty Shades of Normal."**_

 _ **MissG909 – You're definitely right about the next chapter (next two in fact will be rough). And I agree that women tend to forgive a little too easily, so I'm trying to make Ana grow into a more assertive woman in this story. It will be HEA and they won't be apart for too long, but they will be broken up for a few weeks (about a month or so), though they will be in touch throughout.**_

 _ **Reds 77 – I was always disappointed with Christian's attitude about Elena in the books too. And your point about his mother is excellent and will actually be critical to the story! And yep, Grace and Carrick were shockingly clueless.**_

 _ **This is just my personal opinion, but in the original "Fifty," I found the concept of the contracts to be a little disturbing and dehumanizing, so that's partly where the idea for my plot came from. And Christian's past is dark. It's not the BDSM light portrayed in the movie. I offer a snippet of that here because I don't think his past submissive arrangements should be sugarcoated. They were hard-core and it's difficult for Ana to reconcile the two versions of Christians. That's what I'm trying to convey in this chapter — that the whole thing is just plain freaky to Ana, which is how I think a lot of girls would react.**_

 _ **And while in my head I imagined Ana to be pretty, I don't picture her to be super-stunning gorgeous. She's normal, which I think makes her insecurities more complex and authentic. I hope all that comes through.**_

"We're home baby. I'll come around to get you."

Christian flung the passenger door open but Ana pushed him away when he reached in to pick her up.

"I'm fine. I can walk," she said weakly as she climbed out of the car.

"Ana, I don't want you falling."

"I don't really care what you want right now." She strode past him, her movements slow but sure-footed. Regaining her equilibrium — and sobriety — Ana swiveled on her heels as soon as they entered their apartment and stood in front of her very nervous boyfriend.

"I want to know everything Christian. Right now," she demanded, craning her neck to look him point-blank in the eye. "No more bullshit."

"Ana, you're not feeling well. I don't want you getting sick. Can we discuss this in the morning when you're up to it?"

"You've kept this from me for nearly a year Christian. No more waiting," she said in a tone that brooked no dissent. "Spill."

Christian filled his lungs with air as he turned around and began pacing the room, grinding his palms into his eye sockets.

"What do you want to know Ana?" he exhaled, resigned to his fate.

"The truth would be a nice change of pace," she fired back.

"Yes Ana, I slept with a fair number of women before you came along." The truth left a corrosive aftertaste that burned her throat.

"I'm well aware of that. Stop being evasive. I want to know about the nature of those relationships."

"They weren't relationships; they were contracts. I had a series of submissives that Elena procured for me before you and I met."

 _How in God's name do you 'procure' a human being?_ Ana staggered backward, the full brunt of his betrayal slapping the wind out of her. She perched herself against the kitchen counter for support but pressed ahead with laser-like focus, knowing Christian would clamp up if she let this moment pass her by.

"Why Elena?"

"Convenience," he simply said, as if the brevity of his answers would somehow blunt her pain.

"How many?"

"Nine."

 _Holy fuck?! That's almost in the double-digits before the age of 21. My boyfriend was a busy Dom before I came along._

"For how long?" She kept up her interrogation, fearing that she'd be reduced to a blubbering mess if she allowed the depths of his depravity to sink in.

"Roughly three to four months a piece."

"Plus the clubs and one-night stands?"

"Yes," he sighed, his shoulders slumped, the weight of his past conquests bearing down on them.

"What did you do with these girlfriends?"

"Ana they were submissives. You are my only girlfriend."

"Semantics," she yelled, shedding all pretense of calm. "You fucked the same woman repeatedly for months on end. You shared time together. Even if it involved whips and chains, it was still intimacy!" Her hand flew up to cover the strangled cry that bubbled up on her lips.

Christian ran back to Ana, his hands framing her cheeks despite her objections.

"Baby, it wasn't like that. I swear to you! You're letting your imagination run away with you. It was pure fucking. That's all. I wish I could explain this to you."

She peered up at him with barely restrained animosity. "Try."

He lowered his hands to cup the nape of her neck, refusing to set her free. "We met once or twice a week. Usually I went over to their place, especially if they had a playroom, or a hotel since I didn't want anyone at Harvard knowing my business. We engaged in scenes. They pleased me. They followed my rules. In return, I was monogamous and respectful to them, and everything we did was by mutual consent. But otherwise there were no dates, no chit chat, no holding hands or romantic walks on the fucking beach. The terms of our interaction were carefully spelled out in our contracts."

Ana cringed at the callous detachment in his voice. _It's as if my kind, caring boyfriend has been replaced by a life-size penis with no heart._

"Why?" she whispered, struggling to reconcile the man who'd shared her bed for nearly a year with the sex-addled stranger in front of her.

"Why did I contract them? You know why Anastasia. Don't be obtuse."

"And don't be an ass. I meant why did you conceal this from me for so long?"

"Isn't it obvious! Because I couldn't risk losing you," Christian screamed, the sorrow in her eyes obliterating the last shred of control he'd been clinging to. He took a step back, wanting to shield her from his ire. "When we first met, I should've spoon-fed you information on the lifestyle but instead I bombarded you with sordid details about Elena, my crack-whore mother, my scars. I was in awe that you were still willing to give me a chance. Then when the subject of contracts came up, you seemed repulsed by the idea and I didn't want to frighten you off, so I took the cowardly way out and postponed telling you about my submissives, knowing it would exacerbate your insecurities. I vowed to tell you at a later date … only later never came."

"It's here now," she snorted wryly. "I want to see these contracts."

"Anastasia…"

"Don't Anastasia me. I know you still have them. You're too OCD to have gotten rid of them. I need to understand, because right now I don't know who the fuck is standing in front of me."

His heart banged against his ribcage. _And once you see me in all my fucked-up glory, any slim chance I had of keeping you will be wiped away._

"You owe me that much," she said, laying on the guilt trip.

He decided to throw a proverbial hail Mary. "Ana I don't want to lose you. Please don't make me do this. Once you see certain things, you can't un-see them."

Ana straightened her spine. "I have to know. I won't be kept in the dark any more."

His head hunched over, Christian led her into his study.

"Have a seat," he instructed as he rifled in the back of a file cabinet, digging out a large folder of paperwork and reluctantly passing it to her.

"A standard contract is on top. After that are dossiers on each of the submissives, their background checks, personal measurements, health histories and individually tailored agreements."

Tears pooled in her eyes. _How can you reduce a human being to a file?_

"They had the same stats on me," Christian added, attuned to her thoughts.

"That's little consolation," she mumbled, her hands wandering over the innocuous folder, fear preventing her from opening it.

Christian steeled himself for his next bombshell. "At the bottom are photos of an … intimate nature. I'm pleading with you to exercise restraint and not look at them. The visuals will be difficult for you to erase from your mind."

"You mean they're of you with other women," she gasped, fighting for air.

He nodded.

"Why do you have them? Do you use them to…"

Christian furrowed his brows until comprehension dawned on him. "No of course not! I don't even look at that folder," he said vehemently. "That's not the purpose. They're…" He looked up to the ceiling in despair. "They're an insurance policy."

He felt the revulsion rolling off of her. "You bribe them?"

"No. It's to prevent them from bribing me."

"Oh. Sorry, I'm a little naïve to all of this."

"Don't be sorry baby. That's one of the reasons why I love you," he said, emanating sincerity.

 _It would be so easy to just put this folder down and forget about it. To let him make love to me all night long. To marry him. But would I ever truly know him? How can you spend your future with someone if you have no clue what their past looked like? Lies beget more lies._

Christian's Adam's apple bobbed up and down as Ana cautiously opened the folder and begin to peruse the contract.

Phrases like "the submissive is forbidden from looking directly at her master unless given explicit permission" left her head spinning, as did the litany of sexual acts she usually associated with porn stars — anal fisting, genital clamps, suspension. _You mean like suspending someone from class or from the ceiling?_

Christian had never cried a day in his life, but tears stung his eyes as he watched Ana absorb the rules and regulations he used to quarantine his antiseptic love life.

"Say something. Please."

 _Do you want to do this shit to me? Is this what you fantasize about when we're together? Were you just waiting for the right moment to spring 'suspension' on me?_

There were a million questions swirling in Ana's head, but she wasn't able to articulate any of them. She slowly turned each page, flabbergasted by each new revelation.

Ana didn't see herself through the rose-colored glasses that Christian wore, but she also never thought of herself as ugly or plain. She considered herself decent-looking, even attractive on a good hair day. But objectively speaking, she couldn't deny that the catalogue of women spread before her were flat-out gorgeous on a level to which she could only aspire.

There wasn't a flaw in sight. Not one dimple of cellulite on them. Not one blemish. Not one hair out of place. Not a single imperfection. _Victoria's Secret would have a field day with these dimensions._

Pain lanced through Christian as he read Ana's thoughts of inadequacy. _She thinks she doesn't compare to these women, but she doesn't realize that it's the other way around. She doesn't understand how I see her, and now she never will._

Looking at the graphic photos of posed, nude women, she tried to suppress the bile in her throat, while he tried to fight the acid rising in his as he gauged her reaction.

Then, Ana inadvertently flipped the page and was met with the visual Christian dreaded most. Ana let out a mournful sob as she saw an image of her boyfriend with two women pleasuring him. One of his hands was gripping the back of a woman's head, forcing her to deep throat him while her own hands were bound behind her back. His other hand wielded a whip that he used to strike a second woman who was on her knees, in a reverse position next to the first woman. A ball-gag contraption was stuffed into her mouth and her welt-marked ass was raised high in the air, ready for Christian to rain the next blow down on her.

Ana's breathing grew shallow as she reflexively dropped the folder on the floor, her limbs suddenly weak. Christian sped over to Ana and crouched down on his knees in front of her, his tears and emotions in free-fall.

He roughly turned the photos over and buried his head in her lap, chanting her name over and over again like a fervent prayer.

"Ana. Ana. Ana. My beautiful Ana," he cried, violent shudders racking his body. "I'm sorry. So sorry. Please forgive me. Please baby. I love you so much."

Ana was deaf to his pleas. She stared mindlessly at the photo of the two of them cuddling under a tree that was mounted on the wall in front of her. _How quaint._ She felt oddly detached from her surroundings, as if hovering over the surreal scene like some out-of-body experience. After a few minutes, Ana broke her silence with a panged lament. "If only you'd been honest with me from the start," she sighed, gently pushing Christian's head out of the way as she rose to go to the door.

Christian bolted to his feet. "Where are you going Ana? Are you leaving? Please don't leave me," he implored her, his voice cloaked in fear.

"I'm going to bed. You sleep here," she said robotically, refusing to look at him.

"And after that?" he asked apprehensively. "What are you going to do Anastasia? I need to know."

Finally, Ana turned around but her face remained impassive, devoid of emotion, which only stoked Christian's despair. "I don't know," she admitted before walking out. Christian felt his knees give out and collapsed to the ground, instinctively assuming the submissive position.


	25. Chapter 25

_**Author's Note: Get ready for a roller-coaster ride. The sh!t hits the fan in this chapter. I love epic smackdowns and this is pretty much the smackdown for this storyline. I worked hard on this, so please be kind :)**_

 _ **I know that Ana is a jumbled mess here, but don't hate on her too much. She is genuinely torn and conflicted. I hope this chapter offers some insights into her thoughts and illustrates that she's only human and has the same weaknesses that many of us do. We all know what we should do in relationships — that doesn't mean we always do it.**_

 _ **Thank you as always for the awesome reviews!**_

 _ **Cwalk74 — You hit the nail on the head of where I'm coming from with this story. It's awesome when people really get what you're trying to do!**_

 _ **Eleanor Wyatt — Thank you. I strive to make my stories relatable, so that means a lot.**_

 _ **Sansanchez — Not ranting. That's definitely what Ana can't wrap her mind around: How do you compartmentalize sex and not develop any feelings? And yes he took her choices away, and that is the crux of her resentment.**_

 _ **Millarca666 — I never thought about it but that's a great Catch-22 you point out: If he had told Ana in the beginning about the full extent of his subs, she probably would've run and they wouldn't of gotten together in the first place. But because he didn't, his relationship is threatened anyway. I'm with you. I would've run for the hills too.**_

 _ **FanFicFanWI — I'm totally with you on not making Ana out to be a supermodel – too easy. Glad you liked the penis line :)**_

 _ **ShadoeCoon — I agree that Ana is less assertive in the books. I try to keep that in mind but yes I prefer to write her as a stronger character. It's just what I know (and it's funny how some people still think I make her too weak. Guess you can't please everyone).**_

 _ **ShadoeCoon, VRB Mariposa and Ianieloveu — I completely respect your viewpoint, but I think it's only normal for people (women and men) to be nosy about their significant other's pasts. Some people prefer not knowing. Others have to know, and because Ana feels she has been kept in the dark for so long, she wants to know everything that was hidden from her.**_

 _ **Again, I realize Christian's past is in the past, but I always thought that in the books, it wasn't realistic that Ana would just be cool knowing that a ton of hot women slept with her man. It's only natural for this knowledge to bother a lot of people. Just my opinion.**_

 _ **But it's not so much the women that are the issue — it's the trust thing. As anyone who's been in a relationship knows, once the trust is gone, it's hard to repair, and that's really what this story is all about. I hope you enjoy it and would love to keep hearing your thoughts!**_

"Do you want me to pick up some Chinese for dinner?" Christian asked hesitantly.

"No. I ate something earlier." Eyes cast downward to avoid his judgmental gaze, Ana took her snifter and headed toward her spot on the balcony.

Christian battled every urge to interrogate her on what that "something" was, knowing that she had barely eaten for the last two days, but he wisely refrained. Now embarking on his third day of the silent treatment, however, Christian was at his wit's end.

He had given Ana a wide berth since dropping his Thanksgiving bombshell on her, watching helplessly as his comatose girlfriend walked around their apartment like a zombie. She'd only ventured outside once the other day, to visit Kate. Christian grimaced. _I can only imagine how that lovely little conversation went._ Otherwise, Ana slept in all day and migrated to the balcony at night, staring aimlessly at the moonlit sky, as if the answers to her quandary would somehow magically materialize if she stared long and hard enough.

It was a chilly evening but the temperature inside was even more frigid. As he had done the past two nights, Christian wordlessly came on the balcony as soon as the sun had set to drape a warm, oversize blanket over Ana's shoulders. He left a plate of her favorite fruits and cheeses on the small table next to her lounge chair, hoping against hope that she would appease him and take a few bites.

"It's getting cold," he said, his face falling when she stubbornly refused to acknowledge his presence. "I'll be in the study if you need anything." He stole one last forlorn glance back at her, willing Ana to look at him, but she wouldn't budge. Christian's body sagged in defeat as he wandered back inside.

Like a statue, Ana locked up the cauldron of emotions that were tearing her insides apart. On the first night of her balcony escape, she drank her customary tea with milk. On the second night, she indulged in wine. Tonight, she had graduated to brandy.

 _I'm going to be a full-blown alcoholic when all this is said and done,_ Ana snorted derisively before pondering what "done" meant to her.

 _Do I leave him? Can I leave him? I love him. The thought of living without him is unbearable. The thought of living with a liar is just as unappealing._

Ever since Christian's deception had been unmasked, Ana obsessed over the parade of impossibly beautiful women who had blindly acquiesced to fulfill Christian's every base need and desire. Instead of whips and chains, she made him do dishes and give her foot rubs. _Not exactly sub material._

 _How can I possibly compete with women willing to do whatever it takes to please him? He swears there's no competition but what about six months from now, five years from now? What if I'm a mere infatuation — a novelty before he goes back to his old ways? I'm pale. I'm lanky. I'm awkward. I think comma and grammar jokes are cool. Let's call a spade a spade: I'm a dork. I always have been. Before Christian it didn't faze me, but now my dorkiness is on constant display. He gets hit on by sophisticated women left and right. Will I always be looking over my shoulder, waiting for his next submissive to scoop him up?_

Ana fixated on an unknown point in the distant skyline, her mind trying to make sense of the revelation that Christian contracted out a series of women like they were pieces of rented furniture.

 _People don't change their spots and addiction is a relentless, reoccurring beast. When he gets bored of me and craves more, where will that leave me? Nowhere. I'll be that idiotic girl who left Harvard to follow her horny, cheating boyfriend across the country and study in Seattle. I traded in Ivy League for 365 days of fucking rain. I don't have a job, money, friends or even a freaking apartment. I'm right where Christian wants me to be — at his mercy. He was my first lover, my first boyfriend, my first everything. I'm a total novice at life and I let my emotions guide me, instead of my head. What do I know about sex and relationships, especially with a man who fucks like a rabbit and probably knows more positions than the Kama Sutra?_

Ana took a long draught of her brandy. It burned her throat, though not as much as the questions searing a hole through her brain.

 _Chemistry fades. Will I have to experiment with full-blown BDSM when he needs to spice up our sex life? Can I put myself through physical pain in order to give him pleasure? How much of myself do I have to sacrifice to make him feel satisfied?_

Her harpy subconscious made an unwelcome appearance. _If you don't do it, someone else will gladly step up to the plate._

"Oh shut up," Ana berated herself. _Jesus, now I'm telling myself to shut up. Inner voice Ana. Save the outer voice for the looney bin. And while you're at it, perhaps cut back on the brandy._

But the brandy tasted pretty damn good, so she took another swig, the alcohol doing more to warm her up than the blanket ever could. She introspectively swirled the amber-colored liquor, trying to imagine anything but that manila folder of secret submissives. But in the stark evening stillness, Ana's mind invariably drifted back to the bevy of women who had shared the man she loves.

 _He says he didn't do anything other than fuck them, but it wasn't just a one-night stand or anonymous club encounter — he repeatedly slept with the same woman for months on end. You can't just confine your emotions to the bedroom — or playroom — no matter how much you tell yourself that 'it's just sex.' After a while, it isn't. It's more. These women knew him. They knew his body, his reactions, his temperament, his feelings, his mind. And he knew them, whether he admits it or not. There was no way he didn't converse with them at all, empathize with them. There was a connection, a spark, a mutual understanding and … affection. Even in a demented BDSM way, his 'interactions' were underlined by a fundamental sense of caring. He may have enjoyed inflicting a type of pain on them that I can't even begin to imagine, but he also kissed their lips, their breasts, their …_

 _STOP Ana! You're torturing yourself more than any medieval sex device ever could!_

Ana took a ragged, cleansing breath of air. As much as the image of Christian sharing his body with other women made her blood boil, it was his betrayal of silence that gutted her.

 _He kept this information from me for nearly a year. A year. I could forgive him for the women — they came before me — but how do I forget the lies? I trusted him completely, but now that trust is shattered. Every word he's ever said to me I believed verbatim. I never questioned anything. But now? All that's been destroyed and he's left me with nothing but doubt. It's the doubt I can't get over. Have I been a naïve fool for trusting this man so wholeheartedly? Have I sacrificed my independence for someone I hardly know?_

As Ana mulled over her limited options, she was confronted with the harsh reality that she had grown completely dependent on Christian. He paid for her school, for her home, for the clothes on her back and even the food that she refused to eat. She was barely 19 and had hitched her entire future to an exceptional but exceedingly complicated man who had willfully concealed his past from her.

No longer able to stomach her disheartening musings or the fruit-and-cheese platter Christian had left for her, Ana finally took herself and the plate back inside.

Christian jumped when he heard the balcony door sliding open. "Oh. Hi baby. I didn't expect you to come back so soon," he said, putting down the mail he was opening back on the kitchen counter. He instantly noticed the untouched plate of food.

"Ana, I'm trying to be sensitive here but you need to eat," he scolded her with a mix of disappointment and frustration.

"I'll eat later," she dismissed him, curling up on the sofa. He jaw ticked as he suppressed his agitation.

"Do you want me to go?" he asked timidly. _Please don't make me go baby._

"It's _your_ apartment," she said in a tone laced with bitterness.

"It's _our_ apartment Ana. Everything that's mine is yours." _Including my heart so please stop trampling all over it._

"If you want to stay out here that's fine. I won't banish you to the study," Ana said, her willpower softening.

"Did you have fun with Kate?" he ventured cautiously.

"It hasn't exactly been a 'fun' few days Christian," Ana snorted. His shoulders slumped, duly chastised. "I'm pretty sure Kate wants to put your balls in one of those BDSM contraptions."

The unexpected sound of Ana's laughter, even if it was at his expense, filled him with joy and Christian promptly seized his chance to sit next to her on the couch. He kept a safe distance but relished the feel of her being so close to him after three wretched days apart.

She eyed him speculatively. "I didn't share the gory details if that's what you're afraid of. She doesn't know about your lifestyle or anything like that. I wouldn't do that to you. I just told her that you weren't completely honest with me about your past and that you had hurt me."

Christian felt his chest constrict as his breathing grew labored. "I know baby and I hate myself for hurting you," he whispered. "I understand if you need to talk with your friend, but thank you for not divulging everything since she is dating my brother. I appreciate it."

Ana grunted but otherwise remained resolutely mute.

"Are you going back to class Monday?"

"I don't have a choice. Finals are coming up."

"Do you need help passing professor Canard's econ test?"

"No I need a miracle," she replied, taciturn and terse. Christian plowed ahead. This was the most Ana had spoken to him in nearly three days and he wasn't going to squander this precious reprieve.

"I can't deliver miracles but I can help you bone up on free-market capitalism and supply-and-demand models. Numbers and business are my forte. Real life and people, not so much — as you're well aware."

She quirked her brow at him but Christian detected the faint smile that tugged at the corners of her lips. He subtly leaned in, magnetically drawn to her. Ana kept her eyes firmly fixed on her lap but her body felt the scorch of his gaze.

"I'm painfully aware of your … deficiencies when it comes to matters of the heart."

"I didn't have one until you came along," he said earnestly, scooting in as close as he could without spooking her away.

Ana sighed. _And now you're breaking mine._

She didn't need to say it out loud — Christian saw the condemnation written all over her face. No longer able to keep the tide of his regret at bay, he began to unravel, tears threatening to swamp him yet again.

"I'm so incredibly sorry," he rasped, his voice raw and stripped to the bone. "Please Ana. I'm begging you to find it in your heart to forgive me. I will never, ever break it again. Please, you have to believe me. This separation is fucking killing me!"

The crushing vulnerability of his plea finally broke down the walls Ana had carefully constructed over the last few days. Every time she had ignored Christian, she could feel his pain as if it were a knife being twisted into the pit of her stomach. The rift between them was physically exhausting. Torn between devotion and doubt, she buried her face in her hands and began to sob uncontrollably.

"No baby. I'm sorry. Please don't cry," he beseeched her, rushing to her side. "I can't bear to see you cry for one more minute because of me."

He tenderly pried her hands away from her tear-streaked face. "Don't hide from me. I love you. Every part of you."

Looming over her as he caressed her cheeks with a feather-light touch, the bond between them was palpable — and heady. Christian snapped, no longer able to repress his inherent need for the woman who had captured his soul.

He slammed his lips on top of hers, craving her taste, her very essence. Ana reciprocated and opened her mouth to him, the haze of lust clouding her judgment. Their teeth clashed and their tongues dueled with each other, insatiable after a three-day absence.

"God yes," Christian gritted, his weight swallowing her petite frame as he frantically reacquainted himself with every part of her body that his hands could get a hold of. "I missed you. So. Damn. Much."

Ana wanted to deny him and her feelings, but her body instinctually molded to his, two dysfunctional halves of a whole that somehow functioned better together than apart.

"I want you so much," he garbled out between needy, wet kisses, his tongue exploring every crevice of her mouth while his greedy hands roamed her torso, squeezing and kneading her breasts.

Christian tore his lips away to nibble on the supple swell of her neck, his movements born of an urgency to reconnect with the woman who was a refuge to him — the one person who could shelter him from the storm of the outside world.

His breaths were hot and heavy, his rock-hard erection stabbing her almost to the point of pain. Christian dragged his lips back onto hers, kissing her with wild abandon — his tongue probing and demanding. The low rumble from his chest resonated in Ana's groin and a flood of moisture escaped her traitorous body. His desperation was disarming and Ana found herself yielding to it.

Caving to temptation, she wrapped her legs around him and granted him access to the place he coveted most. His stiff member began to grind into her core relentlessly, igniting every cell in her body.

She was responsive and drenched, making him so hard for her it hurt. Unable to withstand the throbbing ache any more, Christian clumsily fumbled with his jeans, releasing his massive erection with an audible sigh.

Disoriented herself, all Ana could concentrate on was relieving the ache between her own legs. The soft sounds of her keening were like music to Christian's ears. "I need to be inside you" was all he could get out as he violently yanked down her yoga pants and panties, trying not to accidentally scratch her delicate skin in his haste. As soon as her pants were barely past her knees, Christian nestled himself between her legs and slid into her without preamble or patience.

Shaky and sweaty, Christian stilled to recover from the blinding euphoria of being one with his love again.

Her lips parted to accommodate her accelerated breathing, Ana finally surrendered to the feeling of completion that Christian inspired. She knew it was wrong but she needed to feel him inside of her, filling the empty void that had been gnawing away at her for days.

When he looked down into her sapphire orbs, she gave him her trademark shy smile. Christian's heart soared and he thought it might burst at any moment.

"Are you alright?" he managed to utter, his chest heaving with the exertion of holding back.

"Yes," she moaned. _I'm also weak and pathetically horny._

Her name a benediction on his lips, Christian began to thrust in and out of her warmth with laser-like focus, his body dominating and reclaiming its other half.

"Oh fuck," she gritted as she cradled him closer. His enormous size and girth had always overwhelmed her, but this time he felt even larger than usual. It was as if she could feel every inch of his thick member as he pulsed and swelled inside of her. With rapt fascination, she watched as the sinewy muscles on his back flexed and worked overtime to take everything her body had to give him.

Murmuring words of devotion against the milky hollow of her throat, Christian began to batter his cock into her, his movements driven by a desperate ferocity she had rarely witnessed before.

"You have no idea what you do to me," he said before crashing his lips down on hers. His tongue hungrily feasted on her mouth as pumped in and out of her, his control in tatters.

"Love. You. Only. You," he chanted as he rammed into her mercilessly.

Ana reciprocated, tightening her legs around him as she gave herself over to the man who had captured her heart.

"Take me Christian," she whispered in his ear, obliterating the last of his control.

"Fuck, I'm sorry baby," he gasped, struggling for air, every muscle in his neck chorded and taunt. "I can't … I can't hold off …"

He slammed his eyes shut to delay his pending release but it was no use as he erupted into one of the most intense orgasms he'd ever experienced. "Oh Jesus," he screamed, fisting her hair roughly as he detonated like a freight train inside her silken walls. Ana felt the reverberations of his muffled screams against her shoulders, both warming and chilling her to the bone.

Christian's body jerked for a solid minute, gripped by a never-ending climax that both robbed him of coherent thought yet at the same time replenished his soul. Ana held his quaking body tightly, her nurturing instincts kicking in. In the sanctuary of his arms, she found a temporary respite from the problems that had plagued them. _If only we could stay like this forever._

Sweat had soaked through their shirts, their breathing was erratic and their bodies continued to tremble from their explosive encounter. When sense finally returned to him, Christian began to nuzzle and kiss Ana's neck as he gently pulled out of her. His lips ghosted down her breastbone and descended past her naval as he hummed in appreciation. He was eager to worship every inch of her body for the rest of the night and make up for the one-sided pleasure he'd just experienced.

As he reached the apex of her thighs, his ultimate destination now clear, Ana tensed, pulling the discarded blanket over her to cover her naked vulnerability.

His brows knitted together in confusion. "What's wrong baby? Let me finish and take care of you."

"No Christian. Please don't. That's not what I want," she said, the fog of sex dissipating as the reality of their situation crept back in.

He quickly tore himself off of her. "Ana, I … I don't understand. We … I thought you wanted to do that," he said, alarmed by the prospect that he'd forced her into something she wasn't prepared to do.

"I did want to do that," she reassured him, quickly tugging her pants back up. "But that doesn't mean I was right for wanting what I did. It doesn't make things right between us.

Her change of heart eviscerated what was left of Christian's sanity. He tucked his now flaccid member back in, zipped up his pants and began to pace the room, his hands furiously combing through his just-fucked hair.

"Talk about some fucking mixed signals Ana! What the hell was that?"

Ana visibly shrank. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, head bent down in shame. "That was my fault. I shouldn't have allowed that to happen."

In two long strides he was back in front of her, clasping her chin in his hand to tilt her head up.

"Yes you should have," he said forcefully. "I love you. You love me. And we _should_ be together!"

"It's not that simple Christian," she said ruefully.

"It can be if you just let it," he yelled, releasing her chin in exasperation as he resumed pacing the room. "Can't we resolve this already? You just let me fuck you for God's sake but you won't forgive me. Where's the logic in that shit? It's my past. I can't change it. What's done is done!"

Ana bristled at his dismissive attitude, her anger back with a vengeance. "That's the biggest cop-out ever. Imagine if I had the past — if I slept with over a dozen guys — and I tried to feed you that lame-ass line. Imagine for one second being bombarded with pictures of me sucking some…"

"ENOUGH! I get it Anastasia," he seethed, the mere thought so repugnant he felt ill. "I don't need you to paint a fucking visual for me."

"Then quit with the double standards and don't be surprised when I get a wee bit upset over your colorful past. Hell, you have a problem with me going to a damn sorority party with Kate, but I'm just supposed to be honky dory with the fact that you did God knows what with God knows whom."

"Anastasia, why do you feel the need to get drunk at a rowdy party to experience college?" he demanded in an attempt to turn the tables on her.

"Ummm, because it's college and that's what normal people do." _Nice deflection Grey but it's not going to fly._

"Being normal is overrated — as are frat parties," he muttered contemptuously.

"I'm going to put your arbitrary definitions of 'normal' and SORIORITY — not FRAT — parties aside for now Christian. The point is that you went off and 'explored' your sexuality and sowed your wild BDSM oats, but now you're trying to limit my experiences, no matter how harmless they are."

"What the fuck are you hinting at?" he roared, startling her. "You want to sow your wild fucking oats? You want to 'experience' another man's dick in you?" Christian's jaw was set so tightly Ana thought he might inadvertently chip a tooth.

"No Christian. Calm down! As usual you take two and two and get 44. I want to go to an innocent party every once in a while and hang out with people my own age."

"I've done the party scene Anastasia and there's nothing innocent about it. It's not for you," he informed her condescendingly.

"Would you like to also eat dinner for me while you're at it? That way I don't ever have to sample food since you've already tasted it for me."

"Don't be stupid Anastasia."

"Don't be irrational Christian," she parried back.

He threw her a murderous glare. "I don't appreciate your sarcasm."

"Consider us even because there's a ton of crap I don't appreciate about you right now. For one thing, you want to shelter me from enjoying college because of your own paranoia."

"I want to protect you from drunk frat guys — yes. I won't allow you to place yourself in a compromising position and I make absolutely zero apologies for that," he shrugged.

"Which is the height of hypocrisy considering that all I'm asking for is to be in a room with people of the opposite sex — not in a 'compromising position' with them. Meanwhile, remind me what you did with the opposite sex when you were younger? Oh yeah, that's right. You beat and flogged them! Not to mention the fact that you're still cozy with the woman who beat and flogged you — and took advantage of your mother's generosity in the process."

Christian rounded on Ana, planting his hands on either side of the couch as he loomed above her, a menacing snarl on his face. A part of him still felt protective toward Elena, but more than that, he despised Ana's characterization of her as a child molester because it implied that he was a hapless victim.

Ana flinched under his withering stare but didn't blink, her eyes alight with molten fire as the two engaged in a silent showdown. After a minute, Christian finally spoke, his voice ominously low.

"Anastasia, I'm warning you. Don't go there. I'm not 'cozy' with Elena and you're way out of line commenting on her relationship with my mother. That's none of your business. For the last fucking time, stay out of it."

"No, I'm warning you," Ana spat out scornfully, refusing to back down. "If you dare defend that woman and insult me one more time, so help me God I will walk out that door right now and never look back."

The vehemence in her voice surprised him. Christian opened his mouth but exerted enough restraint to close it when it dawned on him that she might carry through on her threat. He stepped back but his concession did little to mollify Ana's pique.

"You have such gall Christian. You throw a hissy-fit when I so much as talk to another man. Meanwhile, you expect me to just roll over and accept your sick friendship with Elena."

"Elena is not the monster you keep painting her out to be and, may I remind you, I ceased all communications with her because it made you uncomfortable. So — at your own instigation — she is technically a former friend."

"And apparently your former pimp," Ana said, scrunching her nose in disgust, as if the room was filled with noxious fumes.

"Yes Anastasia — get over it already! We've been through this countless times. She was a positive influence on my life. She taught me discipline. She handpicked submissives for me. Good lord, get it through your thick skull that what we had at the time worked for both of us and now it's over. Your immaturity level about this is astounding. Why do you insist on making this into such a big deal?"

"That's what I'm talking about," Ana yelled, her jaw slack in incredulity. "How can you be so blasé about this? It IS a big deal to me, because quite frankly, it's fucking weird. Excuse me but I just can't wrap my head around the fact that a former lover hired a harem of women to share my boyfriend."

"The only thing I shared with other women was a bed — and most of the time it was barely that," he fired back matter-of-factly. "Is that harsh? Sure. I'm a red-blooded male who had needs. I make no excuses for it."

"You're also pretty cold-hearted when you want to be," she mumbled, averting his gaze. Christian spied the flicker of hurt in Ana's eyes and regretted his blunt words.

"I'm sorry. My point is that we didn't share anything other than sex."

"They also shared your time," she huffed glumly.

"And _we_ share a life," he exclaimed, pointing his finger between the two of them in an exaggerated fashion, his nerves shot. "The only thing they shared was my dick. You wanted the truth. There it is Ana, in all its unvarnished glory. The truth is it's called fucking. A lot of people do it."

She glowered at him, indignation coursing through her. "No shit Sherlock. Don't patronize me. That's what we just did as well."

"No Ana. What I just did was lose myself in my girlfriend whom I love, respect and adore. Before her, I fucked submissives who were a means to an end."

The feminist in her cringed, but Ana opted to hold off on giving her boyfriend a long-overdue lesson in women's rights. "Well, whatever your definition of fucking, you did a lot of it," she griped.

"Yes I did," he thundered. "I got off and I got them off in the process. We fucked in ways you can't even begin to imagine. Is that what you want to hear? Happy now?"

"Thrilled," she grumbled, pulling the blanket protectively around her as she crossed her arms, reinforcing the barrier between them. The gesture did not go unnoticed by Christian.

"What do you want me to do Ana?" he barked. "Go back and delete my past? Unless you can build a fucking time machine, then learn to accept that I had sex before you. I didn't treat those women like shit but I also sure as hell didn't give two shits about them either. They served a purpose and when it was over…"

"You discarded them," Ana said, a somber tinge to her voice that jolted him out of his rage.

Christian expelled a panged breath, realizing that Ana's empathy was directed not at him but at the women he used. In that second, he wished he could erase not only his past, but the disappointment in his girlfriend's eyes.

He took a seat next to her on the couch, his posture contrite and conciliatory. "Baby, I was a different man before you," he began softly. "I'm not necessarily proud of who that man was but it was how I operated. It was all I knew — until you came along and changed everything I thought I knew about myself."

The intensity of his stare temporarily threw her off kilter and Ana couldn't come up with a smart rebuke. She fiddled with the frayed edges of the blanket while Christian capitalized on her silence.

"Why do you let these phantom women get to you? Why do you let your insecurities get the best of you?" he asked gently. "They're no threat to you — nor is Elena. Up until last night, I hadn't seen or spoken to her in months and I have no intention of contacting her. She's out of my life. _You are_ my entire life. All I care about is you. It's been that way from the second I laid eyes on you. Can't you see what you've done to me — how much you've altered my entire existence? You not only gave me a life — you make me look forward to actually living it every day. I love hearing your voice, making you laugh, knowing all your little mannerisms and idiosyncrasies. I love that you order margaritas just so you can lick the salt off the rim. I love that you get equally excited whenever you hear a song from a boy band in the '90s or a jazz song from the '20s. Did you know that you pucker your lips when you're trying to concentrate or that you let out a high-pitched wheeze when you sleep?"

Her lips twitched, encouraging him to continue his monologue.

"I wake up in the morning and the first thing I want to do is look over to see your crazy, mussed-up hair and groggy eyes, even if you're crabby and bite my head off for waking you up five minutes early. Any time something happens — funny, annoying, bad or good — you're the first person I want to share it with. And at the end of the day, I can't wait to see you, talk to you and then hold you in my arms before we go to sleep. I want to spend every day with you until my last breath."

A lone tear trickled down Ana's cheek. Sensing the tide had finally turned in his favor, Christian reached over and covered her hand with his as he pressed on with his heartfelt soliloquy.

"You've brought me a kind of solace I'd only ever dreamed of. Hell, do you even know how many hours I've spent just watching you sleep in our bed? It calms me. And it's not just peace that you've brought me in our bed," he winked, his voice thick with arousal. Ana imperceptibly squeezed her thighs together but Christian picked up on it. Emboldened by her response, he lovingly stroked her cheek, relieved when she didn't recoil from his touch.

"You have nothing — and I mean nothing — to worry about in that department. I mean fuck Ana. Look at what you do to me — the effect that you have. You turn me on like no one ever has or ever will. You obliterate all of my self-control. I could climb inside of you and die a happy man. I can't even be this close to you without wanting you. Just look at me," he said, crudely motioning to his still-significant erection. "I could make love to you for the rest of my life and it still wouldn't be enough for me!"

A flash of red seared her cheeks, but this time she wouldn't be swayed by her boyfriend's charismatic declarations of love.

"It's not just the women Christian," she sighed. "I can't deny that they're definitely a part of it. Even though I know I'm being petty and obsessing over something that neither of us can change, I'm only human, so of course your previous sex life intimidates me. It would be a lot for anyone to take on. Granted, most people have a past, but yours isn't exactly typical. You didn't just sleep with women — you made them submit to you. You had them sign intricate contracts that dictated their actions and transformed them into robots whose sole purpose was to please you. They were vessels, not people. I understand that's exactly what they signed up for and they derived pleasure from it, but it just feels dehumanizing and creepy to an outsider like me. It adds this whole new dimension to your life that up until a few days ago I never knew existed."

"That's not fair. You knew I practiced BDSM when we met Ana," he quietly pointed out.

"I know, but it still confounds me. The contracts added this impersonal layer to you that I wasn't prepared for. One-night flings I can handle — I accepted those. But I can't fathom how you didn't develop some kind of attachment after months of sleeping with the same woman."

"We didn't exactly…"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. You didn't sleep," she pre-empted him, rolling her eyes. "You know what I mean."

"Yes I do," he exhaled. "It's hard to describe baby. I cared for them in a general sense. I felt that ensuring their well-being was my obligation as their dom. But otherwise, there wasn't a deep-seated attachment and the minute I sensed one forming, I backed off. Because I didn't love them. They weren't meant for me. It sounds simplistic but it's true. When I met you, I fell in love and I changed. I don't understand why women make things so complicated. You're the one I want. I don't know what else you want me to say."

"I'll ignore the dig about lumping all women together and I accept that you changed. I get that the women are my issue to get over and not yours," Ana relented, resigned on the matter. "But that's not the crux of what's bothering me."

Christian swallowed anxiously. "Then what baby? What is it? Talk to me so we can put this crap behind us."

"Isn't it obvious?

He gawked at her, genuinely dumbfounded, which only amped up her frustration.

 _How the fuck can he be this oblivious?_ Ana flung the blanket off of her and defiantly stood in front of him.

"It's the lies Christian! For nearly a year you hid the truth from me. A solid year Christian! It's not like I never asked you either. But whenever the subject came up, you stonewalled me or skirted around it. I always just assumed you weren't comfortable talking about BDSM or Elena, but now I realize it's because you were deliberately keeping this huge part of your past — of your personality — from me. I can wrap my mind around the women — but I can't figure out why you couldn't trust me enough to just tell me the truth!"

"I wanted to Ana," he swore, standing up to face her. "A million times. Hell, that's why I initially started seeing Flynn."

Ana astutely picked up on his slip, narrowing her eyes at him. "And what pray tell did he advise you?"

"To tell you," he reluctantly admitted.

"Then why didn't you?"

"Because my fear of losing you overrode my desire to be honest with you. I've explained this to you before," he said, increasingly irritated with this line of questioning.

"That's no excuse. You've should've known this would eventually blown up in your face — spectacularly I might add. You're way smarter than this. I mean, were you ever going to tell me or were you just going to cover this up for the rest of our lives?"

"I was going to tell you eventually," he mumbled.

"When?" Ana persisted. "After we were married?" She arched a sarcastic brow at him until she saw the guilt-ridden expression on his face.

"Whoa, back the truck up! Were you planning to trick me into marrying you?" she asked, horrified.

Christian froze. _Well, forget about another fuck in your future now Grey. You've just screwed yourself — royally._

"Ana I'd never 'trick' you into marrying me," he replied, growing heated again. "I would hope that you'd marry me because I'm the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. I would hope you'd walk down the aisle knowing that your husband is committed to honoring and cherishing you for the rest of his days."

"What about vowing to be honest?"

Christian faltered, knowing he was on shaky ground. _I kinda, sorta was honest doesn't really have the same ring to it._

"It was never my intention to deceive you," he began, steeling himself for her inevitable rebuttal.

"That was precisely your intention," Ana said, flailing her arms in frustration. "It was your intention every time this topic came up and you failed to mention it. It was your intention when you saw a psychiatrist and ignored his advice. It was your intention when this was eating away at you but you chose to stay silent." Incensed, she went for the jugular. "A lie by omission is the most cowardly type of lie."

Christian winced but quickly regained his poise. "Wanting to protect the woman I love is not cowardly Anastasia."

"It is when you dupe the woman you supposedly love!"

"Enough damn it," he bellowed, towering over her, the veins in his neck pulsing. "I'm done with this conversation. I've apologized, I've groveled and I've let you get away with saying a lot of bullshit Anastasia, but don't ever fucking question my love or my loyalty toward you."

But that's exactly what she was doing — the realization hitting them both at the same time like a visceral punch to the gut.

"How can I not Christian?" she croaked, her voice trembling. "How can I not question what you say to me? Do you think I want to doubt my boyfriend? I've always felt like we could confide in each other no matter what, but now there's this nagging voice in my head that wonders what else you've conveniently left out because of your fears. It's a slippery slope. Would you ever cheat on me and keep that from me because you were scared it would result in losing me?"

"I would never," Christian stammered, his eyes as wide as saucers — aghast that she could even entertain such a notion.

"In my heart, I don't believe you would do that either. But here's the thing — I don't know _what_ to believe any more. We've overcome so much but this is different. It's irrevocably shaken my faith in you and that can't be restored because you swear on the Bible not to lie to me again. I know you want to protect me. But I've got to protect myself as well," she said, dramatically jabbing her finger into her chest. "I can't continue to be naïve because it could wind up destroying me and my future. I've always believed every word you've ever told me, but now — how? Tell me. How can I?"

Christian had no more words to win her over — the color and fight drained out of him.

"I don't know Ana," he said despondently.

"I don't either."


	26. Chapter 26

_**Author's Note: Wow, I am truly humbled by the heartfelt reviews people have taken the time to write. Like a lot of people in life, I've got a ton of personal crap I'm dealing with and fanfiction is my escape. When I hear compliments on my writing, I can't tell you how much that means to me and brightens my day.**_

 _ **I appreciate both the positive feedback and constructive criticism and I listen to it all! I actually love that people have such differing opinions on Christian and Ana because my goal is to create complicated, imperfect characters. People are never black and white (there are shades of grey — sorry, couldn't resist :) so Christian and Ana are both right and they are both wrong in my opinion.**_

 _ **There is still a lot more angst and self-discovery to come but as promised, they will resolve their issues. This is a shorter chapter but it's important to Ana's evolution. Next up is an Elena chapter that I hope sheds more light on her and Christian (and don't worry, no cheating).**_

 _ **I also wanted to thank everyone and address a few reviewers below. And don't worry, I'm writing away so updates will be regular!**_

 _ **FanFicFanWI – I respect that my story inspires different opinions, but it's really awesome when readers get exactly what you're trying to convey, and your comment is right on the mark. "Christian is a lot for anyone to take on, even on a good day." So true. And yes Elena, his honesty, his mood swings and Ana's need for an identity are the real issue.**_

 _ **Luvfiftyshades – Exactly – his constant defense of Elena also comes down to pride and being unable to admit that he was wrong.**_

 _ **Shansanchez – I'm glad you empathize with Ana needing to be close with her man. It was a moment of weakness but one that I think we can all relate to. And yes I totally agree that in the books Christian gets off the hook way too easily, which is where the idea for this story came from.**_

 _ **Candy Girl 25 – The fact that this is a CG you can root for and an Ana you can relate to means I have done my job :)**_

 _ **MissG909 – I know Christian is frustrating. I get more in-depth on him in the next chapter.**_

"So has Christian paid his penance yet or is he still in the doghouse?" Kate chirped, inhaling a chili-laden hot dog as they walked across campus. There was a chill in the air and a light dusting of snow blanketed the grass, but otherwise it was a clear and sunny day.

Ana shot her an admonishing look. "We're getting through it," she fibbed, taking a sip of her latte.

In truth, Ana had spent the last two days since their epic blowout sulking on the balcony, while Christian brooded in his study. Together, they were a miserable pair — the epitome of self-inflicted wounds.

Kate eyed her speculatively. "You're a piss-poor liar Ana but I get it. I'll mind my own beeswax. I promise not to pry … for at least a day or so," she winked.

A ghost of a smile played on Ana's lips. _I give her less than an hour._

"So have you thought about joining me for that party in two weeks? Nothing like some vodka to snap you out of a funk. My brother Ethan is back in town too. You remember him? You guys have met a few times."

"Of course. He's a real nice guy," Ana replied nonchalantly.

"Yeah, nice is exactly why he's still single," Kate quipped. "He's actually transferring to Seattle after the holidays. Couldn't hack it in Florida. He claimed it was because their engineering program sucked but I'm pretty sure it's because he was homesick for mommy and daddy."

"Kate, give the guy a break. He's your brother," Ana chided her, taking a seat alongside her friend on a bench that overlooked the main quad as they soaked up the uncharacteristically splendid Seattle weather.

"Which is exactly why it's my job _not_ to give him a break. He's a smart, good-looking kid but he needs to man up a little. Anyhoo, he'll be here and you mentioned that your friend Jose will be in town. We could all go out. Hell, we could even let Christian tag along if he removes that giant stick up his ass by then."

"Kaaaate," Ana reprimanded her, knowing that the stick would still be lodged firmly in place.

"OK, OK," she threw her hands up, feigning surrender.

"So you're still a member of the sorority even though you don't live in their house any more?" Ana inquired, hoping to steer the conversation away from her wayward boyfriend. She never understood how sororities worked.

"I still pay my dues but I moved out after my freshman year. Have you ever lived with a bunch of girls? We're disgusting! Worse than guys. I bought a year's worth of paper plates and cups for the house because none of those bitches ever washed a single dish. They even refused to throw out soda cans and glass bottles because they wanted to recycle them — only they never bothered to take anything out to the recycling bin. So by the end of the semester we had a mountain of used bottles piled high in a corner of the kitchen like some kind of abstract junkyard art. As soon as I started sophomore year, I hightailed it out of there and got my own place."

"It probably would've been cheaper for you to just hire a maid for the house," Ana observed, baffled as to why Kate needed a three-bedroom apartment all to herself.

"Probably," she mused. "But my parents were willing to fork over the rent for my own place so why live like a broke college kid when I don't have to? My pride? Fuck that. I'd rather swallow my pride and come home to a spacious, immaculate apartment with Egyptian cotton sheets."

Ana nodded in agreement. Christian had bought her Egyptian cotton sheets a few months ago and they were indeed heavenly.

"It is getting lonely though. I don't want to live with 20 other bitches but I'm thinking of getting a roommate just to keep me company. I've got an empty third bedroom so I figure why not?"

"What about your brother? You said he's transferring anyway."

"Hell to the no! I spent 18 years bunking with him. I've put in my time," Kate laughed.

"Well, it might be a little too soon for this, but have you thought about moving in with Elliott? You guys have been pretty hot and heavy for a few months now, which is a few months longer than your prior relationships," Ana teased.

"I admit it's a record and I like the guy — and I don't mean this as any offense to you and Christian — but I'm not ready to play Suzy Homemaker just yet. I'm only a freaking sophomore in college for God's sake. I want to enjoy myself. College will be over before I know it and I'll have plenty of time later for house."

Ana looked at her brash, carefree friend with envy. She had the best of both worlds: a boyfriend and her independence. Ana wondered if she would ever achieve that elusive combination.

The ringing of her phone interrupted her reverie.

"Sorry Kate. It's my dad."

"No worries. Tell him I said hi. I'm heading to my next class anyway. See you later Banana."

Ana gave Kate a quick hug before answering the phone.

"Hi dad! How are you?"

"I'm good Annie. I haven't heard from you in a while so I thought I'd check in. How are you?"

 _Horrible_. "Wonderful."

"How's Christian?"

 _Horrible._ "Fine."

"If I ask you how's school, will I also get a monosyllabic answer?"

"No, I'm sorry dad," Ana giggled. As always, Ray could read his little girl and knew how to cheer her up. "It's good. I'm wrapping up finals and I think they've all gone well, even my econ test. I've signed up for a pretty decent slate of classes next semester, including all the English lit courses I wanted, so everything is going fine."

 _Everything except for my personal life, but that's another story._

"I'm glad to hear the transition to Seattle is going smoothly. Listen Annie," Ray paused, hesitancy creeping into his voice. "I don't want there to be any more friction between us over your decision to leave Harvard. I don't agree with it but you're a grown woman and I accept your choices. I hope you're not upset with me for expressing my opinion."

"Of course not dad. I'm not mad at all and I completely understand where you were coming from," Ana said, choked up by Ray's unusual display of emotion and candor. "I don't want any tension between us either. I love you."

"Good, then that's settled. I love you too and only want what's best for you. It's nothing personal against Christian. It's plain as day that the boy is goo-goo-gaa-gaa head over heels in love with you. My objections didn't revolve around him. We both know he's going to be a success. As your father, my sole concern is you. This is the time in your life when you make critical choices that will impact you for years to come, so I just wanted to ensure that you made the right ones for you — and no one else."

"I understand dad and I appreciate you looking out for me. I know the move was such a whirlwind, but I took all of your arguments into account before I made my decision. Believe me, I did," Ana said with a pang of remorse as she tried not to dwell on her current predicament.

"Well, love can be a whirlwind, especially young love," Ray chuckled good-naturedly. "The high of new love is stronger than any drug on earth. Believe me, I know."

 _Wait, did my straight-laced dad just admit to experimenting with drugs?_

"What I mean is that I've experienced young love," he qualified. "Remember, I met your mom when we were both fairly young."

"Is that why it didn't work out between you guys?" Ana blurted out. Her and Ray had always danced around the subject of his divorce with Carla, in part because of her infidelity.

"To a degree," Ray said awkwardly. "People grow up and sometimes in the process they grow apart. It's simply the nature of life. Neither of us was honest with each other about our feelings and we both dealt with our problems in unhealthy ways. I tended to shut down while Carla … well, you know."

"Yeah, I know. I shouldn't have brought it up," Ana said apologetically.

"No biggie. It's water under the bridge. The point is that we both learned an important lesson: Honesty is the cornerstone of any relationship. Once the lies start chipping away at that foundation, the relationship is doomed to collapse."

Tears pricked the back of Ana's eyes as she wolfed down her latte, unsure of how to respond to Ray's keen observation. Ray mistook her silence for boredom.

"Anyway, I'm going to get off my soapbox now. These aren't issues you have to worry about. You just concentrate on you Annie. I know that sounds a little selfish, but ultimately, the most important relationship any of us have is with ourselves. Good lord I sound like one of those know-it-all daytime TV talk show hosts. I'll stop now!"

Ana let out a humorless laugh as Ray's words of wisdom hit a bit too close to home.

"You give Dr. Phil a run for his money dad. Thanks for the advice. I take everything you say to heart."

"Glad to hear it sweetie. I'll let you get back to class. I'll see you kids for Christmas break right?"

"We'll definitely see each other," Ana replied, skirting around the dilemma of whether Christian would come home with her for the holidays.


	27. Chapter 27

_**Author's Note: Elena is still a bad guy but I went the more complex route and tried to get in her head a little. Her intentions are open to interpretation but obviously she has feelings for Christian and this isn't the last we see of her. And yes, Christian is a dumbass :)**_

 _ **I actually always struggle to write Christian's character. The story is premised on him essentially messing up, so his words and actions have to be bad enough to justify a break-up but not bad enough that it goes overboard like a cheating story. It's a fine line. And I know his bond with Elena is annoying, but it's front and center in the books and he wasn't always very sensitive to Ana about it (remember the whole pregnancy debacle), so I build on that.**_

 _ **Please keep the reviews the coming. I respect everyone's opinion, positive and negative. I won't necessarily change the direction of the story — I think trying to please everyone is a trap that bogs writers down — but I listen to and appreciate everyone's viewpoints.**_

Christian was usually abrasive to his employees, but over the last few days he'd been downright abusive. Even Ros was getting fed up with his incessant tirades, so Christian decided to hole himself up in his office until he got a handle on his foul temper.

 _The last thing I need is to lose Ros and Andrea, my two most loyal employees, on top of my girlfriend,_ Christian thought as banged away on his keyboard. He grimaced, the mere prospect of losing Ana gnawing away at him like metastatic cancer. _I can't let that happen. It WON'T happen. I'll move heaven and earth to keep her. I just need to find a way to convince her to say more than three words to me._

Suddenly, Andrea's voice derailed his train of thought.

"Mr. Grey. You have an unscheduled visitor. Mrs. Elena Lincoln is here to see you. Would you like me to send her away?"

Christian groaned. _What now? I swear, all these women are seriously trying to kill me._

He was about to dismiss his unannounced visitor but curiosity got the better of him. _Maybe we can settle this shit once and for a while. Elena isn't the devil incarnate that Ana paints her out to be. I owe it to her to end our relationship on amicable terms. Besides, this way I can ensure that Elena keeps her distance from Ana and doesn't blab any more details about our prior arrangement. The last thing I need is any more shit wrecking my future marriage._

"Let her in," Christian replied coolly.

Elena peeked her head in before tentatively taking a seat in front of Christian's desk. The CEO appraised his former mentor. Her demeanor seemed meek — and very un-Elena-like. _Interesting. She must be assuming her submissive persona today._

She wore a tight-fitted yet demure black pencil skirt and grey silk blouse that hugged her svelte waist and ample chest. Streaks of perfectly highlighted blond locks framed her face as if she had come straight out of a professional photo shoot.

Idly, Christian thought about Ana's inability to master the art of applying mousse. Somehow she always managed to style her hair in a way that resembled an '80s punk rocker, so she usually stuck to a knotty bun held together by a crusty old scrunchie. _She's such a hot mess. My hot mess._ Christian daydreamed about how he missed pushing the wayward mahogany strands out of her eyes, how he would grab her thick mane when he fucked her hard from behind…

Elena eyed him curiously, catapulting him back to the present.

"What can I do for you Elena?" he asked, his tone clipped and business-like.

"I didn't come here to cause any trouble and I apologize for barging into your office unannounced," Elena began, twiddling her thumbs nervously. "But I really felt we needed to talk about what happened the other night. Your mother's friendship is very valuable to me and I don't want this cloud hanging over all our heads."

Christian sighed. "And I don't want you interfering in my relationship with Ana. I won't allow what we had to jeopardize my future."

"I understand and I really do wish you nothing but the best. You know that's all I've ever wanted for you."

Christian's face softened, recalling how she had encouraged him to buckle down and study and stop fighting. He conveniently glossed over the beatings, constant diktats and corporal punishments.

"I know Elena and I appreciate what you did for me but I need you to keep your distance from Ana. She doesn't understand our previous arrangement and I don't want her to get needlessly upset. Is that clear?"

"Crystal clear," she affirmed. "I'm sorry. I honestly didn't know she wasn't a submissive. I should never have assumed."

 _Is she hoping to trick me into revealing details about my love life?_ Christian tried to decipher Elena's ulterior motives, but her poker face remained firmly in place. She was a master at hiding emotion. _Hell, she's the one who taught me how to do it._

"She's my girlfriend, always was. That's all you need to know," he said sternly.

"Message received. In that case I won't bring it up again. I hope I didn't cause a rift between you two. That was never my intention."

Again, Christian struggled to get a read on his former mistress' sincerity.

"We've had our ups and downs, but that's normal for any couple," he said evasively. We'll work through it. We always do. I love her and plan on spending the rest of my life with her."

"I'm sure you will," Elena said with bravado. "I'm not a relationship expert, to put it mildly, and I don't believe in them given my experience with Linc, but I believe in you. And when you put your mind to something Christian, you succeed. I'm sure it will be the same with Ana."

Christian smirked as mentor and apprentice did an intricate dance around each other. _Could her flattery be any more transparent? But since Elena's in such a giving mood, let's see how accommodating she can be._

"Is that why you choose me?" he blurted out. He'd always wondered why Elena seduced him when he was a teenager but he never found the nerve to ask her outright.

"Partly," she shrugged. "I saw your potential and how you were throwing it down the drain because of your reckless behavior. I cared for you, for Grace, for your family, and I wanted to help, even if my methods were somewhat unorthodox."

"Understatement of the year," he scoffed. "So you launched a rescue mission to save me from virginity and vanilla sex?"

"Watch the sarcasm," she sniped, unleashing her inner dom. Christian shifted uncomfortably. She had his full attention. "I won't deny that I was also attracted to you, so it was a self-serving rescue mission if that's what you're getting at," Elena said plainly, not batting a mascara-tipped eyelash. "I wanted what I wanted and I make no bones about it."

Christian couldn't deny that at the time he was hugely attracted to her as well. In a strange way, he always admired the unfiltered, unapologetic prism through which Elena viewed life. She was manipulative and shrewd. But she was also honest, brutally so, and took what she wanted without remorse or regret. It was a trait he adopted in the business world and it had served him well. It also helped him get Ana, although whether it would help him keep her was another matter entirely.

"We've never really discussed it in-depth before, but after Linc, I lost my wide-eyed innocence about traditional relationships," she elaborated, speaking in a formal, detached manner. "You know he was abusive, verbally and physically. So I turned to BDSM to regain a sense of control over my life. It turned me on but it also filled a void. It was uncomplicated, unlike everything else in life. There were no gray areas to get lost in. I felt you'd appreciate its benefits as well."

"I did. It helped me tremendously. And I'm glad I could offer you a respite from that asshole of a husband. You deserved better than him," Christian said, his voice laced with disapproval.

"Live and learn Christian. Marriage is easy to get into but not as easy to get out of. That's why you were exactly what I needed at the time," Elena confirmed.

"In other words, you saw me as weak?" Christian narrowed his eyes.

"I saw you as safe. There's a difference," she scolded him, adopting a motherly tone. She had always been adept at building up his pride without inflating his ego. It was a fine line but she straddled it well. "You were the opposite of Linc. I wasn't afraid of you and you helped me regain my power and in return I felt I could do the same for you. That's not to say I thought of you as powerless. If there's anything I taught you about BDSM, it's that power is subjective and transitory. I saw an untapped strength lurking behind the angry façade you projected and I wanted to help you harness that strength so you could become the man you were destined to be."

 _Destiny? Strength? Those are some pretty lofty words for a woman who used cock rings on me._ The pad of Christian's thumb rubbed the bottom of his chin as he absorbed Elena's words. For years, he'd longed for an explanation for why she had hit on him that fateful day in her backyard, smacking him in the face, kissing him, shocking and arousing the hell out of him in one fell swoop.

 _Did she really see me as some experiment, a lost boy she could mold into a better man, or as a susceptible, stupid kid she could fuck till the cows came home?_

Christian shook his head, preferring not to dwell of the question of whether Elena's actions helped or harmed him. _Who cares? What's done is done and I don't need some kind of Freudian analysis of our arrangement. Ana always needs to dissect everything but I'm sick of having to defend myself and my past. I fucked her and it felt good. She hurt me and it still felt pretty damn good. I've grown out of her harsh shit but it forced me to become the man I am today. I might never had met Ana if Elena hadn't helped me get my act together, so how can I be sorry about it?_

"Earth to Christian. Does that make sense?" Elena inquired to break the silence.

"In a perverse way, yes," he admitted. "You know the lifestyle helped me focus and attain my goals, and for that I'm grateful."

"Do you regret what we did?"

Christian drummed his fingernails on his desk, his eyes scanning a framed photo he took of Ana lounging on the grass when they were at Harvard.

"No. It got me where I am today."

"Good," Elena said, relieved. "The lifestyle isn't for everyone but for certain people it works wonders. BDSM is widely misunderstood so I'm not surprised it isn't Ana's cup of tea. She is young and inexperienced. I just hope you're not being deprived of something that's intrinsic to your well-being."

"What Ana and I do behind closed doors is no one's business but our own, so I suggest you refrain from making any further assumptions," he snapped. _And don't ever cross the line by implying that I don't belong with Ana._ The malevolence in his warning gave Elena chills.

"Of course, of course," she backed off immediately. "I'm just sorry she won't allow us to be friends any more. I hope one day she realizes what we have is purely platonic. I always considered us if not kindred spirits then allies in a strange way."

Christian sighed, his eyes again darting to the photos of Ana that adorned his desk. "Elena, I've valued your advice and assistance over the years. I've also always considered you a friend and confidante, but Anastasia is my girlfriend and I respect her reservations. I won't risk losing her for anyone."

"And I respect your decision Christian. By the same token, I don't want you ashamed of what we did."

"I'm not ashamed. I enjoyed it. To each their own in the bedroom. It's not the lifestyle that necessarily bothers Ana, although there are elements of it that go above her head; it's the age at which I was initiated into it," Christian divulged.

"I understand," Elena said thoughtfully, holding her cards close to her chest. "You were young but I felt you knew your own mind."

"I did and I made the choice to be with you. This is a bone of contention between Ana and I, but she is naïve and misguided. I know myself and I entered into everything freely."

"Good for you. Don't let her convince you otherwise," Elena gloated. "I've always believed society has such a double standard when it comes to the age thing. How many men date and marry women who are 20, 30 years younger than them without so much as a second thought? My good friend, who was nearing 40 at the time, managed a young singer ever since she was 12 and married her the minute she turned 18. Everyone thought it was a storybook romance. If the roles were reversed, everyone would have been outraged and gearing up to tar and feather the woman."

"Fair point well made," Christian concurred. "I think the issue of age tends to be inflated in general. Ultimately, my philosophy has always been that outside opinion should have no bearing on two people's relationship."

"Precisely. But that's not how most people see it," Elena lamented, grateful to be confiding in Christian again. "I know your mother wouldn't see it that way, which is why I've always appreciated your discretion. Her friendship is very important to me."

Christian smothered the twinge of guilt percolating beneath the surface. _I hate keeping my own mother in the dark but what's the alternative? Break her heart and cause her to lose her son and her best friend? Honesty isn't always the best policy._

That spark of guilt reared its head again as Christian thought of Ana and the hornet's nest his lies had stirred. _Maybe I should revisit that policy. Better still, I should get Elena out of here before I give her any more ammo to question my relationship._

"Look Elena, I have no intention of outing you to my mother. What you two have is between the both of you and no one else. In return, however, you need to keep your pledge that you stay away from Ana and, if we happen to cross paths, not antagonize her. Do we have a deal?"

"Yes," she smiled, clapping her hands together in achievement. "I'm glad we could clear the air."

Christian got up to walk her to the door. "Goodbye Elena. Good luck to you and take care of yourself."

She snuck in a quick hug before making her exit. "Good luck to you as well Christian."

 _I'll need it later when I have to explain this impromptu visit to my girlfriend._


	28. Chapter 28

_**Author's Note: I always said this was a breakup story, so you knew this chapter was eventually coming! I already had this written so I figured I'd post it.**_

 _ **Thanks for the reviews. Please keep them coming — they really motivate me to devote time to this side project. I admit that the nastier ones bother me, though I try not to let them get to me. But I do have a little rant so feel free to skip if you want to get to the story: All I'll say to those who hate the characters I've created — beyond the obvious advice of just stop reading — is that if you loved the characters all the time and approved of everything they did, there would be no conflict and there would be no story. Period. Sorry I don't write about perfect people leading perfectly happy lives. Partly cause I have no idea what that's like lol!**_

 _ **On a different note, everyone picked up on Christian's "naïve and misguided" comment :) I wrestled with that one but whenever I imagined his conversations with Elena in the book, I always pictured him to be kind of an ass. He's still loyal and loves Ana fiercely, but let's face it, Christian can be condescending and blunt too. The guy's also been brainwashed and victimized, and he will gradually come to terms with Elena's influence on him later in my story.**_

 _ **To the idiot guest reviewer who said I loved pedophiles — bite me. Then go read EL James's books or some of the other fanfics on here (A Different Shade of Fifty comes to mind) where Christian defends Elena way worse than in my story.**_

 _ **It's always interesting though to see the anger Elena inspires. I'm sure I'll get crucified for this, but I'm going to get on my feminist soapbox a bit here, so feel free to skip this part too, but I wanted to address something that has always bothered me about the Elena response. First off, don't get me wrong. I think Elena is a straight-up pedophile. Jail time. Case closed. But I added the part about the double standards for a reason. Elena inspires such hatred, which she deserves. I only wish the real-life perpetrators who molest and traffick young women inspired the same visceral reaction among the public as Elena inspires in the fanfic world. The human trafficking of girls is a stunningly common problem in this country that gets very little attention, sympathy or funds. Just the other day a 13-year-old girl in my area was stabbed to death by an older man she met online. Her death barely merited two days of airtime on the news.**_

 _ **I realize a fanfiction romance and real life are two very different things, but I take a lot of time to write this story for other people so I figure I can get on my soapbox every once in a while. How many times have we heard of a 15-year-old runaway who gets lured into prostitution by her older boyfriend and probably is forced into doing unspeakable sexual acts? And how many times do people secretly blame the girl or her family for running away, without really demonizing the guy much? It happens.**_

 _ **I'm just saying that I support anti-human trafficking initiatives and if Elena really riles you up, please consider learning more about what happens to millions of underage girls (and boys) around the world. The Polaris Project is a great organization to support, with time, money or even just an online signature.**_

 _ **Enough of my PSA. As Ray said, I'll get off my soapbox. Back to the fantasy world…**_

Christian came home with a 10-ton albatross around his neck — in the form of his slender ex-lover. He knew he needed to come clean with Ana about Elena's visit but dreaded doing so, fearing it would be the last straw that pushed his stressed-out girlfriend out the door. _I'm also so sick of explaining my association with Elena. She'll throw another temper tantrum. How many more times can I say the same thing?_

Warily, he plunked his keys, cell phone and mail down on the kitchen counter, searching the living room for Ana before spotting her huddled on the couch reading a novel. She looked as apprehensive as he did.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi," she replied. Inwardly, Ana rolled her eyes. _Wow, we're really improving on our stellar communication skills._

"How was the econ final?"

"Impossible, but I think I managed to pass."

"That's good. That's good," he said distracted. "Ana," Christian began, nervously rocking on his heels.

 _Tell her Grey. Just spit it the fuck out._

"Yes?" She looked up expectantly with those soulful eyes that reminded him of a cloudless blue sky and Christian couldn't bear the thought of being the reason those eyes filled with tears all over again. So he did what any brave boyfriend would do. He chickened out.

"Nothing. I'm going to take a quick shower before dinner," he grumbled, vowing to discuss his day with her only after he had ensured that she'd eaten a proper meal. _Yeah, a proper meal — that's why you're avoiding the subject Grey. Pussy._

Ana was secretly relieved, Ray's advice still ringing in her ears. _I'll talk to him after dinner. Wimp._

After he'd disappeared into the bedroom, Ana wandered over to the kitchen counter to check the mail. As she was perusing the bills that Christian routinely paid, trying to familiarize herself with the grown-up concept of paying bills, his cell phone buzzed. The text message that blinked on the screen attracted her attention. As soon as she skimmed it, her heart began racing — and splintering at the same time.

 **Elena:**

 **Great to see you today and catch up. I'm glad we could hash things out and don't worry about Ana — I'm sure you two will work it out. Call me if you need anything. I'm still here for you.**

The blinding fury that surged through Ana was quickly replaced by resignation — and resolve. _He confided in her about us. He violated my trust, yet again. Was he going to tell me? It doesn't really matter at this point. I love this man but clearly I don't know him, or trust him._

She looked up to the ceiling. _I get it. I don't need another sign._

Ana numbly walked into the bedroom, blocking out the sound of running water in the bathroom and the visual of a naked Christian lathering himself up. _Don't cry Ana or get horny. Keep it together. You can do this. You're a strong woman who needs to put herself first for a change. Get your shit together and don't chicken out. Don't chicken out._

Ana repeated the mantra over and over to herself as she completed the task at hand with razor-sharp focus: packing up what clothes she could and hauling out two large suitcases to her car before returning to the apartment to break her boyfriend's heart.

Christian stepped out of the bedroom dressed in loose-fitting sweats and a blue V-neck t-shirt, the ends of his hair still dripping wet.

"Do you want me to pick up some tacos at that Mexican place you like?" he asked warmly before halting in his tracks when he saw Ana standing rigidly by the door. She was wearing her jacket, her hands clasped solemnly in front of her while the designer purse Christian had bought for her last month dangled off her shoulder. The air crackled with foreboding tension.

Waves of guilt emanated from her and he understood in an instant. _She's leaving me._

The bottom dropped out of Christian's world and he sprinted over to her.

"Ana." He could barely find his voice past the ball of fear clogging his throat. "Where … where are you going?"

She looked up at him with tears brimming in her eyes, the unspoken answer weighing heavily between them. Christian's chest began to heave furiously in an effort to fill his lungs with much-needed oxygen, his body now covered in a sheen of perspiration — the recent shower long since forgotten.

"I saw the text from Elena. I know you spoke with her today." Her voice was barely a whisper but it sliced Christian to the bone, making him so dizzy he thought he might genuinely pass out.

"Ana, listen to me. Don't jump to conclusions." He tried to come across as authoritative but the terror in his voice was unmistakable. "I swear I was going to tell you…"

"It doesn't matter," she said sadly, glancing down at Christian's bare feet. Absentmindedly, she thought about how much she'd miss cuddling with him at night, using his feet to keep hers warm and toasty.

She blinked and looked back up. The resignation in her eyes slayed him.

"Ana, she came to see me to make amends for the other night and ask that I not interfere in her friendship with Grace. I agreed. I owe her that much. And I told her to stay out of our lives. I bid her goodbye and good luck. She won't bother us again."

"Yes she will Christian," Ana scoffed. _And he thinks I'm the naïve one in this relationship._ "She's more than just an occasional nuisance. She's an instigator. She's a constant knife wedged between us who'd like nothing more than to pry us apart."

"Give me an ounce of credit. That won't happen because I won't allow it — ever."

"You already have," Ana said flatly. "You betrayed me by discussing our personal life with her knowing how that would make me feel. You've betrayed your mother as well. You think you're protecting Grace's feelings by keeping this from her, but in fact you're hurting her by allowing her to be best friends with the woman who blatantly lied to her and manipulated her trust to take advantage of her troubled young son. And you're deluding yourself by thinking she had some magical powers that got you where you are today. I've been patient with you because you were the victim but you take Stockholm syndrome to a whole new level. Elena may always be a permanent fixture in your life — and a toxic presence in your mother's — but I'll be damned if she continues to intrude on mine. I refuse to allow that and I'm done putting up with this crap."

"You don't have to Ana. She's not a part of either of our lives," he vowed, rattled by the insinuation that he was betraying his girlfriend and mother, the two most important women in his life. The dull pounding in his head began to fell like a sledgehammer chipping away at his sanity. "I'm not her victim. I'm not her friend. I'm not her anything any more. I only talked with her because…"

"Save it Christian," she cut him off. "I can't stomach any more of your rationalizations about Elena. It's a moot point anyway. I talked with Kate and she wants a roommate for the next semester, so I'm going to stay with her for a bit. It's high time I learn to live on my own and I think we need to be apart for a while."

"No Ana don't do this! Don't you dare do this!" Without thinking, he grasped her shoulders, his fingers digging into the delicate flesh. "What … what the hell do you mean 'a while?' Are you leaving me?"

She shrugged in spite of his strong grip. "I don't want to call this a break because that's so cliché and I can't stop you from moving on since I have no idea how long…"

"NOO!" His agonized scream rippled through the apartment. She idly thought the bulging veins on his forehead might burst at any moment. "I don't want to move on, and I don't want you to either. There will never be anyone else for me. Ever! Please Ana. Don't do this. I'll never keep anything from you as long as I live. You have to believe me."

She eyed him with a mixture of pain and defeat. "That's the problem Christian. I don't believe you any more. I don't trust you and without trust…"

 _There can be no love_ , they both thought in unison.

Neither of them spoke. Each of them felt as if their chests had been carved out by a dull spoon — Ana's ripped apart by the stab of his betrayal; Christian's torn open by the stab of abandonment. His hands dropped to his side like two lead weights, paralyzed by the realization that his worst fear was coming true: She was slipping through his grasp.

Free from his embrace, Ana slowly turned toward the door — Christian right behind her, adrenaline coursing through his veins.

"Baby wait. I'm begging you to stay and reconsider. I'll do whatever you want. I'll start seeing Flynn again. I'll never speak to Elena again. I'll get on my hands and knees. I don't care. Please stop," his rambled as he began to kneel in front of her.

Ana wordlessly pulled him back up, battling back tears. "That's not what I want," she said, alluding to the classic submissive stance. _I'm not her._

Tamping down on her inner turmoil, Ana summoned all of her courage as she stepped into the corridor and walked down the stairs. Christian raced after her, his frantic breaths blowing down the back of her neck.

"Hold on Ana. Slow down. You're making a rash decision. Just give me a minute to explain," he pleaded as they exited the building. Christian was barefoot and without a jacket but the frigid air barely registered as he ran after Ana.

With tunnel vision, she tuned out his desperate entreaties, dug the keys out of her purse and strode toward her car. As soon as she opened the door, Christian instinctively splayed his hand across the window and slammed it shut, his long body hovering over hers.

"I won't," his voice cracked, an anguished sob escaping him. "I won't let you go. I can't live without you. Please Ana. What do I have to do to make this right? I'll do whatever it takes."

"We both have things to do Christian," she said blankly. "I need to grow up and learn to act like an adult, not as some appendage to my boyfriend who controls every aspect of my life while disregarding my wishes. Faith is one thing. Blind faith is quite another and I've clearly had too much of the latter. You also need to do some growing up and self-reflection. I have no desire for you to do what I want just because you're scared of losing me. That's not a good enough reason. You need to figure out what you really want. We both have a lot to work on, independently of each other. Maybe at the end of that process we'll find each other again, but right now that's not possible."

"Fuck that noise Ana! The only thing I want is you. All the rest is relationship psychobabble bullshit. We can work this out — together. I need you."

"And right now the only thing I need is to go — and you need to let me." Her declaration was monotone and lifeless. Like a tree branch buffeted by gale-force winds, Ana had finally snapped. Christian's heart seized when he recognized how broken she was — how broken they had become.

Ana reopened the door and got into the driver's seat as Christian watched, crippled by an alien feeling of helplessness. He made one last-ditch effort to break through the protective shell Ana had retreated into.

"How can you do this? How can you be so cold and turn your back on me after everything we've been through? You're just giving up without even giving me a chance to explain. You promised Ana. You promised that you would never leave me," he said, his tone unforgiving.

Her accusatory glare reminded him of his own deceit.

"People don't always keep their word, do they Christian?" she said bitterly. "You promised me honesty. Couples don't always keep their promises, do they?"

Her question stole what little air was left in his lungs.

"Please," she implored him, motioning to the door handle he was still holding onto. He numbly complied, staggering backward as she closed the door and started the engine.

Dry heaves wracked Christian's body as he watched his entire life drive away, his knees buckling when her car rounded the corner out of his sight. He collapsed with a loud thud to the ground, impervious to the cold air or hard concrete. Nothing could touch him now, because he was a hollowed-out husk of his former self.


	29. Chapter 29

_**Author's Note: Sorry for the delay — real-life writing and editing got in the way. I know I sound like a broken record, but thank you everyone for the reviews. It means a lot when people take time out of their day to write their opinions and encouragement!**_

 _ **So this is a quick chapter but a necessary glimpse into their immediate post-breakup lives. Next chapter will be longer. They've turned a corner but the drama is far from over. They will each make more mistakes but, without giving too much of the plot away, neither of them does anything tragic. As I said, no cheating and HEA. There will be angst and drama but trust me, I won't break your hearts (I also hate it when writers go overboard with nasty separations and stuff like that). They have issues but love each other and will stay true to that. In the meantime enjoy and please keep reviewing!**_

"Ana, you've been moping around this apartment for almost a week," Kate complained. "If you get any paler, you might get your own vampire show. How about we go outside for a walk? Bask in that little thing called sunshine."

"I prefer wallowing in a dark pool of regret but thanks anyway," Ana replied, entranced by the TV screen even though she wasn't paying any attention to it.

"Can I at least pull back the drapes? I keep tripping over that damn end table every time I come out of my room."

"No. Us vampires shrivel up in the light. Fortunately the sun will only be out for another two hours or so."

Kate rolled her eyes at her melodramatic martyr of a roomie.

Now that her finals were over, Ana had all the time in the world, so she used it to sleep until 3 in the afternoon in an effort to shut down her mind — and the thoughts about Christian that haunted her every waking moment. Crying didn't even feel cathartic any more — it felt as natural and routine as breathing.

At first, Ana tried to divert herself with game shows — a favorite pastime of her and Ray's — but whenever a contestant won, the shrill sounds of their laughter bounced off the walls like nails on a chalkboard. She marveled at how people could be so pleasant and chipper when her entire world had come crashing down and she struggled to put one foot in front of the other.

So Ana switched the channel and had it permanently set to CNN, where she could watch the litany of tragedies unfolding around the world and not be bothered by any pesky reminders of happiness.

In the meantime, she subsisted of bananas and dry cereal since she could barely muster the strength to amble over to the refrigerator — let alone the shower.

"OK girlfriend, no walk. But when I come home, I'm washing that hair of yours. The oil is staining the couch and you don't exactly smell like a bed of roses." Ana stifled a giggle.

Kate smirked in satisfaction. _There's a light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully Elliott's having better luck with Christian._

He wasn't.

Elliott stepped into the apartment and was smacked in the face by the musty stench of stale leftovers and self-pity.

He found Christian huddled on the floor leaning against the couch as he vacantly stared out the window. Disheveled with bloodshot eyes and an unshaven face, it appeared as if Christian hadn't seen a shower in days either.

"Whoa, you look like shit bro."

"Thank you," he mumbled, not even bothering to look up.

"When was the last time you ate?"'

"I had some chips and salsa yesterday."

"Interesting diet. The Mexican plan eh? Well I figured you might be hungry so I brought you some Indian food. We can travel the culinary world together."

"I don't like Indian food." _And I never should've given you a key to my place._

"Tough shit, I do," Elliot replied, unfazed by his brother's death glare. "Where are your plates?"

"Top left shelf," he replied automatically, head still bowed.

Elliott sat cross-legged directly in front of his dazed, defeated brother. The whiff of Indian curry chicken made his stomach roil, but Christian took a few obligatory bites to placate Elliott.

"Seriously man, I'm worried about you. You can't hermetically seal yourself off from the outside world like this. At some point you have to go to work, or at least take a bath or something. You reek of self-pity."

Christian sighed and finally lifted his head. Elliott's trademark humor evaporated the moment he saw the look of despair etched on Christian's stubbled face.

"Bro, talk to me. You can't go on like this."

"I don't want to go on without Ana," he rasped, his throat on fire. "I love her."

Elliott shivered. He never thought of his brother as suicidal, but it was clear he was in real danger of sinking down the rabbit hole of depression.

"I know you do man, and I believe deep down she loves you too, but right now you two are on different paths and you have to find your way back to each other. But this … whatever this is … isn't getting you anywhere."

"I don't give a shit. I'm a colossal cock-up."

"Correction, you fucked up. You're a man. It happens, with stunning regularity."

Christian stymied a laugh before the dull ache of loss returned with vicious speed. Elliott wasn't privy to the details of their breakup. All he and Kate knew was that Christian had deceived Ana about his past girlfriends and that the lies had caused irreparable damage between them.

"I may regret asking this, but have you tried reaching out to Ana? Not in your creepy stalker way, but as a repentant boyfriend?"

"Of course I tried Elliott," he lashed out. "I've called a billion times but she sends me straight into voicemail. I've stopped by and Kate unceremoniously shooed me out. I thought about showing up at one of her classes but I didn't want to ambush her in the middle of finals."

"Good to hear you're not being stalkery," Elliott mumbled.

"Cut the crap," Christian barked. "I'm not in the mood for your sarcasm. What the fuck do you want me to do?"

"You know what I want? Quit with this fucking self-loathing," Elliott bit out. It was time for some tough love. "You're Christian fucking Grey. You made a million dollars in a few months after dropping out of Harvard and defying everyone's expectations. You somehow managed to drag that smart-as-shit girl all the way across the country for you. Get your shit together, shower and focus. Do you want to get your girl back or not?"

"Of course I do," Christian growled. "But how the fuck can I do that if she won't even speak to me?"

"Start slowly. Don't pressure her but let her know you care. Let her know how truly sorry you are. And _explain_ why you're sorry so she gets that you get it — women love that shit. Prove to her you've learned your lesson and won't fuck up again. Don't give up but give her some space. Remind her what you two had together. And pull yourself together. No one wants to take back a hobo."

Christian knew he had hit rock bottom when he was taking relationship advice from Elliott. He gave his brother an appreciative grunt as he put his plate down and dragged himself up off the floor.

"Make sure you throw out that food. It stinks," Christian muttered as he headed for the bedroom to take a shower, buoyed by a newfound purpose.

"So do you. Don't forget the deodorant dude," Elliott hollered back wearing a sly smile.


	30. Chapter 30

_**Author's Note: I had fun writing this chapter. Fair warning: This will be the last light-hearted chapter for a while. The drama's not over (what can I say, I love angst). People don't change overnight — and neither do Christian or Ana — but don't worry, I won't drag out the pain too long either. Enjoy!**_

A steady stream of elaborate bouquets — sunflowers, lilies, peonies and roses in a vibrant rainbow of shades — had arrived at her door over the past week, each attached with a personalized note.

The last one in particular — a batch of daisies — moved her, along with Christian's words.

 **Dear Ana,**

 **I wanted to send you daisies because you told me they were your grandmother's favorite. You said she loved them because they were beautiful in their simplicity. Much like you, they don't need any embellishment. I remember you also told me that when you were a little girl, you loved staying up late with your grandmother and talking about your dreams. While I know I can never replace her, I hope one day you let me back in and spend the rest of your nights confiding in me. I love you.**

 **Christian**

Ana threw her head back in adoration and agony as she scoured Kate's kitchen for yet another vase. She was quickly running out of room for the daily barrage of flowers.

 _FUCK! This man is smoother than a newborn's ass. Who the hell wouldn't fall under his spell? God I miss him so damn much. I miss his large hands touching me, his lips, his smoldering eyes, even his stupid fucking temper. Shit! All I have to do is call him and I could put us both out of our misery. At least I could hear that sexy, deep baritone voice of his._

Just as Ana reached for the phone, however, her subconscious made a judgmental appearance.

 _And then what? You'll have amazing sex for a few days. Downright phenomenal sex actually. Freaking otherworldly probably._ Her skin began to itch in carnal anticipation. _Jesus Ana, focus! You're worse than a 12-year-old boy who found his dad's stash of Playboys. Even if you go back to him and you fuck the daylights out of each other, all your problems will just be waiting for you outside the bedroom door. Elena will still be there at the next family function — and his head will still be buried in the sand. The shadow of his past submissives will still loom over you. Can you really forget about them and move on? Has he been honest with you about everything? And can you really jump from living at home with your father to living with a husband — without having spent a single day actually living on your own?_

Ana picked up the phone but wound up dialing Clayton's Hardware Store to ask if she could pick up a few extra shifts during the winter break. _Might as well make some money while I try to keep my mind off my drama._

The next day, before heading out to work, her doorbell rang promptly at 9 a.m. But instead of the usual floral delivery man, Ana was met with a bulkier, more formal-looking security guard.

After grunting out a greeting, he gave her an intricate form to sign absolving his company of responsibility for the contents of the package he was about to give her. He then handed her a powder-blue box laced with a white ribbon before silently turning to walk away.

Ana stood at the door, immobile, staring down at the daintily wrapped box in her hand.

 _No he didn't. Oh hell, you know he did. Just open it Ana._

Inside was a delicate platinum bracelet studded with interlinked, floral-shaped diamonds that glittered against the early morning beams of sunlight streaming in through the window. Ana had always joked that the term "tennis bracelet" was so casually deceptive for what is essentially a band of expensive diamonds. Christian countered that one day he would get her a bracelet worthy of the name.

 _Jeez, this is sparkly! How much did this cost him? It must've been a fortune! I can't accept this. I sure as hell want to but I can't. He's obviously sparing no expense to win me back, but if I take this, doesn't it cheapen the stand I'm trying to take? He can't buy his way out of problems, even though that's his MO. Be graceful Ana. This is how Christian communicates. He means well. Don't wound his pride but let him know that you can't be bought either._

Ana picked up the phone but instead dialed Elliott. She needed a messenger to dispatch the bad news — and a trusted courier because she had no clue how to return such an exorbitant gift.

Christian was buried in spreadsheets detailing the viability of ailing shipping companies when his brother barged in.

"What the fuck Elliott. Can't you knock? And where the hell is Andrea?"

"Out to lunch, so don't chew her ass out. She needs to eat too."

Elliott screeched back the chair in front of Christian's desk and plopped down on the white leather seat, his hands obscuring the blue box that rested in his lap.

"What do you want Elliott? I'm busy," Christian grumbled as he marked off a few entries on his spreadsheet.

"What's new? Relax, this isn't a social call. I have something for you…" he hesitated.

"OK. What is it?" Christian frowned, growing increasingly impatient with his unexpected interruption.

"It's from Ana."

Christian's head popped back up as his heart sped up. "From Ana?" he sputtered. "What is it? Give it to me."

"Don't kill the messenger," he warned before placing the box on the desk.

Christian stared at the pretty little box, an ugly reminder of his failure to win his love back.

 _She rejected my gift. She's rejecting me._ His fingers grazed over the satin bow, resisting the urge to hurl it across the room.

"Don't get too worked up over it bro," Elliott consoled him. "I'm sure she appreciated the gesture but maybe it's a little too soon, too over the top for a gift like this. You know Ana. She's not really a material girl."

Christian ignored his brother's attempt to make him feel better. _What else can I offer her? Sex and expensive stuff. That's all I'm good for._

"Did she say anything?" Christian whispered, his eyes still transfixed on the pale blue box.

"She just asked me to text her before I got to your office so she could call you personally once I gave you the present back."

Hope bloomed in Christian's chest. "She said she'd call?" he asked just before his phone rang. All thoughts of the bracelet went out the window as he grabbed his cell.

"Hi Christian," she said tepidly.

"Ana. It's so good to hear your voice," he breathed as Elliott beat a hasty retreat.

"I wanted to explain about the gift. It was beautiful but it's way too extravagant. I'd rather you invested that money in your company."

"I'd rather invest it in us," he replied without a trace of guile.

Her breath hitched. "I … I appreciate the sentiment, but please understand, I can't accept the bracelet. It's gorgeous but it just wouldn't feel right." _It would feel like a bribe._ She could practically hear Christian threading his hands through his hair. "The flowers are lovely though," she added to take the sting out of her rejection.

It worked.

"I'm glad you liked them. I picked them out myself," he said, radiating childlike pride. _OK stick to flowers and steer clear of the diamonds — for now._ "Did you like the notes as well?"

"Yes I did, very much," she confessed, throwing him a bone.

Sheer exhilaration coursed through him. "I wanted to show you that I listen to everything you say, even when it doesn't always seem like it. I can listen now if you want to talk."

"No, I didn't call to delve into any of the heavy stuff," she replied. "We haven't resolved our fundamental problems — our trust issues, your controlling tendencies, my need for independence. Elena, too, is a nonnegotiable sticking point." _And a pain in my ass._ Ana hated saying that woman's name out loud, but she also had to make it clear that a few pretty flowers wouldn't cover up the odious stench of his denial. "I won't get into any of that until we can have a calm, civilized conversation about it and in order for that to happen, I think we need space and a clear head. It's barely been a week."

Christian pulled the receiver away from his ear and plopped his head down in his hands. _You mean it's already been a week — the longest seven days of my fucking life! Don't let her hear your frustration Grey. Stay calm and switch gears._

He took a steadying breath and put the receiver back to his ear. Even though the thrill of victory had been snatched from him, the CEO wouldn't be discouraged.

"I understand. I know we have a lot of shit to discuss but we can shelve it until you're ready. I'll be here. In the meantime, we can talk about something else. Anything. Humor me. How have you been?"

Ana steepled her fingers against the rim of his nose. _In a hell of my own creation._ "As well as can be expected."

"I know," he commiserated. "I know."

An uncomfortable silence descended over them as each tried to imagine how the other was coping with their separation. Finally, Ana thought of a positive icebreaker.

"I got a job," she told him brightly.

Christian's eyes bulged out of their sockets. "What? Where? When?"

 _And let the interrogation begin…_

"A local hardware store. My dad served in the Army with the owner during Vietnam and they needed a sales assistant."

"A h-a-r-d-w-a-r-e store?" Christian enunciated each letter to emphasize his disgust and disapproval. "What do you know about hardware Ana?" _For that matter, what the fuck do I know about it other than cable ties?_

"Nothing, but it doesn't take a degree in engineering to take money for some hammer and nails."

 _I fucking hate and love that smart mouth._ "What I mean is, there will be tools there Anastasia. Won't it be dangerous? I don't want you getting hurt." _And I don't want you around men. Lots of fucking men who are good with their hands._

"Yes there are tools in a hardware store. A lot of them in fact. It's sort of what they specialize in. But unless a chainsaw drops from the sky, I should be able to handle the cash register." _And yes Grey, I can handle the male customers as well, though let me guess, you'd prefer it if I found a job at a lingerie store and only dealt with women — as long as they weren't lesbians._

Christian stowed his annoyance and counted to 10 before responding. "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit Miss Steele," he chided her.

"Perhaps, but lowbrow can be funny. You should try it some time Mr. High and Mighty," she volleyed back playfully.

 _Shit, is she flirting with me? Carpe diem Grey. "_ I can get low-down with the best of them Anastasia," he crooned, his pants growing uncomfortably tight.

The air in Ana's apartment was uncomfortably sweltering as well. "It'll be fine Christian. Clayton's is a reputable place and they pay handsomely," she reassured him in an effort to steer the conversation away from their fallback topic of sex.

"What about school?" he asked, doggedly refusing to let the subject go.

"I'm still going. How else do you think I can pay for it though?"

Christian pinched the ridge of his nose. He knew this issue was bound to come up at some point. He had absolutely no intention of letting Ana pay for the college he had forced her to transfer to. _Fuck, this is going to be an all-out smack-down brawl._

"Ana, please hear me out before you object. I will continue to pay for your tuition no matter what. You moved here solely on my account and I pledged to you that I would pay for your schooling. I refuse to go back on my word. I won't take no for an answer."

"Christian, I know this is incredibly important to you and I appreciate your generosity," Ana began, treading carefully. "But it's equally important to me that I learn how to take care of myself. I need to work and support myself. I don't want to rely on anyone else financially."

"You don't need to work and you can always rely on me for anything," he insisted, affronted that she'd turn to a part-time job — and not him — to cover her bills.

"I knew I was right about you when I met you. Chivalrous to the bone," she said with a hint of nostalgia.

Christian cracked his first smile in days. "Then let me do this for you baby."

Ana felt her resistance wilting away and decided to cut the conversation short before she capitulated.

"I appreciate it but no. Please respect my wishes — I won't change my mind. I need to learn to be self-sufficient. Speaking of, I need to do some, uhhh, grocery shopping…" _Yeah that's it, grocery shopping_. "So I better get going…"

"Wait. You're right. Let's not get ahead of ourselves on this tuition nonsense. How were your finals?" Christian interjected in a bid to keep her on the phone. "How are you settling in at Kate's? What are your plans for the holidays?"

Ana smiled at his barrage of questions, which were about as transparent as her nonexistent trip to the grocery store. "Finals were good. I finished the semester with all A's except for a B in economics."

 _My clever girl._

"I knew you would," he said reverentially.

"Umm, what else did you ask?" she asked, slightly flustered.

"Kate. Holidays. Anything you want to talk about." _Just keep talking._

"Kate is … Kate," Ana smirked. "As for the holidays, I'm still going to visit Ray in Montesano. What about you?"

"Family I guess," he said, the prospect that he might not be spending Christmas with Ana washing over him like an ice-cold bath.

"I don't suppose we could see each other for Christmas?"

"I don't know," she replied, skittish. "I can't promise anything. It's way too early for that."

"What about before then, even just for a little bit? You …" His heart began to thump wildly. "You're not trying to _never_ see me again are you Ana?"

"No of course not." His sigh of relief was audible. "But I'm not ready to see you yet either. I need more time. A few weeks. I don't know. I can't commit to anything just yet."

Her nebulous timelines grated on his nerves but Christian tamped down his irritation.

"Ana, can I ask you something?" His question carried an undercurrent of fear.

"Yes…"

"Can we at least keep talking like this? Or we can just text if you don't want to talk over the phone. Whatever you want — it can be about dumb shit — but can we keep the lines of communication open? Don't cut me out of your life completely."

Ana chewed her lip indecisively. Every millisecond apart from Christian had been grueling. Just hearing his voice was like a balm that had alleviated days of unremitting pain. But she didn't want to revert to her bad habits and allow him to commandeer her life again.

"No calls. You know I hate talking over the phone. But maybe we can text, just to stay in touch for now," she said, hoping she had found a suitable compromise while maintaining her dignity.

"I'll take it. A few texts a day," Christian beamed.

"A few texts a week," she bargained.

"One a day and an occasional email," he haggled right back.

"OK," she conceded. "But don't expect an instantaneous response."

"Deal. But the notes with flowers keep coming too. Those don't count," he slipped in triumphantly — a little too triumphantly for her liking.

"Fine, but no gifts."

"OK," he smiled, impressed with her powers of negotiation. "You win baby." _And so do I._


	31. Chapter 31

_**Author's Note: I am SOOOOOOO sorry for leaving everyone hanging for so long and truly appreciate all the kind PMs expressing concern for me. No worries – I'm ok. I just got slammed with real life, including a lot of writing assignments (the kind that pay, so they had to take precedence). But I will finish this story. I kind of rushed through this chapter but wanted to get something out. I'm working on the other chapters so the updates won't take as long. Enjoy and please review!**_

"Wow, so you'd be willing to go to Iraq to reconstruct bridges?" Ana asked in awe as she plated up some spaghetti bolognaise, her specialty — mostly because it only involved three easy steps to prepare.

"Not now, but one day I'd like to put my engineering degree to work and join one of those reconstruction teams that the State Department sends out to rebuild war-torn countries," Ethan replied, sitting on the couch as he took in his sister's somewhat oversize apartment. He wondered why his parents barely shelled out for a studio for him back in Florida while Kate landed a pad big enough for six people.

Ana giggled to herself. _Good grief. My biggest ambition is to build a nightstand from IKEA on my own. Christian is building a multimillion-dollar company. Kate's brother wants to build bridges. What is with these overly ambition-ass men?_

"That's part of the reason why I transferred," Ethan added, a tad too eagerly. "Seattle's engineering program is much better than Florida's."

Ana hid her smirk. Ethan was an intelligent, approachable guy, but he was also a bit awkward — in many ways he mirrored her own social deficiencies. She sensed his decision to transfer had as much to do with being homesick as it did with the quality of degree programs here. _Who am I to judge? I transferred for a BDSM-loving man who broke my heart._

Ana felt the familiar swirl of emotion churn in her bowels at the thought of Christian but she swallowed down her pain. Their daily texts had lifted her mood considerably, but they only dulled the ache of his absence. The inescapable fact was that Ana missed her man.

 _Focus on the here and now Ana. Just enjoy a quiet night at home with Kate and Ethan. You've barely seen the light of day for the past two weeks and Ethan's a decent guy and the conversation is pleasant enough._

She had to admit that Ethan was attractive. His hair was light brown with streaks of blond and he stood a bit shorter than Christian, but he shared the same chiseled jaw line, brooding eyes and muscular shoulders. Kate explained that Ethan was a male version of Ana: shy and insecure, which, according to her theory, was why he hadn't had a date since he took their second cousin to prom. _He's still a step above me. I took my third cousin — Alicia, a girl. Everyone thought I was a lesbian, but I didn't have any male cousins. Wish I'd known Ethan back then. We could've been each other's loser fill-in prom dates._

Ana scrunched her nose, mentally berating herself. _You're starting to sound like Kate. Ethan's not a loser. He wants to go into war zones to change the world for goodness sake! Speaking of bad-mouthing sisters…_

"Where's Kate?" Ana asked, putting Ethan's bowl of spaghetti down on the coffee table in front of him. "She said she just needed to drop by the pharmacy but that was an hour ago."

"Dunno. Kate always takes forever to run any kind of errand. She winds up buying the whole store. Thanks for dinner. Spaghetti looks good," Ethan mumbled, unsuccessfully trying to twirl the noodles around his fork. Instead, he wound up splashing bright red splotches on the collar of his white polo shirt. Ana watched in mute fascination as he devoured his meal. _Good lord. What is it with men and food? He's just like Christian. It's like he's never seen pasta before._

Suddenly the door flung open and Kate stood at the entryway grinning like the cat who ate the canary.

"Surprise! Look who I found at the airport," she exclaimed, dramatically barging into the room while holding the door open for her mystery guest.

"Jose!" Ana shot up to greet her old high school buddy. "What are you doing here? I thought you didn't have time to stop by Seattle on your way to Hawaii?"

"I got a layover overnight so I could pop in and see you and get some rest before I start my vacay," he explained, giving Ana an exuberant hug.

"And I bet you can't wait to start that vacation of yours," Kate winked.

"Well it is Hawaii after all," Ana reminded her. "I'd be pretty anxious to escape both Boston and Seattle to go to a tropical island."

"That's not why," Kate tutted, a mischievous glint in her eye.

Ana looked between the both of them puzzled.

"I'm meeting my girlfriend Mara there," Jose finally elucidated, a proud grin plastered on his face.

Ana's eyes grew wide. _Oh my gosh, this boy has had a crush on me since freshman orientation at Harvard! He used to follow me around campus like a lovesick puppy dog. I'm glad he finally took the rose-colored glasses off and moved on._

"Wow Jose that's awesome! I'm so happy for you!" _And I'm especially happy that you didn't turn out to be a stalker_. "When did you guys meet?"

"In class. She's a photography major like me. We've actually both been commissioned by a local travel guide to photograph the waterfalls of Maui, so it's kind of a working vacation for both of us."

"Holy shit that's impressive — and not too shabby of an assignment," Ana beamed, slapping her friend on the back. _Geez, Iraqi damns, million-dollar mergers and now professional photography. Meanwhile, I'm ringing up cement at a hardware store. Way to think big Steele._

Ana imperceptibly shook her head and remembered her manners. "Do you guys want some spaghetti before we rent a movie? I made a ton. I bought the sauce in one of those bulk stores so Kate and I will be having Italian for the next decade."

The boys chuckled as Ana wandered into the kitchen to dish up the pasta.

"As much as my big ass needs carbs," Kate began, "I have a better idea. Let's skip the movie and go to that sorority party I mentioned. They'll have plenty of unhealthy food there too — plus tequila, which goes with any meal!"

"Party sounds good," Jose chimed in. Ethan offered a polite smile. "Sure. Why not?" he shrugged, hiding his obvious discomfort at the idea of navigating a college party.

"Perfect!" Kate clapped her hands. Ana warily chewed her lip. "OK. I'll just put away this spaghetti for later. It'll be the perfect late-night cure for the tequila munchies," she mumbled.

Kate approached her from behind as Jose took a seat next to Ethan on the couch making small talk. "It might be good for you Ana — maybe pull you out of this funk," she whispered sympathetically.

Ana sighed. _Or land me in a heap of shit with Christian. He thinks I'm staying in watching a movie with Kate and her brother. He's already given me the third degree over Ethan in a span of 18 texts today. Now I'm going to a party with not one but TWO guys, not to mention tons of tequila._

"Ana," Kate said in an admonishing tone. "Did you take a break from Christian to hibernate or experience life outside the young tycoon's gilded cage?"

Ana arched her brow. She didn't appreciate the patronizing reprimand but conceded that her blunt best friend had a point.

"I know, I know," she breathed, fiddling with the pot of pasta. _I just don't want to get in trouble. Wait, what the fuck? Am I in high school sneaking off to a party? Wait, did I ever even go to a party in high school?_

Ana pursed her lips into a thin line at the memory of studying and watching game shows with her dad every Friday night. _Jeez, I really was a dork. Christian probably had supermodels suspended from the ceiling while I thought a night out at the roller rink with my third cousin Alicia and her boyfriend on a Saturday night was exciting. Wait, did Alicia take pity on me all those times she let me be the third wheel? Is that why Ray always gave her such nice Christmas gifts? I always wondered why he gave her that iPhone. Oh lordy, apparently I wasn't just unpopular —I was also a charity case. Hmmm, I think I need to call and catch up with that woman._

Kate chuckled watching her best friend's tortured inner monologue.

"Earth to Ana," she said, interrupting Ana's trip down memory lane.

Ana shook her head. "Sorry I spaced. Yeah let's go to the party. I need to let loose a little." _Or a lot._

"That's the spirit banana!"

"Ummm, but wait. I have to tell you something." Ana leaned in conspiratorially, not wanting Ethan or Jose to overhear her confession. Kate's ears perked up. "I've never really been to a party. I don't know what goes on. What I mean is, I don't exactly know what to do."

Kate rolled her eyes, disappointed that Ana's "big, juicy reveal" was neither big nor juicy. She wrapped her arm around Ana's shoulder and gave her a reassuring squeeze. "You party and have fun silly! Don't worry, you'll be with us. We'll take care of you. Just relax, meet some new people and enjoy yourself. That's all there is to it!"

"OK," Ana giggled. "I'll stop freaking out now like I'm going to meet the Queen of England."

"Good," Kate exhaled. "Now I'm going to go try on a bunch of different outfits to find something that looks like I just casually threw it on. Sexy without the skank — that's my motto!"

"What about Elliott? Is he coming?" Ana inquired. "I'm sure he wouldn't want to miss out on your sexy-yet-nonskanky ensemble."

"He gets plenty of the sexy and believe me, he's more interested in what's under that ensemble anyway," Kate winked. "Actually, him and Christian are going to watch Mia in some cake-cooking competition tonight. I'm happy Mia found a hobby she loves, but as much as the thought of watching a cake bake in the oven for three hours appeals to me, I decided to hang with y'all tonight."

"I have to admit, I don't blame you," Ana smiled, relieved that Christian would be occupied tonight.

"What are two gossiping about?" Jose yelled over to the two girls huddled in the kitchen corner.

"None of your business nosy," Ana teased, wrapping up the spaghetti in aluminum foil as Kate went to her bedroom to change. "So Jose, how did you land that plush gig of photographing Hawaiian waterfalls and actually getting paid to do it? More importantly, how the hell can I get in on that act?"

"Hey, I told you to take photography classes with me but you stuck with Shakespeare. Don't blame me if the Bard hasn't treated you as well," Jose quipped.

Ana sat down on the small sofa facing Jose and Ethan. "Fair point, but when I'm a big-time book editor, don't come crawling to me to get your photo albums published!"

"Ha, we'll see about that," Jose laughed. "Actually, Mara and I were in the same class where our professor offered us the assignment. He also works for a travel agency on the side and they have this glossy magazine…"

A buzz in his pocket interrupted Jose's story. "Oops sorry, speak of the devil. Err, I mean speak of the girlfriend — that's Mara calling," he said, quickly whipping out his cell phone. "Hey baby, how are you? Sorry I was just chatting with my friends. Could you wait a second honey?"

Jose pulled the phone away from his ear as he stood up. "Sorry guys, I'm just going to go on the balcony to take this. Be right back!"

He promptly scurried off to the balcony, apologizing profusely to Mara for keeping her waiting.

Ana giggled at her love-struck friend. "I've never seen Jose like this," she said to Ethan, who was still playing with his spaghetti, the odd man out on the couch. "Gotta love young love! Hope he enjoys it while it lasts," Ana sniggered.

She suddenly stopped herself, shocked by her cynicism. _Jeez, I'm 19 and I'm already jaded about love? Get a grip Ana. You're not some middle-age divorcee._ "Sorry, that came out really bitchy! I didn't mean to imply that they'd break up. I'm really happy for him."

"No worries Ana," Ethan smiled in understanding. "You're certainly not bitchy. You're a very nice person."

Ana blushed at the simple compliment. "Thanks. That's very sweet of you."

"It's the truth," Ethan shrugged. He put his bowl of spaghetti down on the coffee table and began to nervously twiddle his fingers together.

"I was sorry to hear about you and Christian by the way," he muttered, staring down at his fidgeting fingers.

It was Ana's turn to squirm. "Ummm, thanks. Yeah, it sucks but it happens I guess."

"Yeah, it does," Ethan replied, as unsure as Ana of what to say. An awkward silence descended over the room as each of them studiously avoided eye contact with the other.

"Are you OK?" Ethan asked, finally turning to look at Ana with genuine concern etched on his face.

Ana stopped eyeing her nails and took a deep, fortifying breath. "I've been better to be perfectly honest, but I'm trudging through it. Kate's been helpful — a handful but helpful — and I'm trying to get out more to take my mind off how crappy things are right now."

"That sounds like good plan Ana. Speaking of getting out…" Ethan cleared his throat, a bead of sweat forming on his brow. "Ummm, if you ever … I mean if Kate isn't here … you know, if she's with Elliott or whoever … not that she'd be with someone else." He paused to catch his breath and focus. "What I'm trying to say, rather inarticulately, is that if you ever want to go out and you don't have anyone else to go out with, I'd be happy to keep you company. I mean, only if you want."

Ethan exhaled in relief, as if he'd just finished a marathon. Meanwhile, Ana gaped at him, her mouth hung open in disbelief. _Shit, is he asking me out? Or is he just trying to be friendly? Why am I so clueless at reading people? I need to make it clear that I still love Christian so he doesn't get the wrong idea. At the same time, I don't want to assume he's even into me. He may just be trying to be nice. Oh, quit overanalyzing this Ana. Just be upfront with the boy._

"Errr, thanks Ethan. I'd love to hang out with you — I don't have a lot of friends at the moment. I just wanted to let you know that I'm not really dating anyone. Christian and I aren't together right now, but we're not broken up either. I'm still trying to figure out what we are, but I do know that I want to be with him." Ana laughed at her own convoluted admission. "I know that makes no sense — we're not together but we're not _not_ together! That sounds like something Chrissy Snow from 'Three's Company' would say, but it's my weird-ass situation right now."

Ethan gave her a toothy smile. Despite his disappointment, he was grateful for Ana's honesty. "No worries Ana. I don't have a lot of friends either," he confessed. "So it would be awesome to hang out some time. In the meantime, I genuinely hope you and Christian work things out. He seems like a decent guy who loves you and you deserve to be happy."

 _Damn, this guy is such a catch and he doesn't even know it. One day, some girl is going to get lucky when she finds this undiscovered gem._

"Thanks Ethan. I for one am glad you decided to transfer to Seattle. I think you'll make a great life here. It might be bumpy but just give it some time. We'll both figure it out — eventually. It'll be like the blind leading the blind, but we'll get there" Ana joked.

"Ain't that the truth," Ethan laughed.

Kate suddenly burst in, decked out in a tight white tank top with a flowing green skirt. "You guys ready? If we don't get there, all the decent tequila will be gone. Sorority girls are lushes."

"So are we," Ana laughed, gathering Ethan's spaghetti bowl as she headed toward the kitchen. "Grab Jose from the balcony while I clean up in here and then we'll go."

Kate nodded and Ethan put on his sneakers while Ana washed the remaining dishes, her thoughts inevitably wandering over to Christian. _Should I text him and let him know I'm going to party? Stop it Ana. He's not your father. You're a grown woman and don't have to check in with anybody._

Soap bubbles floated in the air as she mindlessly lathered the clean bowl for the third time. _But he'll be pissed if he finds out from Elliott that I went to a party. I'll be polite and text him later tonight. That way, I'm not hiding anything._

Ana frowned as her subconscious mocked her cowardly reasoning. _And that way, he can't throw a fit and stop you from going. Wimp._

She dumped the bowl in the sink and turned to get her jacket, a newfound resolve in her step. _I may be a wimp, but I'm a wimp who's determined to have a good time tonight damn it!_


	32. Chapter 32

_**Author's Note: This is a bit of a random chapter but I wanted to get inside Ana's head a little. I thought it would be fun to explore the nervousness a lot of people feel when they go to a party and don't know anyone. I also wanted to examine the conflicted feelings she has toward submission in general. On the one hand, Christian's domineering ways turn her on. On the other, she can't grasp how women can voluntarily debase themselves — and how her affectionate boyfriend was a cold-hearted dom before her. So that's something she has to work out mentally before she can accept his past.**_

 _ **Please review!**_

The music was loud, the floors were sticky, the air was smoky and the liquor was flowing. People were laughing, kissing, dancing, playing beer pong and doing keg stands. To Kate and Jose, it looked inviting. To Ana and Ethan, it looked intimidating.

Ana anxiously shuffled her feet as she waited for Kate to guide her through the maze of partygoers she didn't know.

"Relax girlfriend! I got you," Kate reassured her, wrapping her arm protectively around Ana's shoulders as they made their way to the kitchen. "The ladies are getting warmed up with some shots boys. You two are on your own for a little while," Kate called back to Jose and Ethan, who were already pouring themselves some beer.

Ana crinkled her nose at the sticky countertop and the red solo cup Kate handed her.

"We're going to do shots in this? Isn't it a little big?"

"Ana, they don't exactly have crystal shot glasses. Chill, the alcohol will kill any germs and I'm not going to fill the whole thing."

Kate still managed to fill a quarter of the cup. Ana swirled the amber-colored liquor as if it were cyanide. _This still looks like three shots but what the hell, Kate is in her element and I'm like a duck out of water._

The tequila burned going down but Ana prayed it would lift her spirits — and social skills.

"Adda girl," Kate laughed, smacking her friend on the back as she coughed down the rest of her drink. "OK, now that I got you warmed up, I'm going to say hi to a few of my peeps. I'll be back. Mingle, converse and for God's sake, just relax and have fun."

The rigidity of Ana's shoulders belied any relaxation she felt. She poured herself a beer and nervously surveyed the room for a friendly — or remotely familiar — face. But even Jose and Ethan had wandered off into the crowd.

Ana took one tiny sip after another, periodically looking down at her phone to feign business. It felt like every pair of eyes was watching her — her awkwardness on full display.

 _Crap, I'm the only one not talking to anyone. They must think I'm such a loser. How many more times can I look up the weather to pretend like I'm texting my friends? Deep breath, Ana. You've got to eventually move from this spot and speak to someone. How hard can it be? Just go up and introduce yourself. Wait, do people do that at college parties? Christian does it all the time at business functions. But this isn't exactly a black-tie dinner. I have to admit I could go for some of that black-tie wine instead of this cheap piss-like beer. Is this really the best college kids can afford? Remember Kate's advice: The more you drink, the better it tastes._

Ana held her nose and took one more swig as she scoured the room for an opening, discarding one scenario after another. _Those girls look like they've been BFFs since elementary school. How weird would it be if I just went up and interrupted them while they're in the middle of a serious gossip session? Nope, move on._

Her eyes continued to scan the haze-filled room. _Couple. Couple. Holy crap, that couple is practically having sex on the couch. Another couple. Jeez, you really notice how many couples there are when you're no longer part of one. There's a guy over there but I think he's planning to hit on that hot girl next to him. Good for him. I would never have the balls to go up to someone who was so way out of my league._

She then noticed two bulky-looking guys in a corner but quickly averted her eyes. _I sure as hell don't need to open up that can of woop-ass. Christian would commit murder if I even approached them._

Ana rocked on her heels, rooted to the floor by indecision. She considered heading upstairs but again promptly dismissed the ridiculous notion. _Who knows what's going on up there. What if some guy drags me into a room and rapes me? Oh get a grip Steele. This isn't some freaking Lifetime movie. It's a party, not a Roman orgy. Christian's really got you paranoid. For the love of God, just go up and talk to someone Ana. Anyone!_

She tentatively took a few steps toward a scrawny, freshman-looking guy who was trying to figure out how to siphon beer out of the keg, but at the last minute she U-turned toward a brown-haired girl in a plain white T-shirt standing by the stairs. The girl looked as lost as Ana felt.

"Hi. Aren't you in my econ class?" Ana asked shyly. _Oh good lord, that sounds like a lame pick-up line. I hope she doesn't think I'm hitting on her._

"No I don't think so. I haven't taken econ since last year," she smiled politely.

"Oh sorry." Ana took a deep breath and extended her hand. "Hi. I'm Ana." _Do people shake hands at parties?_

"Hi. I'm Melinda. Nice to meet you," the young woman reciprocated, shaking Ana's hand.

Melinda turned out to be a junior who had recently transferred from the local community college. She was studying communications and hoped to become a fiction novelist. Ana was impressed. She loved reading the classics but never thought about plucking up the courage to put pen to paper.

They talked for nearly an hour about their shared love of literature, the long-lost art of proper grammar, the difficulties of cracking into the world of publishing and their lack of career and college experience.

"Yeah, I haven't been to many parties either. The only way I was able to finally transfer was to get a scholarship that covered most of my tuition, so I've got to keep my grades up if I want it renewed next year," Melinda explained.

"I was lucky too. I got a partial scholarship and an aid package with really low interest rates," Ana said, omitting the fact that her boyfriend was willing to foot the bill for her entire tuition. At her request, Christian had been paying her loan in installments each month. She had convinced him not to pay it off in one lump sum because she secretly wanted to chip in at some point. Now, she was hoping to take over the payments altogether, but knew that Christian would fight her tooth and nail on it.

 _It's so tempting to just give in and let him take care of everything, but it feels wrong to have stuff handed to you without having to work for it yourself. Clothes are one thing, but this is my education. I want to be like Melinda and earn my degree in every sense of the word — down to the last dime._

"I don't know how anyone can afford college nowadays anyway," Ana mused. "Harvard was like sixty-grand a year. Who the hell has that kind of money? That's more than most people's salaries. Besides, who wants to walk out of graduation with $250,000 in debt hanging over their heads? And then everyone complains that American kids are uneducated compared to the rest of the world. Hello, that's because college everywhere else doesn't cost more than a mortgage!"

"You're preaching to the choir," Melinda chuckled. "Imagine taking on that kind of debt as a writer? I doubt I'll even make that kind of money throughout my entire writing career!"

"Yeah, we're probably better off being lawyers, but I'd rather be broke than bored. I know so many law interns who spend 120 hours a week researching statutes and precedents for obscure patent cases. No thank you!"

"Don't worry, I'll be right there in the poor house with you — i.e. a publishing house."

Both girls laughed at their unapologetic determination to pursue careers in a dying industry.

"Well, not to cut the party short, but I better head home," Melinda interrupted their reverie. "Like a dork, I was the first one to arrive, so I've been here for like four hours. Plus, I had an 8 a.m. class today so I'm ready to crash. I'll call you though and we can hang out next week."

"Sounds awesome," Ana replied cheerfully.

The girls exchanged numbers and Ana returned to the festivities with a renewed sense of confidence. She even mingled with a few other girls before grabbing another beer. Ana marveled at how smoothly it went down. _Kate's right. It does taste better after a while_.

She poked her head onto the large deck area to find her absent friend but couldn't see past the throngs of people who had gathered around a makeshift tiki bar to cheer on two girls getting shots licked off their necks and bare bellies. Ana stood there, hypnotized and somewhat repulsed by the sight of different men sucking cheap liquor off the women's scantily clad bodies.

 _I wonder if this is what they really want or if they think it's the only way to get a guy's attention? Maybe they're right. Look at every girl dressed in a T-shirt that actually covers her breasts. None of the boys are even looking their way. Why should they when they've got girls wearing booty shorts with their ass cheeks hanging out? Is that what it takes nowadays to get a boy to notice you — whore yourself out?_

Ana's mind invariably wandered over to the man in her life.

 _Christian always loved me no matter what I wore. Actually he preferred it when I dressed like a prude. He'd usually rip off my clothes anyway to ravage me._ Ana smiled nostalgically as she swirled her warm beer. _But he also loved talking to me for hours, listening to my rants about the internet, climate change,, gun control and whatever other random topic I'd latched onto after watching the evening news._

 _How can this be the same man who instructed women to only look at him on command? Who had them kneeling and staring at the ground for hours until he was ready to fuck them?_

Ana glanced over at the women laying on the bar getting groped by three sets of hands and her smile quickly faded.

 _Just because it's consensual doesn't make it any less demeaning. Maybe being treated like a sex object is exactly what these women wanted. I suppose I can't fault them for that. To each their own. But I can fault my boyfriend. He got off on debasing women. All this fancy talk about finding freedom in giving up control and how submissives really exert all the power is bullshit. The purpose of these women isn't just to submit — it's to be subservient. They exist to serve another person. They are essentially sub-human — blindly following commands like some robot._

 _Christian felt like a man telling women what to do and how to act — they practically had no say in running their own lives. And if they broke his arbitrary, self-imposed rules, he'd punish them, physically. Their sole purpose was to please him. Their pleasure was merely a byproduct of his. He saw them as three holes, not as human beings._

Ana cringed as she tried to reconcile the dichotomy of Christian the doting boyfriend with Christian the controlling dominant. She had listened to him extol the virtues of submission and tried to understand where he was coming from, but in the end it was a hollow effort. All the nuance and intricacy couldn't mask an escapable reality: Submission was about sex.

 _Christian spouts this nonsense about the trust and loyalty you create through a BDSM contract but at the end of the day it's all a fancy-schmancy way of fucking. Nothing more. There may be hard and soft limits, leather floggers and legally defined parameters in BDSM, but ultimately it's no different than a hookup or one-night stand at a frat party. Where does it leave the women afterward? Usually nowhere but used and alone the next day._

Ana stood there, seemingly mesmerized as she watched two men grind on a girl sandwiched between them. She saw flashes of the woman's pink bikini top and boy shorts with the word "juicy" plastered over her rear end.

 _Isn't it bad enough that women are judged on their looks every second of every day by every single heterosexual male on the planet. Do we really need to lower ourselves even more? Is it necessary for girls to sexualize ourselves to find love? Maybe that's the Shakespearean romantic in me though? Maybe love isn't what Christian's exes were looking for? Why can't women want a good old-fashioned fuck? We're sexual creatures — some kinkier than others. Why can't I get over my disbelief that Christian had women who were perfectly happy to submit to him in bed and that was satisfying enough?_

 _It was their choice after all. I couldn't be degraded like that without knowing the man at least cared about me, but that's me — not them. And even I have to admit that it turns me on when Christian bosses me around in the bedroom, as long as he knows who's the boss outside of it._

Ana sighed, consumed by her inner rambling. _That's the problem though. He always wants to be the boss. He wants to dictate who I see and what I do, all in the name of "safety" and "love." But that's not love. It's possessiveness and it's unhealthy. And if I want us to have any kind of future together, I need to put a stop to it._

She whipped out her cell phone, oblivious to the gyrating bodies around her as she resolutely pulled up her texts with Christian. _And I'll start by admitting that I'm at a party with my friends. Why should I feel like I'm sneaking off without his permission? I'm not doing anything wrong and there's nothing to be ashamed of._

 **Hi Christian. Just wanted to let you know that I wound up going to that party with Kate. Don't worry, Jose and Ethan are with us and we're not staying long. Have a good night and I'll text you tomorrow.**

Suddenly, she was startled by a pair of hands on her shoulders. "Hey girl. Sorry I abandoned you, but these bitches wouldn't shut up. Whatcha been up to?" an inebriated Kate bellowed in her ear.

"I actually met a pretty cool girl and I just came out here looking for you." _Though apparently I should've just followed the shrill sound of your screaming._

"Well you found me, and this is my jam so let's dance!"

Ana shook her head, bemused, as the two of them began swaying to the beat. On the one hand, she missed Christian and wished she were dancing with him. On the other hand, Ana felt lighter than she had in weeks. There was no BDSM contracts. No cougar pedophiles. No bad breakups with a future mogul/former dom.

She was just a normal college girl. And it felt nice.

After four songs, the girls spotted Jose and Ethan on the front lawn and decided to join them. Sweaty and no longer sober, Ana was grateful for the fresh air.

"Hi guys! Where'd you disappear to?" Ana asked, trying to conceal her burp. _Wow, tequila tastes even worse the second time around._

"We couldn't leave the beer pong table without at least one victory," Jose quipped.

"So did you win?"

"Nope," Ethan replied. "They're going to need way more kegs for that."

Ana laughed, enjoying their banter, though she couldn't rid herself of the creeping feeling that perhaps she should've waited until she got home before she texted Christian.

 _No, don't be silly. He's a grown, rational man. It was a perfectly harmless text and he'll appreciate my honesty._

A reluctant smile tugged at her lips. _Yeah right. Famous last words._


	33. Chapter 33

_**Author's Note: Hi guys – I've endlessly gone back and forth on this chapter because I've never been thrilled with how I wrote it, but finally I just decided to put something up. Sometimes you just have to stop overthinking things!**_

 _ **Thank you for the great feedback and please keep it coming. I'd love to know what people think of this. Just fyi – I know everyone will have differing opinions of Christian and Ana's reaction, which is great and I'm curious to hear about what you think, but in case you're wondering, my ultimate goal was to paint them as both at fault. It was hard but I think that in most relationships, both people are usually in the wrong and right, so that's what I was trying to convey. Not sure how I did but let me know!**_

 _ **And don't worry, I love angst, but this is a major turning point. They both start to mature after this. And sorry the updates are taking longer, but the story will finish. Please review!**_

"What's up guys," Ana hiccupped, waving one arm in the air to do her best Usher dance impression, knowing she had failed miserably.

"Thinking about your spaghetti girlfriend, cause I'm hungrrrry," Kate quipped, grabbing her belly.

"When aren't you?" Ana snickered, losing her coordination as she giggled. "I'm more in the mood for diner eggs though."

"Oooohhh eggs!" Ethan chimed in, visibly excited. "I'm not saying that's my favorite hangover cure but…"

"Eggs are awesome," Ana concurred, her hand still in the air as she wobbled trying to regain her balance. Ethan instinctively grabbed her elbow to hold her upright. Ana gave him an appreciative nod, scowling at the grass, as if that were the cause of her clumsiness, not the tequila.

The four of them laughed as they agreed that eggs and pancakes were the winning combo to drown out tequila and beer. At that moment, even though her vision was a bit groggy, Ana clearly recognized the familiar silhouette of a muscular, broad-shouldered man charging toward her like an angry bull. Even it weren't for the tick of his angular jaw, she could tell he was livid by the steam practically rising out of his head.

She quickly turned to Kate, Jose and Ethan. "Could you give us a minute?" she asked tentatively, girding herself for World War III. The trio looked up and took the hint, their heads lowered as they stepped behind the firing line. Christian barely noticed them as he barreled toward his target.

"What the hell are you doing Anastasia?" he barked, restrained fury lacing his voice as his face hovered inches from hers.

 _At the moment, I'm struggling to stay upright._

Ana eyed the iHop in the distance _—_ thoroughly unimpressed with Christian's as she dreamed of fluffy pancakes.

"I believe I'm at a party," she deadpanned, hands on her hips in an effort to convey her independence — and prop herself up.

"I can see that Anastasia. I can also see that you're clearly drunk and acting rather irresponsibly," he gritted out.

She knitted her brows together. "How? By standing on a lawn?"

"Swaying on a lawn is more like it."

"Well, you're acting like an ass by yelling at me on a lawn," she replied coolly. _I am slurring a little but that's beside the point._ "And I'm not drunk." _A tad inebriated, but that's beside the point as well._ Her footing may have been a little woozy, but her voice was steady and assured, buttressed by the power of tequila.

"Anastasia, that's enough of this ridiculousness," he growled. "Stop acting like a child. You're not even old enough to drink for fuck's sake and by the looks of things, you won't be able to handle alcohol even when you do turn 21. I won't allow you to get trashed and put yourself at unnecessary risk. Get your shit together. I'm taking you home," he said authoritatively, reaching for her arm.

' _Unnecessary risk?' What am I, another one of his acquisitions? I've really got to work on his archaic vocabulary. He sounds like a cross between a dry lawyer and a spoiled brat._

Unimpressed with his take-charge attitude, Ana swatted his hand away. "I'm not going anywhere Christian, nor am I putting myself in harm's way." _Hell, I'm with the two most harmless men on the planet._ "The only thing that's ridiculous right now is your over-the-top reaction. What are going to do? Ground me? Take away my phone privileges? Chill, for once in your tightwad life. Last time I checked, I'm at a sorority in Seattle, not a bunker in Syria. Kate is here, as are her brother Ethan and Jose, neither of whom would allow me to 'put myself at unnecessary risk.'"

The sight of Ana using sarcastic air quotes and the sound of two other men's names spilling out of her mouth made his blood boil over.

"You think Ethan and Jose will protect you over me?" he snarled, using his full height to tower over her — to little effect. "The only thing those pricks will try to do is take advantage of you and crawl down your pants. You may be shockingly naïve Ana, but I'm not. Now get your ass over here and let's go."

A frisson of fear shot through her but Ana ignored it. "Excuse me? The only one whose ass is going anywhere is yours Christian," she said firmly. Her defiance felt empowering. "I trust my friends more than I do you right now."

Christian winced, her rejection lancing through him. _She trusts two strange guys over me, the man who'd lay down his life for her? After everything we've been through, this is the fucking choice she makes? How can she do this to me?_ He felt an irresistible compulsion to wound her, the same way she had wounded him — his vindictive nature coming to the fore.

"Is this some kind of master plan for punishing me for my past sins, huh? Get me jealous by getting wasted and flaunting your new men in my face? If that's the case, then your maturity leaves a lot to be desired Anastasia. Maybe I should've stuck to submissives after all. It would've saved us both a lot of heartache. In spite of what you may think, submissives have a lot more brains and common sense than you do right now," he ground out, his tone hushed and eerily calm.

Christian took a calculating pause to gauge her reaction but Ana's countenance gave nothing away. She saw through his transparent provocation, but it still stung. She suppressed her tears, refusing to give him the satisfaction of a single droplet.

"Be sure to tell your new submissive hello and good luck," she parried back, seemingly unaffected. "I have a party to return to and my _friends_ — who see me as a human being and not as a piece of flesh to be contracted out for someone else's pleasure — are waiting for me. Peace out!"

Christian balled his fists so tightly that his fingernails drew blood in the palm of his hand. He conveniently ignored the dark shadows reminding him how little he thought of the women who came before Ana.

"Is that how you see me Anastasia? As some kind of fucking pimp who treats women like pieces of meat?"

"Nooooo, you're too high-class to be a pimp. You had Elena do your dirty work," Ana snapped, her glassy eyes squinting at him.

Christian flinched as if he'd been slapped. Her barb hit its mark. _It always comes back to Elena doesn't it? No matter what I do, she'll never get off her high fucking horse and forgive me._

"I didn't realize you had such a low opinion of me. I'm sorry we can't all be virtuous little prisses who judge other people based on their pasts," he gritted out, every muscle shaking with restraint.

Ana's own restraint was quickly fraying. _I'd rather be a priss than a pimp or pedophile any day. I may not be a feminist, but now all I want to do is burn a bra in front of my misogynistic boyfriend._

She could no longer conceal the pent-up disgust she felt every time she thought of Christian and Elena. She was tormented by the visual of the two of them sitting together on a couch casually weeding out prospective submissives like an employer sizing up a job application. _Only the skills they were looking for involved having big enough tits to fuck and a willingness to get fists shoved up their anuses._ That tequila began to make an unwanted appearance in her throat. She took a deep breath to tamp it down and compose herself.

"I'm neither virtuous nor judgmental, but I have every right to my opinion," she replied, her head held morally high. "And yes, I have a low opinion of how you viewed women — and certainly of the 'company' you _continue_ to keep. My friends don't exactly have a history of corralling women like cattle to offer them up as sex slaves," Ana sneered, going for the jugular.

"Is that how you think I treated them, like slaves?" he asked, dragging her away by the elbow from the house so that no one overheard their heated back and forth. "Quit with the damn dramatics. Submissives do what they do because they want it. Hell, they actively seek it out!"

"Whatever," she said, rolling her eyes. "You're their 'master' right and their sole purpose is to serve you? Is that not an accurate description?"

It was, but Christian wasn't about to concede the point.

"Dissect it all you want Ana. It boils down to the fact that it's a mutually beneficial and consensual relationship. I don't know how many times I have to explain it to you before it sinks in. Yes, they submitted to me. That's what they signed up for."

"Fine, but this isn't what I signed up for," she shot back, angrily flicking her finger back between their two heaving chests. "I thought it was something you dabbled in occasionally, like trying freaking weed in college. I didn't sign up for a boyfriend who spent years contracting out women like it was a sterile business deal. I didn't sign up for a boyfriend who throws a hissy fit just because I go to a party, while he maintains contact with the BDSM bitch who taught him that the only way to fuck women was to inflict pain on them and tie them down."

"Enough," he exploded, the irrefutable truth behind her harsh words clawing his insides. "I'm not going to stand here while you talk down to me like I'm some piece of trash who abuses women. That's not who I am and you know it!"

Gutted by the pain etched on Christian's face, Ana immediately backtracked. "I'm sorry," she whispered, suddenly contrite and sober. "I know you're not like that and I should never have implied otherwise. You're a good man."

Her anger had dissipated, replaced by confusion. 'It's just that … I can't describe it. I can't wrap my head about what you used to do. It's all so…"

"Oh for fuck's sake Ana, there's more than one way to have sex," he bit back, flailing his arms in exasperation. "Stop being so naïve. You haven't exactly complained about some of the kinky shit Elena taught me when I've done it to you. What do you want? Normal? Boring? Like those two dipshits over there? Knock yourself out. Careful you don't fall asleep in the middle of the missionary position though."

The mere mention of Elena's name was enough to demolish any feelings of regret Ana may have harbored as her pique returned in full force.

"Just because they're normal doesn't make them dipshits Christian, so leave my friends out of this. I respect them because they respect women and see them as equals, not as conquests. You're only knocking them because of your own insecurities. They're good guys and there's nothing wrong with being nice to other people. Dignity is a two-way street," she said, standing upright for the first time since their encounter, a strange serenity taking hold of her. "How you treat other people is ultimately a reflection on yourself — and how you treated women leaves a lot to be desired. I thought higher of you," she revealed, voicing the unspoken nugget of disappointment that had gnawed at her since Christian's past had some to light.

Christian swallowed, shame and anger choking him. _What do I say? I can't deny that my submissives weren't my equal. That was the whole point. And now that makes me a lowly, worthless piece of shit in her eyes._ His gaze drifted to Ethan and Jose. _They are nice guys — simple, untarnished, uncomplicated. They're not weighted down by all my baggage. She'll choose them over me._ Suddenly, the image of Ana cavorting with two other men drove him to escalate their vicious tit for tat.

"So are they your friends, or fuck buddies?" he hissed, the pulsating knot at the base of his skull about to implode.

"Oh for God's sake. Is that all you got from what I just said? Now who's being dramatic? Quite frankly, that's absolutely none of your business," she snapped, knowing her cryptic response would drive him to distraction.

"None of my business?" he repeated incredulously. "After everything we've been through, knowing how much you mean to me, that's what you have to say to me?"

She opened her mouth to respond but resentment held her back. _And after everything we've been through, you have the nerve to distrust me?_

Ana saw the fierce blaze in Christian's eyes and knew she had the power to extinguish it. _Just tell him you could care less about Jose or Ethan. That's all he's really angling for. You've the only one who can bring him down from this ledge._

His panged expression almost penetrated the walls Ana had carefully constructed, but then his words came back to taunt her — "maybe I should've stuck to submissives." Her innate inadequacy welled to the surface and Ana found herself shoring those walls back up.

"Yep. That's all I have to say. It's my life, not yours, and I don't need to explain myself or any of my relationships to you." _Relationships? What the fuck are you implying Ana? Stop trying to get under his skin._

Blood whirled in his ears, drowning out the Jay-Z song blaring from the sorority house. Ana thought she detected a flicker of hurt in her eyes, but then just as quickly the shutters came down.

"I see," he replied evenly. "So this is how you're discovering your 'independence?' Getting trashed and falling prey to drunk frat guys while I sit at home like an idiot and pine away for you day after day? If this is the new and improved Ana, then I want no part of her."

 _Is he serious? He doesn't want me?! What did I do other than go to a party? Fuck it, don't stoop to his level Ana. He's basically calling you a whore for wanting to go out and act your age. Meanwhile, he's fucked half of Seattle and behaving like a tantrum-throwing two-year-old._

But instead of being the adult, Ana took a page from Christian's childish handbook, knowing full well that insults didn't faze him. Ignoring him did the trick.

"If that's what you want, that's your prerogative. You go your way and I'll go mine," she shrugged nonchalantly.

 _No of course that's not what I want! Damn it, she's calling me out on my bullshit. What the fuck are you doing Grey? Stop this before it gets out of hand. Just stop it._ But it was as if he were having an out-of-body experience, looking down on his evil twin as he sabotaged the most important relationship of his life.

"You want me to go?"

"Yep," she said, smacking her lips together dramatically, tilting her head up to meet his fiery gaze.

"Fine, but don't come crying back to me when you realize how good you had it. Elena was right," Christian lashed out, determined to wipe the impassive look off Ana's face by trudging out the one name he knew would rile her up. "Love is clearly for fools. Perhaps I should just go back to doing what I do best and be the man-whore pimp-daddy that you think I am. At least my women have enough class not to get drunk and fuck whatever cock comes along. Why don't you let _Jose and Ethan_ take you home and do whatever they want to you, so that you realize that your saintly friends are horny dogs just like most men. It would serve you right if I left you to fend for yourself. Fuck it, I could care less. You're not my concern any more."

As soon as the words tumbled out, the color drained from his face. Christian wasn't a masochist, but if he could, in that moment he would've gladly punched himself into oblivion.

"If I'm no longer your concern, at least have the common decency not to discuss me whenever you see Elena to set up your new rent-a-woman," Ana seethed.

Clarity hit him hard when he saw her wounded blue eyes glistening with unshed tears, the realization that he had deliberately caused those tears twisting his insides with remorse.

"No Ana, I won't see her. I won't see anybody," he rushed to say, his hands furiously combing through his hair. "Jesus I'm sorry. I don't know how this spiraled out of control so fast."

"I don't know either," she exhaled, her posture slumped in defeat. Ana was no longer mad. She was bone-tired. "I'm sorry too for insulting you. I had no right to judge you like that — you're a good man. But I don't know what you want Christian. One minute you say you want me back. The next minute you say you're going to ditch me and go back to your old lifestyle as some sort of retribution because I dared to go out and have a good time. Maybe I should go and spare us the heartache."

"No Ana, that's the last thing I want. I want _you —_ only you. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I only said that to get back at you. It was cruel and unwarranted. This whole thing between is just driving me insane. I lost it when I saw your text and thought you might be in trouble. I acted like an immature ass. Please forgive me. I didn't mean it. Let's go somewhere and talk about this calmly."

His hands shook with the urge to yank her into his arms, comfort her and never let her go, but he maintained a respectful distance, careful not to upset her any further.

"No Christian," Ana said sadly, rubbing her forehead back and forth. "I think you're right. Perhaps going our separate ways is for the best. All we seem to do is act like children and hurt each other."

"Separate ways." The two simple words left an indelible imprint on his psyche.

"That sure as hell is not the answer. Just wait…"

"No please," she interrupted, slowly stepping away from him, her body trembling from their vitriolic confrontation. "I can't do this. This little stunt, attacking me for going to a party … and then some of the God-awful things I said. I … I just can't. It's too much. We need to stop. I'm sorry."

Resigned, she turned around to walk back to her friends, who were huddled together gawking at the spectacle like bystanders at a car accident. Christian no longer cared who was witnessing his public display of groveling. He quickly maneuvered himself in front of Ana, jogging backward to keep up with her. She was still a little wobbly so he had to concentrate on making sure neither of them tripped over anything.

"Hold on, please," he implored breathlessly, the cavity in his chest tightening. "I'm sorry. I only lashed out because I can't bear the thought of you turning to anyone else for help. Don't walk away from me again."

Ana abruptly stopped and craned her neck to meet his frightened eyes. Christian automatically stopped too, watching her with bated breath.

"Please go Christian. We've both created enough of a scene tonight. You got your wish. I'm humiliated, I'm hurt and I'm going home, but I'm leaving with my friends. _Friends_ ," she stressed. "Nothing else. But I just want you to go and for this night to be over."

He stood motionless, paralyzed by remorse. _God, why did my dumb ass even come here? Because you're a jealous prick Grey who can't control his damn temper!_

"Please go before this gets any worse and we can't come back from the abyss," Ana reiterated, her stare watery but unwavering.

Head hung low in surrender, he stepped aside to let her pass, mumbling another apology. Kate wrapped her arm around Ana's shoulder as the four of them wordlessly walked to the car, leaving Christian dejected in the middle of a raucous, drunk crowd. Like an anomaly, he stood motionless amid the scrum of partygoers who were oblivious to the commotion — and his pain. Despite being surrounded by people, he was utterly alone, yet again.


	34. Chapter 34

_**Author's Note: It's a very short chapter but I wanted to get something out to tide people over. The next one is coming soon and will be longer. Thanks for the reviews. As many of you pointed out, both Christian and Ana have plenty of growing up to do. In their defense though, remember they're only like 19 and 22 in this part of the story, and I know couples who've been together 50 years who don't communicate well!**_

 _ **In the next two chapters, Christian begins the process of figuring out his issues. Ana hasn't gotten to that point yet. I know some of you want Ana to just move on from the whole submissive thing, but I premised my story on the fact that I thought she accepted it way too easily in the books. For most normal girls, something like that would be intimidating and confusing, so I wanted to write the reality of her working through those emotions. I won't drag it out but if you're looking for Ana to just deal with it, sorry this is probably not the story for you.**_

Christian readjusted his navy blue tie for the twelfth time since stepping into the coffee shop less than 10 minutes ago.

 _For fuck's sake, I can't believe I'm going to all this trouble for her. Elliott better be right about this shit._

Just then, the wind-chimes above the door rang as a skeptical blonde strolled in.

"Katherine, thank you for meeting me. I got you a latte. Elliott said that was your preference. Please take a seat," Christian stood, graciously pulling a chair out for her.

"This isn't an interview Grey so cut the formalities. I have to be somewhere in half an hour and I'm only doing this as a favor for Elliott."

 _What the fuck does my brother see in this primadonna princess?_

"I appreciate you taking the time to see me." _In between your damn spa appointments._ "It's no secret that Anastasia and I are having problems."

Kate's brow shot up straight through the roof.

"OK, I've fucked things up with her, on an epic scale," Christian clarified. "Which is why I asked you here. I need your advice on how I can begin to make this up to Ana." _And my brother is convinced that the best way to get my girl back is by kissing her best friend's ass._

"So you thought you'd butter me up to get me on your side and convince her to crawl back to you?"

"No." _Yes._ "I thought I'd appeal to your better nature." _Bitchy nature is more like it._ "I love Anastasia and I know she loves me — and the last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt her."

"But that's exactly what you keep doing," Kate pointed out the glaringly obvious.

Christian's polished veneer began to crumble. "I know Kate. I know. I'm a piece of shit, alright? Is that what you want to hear? What I don't know is how to make this right. She means the fucking world to me and the thought of losing her, I can't…" He took three large swigs of his black coffee to drown out the residue of bile in his throat, scrunching his face at the bitter aftertaste. "I can't even go there. All I want is to make her happy — that's all I've ever wanted — but I keep managing to fuck things up. Throw me a bone and help me out here."

Christian buried his head on his hands, rhythmically rubbing his forehead with his thumbs. Kate looked at the pitiful creature in front of her and her own hardened façade began to crack.

"Look Christian," she exhaled, mustering an uncharacteristic ounce of compassion. "I know you love her. That's plain as day. But I'm not sure you know how to treat her with the kind of love she deserves. She doesn't deserve lies. And most of all she doesn't deserve your bipolar mood swings. She's tired of them. Your words are straight out of a romance novel, but your actions say something else entirely."

"I know she deserves better Kate," he croaked out, giving his nemesis a rare glimpse of the demons that resided within. "If I were a better man I'd let her go, but I'm not that man. I'm a selfish bastard who can't let her go."

"She deserves a better boyfriend, not necessarily a different man," Kate sighed, extending him an olive branch. "Why don't you actually start by bettering yourself — work on the issues she wants you to fix."

Christian looked up, forlorn and lost.

Kate rolled her eyes. "Don't fly off the handle the next time you see her with a man and jump to idiotic assumptions. Don't attack or belittle her. Control your temper and your possessiveness. Stop going bat-shit crazy every time you don't get your way like a spoiled brat. Loosen the leash a bit. I'm not a damn couple's coach but this is pretty basic shit Christian."

 _Fuck. The she-devil makes sense._

"You're right Kate. Thank you. I appreciate your advice. I won't keep you. The latte's on me."

"Damn straight it is Grey," she chuckled before striding out of the café.


	35. Chapter 35

_**Author's Note: Here's part two of Christian's self-discovery. Thank you as always for the reviews and encouragement – it keeps me going. I try not to worry about the few negative reviews, but I will say this: If you don't like my Ana now, you ain't going to like her later, so save yourself the heartache and find other stories to read. This story is not for you. I've said this before, too many fanfic readers in my opinion only like Ana when she's perfect or a doormat. I like her to be real and imperfect. She's young and pissed off about Christian's lying and confused by his past. It's her right to figure out what she wants. And why shouldn't he be trying to win her back? You don't give up on the person you love after two weeks. Ana hasn't given up, but she needs to work through her concerns. Christian's not perfect either. He's loving and loyal, but also controlling and secretive. This is HEA and they wind up back together, but she's not going to rush it, so like I said, if that's not your cup of tea, move on.**_

 _ **And Millarca666 – thank you so much for your review. I couldn't have said it better myself. It's awesome when a reader gets exactly what you're trying to convey!**_

"Are you going to gloat?" Christian threw Flynn a frigid glare as he paced the psychiatrist's book-lined office.

"No," he replied, his British accent betraying no emotion or judgment. "Just because I'm not surprised to see you back here does not mean I am smug about it."

"You knew it would come out."

"Secrets have a funny way of doing that."

"Yes my predicament is absolutely hilarious," the irate young man huffed, his eyes adamantly fixated on the window. "Have a good laugh at my expense doc. When you're done, why don't you earn your hefty fee and tell me how to crawl out of this shit hole I've dug for myself."

"Christian, that's not my job. My job is to help you figure that out for yourself. If you keep an open mind and cooperate, then we can move forward with that process."

Christian reluctantly took a seat in front of the bespectacled psychiatrist. "I can't figure anything out any more," he confessed, head bowed.

"You've given me a succinct recap of the events these last few weeks and how _you_ feel. So let's begin by discussing your thoughts on how these revelations have impacted Ana. I can't speak to her feelings or her issues because I would need to explore that individually with Ana, but we can focus on your interpretation of recent developments. Are you able to put the proverbial shoe on the other foot and empathize with her reaction?"

"It's hard. You've probably picked up on the fact that it's difficult for me to relate to other people."

Flynn gave him a curt nod. "Try," he urged him.

"Well, to start with she's young and inexperienced and has never been with another man— thank fucking Christ," he muttered under his breath. "Whereas I have slept with … scores of women." Christian scrubbed his face before continuing. "So I suppose it's difficult for her to comprehend how I could've been with so many women without forming any attachments to them."

"Not to mention the fact that your sexual encounters were somewhat unorthodox," Flynn added.

"Yes doctor, way to point out the obvious. They were strictly submissives, not girlfriends — which is precisely why Ana has nothing to worry about. She is my only girlfriend — my first and my last," he said emphatically.

"I know that's what you believe, but remember that as a 19-year-old neophyte to love, Ana has no frame of reference for relationships, let alone the BDSM lifestyle. Beyond the fact that the thought of anyone's significant other being physically intimate with someone else is usually unpalatable to most people, perhaps she is having a difficult time processing this other side of you — the side that was able to compartmentalize your feelings in such a detached manner? Perhaps she fears she doesn't know the 'real you' since you've kept this side of your personality largely hidden from her? Perhaps she fears ultimately winding up like one of these women down the line if she loses your affection?"

"That's ridiculous," Christian protested. "She's not some faceless fling. She knows how I feel about her — how different she is to me. I've made it abundantly clear that she means the world to me and that I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Hell, I've spent the last six months practically begging her to walk down the damn aisle with me!"

"Don't get upset. This is another area we have to work on, but I digress. My point is that while you've verbally reaffirmed your love on a consistent basis, your actions made her question your honesty. What effect do you think keeping your past submissives a secret had on her?"

"The effect of her dumping my sorry ass John," Christian said sardonically.

"Be more specific."

"She was incredibly specific about the fact that I'm a lying jerk."

Flynn remained silent and impassive.

"Fine," Christian sighed. "It made her not trust me, not trust herself I suppose."

"Again, returning to the fact that she lacks a frame of reference, she is indeed questioning her decisions and, I suspect, attempting to shield herself from making a mistake that could damage her future."

"I would never do that. I want to _give_ her a future," Christian said, his voice cracking.

"I understand your conviction Christian, but she is simply trying to protect herself. It's a natural human instinct. You cannot expect her to walk into a union with these doubts hanging over her head. From what you've told me, she is aware of her inexperience and is frightened of being naïve when it comes to love, which may be inconvenient for you, but is wise for her."

"It's more than inconvenient. It's devastating," Christian corrected him, annoyed with the lack of concrete guidance from the notepad-scribbling shrink in front of him. "So how do I get her to overcome these reservations? I flat out lied. I admit it. I've spilled my guts about my past but that doesn't change the fact that it happened — it doesn't change the fact that I can't turn back time and alter my actions. I feel like we keep going in circles, and I keep being punished for someone I used to be. What can I do to get her to believe me that what's done is done — that this won't happen again?"

"Trust is not something that can be repaired overnight," Flynn counseled his visibly distraught patient. "It takes time and effort. As I told you in our first session, there is no magic formula to solve life's dilemmas. You have to communicate with her openly. Perhaps, if she's willing, this can take place in a neutral, professional forum such as this one so she can feel free to express her feelings without blowback from you. You also have to let things unfold at her pace, not yours. And obviously, you have to ensure that you never breach her trust again, because that would irrevocably break the bond that you are trying to repair."

"I want nothing more than to talk to her. That's what I've been trying to do ever since this shit-storm started, but she either shuts me out or I fuck it up somehow. Every time I try to communicate, my temper gets the best of me and I wind up hurting her even more."

"Temper is something most of us have to learn to control, just like any other emotion. You've made it your life's mission to cherish this woman and keep her safe, yet you are the one who seems to be hurting her, not only with your past deception but by your constant defense of Elena. Have you not thrown her name out to intentionally get a rise out of Ana during your altercations?"

"No! I …" Christian raked his hands through his hair. Even he couldn't come up with any more excuses. "Yes," he mumbled, avoiding the good doctor's gaze.

"As I said, temper is often something we must learn to curb not only for ourselves, but for the ones we love. You may love Ana, but unconsciously, are there parts of you that still cling to the mentality that she behave like a submissive and be subservient to you?"

"No," Christian scoffed. "I don't expect her to be subservient to me — just respectful. I wish she'd fucking listen to me and stop defying me."

"Couples defy each other," Flynn observed sagely. "It's typically what it means to be a couple. You sound as if you expect her to fall in line and when she doesn't, you react — and she feels the backlash. It's not enough for you to want this woman as your girlfriend Christian; you have to fully embrace the notion of an equal partnership. This means respecting her opinions and reining in your anger when she doesn't do what you want her to do."

"I know," Christian sighed, fatigue evident in his red-rimmed eyes. He was done with his perpetual denials. "I only want her safe — and by my side. The thought of something happening to her or me losing her is fucking terrifying."

"That's perfectly understandable but at the same time that terror has to be managed in a more reasonable way. It is crippling your relationship. Why are your fears of losing Ana so extreme?" he prodded.

"You know why," Christian snapped. "Put your Freudian hat back on doc. I lost my mother and now I don't want to lose another woman that I love. It's not rocket science."

"No, but it's also not an area you've been comfortable exploring before — nor is Elena's influence over your development."

Christian grunted, raking his hands through his hair as he escaped to his spot overlooking the expansive window.

"And until you truly deal with the reasons for your behavior, it will be difficult to come to grips with it and alter it."

"I have no desire to dredge up my past doc — neither my crack whore mother nor Elena. You want the truth? Both those bitches are dead to me. I could give a shit about either of them. It's all over and done with. Talking about it is not going to do me any good at this point."

"It's not for you," Flynn gently reminded him. "It's for Ana."

Christian took a long, deliberate breath. He looked out at the skyline and pictured Ana's face. _Is she missing me? Is she still mad at me? Is she even thinking about me?_ Eventually, he walked back to the sofa and took a seat. "Fine. For her." _Only her._


	36. Chapter 36

_**Author's Note: Muaaahhh the plot thickens! I warned everyone a while back that Ana would go out on a — gasp! — date (don't worry, it's not too bad). Enjoy – feedback welcome!**_

Ana plucked at the beige sofa pillow in her lap as she mindlessly flicked through the TV channels for the 80th time, her feet neatly tucked underneath her. _It's like checking the refrigerator every five minutes for food. Each time you click on the same channel, you hope something new will magically appear._

She glanced up from her couch surfing to find Kate, dolled up up in tight black mini skirt and flowing red silk blouse, make her grand entrance.

"Woo wee," Ana whistled. "Where you off to lady in red? Hot date with Elliott?"

"Not a date exactly. More like a booty call," she casually replied, scouring the kitchen counter for her car keys.

Ana arched her brow. "Was that your call or his?"

"Mine Ms. Busy Body. I'm horny, not hungry. I won't be long."

"Way to give Elliott's stamina credit in the bedroom," Ana smirked.

"You know what I mean. I'll be back _eventually_ and we can grab a bite to eat later if you want."

"Why not just have dinner with him?" Ana wondered out loud. "He's a decent guy. I suppose the whole 'booty call at your instigation' thing is the 21st century version of feminism, but the guy likes you. Why not spend one entire evening with him?"

"Look," Kate sighed, taking a seat beside Ana. "I like the guy too, but he's got a rap sheet a mile long when it comes to banging the women of Seattle. I'm no saint in that department either, but I'm not going to put myself out there for a playboy to play me. It's all about the chase for him."

"I hate to break it to you, but he's already won the race and gotten laid — a lot."

"So have I," she winked. "And that's as far as it will go."

"So instead of putting yourself out there and potentially experiencing a good thing, you're shutting him down for fear of being hurt? Makes perfect sense to me," Ana quipped.

"It's just as logical as you sitting around waiting for a phone call from Christian when you demanded that he leave you alone after that whole party meltdown. I do believe the man tried to contact you a dozen times the next morning and you ripped him a new one."

"I'm not waiting for a phone call," Ana defended herself haughtily. "I wouldn't mind a text now and then just to let me know he's still alive…"

"You're too much," Kate laughed. "You yell at the man for reaching out to you and now you're pissed that he actually listened to your instructions and gave you space. What exactly do you want?"

"I'm a woman. I want everything," Ana shrugged, a mischievous glint in her eye. "I want my cake and eat it too."

"There's Steele's inner bitch! I missed her."

"She was on an extended holiday break," Ana deadpanned.

"Since she's back now, why don't you tear your butt off this sofa and venture out yourself? You've been glued to these cushions ever since that sorority party — too scared to piss off you-know-who by daring to step foot outside the apartment again," Kate reprimanded her.

"I'm not scared," Ana countered, affronted. "Well, not scared per se." She began chewing on her fingernail, backtracking on her indignation. "More like cautious."

Kate sat still, radiating judgmental silence. Ana let out a tormented sigh.

"Look, I just don't want to deal with the headache of riling him up again. It's not worth it. Better to keep my ass at home and save myself the inevitable hassle."

Kate opened her mouth but Ana preempted her, knowing full well what she was going to say. "I know I sound like a total cowardly, but he wigs out every time I step out and do something on my own. I'm literally going to develop an ulcer from the stress of trying to keep him from blowing a gasket during our next inevitable confrontation. I know we need to have a serious discussion about his craziness before he sends me to the looney bin, but honestly I don't have it in me right now. I'll add it to the 'to-do' list of shit that needs fixing in our relationship."

"Ana," Kate said, her tone soft but somber. "You do realize that's not exactly healthy? You can't constantly be worried that he's going to flip out on you because you went somewhere he didn't approve of."

"I know, I know," Ana said robotically, unable to look her friend in the eyes. "I know I can't let him control me like that and that I need to speak up for myself more." She began to pick at an invisible piece of lint on the pillow. "Usually I am able to stand up to him, but other times I let shit slide because I'm too tired to fight. He wins by wearing me down I suppose. What can I say? I'm 19. I'm a work in progress."

"We're all works in progress Ana, at whatever age. Who knows — maybe Christian's working on bettering himself too. I'm pretty sure he's sick of fighting too," Kate said cryptically.

Ana's eyes shot up in surprise. She had never heard Kate defend her man before.

"Be brave girlfriend," Kate counseled, trying to deflect Ana's suspicious stare. "Speak up for yourself and what _you_ want. Don't let fear hold you back or you'll resent him, and yourself."

"I could give you the same advice with Elliott," Ana shot back.

"You could, but I'd still be totally fucked up when it comes to men and relationships."

"I guess that makes us two fucked-up, ridiculously demanding bitches then," Ana giggled.

"That we are my friend," Kate chuckled, slapping Ana's knee as she got up. "I'll see you later beatch buddy — once I'm done using the guy who's using me!"

Ana shook her head, resuming her study of the evening's cable-movie lineup when a knock at the door startled her.

"Done already?" Ana automatically asked as she flung the door open, assuming it was Kate only to find her brother Ethan standing with a leather toolkit awkwardly dangling in his hand.

"Huh?"

"Oops sorry. I thought you were Kate."

"She left?"

"Yeah why?"

"She asked me to come by at 6 and fix your oven. Said she'd be here to let me in."

Ana rolled her eyes at her forgetful friend. "Sorry, she had a, errr, date with Elliott. It must've slipped her mind."

"Ah, a booty call," Ethan nodded in understanding.

Ana cracked a discrete smile.

"Oh, well, I won't bother you. You probably have somewhere to go, with it being Friday night and all. I can come back whenever," Ethan mumbled, shuffling his feet in an endearingly bumbling kind of way.

"Please," Ana scoffed, opening the door for him. "My biggest plan was trying to find a half-decent movie on cable that I haven't seen 10 times before. You're welcome to work on the oven now if you want or come back another time. Totally up to you."

"Sure," Ethan smiled. "I'm already here and it won't take long."

"Did you want a drink or something?"

"Nah I'm good. Like I said, this will be quick. I've fixed this sucker before. Kate's just too lazy to replace it."

"Guess it's easier to drag you over here than make a trip to Sears huh," Ana chuckled, plopping herself back down on her trusty couch.

"Precisely. She says it's good practice for me to hone my engineering skills," Ethan said, crouching down to lift the hood of the oven.

"Somehow I highly doubt repairing our busted oven will prep you for building those bridges in Iraq, but you gotta love Kate's self-serving logic."

"Yeah, she's a regular fountain of wisdom," Ethan muttered sarcastically.

Ten minutes later, he popped back up, dropped his screwdriver back in his leather satchel and clasped his hands together in accomplishment. "See. Like I said. Easy peasy."

"Don't tell Kate that. She'll just take advantage of you for the next home repair job," Ana joked, standing up to walk Ethan out. "Thanks for helping us out. I didn't even realize the thing was broken. I've been living on a lazy diet of Mexican and Chinese takeout all week, and Kate hardly ever cooks."

"Well, I can't knock her for that. I never learned to cook either. I subsist on delivery and takeout as well. I was actually just going to grab some pizza after this. Not a very fancy dinner, but it's pizza. I mean, I like pizza — sometimes. Not all the time. But every once in a while, it can be good."

Ethan began vigorously rubbing the back of his neck, his eyes trained to a spot on the floor as he struggled to formulate a coherent sentence.

"Did you want to come?" he finally blurted out. "I mean you don't have to. I just thought you might want a break from Mexican and Chinese. And you'd mentioned that we could hang out some time. Plus, I figure Kate might be a while with Elliott, though I'd rather not think about that," Ethan laughed nervously.

Ana stood there dumbfounded, her mind instantly drifting to Christian and his reaction. _He'd totally get the wrong idea. Hell, he implied I was hooking up with both Ethan and Jose just because they drove me to a party last week._

But then she glanced back at the worn outline on the couch where her ass cheeks had been planted all day and remembered Kate's advice. _Oh for fuck's sake Steele. Get a grip. The man's asking you to get pizza not an engagement ring. Kate's right. If I have any chance of a life with Christian, he has to chill and let me have an actual life — one that includes an occasional slice of peperoni pizza with the male species._

"Sure," Ana beamed, much to Ethan's shock and relief. "I've been cooped up in here all week since the hardware store's been slow and cutting shifts. It'll be nice to get out of the house. Let me just get changed out of these yoga pants." _Because I've been wearing them all week and I'm pretty sure they stink._ "Be right back!"

"Cool," Ethan said, bursting with pride. War zones didn't phase him. The female species, however, was a different landmine altogether.


	37. Chapter 37

_**Author's Note: Sadly, most people don't seem to like the direction of the story with Ana trying to gain some independence. I won't change what I'd planned on writing since this is my vision and I already have the story mapped out, but I will go ahead and just wrap it up as soon as I can. Thank you MissG90, Hopelessshay, VRB Mariposa, Twinder, danielleduhon, jm263 and everyone for your awesome support in what I'm trying to do with this story.**_

 _ **I really don't get why people hate Ana so much. I find it hilarious that Christian cheats in half these fanfics and doesn't nearly get the same blowback that Ana does for daring to step foot outside her apartment. She's 19 and wanted to grab a pizza with a friend who happened to be a guy. I think some of the criticism is unhealthy given that no woman should be afraid of being seen with another man simply because her boyfriend would become upset. That's the early signs of emotional abuse. I know this is fanfiction but I sincerely hope people don't apply this kind of thinking to their real-life relationships.**_

 _ **Everyone of course is entitled to their own opinion but honestly, it's no fun getting a bunch of criticism when you write — it really drains your motivation — although I will finish this story for all the people who have loyally stuck with me. I truly appreciate your support and encouragement. Unfortunately, after this my fanfiction-writing days will be coming to an end. Real-life writing assignments, travel and marriage are making it very hard to keep doing this. If I have time though, I will probably switch fiction-writing sites because I think Fifty Shades is probably not the best forum for depicting strong, flawed women, which is what I prefer to write, but I will let everyone know where I go and I hope you all will continue to follow my work if you like it.**_

 _ **Thanks again everyone for reading and reviewing.**_

A simple slice of pizza had evolved into a few beers followed by a movie. Midway through the meal, Ana finally stopped checking her phone every three seconds to see if Christian had texted her. As she waged an internal battle on whether she should fess up and tell her estranged boyfriend where she was, Ana realized that she wasn't concentrating on a single word Ethan was saying. She also realized that she was enabling Christian's controlling behavior by constantly acquiescing to it. Ana thought back to her talk with Kate and whether she was "scared" to go against Christian's wishes.

 _The truth is I am scared. No, scratch that. I'm petrified, and that's no way to live my life — or have a relationship. I'm 19 and I feel like I'm drowning in issues that 39-year-old married couples deal with. If I want a future with Christian, I won't feed into this dysfunction that I'm some trophy he can lock away. It's time for him to accept that I need to live my own life if he wants to be a part of it._

So she put her head back in the game and began paying attention to her friend who was trying to explain the different theories of how ancient Egyptian engineering might've constructed the pyramids.

"How would they have put up the walkways to install those mega-ton bricks without cranes? Wouldn't the walkways collapse under the weight?" she inquired, surprising Ethan, who assumed she hadn't been listening to him.

The conversation flowed smoothly from there. Ethan and Ana discovered they both had a penchant for politics and for silly comedies, so they decided to check out the new Tina Fey-Amy Poehler flick "Sisters" after loading up on pizza and beer.

"Oh my gosh I loved it when they were trying on those outfits," Ana recalled, giggling as they strolled across the expansive campus lawn back to Kate's apartment after the movie had ended. It was an unseasonably warm winter night but only a few stragglers were out, so they took their time wandering the freshly manicured grounds, enjoying the serenity.

"What was that line? 'We need a little less Forever 21 and a little more Suddenly 42.' That was hilarious. Those girls are comic geniuses!" Ana raved.

"I know," Ethan chuckled. "They should do more movies together."

"I totally agree. It's hard — Hollywood is a man's world. I can't tell you how sick I am of seeing 50-year-old action heroes paired off with 25-year-old heroines. Actresses are now considered too old for a part when they're over 30! It's getting ridiculous!" Ana suddenly blushed, regretting her rant. "Sorry. I sound like a raging feminist. Ignore me."

"Why? You're right. Remember how they switched up the main female roles in the latest James Bond movie because they thought the original choice was too old, even though she was still younger than that guy who plays Bond. They subbed her with a 23-year-old. Gross. The dude's pushing retirement age and she was old enough to be his daughter."

"Amen! I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that's weird. Don't get me wrong — I love guys on screen too. I thought that wrestler guy from 'Sisters' was a riot."

"Oh yeah. He was awesome. Remember when Tina Fey asked if he was ready for her? And his response was, 'My safe word is keep going.' That cracked me up!"

Ana frowned, the BDSM reference hitting a little too close to home. "And what about when that music box thing got stuck up the guy's … well, you know. He kept thinking the song would be over but then it kept playing and playing," Ana joked in an effort to steer clear of safe words and anything remotely related to Christian's former lifestyle.

They both cringed their noses in disgust — Ethan remembering the scene and Ana recalling Christian's submissives. _Maybe a porcelain doll stuck up a guy's ass isn't exactly the visual you should be changing the subject with Steele._

"I also liked when they visited the two old friends who turned out to be lesbians," she quickly added. _Stick with lesbians Ana. All guys like that._ "And then Amy Poehler's character was telling her sister how she couldn't imagine being a lesbian because she could never … errr … eat … I mean, go down … I mean …" _Shit, way to veer from one awkward scene to another. Epic fail!_

"And then her sister said she could never be one either because then she'd have to actually talk to another woman," Ethan interjected, coming to Ana's rescue.

A beet-red Ana smiled in gratitude. "She's got a point I suppose. Women do have a tendency to overanalyze things." _Myself included._ "I envy men. Relationships are pretty black and white to them. They either like the girl or they don't. Women tend to add layers of grey onto everything," she mused, more so to herself.

"I hear you, but it's not always so simple for guys either. Love and relationships are intimidating for most men, no matter how much of a cocky front they put up. I for one haven't the faintest idea how to even approach the opposite sex, let alone have any kind of relationship with them," Ethan confessed, staring up at the constellation of stars in the cloudless evening sky.

 _You and me both._ A maudlin reverie descended over both of them. Ana glanced at the silhouette of Ethan's chiseled jawline and unassuming eyes. In another world, she would've probably oogled over his good looks. She grinned. _Or eye-fucked, as Christian so delicately puts it. Ethan is undeniably handsome — whoever ends up with him is one lucky girl — but Christian is hot. No, that's an understatement. He is molten-lava, sex-on-legs scorching hot._

Ana looked up at the same bright stars that had Ethan mesmerized. _He's also burned me countless times. He used women. He lied about it. Then he got me to leave Harvard, move halfway across the country, and now he won't even let me have any kind of college experience._

Deep down, however, Ana still loved everything about Christian. She couldn't discard one part for another. It was a total package: his virile masculinity, his intelligence, his spontaneity, his sweetness, but also his irrational jealousy, explosive temper and deceptive nature. _The question is whether that package will blow up in my face a few years from now?_

Ana shook her head, stowing her doubts and refocusing on the moment. _Stop analyzing everything to death and worrying about what everyone will think of you. For once in your life enjoy yourself Ana. It's ok to have some fun and put yourself first occasionally._

Ana took a deep, cleansing breath, savoring the stillness as they walked in companionable silence across the deserted campus lawn. It was the most relaxed she had felt in weeks. _Ethan is a nice change of pace. I don't have to walk on eggshells to avoid pissing him off. He's everything Christian is not — cool-headed instead of hotheaded; straightforward; sane; humble; predictable. Hmmm, predictable. Not exactly the kind of attribute that gets a girl's panties in a twist, but I'll take it over crazy-ass unstable at this point. He's such a catch. Why in the world doesn't he see it?_

"Why?" Ana boldly blurted out, voicing the unspoken question that had been nagging her ever since she met Ethan. "I mean, why are you so shy around women? You have no reason to be. You're a good-looking guy who's super smart and nice. You have nothing to be afraid of."

Ethan's breath hitched. He glanced down at the pavement, embarrassed yet flattered by Ana's observation.

"Shit, I'm so sorry Ethan," Ana stammered. "That was incredibly rude of me. I shouldn't be asking you personal stuff like that. Beer makes me blunt. It's absolutely none of my business. Please forget I said anything."

"No, no Ana. It's alright," Ethan sighed, turning to look at her, admiring her candor. Ana always said what was on her mind and never played games. It was refreshing. The least he could do was reciprocate.

"It's not a secret that I don't date much and have never had a girlfriend. I don't really know why. I don't have some deep-seated reason for it. I'm into building dams, fixing ovens, comic books, video games and pretty much any other dorky thing you can imagine. Those kind of hobbies didn't exactly impress the ladies back in high school."

"Well, let me tell you, being able to quote Shakespeare's 'Macbeth' or Thomas Hardy didn't exactly impress the fellas when I was growing up either," Ana laughed, breaking the tension.

"Yeah, I think it just takes some people longer to get the hang of the whole dating thing," Ethan commiserated. "Some people just have that natural confidence where they can walk into a room and own it. I'm not one of those people."

Ana instantly pictured Christian dominating a boardroom full of suits without a trace of hesitation or fear.

"Neither am I. Confidence and me have never been on speaking terms," Ana admitted. "I can't help it. I try to remind myself that everyone has insecurities and force myself to approach people, but it's hard to break out of that shell if you're just an inherently shy person. Outgoing people can't relate. It gets better, but I don't think it ever completely goes away."

"I agree. I also think a lot of guys mask their insecurities with false bravado — calling women bitches if they reject them, sleeping around and basically treating girls like crap. That's not really my style. I saw how my dad treated my mom, so I could never do that to a woman myself."

"I'm sorry," Ana mumbled, fidgeting with her fingers. "Kate has mentioned some of it to me, but we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"No it's fine. My dad was a prick. It's no secret. He cheated on my mom left and right and treated her like shit whenever he was around," he shrugged nonchalantly, though his pain was palpable. "She was a housewife with no real career experience who was completely dependent on him financially. She was scared to be on her own — and he knew it and took advantage of that fear to basically do whatever the hell he wanted. She used to cry almost every night after we went to bed thinking we couldn't hear her."

"I'm sorry all of you had to go through that. My mom had a nasty husband too who didn't treat her well, or me for that matter," Ana shuddered, remembering the harsh beatings they both endured at the hands of husband number three. Ana never shared her secret with Christian, knowing he would invariably compare himself to that bastard. He was shattered after the belting incident, and she was determined not to pile onto his self-loathing. Ana always reminded herself that the punches and slaps she suffered as a girl were in no way related to the punishments Christian meted out on his submissives. Logically, she understood there was no comparison, but she couldn't deny that the more extreme aspects of BDSM left a vile taste in her mouth.

Ana's thoughts were interrupted by Ethan's sympathetic stare.

"Anyway," Ana cleared her throat. "She was finally able to leave him after Ray got me and gave her some assistance. He died two years later when he drove home drunk and slammed into a tree."

"Sorry," Ethan muttered out of obligation, not actual pity.

"I'm not," Ana admitted. "He was a poor excuse for a man. My mom eventually met a great guy and she's happy now."

"That's good. It took a long time for my mom too but when she finally got the nerve to leave my father, Kate and I were so immensely proud of her. I can't imagine having the courage to start from scratch at that age without any money or job skills to fall back on."

Ana smiled, detecting the obvious note of pride in Ethan's voice. "But she had you and Kate to help her, and obviously she was able to successfully start over. She remarried last year right?"

"Yep. I'm thrilled for her. She deserved a happy ending. He's a good guy."

"So are you Ethan. Don't ever doubt that. You'll get your happy ending too," Ana said encouragingly.

Ethan abruptly stopped, flustered but emboldened by her compliment. It was now or never. Before Ana could blink, she felt his lips on hers as both his hands cradled her face, his breath sealing over hers.

It was all a blur. Visions of Christian, of Ethan, of submissives and of the last few weeks assaulted her in a maelstrom of emotions. Her heart slammed like a freight train against her ribcage and her limbs grew weak, not from lust but from shock. She hadn't felt a man's lips other than Christian's since Bradley Parker tried to awkwardly slurp her mouth in the 10th grade while they rode on a roller-coaster together at the state fair.

A selfish part of her wanted to know what it felt like to be kissed by someone else — what all the hype was about. Could she have that same spark with someone else? Christian had sampled dozens of women. Would she go the rest of her life having essentially only kissed one man?

It felt like an eternity as she wrestled with her inner demons when in fact only a few milliseconds had passed. Ana stood rigid and unresponsive but when she offered no resistance, Ethan deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue inside as a low moan escaped him.

The haze of confusion dissipated and clarity came crashing down on her. No matter how curious she was or how much she liked Ethan, the fact is he wasn't Christian. And there was only one man she would ever want.

Ana tensed, slamming her lips shut and pushing Ethan off of her. Violent shudders racked her body as she gasped for breath, remorse flooding through her.

Ethan began frantically pacing around her, his balled fists rubbing his eyes.

"Jesus, I'm so sorry Ana. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. You opened up to me and look how I thanked you! Shit, shit, shit, I'm sorry, so sorry," Ethan practically wept, his body visibly shaking.

Ana closed her eyes to collect her thoughts before speaking. "Ethan, calm down, please. You're giving me a headache." He stopped his wild pacing and eyed her anxiously. "It was my fault too. I should never have done that. If I gave you the wrong impression, then I'm sorry. I was having a good time tonight, but I never meant to lead you on"

Ethan adamantly shook his head. "No Ana. I had absolutely no right to take advantage of you like that. You were just being nice and you made it very clear before that you only wanted to be friends, yet here I go ruining everything again," he said, his self-disgust on painful display.

"You didn't ruin anything," she consoled him, but kept her distance. "It takes two to tango Ethan. I don't really know how people normally handle this kind of situation so I'm just going to be perfectly honest. I think you're an amazing man, and maybe in another life, something could have happened between us — but not in this life. I love Christian. I always will. I know the two of us are in a fucked-up place right now, but there's no one I want to be with more than him. Nothing — and no one — will ever change that," she stressed, her tone unyielding.

"I understand Ana," Ethan mumbled, head bowed in shame. "I won't lie to you either. After that spectacle at the party, a part of me felt like he didn't deserve you. Forgive me for saying this, but he had no right to yell at you like that."

"No he didn't," Ana reluctantly conceded. "But I haven't always treated him with the respect he deserves either. Case in point being tonight. You saw an ugly side to him, but we all have ugly sides that we keep largely hidden. Besides, that's just a small sliver of his personality. The rest is absolutely amazing, and I wouldn't have him any other way."

In that moment, Ana realized the truth behind her own words. Both of them had issues they needed to work on, but for the first time she genuinely felt ready to _work_ toward a future with Christian, because she accepted him wholeheartedly — the good, the bad and the ugly. He would forever be beautiful to her, inside and out. And if she wanted a future with him, it was time to accept his past.

It felt like the suffocating albatross that had hung around her neck for weeks had finally been lifted. She watched as Ethan nervously rocked on the balls of his feet, uncertainty written all over his face. Ana would deal with the fallout with Christian later. For now, it was time to set Ethan straight and go home.

"Ethan, I appreciate your concern, but Christian is a wonderful man who treats me like a queen. You're Kate's brother and I'd like to remain friends with you, but _strictly_ friends. This will never, ever happen again. I'm in love with Christian, and if you can't accept that, then we need to part ways," she said sternly.

"I understand, and I'd like nothing more than to be friends with you," Ethan whispered, his voice choked in sorrow and regret. "I am so profoundly sorry for what I did. It won't happen again. I get the message, loud and clear. I won't disrespect your relationship with Christian ever again. I swear."

Ana saw the sincerity behind his vow and nodded. "Ok then. Let's both be adults and move past this. You ready to go home?"

"Yes," Ethan exhaled in relief. "Can I still walk you home?" he asked tentatively.

"Of course. Kate would kick your ass if you let me wander around campus at night alone," Ana smirked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Thanks Ana. I mean it. Thank you," he croaked out.

"You're welcome," she smiled brightly.

After a few minutes of small talk, they made it safely back to Kate's apartment complex, climbing the two flights of stairs in silence. Her nerves frayed, all Ana wanted to do was go home and soak in a long, hot bath. She felt naïve for being blind to Ethan's blatant crush on her, but she believed him that he wouldn't pull another stunt like this again. _Regardless, my guard is now up and I won't be going for pizza with him any time soon. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…_

Ana chewed on her lip, her heart thudding uncontrollably at the dreadful thought of coming clean with Christian. _I was a fool, a stupid, stupid-ass fool. He'll never forgive me. Maybe I deserve to be alone and miserable._

Ana's breathing grew ragged as pangs of guilt stabbed her. She continued to mentally berate herself, calling herself every derogatory name in the book.

"Hey, you alright?" Ethan asked, concerned when she slumped forward, clutching her chest and gasping for air.

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry. These stairs always make me winded," she lied.

"Ana, it's ok. Let yourself off the hook. You didn't do anything wrong tonight. It was all me. And regardless, people make mistakes. You're a teenager. Give yourself a break. It will all work out with Christian. He loves you," Ethan tried to comfort her, slowly guiding her up the stairs one by one. His hand hovered at her back to ensure she didn't fall but otherwise he was careful not to touch her.

Ana tried to concentrate on moving forward — both up the stairs and with Christian. _Will it be alright? So much has gone wrong these last few weeks._ She closed her eyes, devastated by how much her relationship had deteriorated in such a short space of time. _It was a monster of a mistake, but what can I do now? All I can do is learn from it and pray he'll forgive me — in the same way I need to forgive him for his mistakes._

Ana inhaled, giving her lungs much-needed oxygen as she climbed the last step and gave Ethan a weak, reassuring smile. _Mistakes build maturity Ana. Maybe you can both grow from this cluster-fuck of a situation. Christian's been fighting for you. Now it's your turn to fight for him. And that's exactly what I'll do. I refuse to give up on us, but I also refuse to beat myself up over this — or Christian for his past. We've both had enough beatings to last a lifetime._

A strange peace washed over her as she rounded the corner — until she saw Christian stooping down to leave a package on her doorstep.

Christian gradually rose to his full height, his jaw slack, the neatly wrapped package still in his hand. His posture hardened when he saw Ethan helping Ana down the hall. Their eyes locked and Ana froze, paralyzed by unadulterated fear. The only thing she could hear was Ethan's sharp intake of air beside her.

Ana knew her "mistake" with Ethan would never happen again. Because neither of them was going to live to ever see another day again.


	38. Chapter 38

_**UPDATE: I've reposted this to reply to some of the criticisms on this chapter. Apparently people now really hate Christian (as opposed to Ana). Guess you can never win lol. I will only say this: Have you read the actual books? Whenever he's pissed, he curses at her and is pretty mean. When Ana does her own thing, he even has to restrain himself from physically punishing her, even after they're married (remember how he wigged out cause she dared to go for a drink with Kate?). For that matter, have you read the other fanfics that get rave reviews even though they have Christian physically abusing Ana, their kids, cheating left and right and being a total unfeeling Dom. Come on folks, this is Fifty Shades. Sorry these characters have people so riled up but I won't apologize for my Christian or my Ana. This is who they are in my story and that won't change.**_

 _ **AUTHOR'S NOTE: Wow – thank you everyone for the amazing reviews. They really lifted my spirits! I know criticism comes with the territory, but sometimes when you get a lot of it, you wonder who's really enjoying your story and what's the point of writing it. But it's been such a huge motivation and inspiration to hear from people who support me. I'm really touched.**_

 _ **And I suppose I do take it personally because some of this is personal. I met my future husband when I was 20 (he was 21). Although our previous dating lives were pretty brief, I'm always grateful for the experiences we each had because I think it helps down the line when you're committing your life to someone. I don't claim to know everything about relationships because no one does, but we have been together for 18 years, so I think that counts for something, and I like to put some of that experience into my stories. Originally, I had actually planned on Ana really dating other people, but I know that would've gotten a lot of backlash on here, so I kept it to a minimum.**_

 _ **But I do want Ana to have more of a backbone and I've tried to express her discovering that in this chapter. Let's face it, we all love Christian's domineering ways. That's why we're Fifty fans. But he's still a fictional character, and a lot of his shit wouldn't fly in real life, so I've tried to capture a little of that in Ana's reactions. Not sure if it comes through, but that was always my goal.**_

 _ **Don't worry though, this is pretty much it for the angst. Things improve after this. Don't hate on Christian for his weird reaction at the end. He still seesaws between shouting and shutting down, but he's getting there. Next up, we nip Elena in the bud (didn't think I forgot about her!) and Ana makes a crucial decision. Only four chapters left! Countdown is on. Please enjoy and review :)**_

Ana felt numb, dread washing over her like a bucket of ice-cold water.

Ethan's eyes darted between Ana and Christian as if he were watching a tennis match. He ignored the murderous daggers Christian threw his way and turned to his panic-stricken friend. "Ana, are you ok?" Ethan asked when he realized that she hadn't blinked in a solid minute. Ana swallowed hard but her mouth was too parched to reply.

Christian, meanwhile, was busy counting to 50 to rein in his temper. He was also picturing 50 different ways of beating the crap out of Ethan, though neither technique was doing much to stem his fury. His anger finally ebbed when he saw his visibly distraught girlfriend struggling to stay upright.

"What's wrong? What's going on here?" he demanded to know, rushing to her side to prop her up, practically shoving Ethan out of the way. Christian's eyes narrowed in a mix of concern and contempt as he towered over both of them. An involuntary shiver ran up Ana's spine, but she gulped down her fear and finally spoke.

"I'm fine," she said apprehensively. "I'm just surprised to see you that's all. I wasn't expecting you."

"I can see you weren't exactly expecting company." He arched a sardonic brow at Ana before turning to Ethan. "Kavanaugh. I certainly didn't expect to see you either. What brings you here to Ana's place, on a Friday night no less?" he asked, dripping scorn.

The power of speech now eluded Ethan. "What's wrong Kavanaugh? Cat got your tongue? Need some help speaking?" Christian sneered, sizing up his opponent with open hostility. It was enough to break Ana out of her stupor.

"You don't need to answer that," she interjected, appalled by Christian's thinly veiled threats. "Christian, can I speak to you inside if you don't mind?" She turned to Ethan. "Thanks for helping me home tonight. I'll see you some other time." Ana tried to sound casual but the slight tremor in her voice betrayed her nerves.

"Ahh sure, ok," Ethan stuttered, still dumbfounded by the entire exchange. "Will you be alright?"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean Kavanaugh?" Christian thundered, livid at the insinuation that Ana was unsafe with him. Ethan staggered backward as Ana took the initiative to step forward and put her hand on Christian's chest, her touch a soothing balm.

"That's quite enough," she whispered. She felt his muscles bunch beneath her fingers as he glared at Ethan with barely concealed disdain. "Christian, I said that's enough," she said, the warning in her voice unmistakable.

He tore his gaze away long enough to find two fierce, fed-up baby blues boring holes into his head. Christian opened his mouth to speak but promptly shut it, Flynn and Kate's advice seared into his memory. His body remained tense, ready to pounce, but Ana saw his shoulders relax.

Satisfied, she turned her head back to Ethan but kept her hand rooted on Christian's chest. "I'll be perfectly fine. Thanks again," she said, effectively dismissing him.

"Ok. Take care," Ethan said. "Text me later to let me know you're alright," he added hesitantly.

Ana felt Christian stiffen again but she fisted his shirt to keep him in check. He huffed like an angry bull but otherwise stayed quiet. "I will," Ana smiled as Ethan slowly walked away.

Christian wore an implacable scowl as he watched his competition round the corner. Once Ethan was out of sight, he turned his attention back to Ana, savoring the heat of her body after weeks of loneliness. He couldn't resist taking advantage of her proximity.

When his hands lightly clasped her upper arms, though, she flinched. His eyes widened in surprise. _Does she think I'd hurt her?_

He eased his grip but didn't let go, his thumbs gently caressing the goose-bumps on her arms. Ana peered up at him with such sadness that it left him gutted — and speechless, much like Ana and Ethan had been moments earlier.

 _Ethan. Did Ethan touch her like this? Did she enjoy it?_ The visual reignited his rage. He needed answers — now.

"Ana, what the hell is going on?" he asked, venom seeping back into his voice.

"Please," she begged him, dropping her hand and leaving him bereft of her touch. "Can we just go inside and talk — calmly, for once?"

Christian heaved a massive sigh and relented, moving aside to let her pass. He stood directly behind her as she fumbled with the keys, eventually jamming them into the lock. Her nervousness spoke volumes to him. _She reeks of guilt. She fucked him. She must've fucked him!_

As soon as the door opened, he barreled into her living room, roughly pulling at his hair.

"Ok, we're inside. Now for the love of God, will you tell me what the fuck is going on! Where you on a date with that son of a bitch?" he roared.

Ana kicked the door closed with her heel and perched her elbows on the kitchen counter, as if she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. She scrubbed her face before looking back up at Christian. "First of all, don't speak to me that way. I won't tolerate you yelling, cursing or otherwise being disrespectful toward me," she snapped, throwing Christian off kilter.

 _Topping from the bottom. Even when she doesn't realize it, she always has me by the balls._

She detected the flicker of annoyance in his expression but otherwise he wore an impassive mask. "Sorry. I'm just trying to get some answers Anastasia."

"And I'll tell you everything but I'm too tired to fight with you. If you're going to blow up at me or belittle me, then you can just leave," she said firmly.

His fury receded, replaced by fear. "I won't yell at you. I promise." He shifted on his heels uncomfortably. "Don't make me leave."

Ana's chest constricted in anguish.

 _That's the last thing I want, but once he finds out what I have to say, he'll want to leave anyway. If I tell him, it will devastate him — and destroy us. If I don't, then what does that make me? A hypocrite and a liar. I broke up with him because he wasn't honest with me. I owe him the same courtesy that I've been demanding of him — the truth — even if it means losing him._

A small tear formed in the corner of her eye, cascading down her cheek, but now wasn't the time for waterworks. Ana shook her head and summoned her courage.

"Christian, can you please sit down? We need to talk," she said with grim determination.

The blood drained from Christian's face. _This is it. She's dumping me for him._ _I'm about to get the 'it's not you, it's me' speech, which is code for 'it's all you and I want nothing to do with you.'_

He blindly sat down, pressing his palms into his eye sockets as he waited for the final blow. Ana tepidly sat next to him, hands curled in her lap.

"Ethan came by earlier to fix our oven. Afterward, he asked if I wanted to grab some pizza. Since I didn't have any plans and wanted to get out of the house, I said yes. We wound up getting pizza and beer and went to see a movie," she rattled off the night's event dully.

"So you went on a date?" His tone was accusatory but otherwise flat.

"Yes I suppose, though my intention was just to hang out with a friend."

"Hmmmphh a friend," Christian snorted. "A friend who wants to fu …" He stopped himself, remembering his pledge not to use obscenities. He opted for a different tack. "How would you like it if I went out with a so-called 'friend' who happened to be a woman …" _Like Elena._ Christian caught himself again, Flynn's words about using Elena to taunt Ana echoing in his mind. _Don't be a vindictive ass Grey. Just get your point across without hurting her._

"Put yourself in my shoes and imagine you found me walking home with another woman after we'd been apart for weeks," he muttered.

"I wouldn't be thrilled, but if she were genuinely a friend and nothing else, then I wouldn't forbid it or freak out either. I'd have to trust you. I may not love it, but you _can_ have female friends Christian."

"And if she were someone who wanted to be more than friends with me?"

"Then I would hate it," Ana conceded, her shoulders slouched. "In my defense, I only saw Ethan as a friend, but you were right. He was hoping for more."

"What?" Christian bellowed, tearing himself off the couch. "Did he fucking touch you Anastasia?" he asked, the baritone of his voice laced with restrained menace. Christian leaned against the counter, his back to Ana as he tried to calm down, though she could see his muscles tighten and flex beneath his t-shirt.

"No, it wasn't like that," she sighed.

He whirled around. "Enlighten me then. What the fuck was it like? Quit beating around the bush."

She shrank under his withering stare but pressed on. "He kissed me," she murmured, head hung low.

Ana jumped when Christian slammed his fists against the kitchen counters, the sound of crashing utensils ricocheting throughout the apartment. "FUCK! I'm going to kill that motherfucker," he growled, banging his fists against the counter again and again, his handsome features twisted beyond recognition.

"That's enough damn it. You'll do no such thing," Ana barked, rising from her seat. "You're acting more like a bully than a boyfriend and I won't stand for it."

"And you think I'll stand for a cheating girlfriend? If I were really your boyfriend, then another man's mouth sure as hell wouldn't be on yours," he spit out, stalking toward her.

Ana instinctively stumbled back onto the couch, causing Christian to freeze in his tracks.

"Ana I," he stammered, aghast. "Please don't be afraid of me. I'd never, ever hurt you."

"No you won't — or anyone else for that matter," she said resolutely, regaining her composure. "Which is why you will stop acting like a jealous Neanderthal and sit your butt down so I can explain, or you can walk out that door without an explanation. Your choice."

The conviction in her voice tempered his rage and he sat beside her, maintaining a respectful distance though he was still simmering inside.

"Did you kiss him back?" he asked, the stench of bile clogging his throat.

Ana knitted her brows together. _Did I? I didn't NOT kiss him._

"I didn't stop him at first."

Her confession felt like a serrated knife gutting his stomach. He dropped his head in his hands, groaning in defeat.

Ana felt her own insides ripped apart at the sight of him hunched over in agony.

"But then I did stop him," she added softly. "I pulled away and made it clear that I didn't have those feelings for him — that I only had them for one man. _You_. And nothing was going to change that."

She cautiously placed her hand on his thigh, trying to convey her sincerity.

He found temporary solace in the warmth of her hands, but the visual of his girl kissing another man made his blood boil.

After several deep breaths, he looked up at her, forlorn and shattered.

"Then why Ana?" he rasped. "Why did you do this to me, to us?"

"I don't know," she hiccupped, shooting up from the couch to pace the room. She needed to be honest but she also needed distance.

"I sure as hell wasn't planning on kissing anyone."

Christian's face contorted in pain. "The best laid plans huh?" he said mockingly.

"Don't be a smartass," she scolded him. He drew his lips into a tight line but otherwise remained silent and contrite. "I am so incredibly sorry for what happened Christian, for how much I've hurt you, but I won't apologize for wanting some semblance of a life. It was just pizza — just freaking pizza," she said, throwing her hands up in exasperation.

"Pizza with an extra side of betrayal," Christian scoffed. "How blind are you Ana? Ethan likes you. He also has a dick and he'd like to fuck you with it. For someone who was accepted into Harvard, you have a lot to learn."

Ana couldn't stand still, her pent-up energy fueled by a volatile mix of regret and resentment.

"Quit with the insults Christian. They're childish. Was I naïve? Yes, probably. But was it innocent? Yes, in my mind it was. And despite Ethan stepping over the line, he's still a decent guy. I don't need to justify hanging out with him, Jose or any other friend who happens to have a certain appendage, while you maintain contact with that cunt who beat and molested you!"

Ana's jaw went slack. She instantly regretted her outburst, but her brain-to-mouth filter seemed to be on the fritz lately. Her heart beat with trepidation as she waited for Christian's response.

He refused to look at Ana, his eyes as black as the blank screen of the television that he steadfastly stared at. "Stop dragging _her_ into this and trying to turn the tables on me. I refrained from bringing her up and you should have enough restraint to do the same! This is about you and Ethan," he hissed. "Do you want him Ana? Just fucking tell me the truth!" Every muscle in his body seized at the prospect, but he had to know.

"No," she said, her voice reaching a fevered pitch as she began pacing again. "No I don't! But I also don't know what the hell I'm doing here. I won't lie to you — deep down, there was some part of me that was curious. Is the grass greener and all that bullshit! I've never really even kissed a guy before you. For a second, part of me was tempted. Yes, I wanted to see what it was like. But then the other part of me, the rational side, kicked in."

"So now you're going to sow your wild oats, is that it? Fuck a million men like Kate?" he sneered, lips curled in disgust.

"No and leave Kate out of this. You've never once disparaged Ethan for fucking anything with tits so quit being a hypocrite," she bit back. "She's given me good advice throughout this ordeal and even had your back occasionally, believe it or not."

"Fine. I apologize," he mumbled, reluctantly recalling Kate's assistance.

"Good. Christian, please try to understand. I know I'm not explaining myself very well here, but you've lived a little, been with other people. Those experiences have helped to convince you that you want something more with me. But I have nothing to compare anything to."

"So now you're going to punish me for my past?" he ground out through clenched teeth.

"No, I swear this isn't about exacting some type of vendetta on you. And no, I'm not about to date a million guys to figure out if you're 'the one.' I know you are. I made a mistake — one lousy mistake — and I'm truly sorry for it. But I won't stop trying to be more independent. You always talk about marriage and forever, but I'm 19 and not ready to be a wife yet. I'm not even a sophomore yet. I have to live a little before I can commit to something like that," she poured out, feeling raw and exposed.

 _She wants me but doesn't want to commit to me. What's the fucking point then?_ Christian finally turned to look at Ana. The sorrow in his grey orbs pierced her soul. She quietly sat down next to him again, lacing her fingers with his. He glanced down at their interlocked hands with a strange detachment.

"I've seen my mother cycle through four marriages," Ana began to explain. "I've seen the highs of new love and how it blinds you. New love can go on for years, but eventually the high fades. There's nothing wrong with that. It's how relationships work — they evolve with time. For my mom, she just went searching for a new high instead of trying to build a solid foundation on which to grow and expand on the love she already had, the one she had with Ray at least. I don't fault her for that. But I'm determined not to follow in her footsteps."

Christian eyed her skeptically, unconsciously toying with her ring finger. "You're not your mother Ana, and I'm not like any of the men she married. Her issues have nothing to do with us. You're just searching for excuses not to commit to me."

"That's not true," she countered vehemently. "In fact, that's the opposite of what I'm trying to do. You're constantly talking about forever Christian. That thrills me to no end. But at the same time, yes, it does scare me. I want us to last. I'm doing this precisely so we build a foundation that's strong enough to withstand time and all the other shit that's inevitably going to be thrown our way. I want marriage and forever too, but first we have to be ready for it, and I don't think we are at this age — at least I'm not."

Ana took a deep breath before continuing. "I don't want to keep dredging up your past Christian, but these last few weeks have chipped away at the foundation I thought we had built. You lied to me for an entire year. And your previous interactions with women rocked my perception of you. What if," she paused, gauging her next words carefully. "the part of you that dominated women comes back? What if you need it down the line and I can't deal with it? I thought you had exorcised those demons, but that was before I knew just how involved you were with the lifestyle. You hid such an important part of your life from me. Now, I can't help but wonder if there's a part of your personality that you're suppressing to hold onto me. But what about five years from now? Will it emerge later on? How do I know?"

Christian's face hardened and he snatched his hand away. "How do you know? You have the gall to ask me that?" He stood up, walking to the kitchen counter. "You know because we've spent practically every day of the last year together. You know because I've confided in you like I never have before. You know because you know me. You know the real ME," he said, desperately jabbing his finger into his chest.

"Christian, please sit back down so we can talk," she pleaded, fearing another meltdown.

"No," he said stubbornly. "Talk, talk, talk. That's ALL you want to do Ana. I'm sick of it!" He waved his arms in frustration.

Christian saw Ana wince and closed his eyes to get a grip on his rising temper. _10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1._ When he reopened them, he was visibly calmer, though the veins in his neck still pulsed wildly.

"Ana, I don't know what more you want me to say or do. I've apologized a million times. I'm seeing Flynn. I haven't had anything to do with the lifestyle since I met you. I'm at my wit's end here. At some point, you need to just get over it Anastasia." His voice was monotone but it carried a strangely malevolent undercurrent.

She furrowed her brows in disbelief. "That's so much easier said than done."

"Only for you," he retorted, his control unraveling. Ana shivered at the coldness of his glare. "Why are you so obsessed with my past? It has nothing to do with you. You want to know every detail — what good will that do? Did seeing those photos of naked submissives boost your confidence? No, I don't think so. Yes, I admit, they could double as supermodels. Who the fuck cares? I love you. I find _you_ absolutely stunning. What good has any of this done but drive us further apart? Why do you want to pry all the gory details out of me and beat this thing to death?" he rambled, his heart racing. "What do you want to know? I'll tell you. I'll tell you everything! Will it help knowing that I did things to other women that you can't even possibly imagine? Will it make you feel better knowing that I tormented them sexually, forcing them to kneel for hours while they waited for me? And that if they moved, I punished them by sticking a ginger root up their asses to watch them squirm in pain?"

Ana recoiled. Even Christian cringed at his own diatribe. _Good job Grey — that's exactly the visual that will win her over. Jesus, next time I need to count to 100 instead of 10 before I speak._

"Ana I'm…"

"Save it. You even think about doing anything like that to me and I'll shove an entire produce aisle up your ass!"

Christian inwardly smirked. _There's my feisty girl._

"That's exactly what I'm talking about baby! I would never do anything like that to you. I was a dumb, angry kid who experimented with dumb, angry shit. You know I wouldn't hurt or demean you — I treasure you. So why won't you have any faith in me? I know you're the poster child for freaking women's lib and all, but why can't you just get over this? Why? Why Ana, why?"

He raked his hands through his hair as he studied her reaction, but she avoided his gaze, staring mindlessly at the same TV monitor that had fascinated him earlier. Silence permeated the room. Christian grappled for ways to make Ana forget about his past, while Ana wrestled with revealing hers.

 _He's right. I do need to get over it. But he also needs to know why I've been so hung up on this. He needs to know what happened with husband number three and why I'm so hell-bent on men treating women as equals. But how do I bring this up without him thinking that I'm comparing him to Stephen? There's absolutely zero comparison — Stephen was violent and evil; Christian practiced safe, consensual sex — but Christian will somehow find a way to vilify himself. Logically, I can accept the fact that he inflicted pain on submissives who sought it out. Emotionally, it's hard to digest the knowledge that my boyfriend hit women and used them. He deserves to know everything so he can understand what shaped my views and why I was so disappointed that he kept this from me._

Christian anxiously watched as Ana waged an internal war, but he knew this was one battle she had to fight herself.

 _I have to do my part and tell him about Stephen so we can bury both our pasts once and for all. One step at a time though Ana. First, he needs to stop controlling every aspect of my life. If I don't assert myself now, I never will, and I can't be scared of my own boyfriend. Only then can we move forward and I can tell him about Stephen. Hopefully, once he's secure in the knowledge that I love and accept him, he won't cast himself as some kind of monster. Yes, that sounds like a plan — an imperfect one that could easily backfire on my ass, but a plan nonetheless._

With renewed confidence, Ana rose and strode over to Christian. She gently cupped cheeks, taking him by surprise. He let out a groan, relishing her feather-light touch.

"Christian, it was a huge sacrifice to leave Harvard behind and follow you here to Seattle." His stomach sank. "But I don't regret one second of it — and I never will," she vowed. "It gave me you and it was the best decision of my life."

A smiled tugged at the corners of his lips. "Wait," she pre-empted him. "I want us to work and I want to be with you, but I won't sacrifice my entire college experience for you. There has to be some middle ground."

Christian pinched the ridge of his nose, forcing Ana to drop her hands. She eyed him speculatively. _Come on Christian, meet me halfway. Give me something to work with._

"What middle ground Ana? You think I can sit here and watch you go out with other guys, get drunk and put yourself in harm's way?" he sighed, increasingly agitated. "I can't — I just can't. I don't know how to manage this fear that you'll find something better out there."

"And you seriously think I'll find something better at a frat party?" she said incredulously.

"I don't know. Maybe."

"Even if you're with me, by my side?"

He shrugged like a petulant schoolboy.

 _So much for middle ground. Try a different approach Ana._

"Tell me, how many social functions have I accompanied you to?"

"I don't know. It's not like I keep a running tab."

"Come on. Just a rough estimate."

"A lot." She ignored his vague answer.

"Exactly. And how many college parties have you taken me to?" she continued her interrogation, her arms crossed as she tapped her foot impatiently.

"Again, I haven't exactly kept track, but I let you go to parties Ana," he muttered unconvincingly.

"No you don't. Last week was the very _first_ party I've gone to since coming to Seattle. Whenever I want to do anything on my own, I get the Spanish Inquisition. Hell, I have to justify going to a damn study group at the library."

"It was going to be late at night," he complained.

"With a bunch of girls who were dropping me off from point A to point B. This what I'm talking about. I'm so over this overbearing crap. I've supported you unconditionally, and I expect the same from you in return."

"That's not fair. I do support you."

"Then why are you're blowing everything out of proportion? I know it stems from your overprotectiveness and, yes, insecurity." She ignored his quirked eyebrow. "But your temper's been out of control lately. It's infuriating but more than that it's … it's frightening," she whispered. Although it pained her to hear the truth out loud, her confession was strangely liberating.

He gazed at her with such intensity it left her winded. "Ana, how can you say that? My bark is worse than my bite. You know that. I'd never hurt you. Hell, you put me in my place all the time. If anything, you scare the crap out of me woman!"

She let out a humorless laugh, but her smile quickly faded. "I know you'd never hurt me physically Christian, but your reactions are so unpredictable and explosive sometimes."

Ashen, his body began to tremble.

"Your moods. They… they scare me," she said meekly.

Christian let out a strangled sob as his hands flew to cover his face.

"I'm not scared of you," she quickly clarified, rubbing his arm to reassure him. "But you have to cool your jets. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells sometimes to avoid pissing you off and that's no way to live — or love."

His insides twisted in revulsion at the idea that the woman he'd lay down and die for feared him. "Give me a minute, please," he said gruffly, turning away from her to compose himself.

Ana stepped back to give him space.

 _What the fuck can I say to salvage this wreck of a reunion? She says she's the one who's walking on eggshells? I feel like freaking Humpty Dumpty here. She's right though. I bite her head off whenever I'm unhappy. And I do give her grief over every little thing. I'm so scared of losing her that I've been smothering her to death. But scaring her? I never thought it would come to that. That's the last thing I want. I have to fix this — fix myself. I will show Ana I can be a better man. But how? I fucking suck at this talking shit. If I'm not being a rude prick, I'm being an idiotic one — that ginger root reference being a prime example. We're hanging on by the barest of threads here and I don't know what to say to make it better. Maybe I just need to just shut up for once before she snaps. I can't afford to alienate her for good. Live to fight another day Grey instead of sticking the proverbial foot in your mouth. Remember she-devil Kate's advice: Show her with actions, not words._

His mind made up, he turned back to face Ana. "I'm leaving," he declared.

Ana blinked in shock. "What? What do you mean?"

"It's for the best. I have to go. I can't be here any more."

Her bottom lip began quivering. "Are you leaving … me?" she whimpered, hating how pathetic her voice sounded.

He did a double-take. "What?! Of course not," he exclaimed, rushing toward her. "I just … tonight … all this shit with Ethan … what you told me … being scared." _Real eloquent Grey! You're a regular Shakespeare. Jesus, I really do suck at this communication shit_. "It's too much Ana. I need some time to process everything. I can't talk any more." _And risk saying something I'll regret._ He gazed at her intently, willing her to give him a break.

"I understand," she sighed, trying to hide her disappointment. _Just when I thought we were making headway, he's leaving, but I can't exactly blame him. Running is my MO after all. He learned from the best._

"I'll walk you out," she said, averting his gaze. While she was relieved he wasn't outright giving up, his rejection still stung.

"Hey," he clasped her chin, tilting her face toward him. "I almost forgot why I came here." _End on a happy note Grey._ He motioned to the neatly wrapped gift still sitting on the counter. "I wanted to drop off a present before you left to see Ray tomorrow since we won't be together for the holidays."

Ana's expression softened, even though the gift was a sad reminder that they would be apart for Christmas. "Thank you," she choked out.

He gazed longingly into the eyes that had transfixed him at first sight, torn over whether he should leave or not. But ultimately, his own fears stood in the way of staying.

"You're very welcome. Merry Christmas," he whispered, bending down to give her a soft kiss on the cheek. He lingered for a moment but then walked out the door before he could change his mind.

Ana collapsed to the floor, hugging herself. Outside, Christian braced himself against the wall, heaves wracking his body.

 _Merry fucking Christmas indeed,_ they both thought in unison.


	39. AUTHOR'S NOTE

Unfortunately, pretty much everyone seems to hate the direction of this story, so I've decided to remove the second half of Sacrifice from this site altogether and will only be updating this story through Wattpad from now on. Honestly, this just isn't worth the grief — nobody takes time out of their busy schedules to write for free so they can constantly get slammed. Why people keep spending their own time reading stories they despise is beyond me.

It's a shame to be leaving Fanfiction, especially because you can't judge Christian's turnaround based on this one chapter — there is more after all. And I disagree that he hasn't learned anything. He tried throughout the chapter to keep his temper in check even though he felt betrayed by Ana. For people expecting Christian to suddenly be polite and not snap, get real — that's not true to his character at all. And I haven't even gotten into husband number three and the impact of that revelation on Christian.

Anyway, for fans who want to continue reading Sacrifice as well as Something Tangible, please follow Capital-Perspective on Wattpad. All my stuff is on there and I'll be continuing both stories strictly on that site, which seems to be a more welcoming, civil forum for writers.

Sorry, I know it's a pain to have to create a profile, but Wattpad tends to weed out the guests who rant and rave and curse at you. It also tends to have an older audience, whereas a lot of the readers on here are much younger, which is fine, but I'll actually be continuing Sacrifice with more mature, darker themes (exploring their marriage 20 years from now and issues of getting bored, being tempted to cheat etc.). Fair warning: If you don't like this Christian or Ana, it's time to move on from this story. And if you spew hate on Wattpad, I'll just block you so don't even bother creating a profile.

For those who really don't want to create a Wattpad profile but want to know how Sacrifice ends, PM me and we'll try to work something out.

A heartfelt thank you to everyone for all the follows and reviews, both good and bad. It's definitely been an eye-opening experience to reveal your writing on the internet — one that I don't regret! I hope you guys find your perfect Christian and Ana on fanfiction (without giving yourself too much heartburn). Take care!


	40. AN

Author's Note: Sorry this isn't a story update (though one is coming). I just wanted to do one long author's note to update everyone who's been following Sacrifice as well as my other stories (and address some of the criticism I've received as well).

First off, an enormous THANK YOU to everyone who has set up a Wattpad account to follow me. I know it's a gigantic pain in the ass so it really means the world to me that people like my stuff enough to go through all that hassle. I sincerely appreciate it! The amazing notes of support that I've received nearly brought me to tears, so thank you :) Your encouragement kept me going when I was out of ideas and ready to call it quits. All of a sudden for some reason, Sacrifice became a target on here and my inbox was flooded with nasty, nutty notes. There are so many hate-filled people on the internet that it's disturbing to see how low people can go, but at the same time it's so overwhelming and uplifting to receive kind words from fans, so again thank you!

 **Sacrifice** is now updated on Wattpad up to their reunion. I will post one newer chapter of Sacrifice here on Fanfiction because so many people have PM'd me about it, but all the latest updates will be on Wattpad. That seems only fair to all the people who created a Wattpad account just to read the story. I don't want their effort to have been for nothing, so they'll get to read the newest updates for Sacrifice first. At some point, a few months from now when the story is eventually finished, I'll probably post it all on Fanfiction, but for now you can find the latest on Wattpad. That's the best compromise I could come up with.

In the meantime, I also started a new story — **Strength and Submission** — here on Fanfiction, so please check that out and review.

As for **Something Tangible** , it will ONLY be updated on Wattpad — and there is a new chapter coming for that one this Friday (FINALLY, I know). As I tried to make clear from the beginning, that really wasn't a Christian-and-Ana story but I just posted it on here because there were some similarities. But it's an original work that I hope to turn into a manuscript, so I'm going to keep it going on Wattpad. I can't promise frequent updates on that one, but I haven't given up on it either. It's partially based on real-life circumstances, and mine have changed, so it's just been difficult to come up with ideas for the plot honestly.

I know some of you can't or don't want to open an account on Wattpad and have PM'd me. I have tried to reply directly to everyone. If I haven't, I'm sorry — I travel a lot and haven't been able to respond to everyone's PM yet. Please bear with me.

In the meantime, for those who've asked me how to use Wattpad, I just wanted to quickly repost the instructions. FanFiction is weird about putting website addresses on here but basically you go to .com — or just Google it to go to the site. You then have to create a user profile with your email (just like FF) to set up an account and read the stories. Once you have a profile, then just search Capital-Perspective in the search box up top. I should appear on the right-hand side as a person (my logo is the brown dog in the green grass). Click on me and you'll find my page. You can then follow me and have access to all my stories.

It's been great to finally build up my Wattpad presence because while I miss the more frequent reviews on Fanfiction, Wattpad is a much more welcoming forum for writers.

On that note, I know it's not fair to punish readers for a few nutty trolls, but honestly Sacrifice — and me personally — started receiving so much hate on here that it just wasn't worth the stress any more.

On that note, several reviewers accused me of being a hypocrite and trolling other writers, so I wanted to address that. I do not troll. Period. So cut the BS. I have left dozens of reviews since I joined FF — 99% of them overwhelmingly positive. I have criticized all of two writers: One for her use of rape, which angered a lot of readers, but otherwise I've done nothing but consistently praise her work. The other I criticized because even though she's a phenomenal writer, I felt she led her fans on and betrayed their loyalty. Were my reviews harsh and blunt? Yep, and I make zero apologies for them. Were they curse-filled rants attacking the authors with personal insults? Absolutely not. And to be clear, it's THOSE kind of reviews that drove me — just like they do a lot of other people — from this site, not the usual criticism or feedback. It was the kind of rants written by people who couldn't spell their names if their own lives depended on it.

Yes, I can always moderate guest reviews, but who wants to wake up to hate-filled drivel on your computer when this is a hobby you do for fun — and for free? My inbox was flooded not only with nasty notes, but apparently some people were cyber-stalking my past reviews and bashing me on forums or something, which is just plain creepy and sad. Who has time for that? I'm pretty sure even mean girls in high school don't even have time for that kind of nonsense — LOL (and my high school days are long behind me)!

I am sure these folks will still call me a coward or whatever other insult fills the daily vacuum of their lives. That's certainly their prerogative — just as it's my prerogative to post my story on the venue I choose. Simple. I don't need to justify my decision to people who are oddly obsessed with my reviews, so this is last time I'll bother addressing it. I am sorry if my decision to move Sacrifice angered a few of you, but as I've said before, Fanfiction is huge. I'm sure you can find an author who doesn't personally upset you so much.

As for other readers who felt Christian hadn't grown or improved in the second half of Sacrifice, I understand your criticism and it's a very valid point, so I wanted to address that separately. I can certainly see why people would say that Christian hasn't changed, but I respectfully disagree for a few reasons. 1) It's important to remember that both parts of the story offer only two tiny snippets of their lives over a span of five years. You don't see the other 99%, which is good. I just focus on the angst simply because I'm not very good at writing the happier stuff. 2) Neither Elena nor BDSM is a factor later in their marriage; they're both nonissues that have already been dealt with. 3) Christian lied to Ana in the beginning. He learned his lesson when they were dating and was nothing but open with her during their marriage (remember how he rushed to the office to tell her about Stacie?). 4) Christian is aware of his controlling tendencies and tries to rein them in once they're married. As for his temper/belittling etc., however, I consider this to be an intrinsic part of his nature based on the books (just like Ana's tendency is to run away). I wanted to stay true to the original characters. Canon Christian wasn't exactly a nice guy. He often lost his temper, cursed and snapped at Ana. I consider this a basic part of his character, for better or worse, and while I think people improve over time and become more aware of their faults, they don't fundamentally change. So while he tries to control his temper, it's never going to be perfect. At least in my version, Ana is no wallflower. She curses and throws insults right back at him.

But to make Christian polite and nice during an argument is simply not going to happen. In my opinion, he wouldn't be Fifty. I also think it's realistic that they both yell and act childish when they're pissed, because that's how people act during heated arguments, especially when they're young. You can't judge the whole of their relationship based on two nasty fights over 5 years. Also remember that in the epilogue 7 years later, they're great.

So while I understand the criticism — especially because I wrote the story in a backward way time-wise — this is my interpretation of the character as I've chosen to write him, and these aspects of Christian's personality are not going to completely vanish, even in future parts of Sacrifice. Next time though, I'll try not to start a story and not go backward in time, since I know that was pretty confusing (it's just that I came up with the idea for their breakup AFTER I'd written the marriage part — that's all).

On that final note, I hope everyone does stay tuned to Sacrifice and all my other stories, whether on here or Wattpad. I do my best to update them in between family, work and travel, so bear with me, but I appreciate every single person who has taken the time to read and comment on my work.

I also just saw the preview for Fifty Shades Darker — countdown is officially on for the movie! Jamie Dornan looks smoking!

In the meantime, laters baby :)


	41. Chapter 41

Carrick nudged his wife as she arranged the shrimp kabobs in a symmetrical presentation on the platter they had bought during their recent trip to Mexico.

"He's been moping on those stairs and nursing that beer for the last two hours," Carrick complained, jerking his head toward Christian, who was secluded in the corner of a stairwell. "It's depressing the hell out of me."

Grace looked back sadly at her youngest son. He was busy peeling off the label from his bottle, his eyes glazed over as guests mingled all around him.

"Be nice Carrick," she reprimanded him. "He's going through a lot but he still made it out to celebrate your birthday."

Carrick kissed his wife on the forehead, duly chastised. "I know, and I'm grateful he came. I'm sure Ana's influence had something to do with that, even though they're not together any more."

Crestfallen, Grace continued to mindlessly rearrange the sticks of shrimp. "God I wish she were here. He's miserable. I don't know what to do."

"There's nothing we can do but support him." She arched an admonishing brow at her husband.

"I know woman! I haven't exactly been supportive of the boy," Carrick acknowledged. "I'm trying to make it up to him. We were finally starting to make amends and then it all fell apart. At each stage of his life, he's struggled. I just don't know if I can watch him suffer through another transition."

"What do you mean?"

"First it was his horrendous childhood. Then the fighting and drinking," Carrick mused, recalling all the times he was called into the principal's office to vouch for Christian after his latest brawl. "All of a sudden it stopped, which was a Godsend because I was running out of high-priced bourbon to bribe that damn lush of a principal. But then he erected this invisible barrier between himself and every other human being on the planet. He morphed into some kind of robot. But with Ana, finally there was some joy in him — some life."

Carrick closed his eyes, sighing. "Now it looks as if the life has been sapped out of him again. What if he's backtracking? He's already completely isolated himself."

"Have faith," his wife advised him. "Christian is one of the most resilient people we know. He'll overcome this like he has all the other challenges in his life. He's strong and determined."

"Yes, in business. He's a picture-perfect CEO. I should've seen his talents sooner. Did you know that he just sealed a $3 million-dollar deal? I give him full credit on GEH. He's making it work despite the odds."

"Then you need to let him know that you're proud of his accomplishments. It may not seem like it, but he still needs your approval," Grace reminded him.

"I know, and I will tell him. But what if that's all there is to his future? A successful, ruthless businessman in the office who comes home to an empty penthouse at night? I don't want that for him Grace."

"Neither do I," she sniffled, dabbing at the tear rolling down her cheek with a napkin.

Carrick wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "I'm sorry honey. I didn't mean to upset you. Hell, I'm being the Debbie Downer at my own party. Thank you by the way for hosting my annual birthday party." He leaned in and nuzzled her light-brown hair.

"It's not technically a birthday party," she corrected him, playfully bumping his hip with hers. "It doubles as a pre-Christmas gathering for friends and business associates since you hate celebrating your actual birthday."

"That's because my birthday is right before Christmas. You can't exactly compete with the birth of Jesus," he snickered.

"You do like to be holier than thou occasionally," she fired back, amused by his surprised expression.

"Hmmm, aren't you the clever little hostess? We'll see who the smarty-pants is later tonight," he winked seductively.

"Oh Christ. Gross! Cut it out. I'm eating," Elliott coughed, trying to break up his parents' lovefest while snatching up a piece of shrimp.

"Actually, Christ did come up in our conversation, not that it's any of your business," Carrick scolded his eldest son, smacking his hand away from the hors d'oeuvres.

"I don't even want to know. Between your slobbering and Christian sucking the air out of the room, I don't know where to hide."

"Be nice Elliott and go console your brother," Grace instructed.

"But mooooom."

She flicked her wrist at him as she tuned out her son's high-pitched whining. "Go," she said with finality.

Elliott stomped off — the scowl on his face making his parents chuckle.

He plastered on a smile as he judiciously approached Christian. "That beer must be getting warm bro. Want me to get you another?"

"No," his sullen brother replied, eyes focused on some unseen speck in the distance.

"OK then … how are things going?" he ventured.

"Just dandy. Can't you tell? I'm on fucking cloud nine."

"Glad to see your sarcasm is firmly intact," he muttered with an undertone of hurt.

"Sorry Elliott. I only came so mom doesn't throw a fit. I'm out of here in 15 minutes."

"Why don't you stay man? There's lot of lovely ladies here. Mingle. Mix. Who knows? Maybe you'll meet someone…"

Elliott shivered at the glacial stare Christian lobbed his way.

"Too soon. I get it," he said, throwing up his hands in mock surrender. "Just trying to help."

"Look Elliott, unless you can produce Ana in front of me and magically make her forget that I'm a jackass, then there's not a whole lot you can do for me."

"I'm no David Copperfield — though I wouldn't mind being him for a day. Seriously, the man does not age and gets all the chicks," he said, veering off track.

"Focus Elliott," Christian rolled his eyes.

"Oh sorry. Where was I? Magician, that's right. Well, I'm not one. But I did coach little league once so I'll give you a pep talk. Hang in there, bro. Eventually things turn around."

Christian scrunched his brows at his well-intentioned but somewhat-simplistic sibling. "That's it? Hang in there? That's the best you've got?"

"Uhh yeah," Elliott said, puzzled. "What else did you want me to say? I'm not Dr. Phil, although I have been called a pretty decent matchmaker in my time…"

"OK Elliott," Christian cut off his next tangent. "Thanks for the sage advice. I'll chew on it." _All three words of it._

"Any time bro!" Elliott good-naturedly slapped his knee before heading off to grab that shrimp before it disappeared.

Between Elliott's words of wisdom and the pitiful stares his parents threw his way when they thought he wasn't looking, Christian decided to call it a night. He made his way over to the coat closet when he caught a whiff of a familiar, overpriced perfume.

 _Marvelous. My old friend Elena. God forbid I be able to sneak away from this holiday fun without one final pain in my ass rearing her head. Ho fucking hum._

Christian turned around to find his former BDSM tutor dressed to the nines in a perfectly cut, form-fitting black dress and sculpted high heels that looked like they could do serious damage to a man's balls.

"Hi Elena," Christian muttered unenthusiastically.

"Oh, tsk tsk. Don't be like that," she scolded her protégé. "I come bearing gifts." She whipped out a crystal tumbler of brown liquid from behind her back. "Scotch, aged 30 years."

Christian thought of Ana's smart mouth. _She would say that was still too old for Elena._

A ghost of a smile crept on his lips. Oblivious, Elena reciprocated with a grin of her own, handing him the liquor.

Christian appraised the glass before downing the Scotch in a few large gulps. _What the hell. I have a driver and that beer did leave a vile aftertaste in my mouth._

"Thanks. Appreciate it," he said, disinterested, as he returned the glass to her. Elena had him cornered but he was over a foot taller than her, so he peered over her head to scan the room for the fastest escape route. _I need to get going so I can cyber-stalk Ana on Facebook from the privacy of my own home. She might've put up photos from Ray's by now._

"There, you see! A good dose of expensive liquor is the perfect remedy for a broken heart," Elena said, unfazed by his preoccupation with the doorway across the hall. "I know it's none of my business but I am genuinely sorry about you and Ana."

Christian eyed Elena suspiciously. _Elena and genuine — two words that will never go together._

"Thanks for your sympathy Elena. I have to head home now," he said, matching her artifice as he began to maneuver around her.

She put her hand on his shoulder to stop him. "Hold on cowboy. You look like hell. What happened? Talk to me," she urged.

 _Crap, I can't get rid of the last woman I want to talk to right now while I can't get the one I do want to even be in the same room with me for more than 10 minutes. Fucking Karma._

"Not now Elena," he brushed her off. "I need to get going." _And the last thing I need to do is rehash the details of the worst few weeks of my life._

"Look, your mother filled me in on what happened," she said sympathetically. "Love can be cruel. I'm sorry she's putting you through this."

" _She_ is none of your fucking concern," he bit back harshly.

A niggling voice began gnawing away at him. _As usual, Elena got the dirt from my mother, using her friendship to inveigle information on me. How long has she been pulling this underhanded crap, all in the name "helping" me?_

"I've never seen you like this and I'm only worried, that's all. No need to snap my head off."

"I'm sure you'd find a plastic surgeon to stitch it right back on. Now if you excuse me, I said I have to go," he said dismissively.

Elena's eyes flickered with annoyance.

"Let me be perfectly frank then," she said authoritatively. "You have a business to run and people who rely on you. You can't afford to have some sort of mental breakdown or existential crisis, can you?"

Christian cracked his neck, the bones taut with stress. Elena's casual observation hit close to home. _For the first time in my life, people do rely on me — for an income. I have to get my shit together, but how can I do that without Ana? She's my compass and I'm lost without her._

"Exactly. That's what I thought. I've seen you spiral into no man's land before and nobody, especially your family, wants to see you go there again. You need to do what you do best — regain control — and you know precisely how to do that. Whether you want to admit it or not, people like us thrive in the lifestyle precisely because it sharpens us mentally while providing us with a much-needed physical release. So what I propose is a new arrangement. At some point you have to get back in the saddle and function again," she casually advised her former prodigy.

"Excuse me," he gasped, appalled by her suggestion that he find a submissive. "I always knew you were pretty heartless Elena, but this is callous even for you. Let me be crystal clear so there are no gray areas: I love Ana and I have no desire to fuck another woman set up by you or anyone else. Not now. Not ever."

Incensed, every muscle in Christian's body began to shake with restraint but his fury didn't cower the seasoned dominatrix.

"That's not what I meant," she snapped, before softening her tone. "I understand that you're not ready for some strange new woman. Give me some credit." Christian's eyes narrowed but he held his tongue. "You need someone familiar. Someone who's helped you out of a tight spot before. I want to see you succeed Christian — embrace your potential and become the man you're meant to be."

Christian's body went rigid when he felt Elena's hand curl around his bicep, comprehension sinking in. _She thinks she'll help me fulfill my potential — by fucking me?! Jesus, this is one delusional dominatrix._

He instantly flung her wrist off of him, revolted by the prospect of resuming an affair with his mother's best friend.

"What the hell Christian?" Elena barked, trying to keep her voice low. "Calm down and stop causing a scene! I was only trying to help."

"Help? You seriously think me fucking you to get over Ana is somehow going to help me?" he hissed.

"Yes, help Christian," she replied with an air of affronted dignity. "That's what I did before, in case you've forgotten."

"No, all you did was take advantage of a fucked-up kid." The words were out before he could stop them, the implication resonating inside his conscience. They were the same words Ana and Flynn had been drilling into him ad nauseam, but it was only now that the truth of them ran headlong against years of denials.

"Oh, and I suppose Ana has 'helped' you — by dumping you and turning you into a lovesick basket case."

"Say her name one more time and you'll be the one who needs serious help," he growled, looming over her with raw hatred in his eyes.

Elena shuddered but quickly stiffened her spine. "Don't threaten me. I made you Christian."

"No, you fucked me," he corrected her, his lips curled in disgust. "And probably fucked me up beyond belief, but thank God I found Ana when I did. She was right all along. All you've ever done is manipulate both me and my mother."

"How can you say that Christian?" Elena breathed, genuinely bewildered. "I care for both of you, very deeply."

"Your twisted version of caring is no longer what me or my mother need. But let's go along with your theory that you somehow miraculously 'cured' me. In that case, I'll offer you one last concession for your 'generosity.' I'll allow you the courtesy of leaving this house before I tell my mother and father about our affair — because that's precisely what I'm about to do. Or, feel free to sit in on our little heart to heart as I explain to them how you whipped their son's ass black and blue if I dared to look at another girl. Your choice. Either way, I'm finished with these lies — tonight."

Christian put on his best poker face. He was convinced his parents would disown him once they found out about his past and side with Elena, but he wasn't about to reveal his hand.

Elena scrutinized the indomitable force before her. He was no longer the gangly young boy afraid of being touched. He was a full-grown man — and, at the moment, the embodiment of fury and determination.

"There's no need to upset your family like this. For what? What we did was ancient history — why resurrect it now? To prove some heroic point to your ex-girlfriend? Your mother will never forgive you," she warned.

"I'll take that chance," Christian bluffed.

"I've been a part of this family for years Christian. You can't take that away from me because you're hell-bent on having some confessional right this minute," she pleaded in a last-ditch effort to ingratiate herself with the lucrative Grey clan.

"You did that yourself when you betrayed your friend by seducing her son."

"You were a willing participant," she retorted coldly.

"And an underage one," he reminded her.

"Don't play the victim card with me," she sneered. "It doesn't suit you Christian."

He shrugged, a picture of indifference. "I'm not a victim. I'm simply choosing to come clean with my family."

"You're making a huge mistake."

"Only mistake I made was trusting you," he replied, unfazed. "I won't let my mother repeat that same mistake."

"She's my friend."

"She's my mother."

Elena opened her mouth but couldn't find a rebuttal. She narrowed her eyes at Christian, who refused to budge or blink. Suddenly, she snatched her purse from the nearby table and shot him one last venomous stare. "You'll regret this," Elena huffed as she slinked off toward the door.

Christian exhaled in relief. _I probably will._

He stood motionless in the coat closet until Grace and Carrick popped their heads in. "Christian, what are doing in here? And where did Elena go? I didn't have a chance to say bye yet," Grace inquired.

"She left mom, hopefully for good."

"What? I don't understand."

Christian's countenance gave nothing away as he eyed his parents warily.

"Mom, is the party breaking up?"

"Yes, people are starting to leave. Why? What's going on?"

Christian turned to his father. "I'm sorry for doing this on your birthday. My timing is less than ideal, but if I don't do this now, I'm afraid I'll lose my nerve."

Grace and Carrick looked at each other and their son in confusion. "Do what Christian?" Carrick probed. "You're starting to worry us."

"I'm sorry, again. Can we go to your study to talk?"

"Of course son. Whatever you need," Carrick replied, stepping aside to let Christian pass. Downtrodden, Christian led his parents down the hall — like a man walking to the guillotine.


	42. Chapter 42

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Just wanted to give folks a quick update on my stories:**_

 _ **Something Tangible has FINALLY been updated over on Wattpad for those following that story.**_

 _ **Sacrifice is ahead a few chapters on Wattpad. There's one more chapter left before I wrap it all up. I'll post everything once it's completely finished.**_

 _ **I also have a new story on Fanfiction called Submission and Strength if you want to check that out.**_

Ana lovingly admired the hand-carved oak rocking chair her father had given her for Christmas, while Ray sat on his Lazy-Boy wearing the navy blue sweater she had knitted for him. Neither of them liked to spend a lot of money on gifts. That way, the few they did exchange held more meaning for them.

"It's beautiful dad. Thank you."

"It's nothing Annie. Since you're moving in with Kate and most of the furnishings will be hers, I just wanted you to have a little something of your own in your new apartment."

"I love it," she said, a tinge of sadness seeping into her voice at the realization that she would no longer be living with Christian. His present sat unwrapped under the brightly lit tree.

"Open it Annie," Ray urged his downbeat daughter. "The boy got it for you and it is Christmas after all."

She chewed her lip. For some inexplicable reason, she was fearful of what the box might hold.

"How about I rustle us up some coffee while you decide," Ray smiled, giving her some space.

Ana listened as he rummaged around in the kitchen before crawling over to the tree. She slowly unpeeled the red-and-green wrapping paper to reveal a first edition of Thomas Hardy's "Far From the Madding Crowd," one of her favorite books. Ana estimated that it was probably worth thousands of dollars.

But the note attached was priceless:

 **My dearest Ana,**

 **Please accept this gift as a token of my everlasting admiration for you, and my profound apologies for what I have put us through. You are the last person in the world I'd ever want to hurt, even though I've done exactly that. I will go to my grave regretting my actions and I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me one day.**

 **In the meantime, please do not refuse this gift. It is a sincere reflection of my belief that you will succeed at whatever you put your brilliant mind to. Like the character of Gabriel, I will always be there to support you no matter what life has in store for us. You can always count on me. I wish you nothing but the best Ana and I will always be here for you should you need me.**

 **Love,**

 **Christian**

Ana balled, not at the sentimental gift but at the implications of the note. _Oh lord, this sounds so final. Is he finally giving up on me? What the fuck have I done? Have I pushed him away for good?_

A gentle touch on her shoulder snapped Ana out of her angst-ridden trance.

"Annie, if you're this unhappy, why don't you just pick up the phone and call the boy?" Ray said, placing a mug of steaming coffee on the floor before sitting crossed-leg in front of her.

She furrowed her brow. _I do need to thank him for the gift. But I don't want to keep yanking his chain. Maybe he wants to move on with his life and this was his "get out of jail free" card?_

"Dad, you don't understand. There is so much shit … errr … I mean baggage between us."

"They why don't you work through it? You can't do that if you're not talking little lady."

 _Can it be that simple?_

"Yes Annie. It actually is that straightforward sometimes.

She eyed him suspiciously. _Is every man in my life telepathic or am I just that transparent?_

"Annie, quit overanalyzing everything," Ray sighed, concern etched on his face. He had had enough of seeing his little girl miserable. "You women are famous for it. Men are blissfully uncomplicated. He loves you and wants to work it out. The only question is whether you feel the same way."

"Dad, there are so many other questions we need to answer. You just don't understand," she tried to explain but didn't know where to begin. _Whips and chains are not exactly the kinds of things you want to be discussing with your father on Christmas morning._

"No, I don't, and I have a failed marriage to prove that. But I do understand that love takes work. You made this cross-country move for Christian. Are you really ready to give up on him?"

She looked down meekly at her lap. "I thought you hated him because of that — because I left Harvard for him," she choked out, dashing the tears from her eyes with her sleeve.

"Annie, I don't hate him," Ray exhaled. "I didn't necessarily approve of your decision, but it was yours to make — just as the choice whether to take him back is yours alone to make. Look, we both know Christian will be a huge success. It's part of his DNA. But I'm _your_ father, not his. My sole concern is for your well-being. I only want you to succeed and carve out an identity for yourself — and not get swallowed up by his dreams."

"I know Dad, and I love you for it. That's precisely what I'm fighting for — to find that balance. But you should at least know that Christian feels the same way. My dreams are just as important to him as they are to you."

"Then trust your instincts and go with your gut. You either love him and want to work it out or you don't. There's no right or wrong answer. No matter what you decide, I'll support you. Remember, we have no way knowing what the future holds. All you can do is make the best decision for yourself at this very moment. Deep down, I suspect you know what you want."

She did.

 _I want him. All of him — the good, the bad and the ugly. I hate certain parts but I love the whole package, and I can't cherry-pick and discard the parts I don't like for the ones I do. That's not love. Love is acceptance. Love is working to improve yourself and your partner. And my Dad's right. Love is work — and I want to make this work. We have so much shit to sort through, but we can't do any of it if we aren't even speaking to each other._

It felt as if the fog of uncertainty that had shrouded her for weeks was finally lifting. Ana gave Ray an exuberant hug before racing up the stairs to her room. She had an overdue phone call to make.


	43. Chapter 43

Christian was about to ignore the buzzing of his cell, assuming it was a family member pestering him to come to dinner, until he saw Ana's name illuminate the screen. He almost dropped the phone in his haste to answer it.

"Ana," he said, breathless with anticipation.

"Ummm, hi Christian." Her voice was weak and tentative but to him it sounded like a lyrical masterpiece. "I'm sorry to bother you. I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas."

"You could never bother me! Merry Christmas baby," he replied, unable to contain his enthusiasm — or his slip of the tongue. _Fuck, I called her baby. I hope that doesn't scare her off. Screw it. She'll always be my baby._

"I also wanted to thank you for the gift. It was extraordinary. I loved it."

 _And I love you Ana, because you're extraordinary._

"I'm happy you liked it," he exhaled. _And accepted it without a fuss._

"I just feel bad…" she trailed off.

"What, why? What's wrong Ana," he said, alarmed.

"Well, I didn't get you anything." _Actually I did. Antique cufflinks. But you ran out the other day before I could give them to you._

"Oh that." Relief poured off of him in waves. "Ana, please don't trouble yourself. I don't need anything. Hearing your voice is the perfect gift."

An embarrassed pink flush swept her cheeks.

"I wasn't sure whether I should call, I mean whether you wanted to speak to me. I know you were mad at me after," she swallowed, "the whole Ethan affair … err I mean thing, definitely not affair." _Jesus Ana, remove foot from mouth!_

Christian cringed at her slip of the tongue but quickly regrouped.

"No Ana, I wasn't mad at you. I was angry at the situation, at myself for letting everything between us get that far." _Furious at that fuck-face for trying to move in on what's mine._ "But not at you. I needed to cool off and was just trying to respect your wishes and give you some space — for once."

"I guess I didn't want _that_ much space," she mumbled.

"Really?" he exclaimed, filled with hope.

"Ummm, yeah. I was finally ready to talk, but you left barely saying a word. I had no idea what to think. I was worried that I had scared you off permanently."

He couldn't help but laugh. "Ana, that would _never_ happen. I'm going to be by your side through good times and bad. I just didn't want to scare _you_ off by losing my temper again. It's something I'm working on but it's not easy. When I sat there listening about you and Ethan…" Christian paused, a lump of emotion jammed in his throat. "It was just too much. I couldn't handle it. It killed me to hear you say that were scared of me. Killed me," he breathed as if in physical pain. "I couldn't risk scaring you off even more. I was terrified of fucking up again by saying something stupid, so leaving was the best solution I could come up with in a bind. That's all."

"Oh, that makes sense, I guess. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate you not blowing up on me, but I do wish maybe next time you'd let me know what's going on beforehand so my imagination doesn't run away with me. I don't want you to veer from one extreme — shouting — to another — shutting down. I'm happy to give you time to cool off. Just give me a heads up. I had no idea what you were feeling after I told you what happened and I assumed the worst."

"I'm sorry Ana. Always assume I want you, no matter how thick-headed I'm acting. I know I need to communicate better. I'm working on it. I swear. I guess I'm still very much a work in progress though."

"A wise woman once told me that we're all works in progress Christian," she said, fidgeting with a paper napkin on the table as she mindlessly tore it into tiny bits and pieces. "I'm glad to hear you haven't given up on us. The note with your present made me think that you had," she mumbled.

"Fuck, that's the last thing I wanted to do! I just wanted to convey that I'll always be there for you — that I will _never_ give up. Instead I manage to do the opposite. I'm so sorry."

"No Christian, please don't apologize, especially not for the beautiful gift you gave me, or for the heartfelt note. I loved them both."

Christian looked heavenward in silent gratitude. "I'm glad baby. I'll stick to numbers and leave the writing to you from now on."

"There has to be one writer in the family I suppose," she teased.

Hope coursed through his bloodstream. _She called us a family._

Realizing her slip, Ana quickly changed gears. "So ummm, how have you been?"

"As well as could be expected." His reply was instantaneous — and grim.

"Yeah. I know," she said sympathetically. _Shitty. Like mine._ "How has your Christmas been?"

"Fine. I stopped by my parents' house earlier today and now I'm at the office."

"The office?" she shrieked. "It's Christmas. You should be with family Christian. Are you at least going back later for dinner?"

"No. I have work to do. I'm not exactly in a festive mood."

"I know, but still. You should be with the ones you love over the holidays."

"There's nothing in the world I want more than that," he said wistfully, his comment aimed directly at her.

Ana squirmed, using distraction to mask her discomfort. "Ummm, so anything else going on?" She mentally slapped her forehead. _Good lord, how many ways can you ask the same question Ana? And what's with the fucking ummms? Are you meditating?_

"I suppose you could say that. I've been seeing Flynn regularly since our confrontation at the party to get a handle on my anger issues. I may always be a jealous prick where you're concerned, but I'm learning techniques so that you don't bear the brunt of that jealousy. I have also been working on addressing the roots of my so-called 'abandonment issues,' as Flynn puts it, so that they don't dictate my behavior toward you."

"Wow. I'm glad Christian. Really glad," she said pensively. _Because your issues have been a serious thorn up my ass._ "That's a great start."

"I also told my parents about Elena." Christian paused to let Ana fully digest the news. "It was time," he added quietly.

Ana's jaw plummeted to the floor. _Come again? Holy shit! Is it possible? Did he finally get rid of that old battle-ax?_

"Why? Voluntarily? Shit, I mean how?" she stuttered. "I mean, congratulations. I mean, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. It's not my place…"

"It is your place Ana. You were right. She was still attached to me, to the notion of … us."

"Did she," Ana gulped, "do something?" _More importantly, did you?_

"She hit on me, yes, but I turned her down. Beyond the fact that I have zero interest in her whatsoever, I would never do that to you, regardless whether we were together or not. You are the only woman I will ever want. I realized, however, that the only way to truly sever our connection once and for all was to come clean with my parents. Plus, my mother deserved to know. It wasn't fair to her and," he cleared his throat awkwardly, "it wasn't fair to you. I had no right to put you in the position of having to endure any sort of contact between me and her. It was callous of me and for that I'm deeply sorry Anastasia."

Ana stared numbly at the shredded bits of napkin now fanned out across her table, biting back tears. _Is it possible that he finally gets it? That's he's really freed himself from her shackles?_

"I … I don't know what to say. So she's really gone?"

"Yes baby — from all of our lives."

 _Hallelujah! The bitch is dead._ _Are those angels I hear singing in the background?_

"I … wow, I'm sorry. I'm a little speechless. Stunned but happy. How did your parents take it?" Ana asked, a sudden frisson of fear coursing through her veins. _I pushed this on him. I will literally crawl into a hole and die if they rejected him._

"As well as could be expected," Christian said, still in disbelief. "They blamed her, not me. Said they supported me no matter what."

"Of course they did. They love you. I'm so proud of you." _Oh Christian, when will you let yourself off the hook for someone else's depravity?_

"Ummm thanks," he replied, somewhat awestruck by everyone's unconditional acceptance of him. "I guess I finally had an epiphany or whatever psychobabble Flynn calls it. Regardless, I understood that I needed to remove this hurdle in order to move forward with my relationship with my parents … and, I hope, with you."

Ana was elated that Christian had taken concrete steps to repair the rift between them, but she was still apprehensive of diving headlong into a full-blown relationship again. _Take it slow. Don't put all your eggs in one basket again Ana._

"If everything is OK with your family, won't you consider going to visit then for dinner?" she prodded gently. "I hate to think of you alone on Christmas."

"Christmas is technically over and I can't Ana. I just can't. I'm not good company at the moment."

"Oh," she said, unsure of what to say to brighten his morbid mood.

Christian also grappled with what to say, afraid that if he didn't fill the silence she might hang up.

The pregnant pause stretched out between them. Ana chewed her lip so hard it sprouted tiny cracks of blood. Meanwhile, Christian had clumps of copper-tinged strands lodged in his nails from yanking on his hair so hard.

One of them had to take the plunge. Not wanting to be bald by age 25, Christian was the one who dove off the deep end.

"I miss you Ana. So much," he said, his admission strangely liberating. It freed Ana to finally confront her own feelings as well.

"I miss you too Christian," she sniffed, on the verge of tears.

"You do?" he asked in childlike wonder.

"Of course I do," she hiccupped. _I love you._

"Oh Ana, you have no idea what that means to me. I'd give anything to see your beautiful face right now." The yearning in his voice melted away the last of her resistance.

"Christian, I can't promise you anything, but perhaps we could start seeing each other again and try to gradually rebuild what we had. I won't jump right back to where we were. I still plan on living with Kate next semester and working at Clayton's, but maybe we could get to know each other again — one step at a time. If you're willing to respect my freedom and continue seeing Flynn, I'll do my part as well. I won't lie. I'm scared to trust you again and even though your past is no longer a part of you, it still bothers me, but I'm willing to try to move beyond my hang-ups because I don't want them holding us back from a future together."

His stunned silence had Ana questioning herself. "I mean, only if you're willing," she hedged. "I don't want to assume…"

"YES! Of course that's what I want Ana," he practically screamed. Ana had to pull the phone away, his booming voice reverberating in her eardrum. "There's nothing in this world that I want more than to have another chance with you. I swear baby, I won't fuck this up again."

Ana chuckled. _You probably will. So will I. But I'm finally willing to take that chance._ "I'm glad to hear it. So now will you go to your parents?" she asked hopefully.

Christian sighed. "Ana, I love that you're worried about me. But it will be all couples. Even Mia's bringing someone. I just … please try to understand. I can't be in that environment."

"I do understand, and I can relate." _Should I ask? Come on Ana. Grow some balls. Christian's been making all the first moves for weeks now._

"Ummm, I know Montesano is a three-hour drive, but you're welcome to join Ray and I for dinner if you'd like." She was met with another round of stunned silence. "You don't have to," Ana was quick to add. "It's a long drive and we're not doing anything special. I just thought I'd throw the invite out there in case you were, err, bored or lonely or whatever."

Christian had already grabbed his jacket and was impatiently pressing the button to summon the elevator.

"Ana, nothing would make me happier. I mean it. You've just made me the happiest fucker on earth."

Ana could almost see the ear-to-ear grin plastered on Christian's face and giggled, the sweet sound of her laughter filling the chasm in his chest with joy for the first time in weeks.

Suddenly, an unbidden thought sprung to his mind. "Will Ray mind?" _Not that he'll stop me, but I'll do the gracious thing and ask._

"No, he'll be alright. I'll talk to him. There probably won't be any hotel rooms available so we'll set up the guest room for you if that's OK."

 _Is that OK? To be that close to you after weeks apart? It's fucking fantastic!_

"Yes baby, it's more than OK," he said, erupting into another shit-eating grin.

"Guest room, not MY room," she clarified.

"I'll take what I can get. And I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Drive safe."

 _I'll drive fast._


	44. Chapter 44

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hi guys – time to wrap up the story! There are two more chapters after this. For those who followed me on Wattpad, I just posted the final chapter, and I'll eventually post the end of Sacrifice on FanFiction as well. I'm also going to wrap up my other story, Submission and Strength. Thanks everyone for your continued support and I hope everyone enjoys the holidays!**_

Exactly three hours and 15 minutes later (he needed the 15 minutes to throw some clothes in the car), Christian veered into the driveway, careful not to run over Ray's prized tomato garden in his haste. The leather steering wheel was coated in sweat from his palms gripping it so tightly.

It was a chilly day but Ana was warm, her nerves burning with anticipation. She was wrapped in a fleece sweater and large blanket as she sat on the swing Ray had built on his front porch, rocking back and forth as she studied every passing car, hoping it was Christian's.

Finally, when she saw his familiar Audi pull up haphazardly, the butterflies in her stomach went into overdrive. The next few moments were a blur.

Christian jumped out of the car as Ana tossed the blanket aside and ran toward him, leaping into a pair of eager, waiting arms. They both exhaled in relief as they clung to each other, his hands digging into her lower back while hers cut off the circulation around his neck.

"I missed you so much baby," Christian murmured, planting sloppy kisses along her check and neck.

"I missed you too," she sobbed. "I'm so happy you're here."

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be baby," he croaked, squeezing her impossibly tighter to him. Christian savored the comfort of her body while Ana relished being wrapped securely in his arms again, both of them oblivious to the world around them.

After several minutes, he reluctantly pulled away but kept Ana cocooned in his arms. Christian lifted one hand to reverentially stroke her skin, wiping away the tears streaming down her cheek. Even tear-stained, she looked luminous in the glow of the late afternoon sun.

"I love you so much." His gravelly declaration sent tingles down her spine — and lower. He nuzzled her nose with his, wearing a boyish smile.

Ana took the initiative and bridged the final gap between them, lightly pressing her lips against his. Christian let out a guttural moan, sealing his mouth over hers while his tongue dove inside. Ana reciprocated with equal ferocity.

Heat burned them from the inside out as they became reacquainted with each other, the absence they endured sharpening the carnal spark they shared.

Christian grabbed tufts of Ana's hair to tilt her head sideways, angling her so he could plunge deep into her mouth. His eagerness was met the digging of her fingernails across his back. He hoped it would leave scratch-marks for days to come. Any physical evidence that she was back in his life was worth the pain.

Their intermingled moans and pants filled the air. Finally, Ana pulled away to catch her breath. Reluctant to leave bubble of euphoric reunion, Christian dropped a long kiss on her forehead, lingering there to inhale her unique scent.

"I needed that," he sighed in contentment.

"Me too. But we also still need to talk."

Christian rested his forehead against hers so he could gaze into her eyes.

"I know Ana. And I'll sit here day and night for the next week if that's what it takes. I'm just grateful you've given me the chance to talk to you. I won't run away this time. I promise."

Enraptured by the love reflected in his grey orbs, Ana reached out to tenderly brush a stray of hair from his face.

"No more running," she murmured. "But we _should_ get back inside before Ray comes looking for us." _With his shotgun if he catches us making out like love-sick teenagers. Wait, I am technically still a teenager!_

"OK," Christian chuckled. "I suppose we wouldn't want Ray to find us in an uncompromising position."

Ana smirked and began to turn around when Christian suddenly yanked her back into her arms.

"Wait. Just a minute longer," he whispered against the crook of her neck, his warm breath tickling her. Ana offered no resistance, gripping his shoulder blades while melting into his warm embrace.

"You have no idea how much I've missed this," he breathed.

"I have an inkling," she said ruefully, her voice muffled as she tried to crawl inside the fabric of his shirt. "I've missed everything about you — your face, your hands, your body, even your smell." She took a whiff of his cologne.

"Well, Miss Steele, I'm afraid I might disappoint you in that department," he laughed, giving her another affectionate kiss on the forehead. He kept his arm planted snugly around her waist while the other cradled the back of her head. "I'm pretty sweaty. I ran out of the office and drove here like a bat out of hell to get here."

"I believe I told you to drive safely mister," she playfully scolded him, slapping his chest.

He grabbed her wrist and lifted it to his lips, planting a tender kiss on the palm. "Said the woman who's racked up three speeding tickets this year alone," he flashed her a wolfish grub.

"Whatever," she rolled her eyes. "Those camera traps are just the city's way of extorting money from innocent drivers like myself. Have you ever tried to drive 25 miles an hour? It's physically impossible. Come on stinky. Let's get you inside and washed up for dinner," she said, grasping his hand as she led him into the house.

"Yes ma'am," he smiled, happily following her inside.


	45. Chapter 45

"Do you need help?" Christian furtively grabbed Ana's hips, using his tall frame to shield his groping hands from Ray's view. Christian had been glued to Ana's side ever since they stepped foot inside the house. After a few polite niceties with his daughter's estranged boyfriend, Ray settled into his comfy reclining chair with the worn-out beige fabric, content to watch football on TV while Christian ran circles around his daughter trying to win back her favor. Ray wasn't about to referee their game of reconciliation — and besides, he secretly enjoyed watching the formidable young business tycoon jump through hoops to impress his little girl.

"No, I'd like to eat some time this year," Ana ribbed him, dicing up the tomatoes for their salads.

"Hey, that's not fair," he pouted, seemingly affronted, though in truth he was as giddy as teenager who just got a shining new car for his 16th birthday. Christian nuzzled Ana's ear, reveling in their proximity. "I may not be able to stuff and roast a whole turkey, but certainly I can chop up a few vegetables."

Ana turned around in his embrace, eyes dancing with mirth. "Christian, I consider myself a feminist in many aspects of life, but when it comes to the kitchen, I belong in it while you belong as far away from it as humanly possible. The last thing I need is for Ray's house to burn down, in addition to us going hungry on Christmas!" She smacked his ass with a rag. "Now stop avoiding my father and go chit chat. You might as well get your lecture over with so we can enjoy a civilized dinner."

Christian huffed, sneaking in a kiss on her cheek before opening a fresh beer for Ray and sitting across from him on the couch.

"Thanks," Ray said gruffly, taking the bottle. "Got kicked out of the kitchen eh?"

"Looks like it."

"Cooking's not my specialty either. I stick to the garage and shed myself. So how's the business going?"

"I can't complain. I just signed a deal that should net us $3 million in revenue, which will put us on stable footing for the next six months or so."

"Well congratulations. That sounds like quite an achievement."

Christian mindlessly fiddled with the label of his beer. "Thanks. I've had a lot of time on my hands lately," he mumbled sadly.

"Look Christian," Ray began, addressing the unspoken tension between them. "I know you and Ana have had problems lately. It's none of my business and I have no intentions of butting in. I hope you two kids work it out, but just know that I'll support Ana no matter what she decides to do. It's my job to protect her."

Christian looked up at Ray, steely resolve in his eyes.

 _It's my job too._

"I would never hurt her," he said solemnly.

"But you did," Ray pointed out.

Christian put the beer down, raking his hand through his hair.

"Look son, I'm not trying to give you the third degree here. I can see how much you love her. I wouldn't let you into my house if I thought otherwise. I have nothing against you. You are one of the most determined, sharpest people I've ever met. I know you'll be a tremendous success at whatever you put your mind to. But my focus is on Ana fulfilling _her_ dreams. I want to make sureshe realizes her own goals in life. Annie is my daughter and she'll always come first."

"And she'll always come first with me too," Christian insisted. "I know she sacrificed a great deal to move to Seattle with me, but I'd give up the business in a heartbeat if that's what made her happy. I swear to you Ray, her happiness is my number-one goal in life. I want to give her everything her heart desires — anything she can possibly dream of."

"That's very laudable Christian — and I don't doubt you. But she may not want the world. She may just want to enjoy college and find a simple job that she loves — and that's her prerogative. Don't begrudge her that. Not everyone wants to run a multimillion-dollar empire. I just don't want her to get swallowed by your ambitions and lose her sense of self. Respect that her ambitions may not mirror your own and give her the freedom to explore them. Smaller goals aren't necessarily any less important just because they're smaller."

"I understand," Christian said soberly. "I would never want to be the reason why Ana loses her identity. Her dreams — whatever they may be — are my dreams."

"That's good to hear son," Ray said, taking a sip of beer.

Ana smirked as she placed the platters of food on the dining room table, after eavesdropped on their little heart to heart. _I should've just brought Ray in weeks ago to counsel us when this shit hit the fan._ Then she remembered the piles of contracts of submissives. _Maybe not. There are some things a dad doesn't need to know about his daughter's boyfriend._

"OK boys, turn off the TV. No football at the table. Food's ready," Ana announced, replacing the image of naked women in her head with turkey, corn and gravy-laden mashed potatoes.

Dinner went off without a hitch. Ana regaled her men with stories about Clayton's and the sweet older gentleman who ran the historic hardware store.

"It's a really friendly, family-oriented environment — some of his employees and customers have been loyal to him for decades. Sam, the owner, takes really good care of everyone. I admire him for not going the way of the big-name chains. I thought I would be bored but the time goes by quickly and my schedule is so flexible," she said, popping a stray piece of turkey in her mouth. "Maybe I'll even learn to be handy around the house some day!"

"That's good baby. I'm so proud of you," Christian said, trying to be as supportive as possible, though he made a mental note to check out this guy Paul who worked with her at the store. _And she as sure as hell isn't handling a chainsaw or anything dangerous. Shit, that means I may have to learn to actually fix things myself._

"Perhaps one day I can meet your boss Sam to say hello," Christian suggested impishly.

"That would be great," Ana beamed. "Him and his wife Claire are so sweet. They've been married for 35 years and work together at the store six days a week. It's awe-inspiring."

Christian laced their fingers together and lightly squeezed her hand. "It's nice to have a love like that," he said wistfully. _And that's exactly what I'll give you baby_.

"It is," Ana mused, gazing at Christian.

Ray watched the two lovebirds, smiling to himself — knowing their own love was a foregone conclusion. He felt a pang of emptiness at the realization that he would no longer be the man in his little girl's life. But studying their interaction tonight, he also felt a wave of acceptance that despite his flaws, Christian would protect his daughter for the rest of her life.

"That was a great meal Annie," Ray interrupted their canoodling. "Did you want me to help with the dishes?"

Ana arched a sardonic brow at her father. "Based on your vast experience throwing out plastic plates and forks, I'd say no."

"Don't get sassy young lady."

Christian grinned, enjoying Ana getting scolded like a schoolgirl.

"Sorry Daddy. But I don't need help. Christian already offered his assistance," she said, a mischievous glint in her eye.

His head whipped around. "Uh yeah, I did." _Earlier. I didn't think that offer extended to washing dishes though._ "Let me take plates into the kitchen."

He dutifully stacked every plate next to the sink and stared at the pile of dirty dishes as if he were about to scale Mount Everest without a rope.

Ana snuck up behind him. "All you have to do is rinse and scrub off the big chunks and put everything in the dishwasher," she giggled, amused by his domestic cluelessness. "Think you can handle that Mr. CEO?"

"I don't think you've given me much of a choice my dear," he muttered.

"Consider it practice for later when we have a house," she winked to sweeten the pot.

Christian grinned broadly and got to work as Ana sat to watch some TV with Ray.

"All done," he said after 30 minutes, radiating childlike pride as he wiped his hands on a washcloth, his dress shirt splattered with water.

"Great. It's still early and such a nice night. Do you want to take a walk by the lake?" Ana asked.

"You two kids go on ahead. It's the third quarter and we're only down by seven points."

Ana shook her head, patting Ray on the shoulder. "Enjoy the game Dad. We'll be back in a bit."

She walked toward the door and eyed Christian expectantly. He put on a jacket and rummaged through the coat closet to find a fleece pullover for Ana.

"It's cold. I don't want you to get sick. Put this on," he ordered her without a second thought, handing her the pullover.

Ana lobbed daggers in his direction.

Christian instantly pulled back his extended hand. "I know you're wearing a sweater, but I'll just take this with me in case you get chilly," he said, contrite. "If that's alright."

Ana smiled in satisfaction. "That's fine. I'm warm now but keep it for later in case I change my mind."

"No problem baby. Whatever you want."

Ray sniggered to himself. _That poor boy has no idea what he's in for_.


	46. Chapter 46

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: A HUGE THANK YOU to all the people who followed me to Wattpad over from FanFiction. Your loyalty really inspired me to finish this story. I know a lot of people got tired of this story and honestly, it didn't completely turn out the way I wanted it to, but sometimes stories have a way of veering off in unexpected directions. C'est la vie. I think some of the criticism and writer's block I got with this story finally just got to me. I'm not really happy with outcome but it's the best I could do and I hope you enjoy it. I started off wanting to write a story where Ana had serious issues with BDSM (instead of just being honky dory with it like she was in the book), and hopefully I at least conveyed that message and some of the reasons behind her thinking.**_

 _ **Again, thank you everyone for sticking with me — I really appreciate it. Your kind words of support encouraged me to keep going!**_

 _ **I'll be retiring from fiction writing for now — real life is just too busy. So this is the final chapter of Sacrifice and I'm also posting the final chapter for my other story, Submission and Strength, so check that out if you haven't. And again, thank you for all of your support and comments! Much love and happy holidays to everyone :)**_

"Are you cold?" Christian asked, clutching her pullover as they traipsed hand-in-hand through the gently rolling hills of Ray's backyard, which ended at a small pond surrounded by leafy oak trees.

"No I'm good for now. Thanks," Ana replied, mindlessly staring up at the constellations of twinkling stars laid out before her. She blew out her breath, watching it float in the air. "I like the chill. I actually hope it gets colder and snows before I leave. I'm sick of endless rain and clouds."

"I know how much you love snow," Christian idly murmured, a faint note of melancholy in his voice. He had no idea how long Ana planned to remain in Montesano — or how long he had with her.

She turned to face him, acutely aware of his train of thought. "How long are you staying?"

"However long you let me," he said humbly. "I don't want to leave you." _Ever_.

"You don't have to," she smiled, which he quickly reciprocated with a colossal smile of his own.

Ana led Christian to her favorite rock that overlooked the pond. When she was younger, she would spend hours propped up against the large grey stone reading whatever book Ray had brought for her from the local library.

Christian wrapped his arm around Ana's shoulder as they sat down next to each other on the rock, rhythmically rubbing his hand up and down to keep her warm.

"I was hoping we could spend New Year's Eve together," he said, interrupting the stillness. He turned to face her. "I want to start the New Year with the woman I plan on spending the rest of my life with. You're my future Ana," he vowed, his eyes shining with sincerity. "And I'd like nothing more than to begin that future with a clean slate."

Her fingertips reached up to graze the light stubble along his jawline. "You're my future too Christian," she quietly confirmed. "And I want to spend the New Year with you as well."

He hugged her tightly to him.

"But I can't just erase the last few weeks to give you that clean slate. We have to deal with what happened." Her tiny voice was muffled as he pressed her into his chest, but her soft-spoken words still punched a hole in his gut.

Christian pulled back but kept his arm slung around her shoulder. "I know," he said, sullen but determined to have the conversation they'd been avoiding since he arrived.

Ana took a long, cleansing breath of the crisp night air. It was time to have their heart-to-heart so both of their hearts could begin to heal.

"You say such amazing things to me. Hell, you are amazing. This last year, you've treated me like a queen. I don't think any woman could ask for a more caring, romantic boyfriend."

 _So what's the problem?_

"It's all so at odds with the man you once were," she answered his unspoken question.

"The operative word in that sentence is 'once.' I'm no longer am that man," Christian said emphatically.

"I realize that. But I've had such a hard time reconciling these two diametrically opposed versions of you. Maybe I chose to ignore the BDSM thing before because I didn't realize the extent of your involvement in it. But once I did, it shattered my image of you — and my faith."

Ana began fiddling with a piece of loose string dangling along the bottom edge of her sweater. Christian balled his fist of his other hand but kept a firm hold of Ana's shoulder.

"I'm still the same man you've known for a year," he muttered, stubbornly staring at the placid waters of the pond in the darkness.

"But not the one I thought you were before you met me," Ana whispered sadly, glancing up at him. "Christian, I don't want to keep persecuting you for your past because I know that you can't change it. I also know you were young, vulnerable and manipulated by someone you thought you could trust, who instead twisted your notion of what healthy relationships can be."

Ana noticed Christian's subtle cringe.

"I know you still don't fully the ramifications of Elena's actions — and that's for you to work out at your own pace," she said softly. "I won't pressure you, but I'm so incredibly proud of you for the steps you have taken to remove her from you and your family's life."

He frowned. "I sense a 'but' coming here."

Ana swallowed down the lump of emotion wedged in her throat. No matter how much she tried to deny it, his past still left a corrosive aftertaste in her mouth.

"But it all still bothers me," she mumbled, her body rigid.

"Why? It's ancient history to me. Why can't it be the same for you?"

Ana shrugged, dropping her head.

Christian sighed and tilted her chin toward him.

"Tell me why so we can get over this Ana. Don't shut me out. Talk to me."

"Do you really want to know what's been festering in my head these last few weeks? It's not pretty," she warned.

"Truthfully, I'd rather have my left nut chewed off by a rabid raccoon than probably listen to what you're about to say, but I know that I _need_ to hear it in order for us to move forward. I don't want you to hold back Ana. I always want to know what's on your mind, no matter how ugly. This is no exception."

His lips tightened into a thin line as he watched Ana mentally pick and choose her words — his stomach churning in dread as he waited for the blow.

"For a year, you put me on a pedestal and said 'I love you' a million times a day, but then I was suddenly forced to imagine all kinds of scenarios of how you degraded and punished women for disobeying your arbitrary rules. On the one hand, I'm honored to be the first woman you ever truly cared about. On the other, it disturbs me. I'm torn. I would've hated it if you loved a string of women before me. At the same time, I don't want to be the exception — I want a man who viewed women in a normal light," she confessed, exorcising the resentment that had gnawing away at her for weeks.

"So you would've preferred me to have a bunch of full-fledged girlfriends with feelings and all that shit before you?" Christian asked, confused.

"I would've preferred it if you were a virgin like me," she muttered sarcastically.

He grimaced and she quickly changed gears. "Sorry, that's not the point. I don't what my point is," she huffed, flailing her hands in the air. "Like I said, I'm conflicted. But yes in an odd way, it bothers me that you never developed feelings for these women, even though I'm grateful that you didn't. Does that make sense?"

"No."

Ana turned to look at him point-blank in the eye. "This question has been eating away at me for weeks. Why didn't you develop any feelings for them? You were intimate with these girls for a pretty significant amount of time. I don't get it."

Christian shrugged insolently. "What does it matter now?"

"It matters to me."

"Does this have anything to do with some cockamamie theory you've developed in your head that I'll somehow dump you in the future for another woman because I never gave my subs a chance? But now that I know what a real relationship is, I'll be more open to having one with other women? Because if that's the case, that's horseshit Ana," he spat out, frustration seeping into his voice. "I'm sorry, but it's the truth. I love you and that's not going to change no matter who comes along. It's only you and it will only ever be you."

Ana stroked his knuckles to quell his simmering anger. "I did worry about that at first, but no, I have faith in you and your love for me."

"So what's the issue?" he pressed her, growing increasingly impatient.

"I'm just genuinely baffled. How could you separate your emotions like that, given that all you've ever done is reveal your emotions to me since day one."

"Because that was _you_. I just didn't see them that way."

Ana continued to eye him in disbelief.

"What do you want from me Ana? You want me to say it out loud? Yes, fine, I saw them as fuck-toys," he reluctantly bit out. "There, happy now?"

Ana shook her head in defeat, unleashing the floodgates of her own frustrations. "No, not at all. I hate that you had an assembly line of girls whose bodies you used but whose personalities you never cared about or chose to get to know. I hate that if you ran into them on the street today, you probably couldn't distinguish between women you screwed dozens of times. I hate that you had threesomes, that you 'shared' women like property and that stuck vegetables up their butts. I hate that you failed to see them as human beings. And I hate that _my_ man was _that_ guy."

Ana caught her breath as both of them stared off vacantly into the distance, unable to look each other in the eye. The verbal lashing left her drained and Christian winded.

"So you hate me?" he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

She spun her head around. "Of course not! Just the opposite. I love you with every fiber of my being. That's why this bombshell was so jarring. It felt like I no longer knew the man I fell in love with."

Christian expelled a ragged breath. "That's not fair. You do know me, better than anyone on the planet. I'm sorry for the things I did, but I was a horny, angry, lost kid and it was all I knew at the time. I am a changed, grown man now — thanks to you. I changed because I met a woman I fell in love with. I don't know how else to explain it."

"You don't need to explain or apologize for your past. I'm not going to keep bashing you over the head for the things you did when you were young."

"That's what it feels like though," he said with a hint of annoyance.

"I promise Christian — I fully accept your past, but I'm not going to sugarcoat it either. I need to make sure that what happened in your past stays there."

He furrowed his brows. "What do you mean?"

"I may sound like a broken Aretha Franklin record here, but all of this comes down to respect. If I'm going to spend the rest of my life with a man, it has to be with one who respects women. Period. And not one of those men who respects certain women in his life like his wife or mother or sister or daughter and then views all other women as fuck-toys. I mean real respect." Her diatribe was both liberating yet devastating because she knew it would tap into Christian's self-loathing. At the same time, it cut directly to the core of her issues with his past.

"And you somehow think I don't respect you?" he asked incredulously.

"No, I know you do. But I need to know that I'm with a man who respects _all_ women, not just me."

"That's absurd Ana. I do — and did — respect women, including my subs. I treated them with respect," he hedged, "within the confines of our arrangement. Our interactions were respectful."

"And sterile and cold. I'm sorry Christian, but I need to get this off my chest once and for all. You objectified women. They weren't your equals — and that's what pisses me off so much."

"It's what they wanted," he protested, albeit weakly.

"It's what you both wanted," she corrected him.

He gave her a contrite nod.

Ana reached over and gave his hand a sympathetic squeeze.

"Christian, I know you're a changed man — and a good man. I know you never abused your subs' trust and that you treat women well. You asked how I felt and I just wanted to explain where I was coming from and what's been going through my mind the last few weeks — that's all," she said gently. "I've thought long and hard about it, and at the end of the day, it's not my place to judge your involvement in BDSM. The lifestyle is not something I fully comprehend or can ever participate in, but it's also not my place to approve or disapprove of what you did before I came along. The important thing is that you're different with me, that I know you're respectful toward women and that you're making a concerted effort to better understand the demons in your past. That's all I need."

"So can we finally get past … my past?" he asked tentatively.

"We already are. You're here aren't you? I'm gradually overcoming my fear that you'll need to revert back to that lifestyle in the future, and I'm also getting past my own insecurities that I can't compete with the type of woman you're used to."

"I've told you a million times that there's absolutely no competition."

"I know, and it's beginning to register. But it's also easier said than done when you've seen the visual evidence of your past, errr, dalliances, for lack of a better word." Ana bit back the sarcasm on the tip of her tongue. _That's a nice way to describe fucking and beating two supermodels at the same time, but enough Ana. It's time to stop crucifying my man and move on._

"So you're disgusted by the things I did?" Christian whispered, head hung low.

"What? Of course not."

He raised a skeptical brow at her.

"A little disappointed maybe," she sighed.

"That's worse. I'm sorry I'm not the man you thought I was," he mumbled, eyes downcast.

"Christian, you're a phenomenal man. Yes, this revelation shook my perception of you. But it didn't wipe away a year's worth of memories either. I know you have a good heart. In fact, you have the best heart of anyone I know. That's why this whole damn thing has been so hard for me to wrap my head around. It felt like the last year was a lie — and in a way it was. You kept this side of yourself hidden from me since the beginning. You danced around the truth because you didn't trust me to handle it, and that amounts to lying. Needless to say, if you ever pull a stunt like this again, we're over," she said with finality.

"I know," Christian affirmed, his expression grim. "I will never lie to you again Ana. I can't risk losing you."

"And I vow to do the same Christian. I need to hold myself to the same standards. I promise to no longer keep anything from you for whatever reason," Ana said cryptically.

Christian scalp prickled with fear but Ana remained silent, her gaze distant and detached.

She suddenly stood up and began pacing along a small patch of grass while Christian watched her warily.

"I have to tell you something. After this entire ordeal, I felt like a hypocrite for keeping it from you, but please understand that I didn't feel it was my story to tell. It wasn't some sordid secret, though I have tried to bury it. I was also worried about your reaction and that you'd take it the wrong way."

"What is it?" he asked, his chest constricting in anticipation. "Just tell me Ana."

"Do you remember how I said that I never got along with husband number three, which is why I went to live with Ray?"

"Yes," he said apprehensively, his breathing shallow. "Steven Morton. But you never told me any details."

"There wasn't much to tell honestly, or at least that's how I always chose to view the situation," Ana said, arms clasped around her chest as she continued to pace in small, repetitive circles.

"He wasn't just in love with my mother; he was obsessed with her," she began to explain, eyes firmly glued to the ground. "He was extremely possessive and jealous. He tried to control everything she did."

Christian immediately tensed. Ana stopped and gazed into his fearful eyes.

"This is exactly why I didn't want to tell you this. I don't want your mind to start going into overdrive and equating what he did with anything you've done. Don't go there. Please, just let me finish. OK?"

He nodded, though his expression remained riddled with anxiety.

"As for me, he only saw me as a nuisance," Ana continued, hugging herself while she paced. "I was an obstacle to my mother's time and attention. He had little use for me and the feeling was mutual. When he wasn't ignoring me, he was belittling me. He'd always make some snide comment about my appearance — how I was a plain Jane who'd never land a boyfriend, how my nose and teeth were crooked, how no one wanted a mousy bookworm. Of course, he never dared to say any of this shit in front of my mother. Even he wasn't _that_ dumb. So I mostly tried to brush it off for my mother's sake, since I knew she was head over heels in love with her latest romantic white knight. But then one day, it got to the point where I could no longer ignore Steven's taunts."

Christian ground his teeth so hard Ana could see the muscles in his jaw flexing in fury. "What did he do to you Ana?" he asked, the baritone of his voice ominously low.

"He was yelling at me for buying a new jacket that I needed for the winter. I talked back to him and told him that what I did wasn't any of his business." She swallowed. "And he slapped me."

Christian's clenched his fists, the heavy staccato of his breaths punctuating the air.

"I told my mother but she said I must've misunderstood Steven's intentions. Like a hard slap to the cheek can somehow be misinterpreted," Ana scoffed, trying to conceal the dejection in her voice. "She basically implied that I was either exaggerating or making the whole thing up to get attention — as if I were some teenage drama queen."

"I'm so sorry baby. More than you'll ever know." Christian looked up at her with uncharacteristic helplessness in his eyes.

"Thank you. I appreciate that. I know you would've done anything to stand up for me if you were there."

"I would have Ana. I would have," he repeated vehemently.

"Anyway," she exhaled, resuming her nervous pacing. "Things were calm for a few months. Steven didn't want to rock the boat and I was able to ignore his little jabs. But then one day we got into some stupid argument over my curfew. He called me an ugly worthless bitch and shoved me up against the wall at the top of the staircase. I lost my footing and tumbled down the stairs. Fortunately, though, it was only one flight of steps and I just banged up my ribs a bit and sprained an ankle. But that was the last straw. I knew it would only get worse. I called Ray that night and asked to live with him. I never told him about the fall — he'd murder Steven — though I suspect he knew what was going on. But I did tell my mother. Again, she said it must've been a misunderstanding and that I accidentally tripped. She begged me to stay and even floated the idea of family therapy, but I refused. I told her I hated Steven and would be happier with Ray. She claimed that she didn't want me to leave but ultimately, she chose him over me and let me go without a fight."

"Oh baby, come here." Christian's voice cracked as he reached for Ana and tugged her onto his lap, one arm wrapped around her waist while the other stroked her hair. "I suspected things were bad but I didn't know it was that bad." He pressed his lips to her forehead.

"It's OK. I left before things could really go downhill. My mother wasn't as lucky."

Christian pulled back and gazed into her distraught eyes, willing her to continue.

"He hurt her, badly. She wound up in the hospital with a broken arm, two cracked ribs and lacerations on her neck after some brawl they had. Apparently he went off the deep end because she had gone out with some male coworkers," Ana said, the familiar pang of regret lancing through her at the thought that she had abandoned her mother to that pig.

"Baby, there was nothing you could do," Christian consoled her, picking up on her wayward thoughts.

"I suppose. He served all of two months for domestic abuse. At least she finally woke up and left him for good after that. Ray helped set her up financially and then she met husband number four, Bob, who seems to treat her well. She apologized to me a million times and begged for my forgiveness. The whole thing obviously created a deep rift between us that hasn't completely healed, but at the end of the day, she's the only mother I have and I've chosen to forgive her. She apparently suffered more than I did in those months when I went away, and she lives with the guilt of having believed Steven over me every day."

"I'm so sorry you went through that. In a way I'm also sorry that fucker is already dead because I would've liked to have killed him myself," Christian said darkly, sending shivers down her spine.

"Well, throat cancer beat you and Ray to it. That's what you get when you smoke 10 packs a day I suppose," Ana shrugged.

"Why didn't you ever tell me any of this before baby?" Christian asked, trying not to sound accusatory.

"Because my mother was the one who wound up in the hospital black and blue — not me. She was mortified by her misplaced faith in Steven. Shortly after she was hospitalized, she admitted that she saw the signs of his abusive behavior but chose to ignore it because she was so blinded by love — or at least the hope of it. I know her mistakes still haunt her. Even today she barely speaks about the 'incident,' as Ray and I now refer to it. We don't discuss it either. It always seemed like her story to tell, not mine, and sharing it with other people felt like a violation of her private pain."

"It was your pain too," he murmured. "Though I suspect that's not the only reason why you kept this from me."

Christian's unwavering stare pierced her defenses and denials. Ana took a deep breath. "I also didn't want you to compare yourself to Steven. He was a monster."

"He was a jealous, controlling, possessive bastard — like me," Christian spewed out, the venom directed squarely at himself.

"Stop! Just stop it," Ana interjected. " _This_ is why I was so reluctant to tell you about him. I knew you would start getting these irrational thoughts in your head."

Ana framed his face with her small hands, desperately willing him to believe her.

"The belt," Christian choked out, eyes glassy with unshed tears. "I hit you. I'm sorry Ana." He violently shook his head, causing Ana to drop her hands. "I'm sorry. So sorry. So sorry," he repeated, his chant drenched in despair.

"Enough," she snapped, sliding off his lap to crouch down on her knees in front of his bowed head, forcing him to look at her.

"I won't let you do this. I won't let you torture yourself for no reason. Don't you dare equate anything you've ever done with that bastard. I mean it. Don't even go there. I'm sick of other people's shit coming between us. No Steven, no subs, no Elena. I want our problems — and I'm sure we'll have plenty of them down the road — to be our own. I want us to have an honest conversation about our pasts, our hang-ups, our demons without second-guessing or punishing ourselves. This is about you and me — no one else."

Ana's diatribe wrenched him out of his guilt-induced haze. He looked at her with a sad but sober expression. Ana took that as her cue to climb back into his lap, where his arms instinctively encircled her to keep her close to him.

"There, that's better," she breathed, resting her arm around his shoulder. "I need you to understand that from the moment you told me you wanted me to be your submissive that first week after we met, I never once equated anything you did to anything Steven did — not even the belt incident. It never even entered into my realm of consciousness. You were nothing like him and I trusted you implicitly from the second you offered to take me to lunch at the cafeteria that day we bumped into each other."

"And I broke that trust by hitting you," Christian said, visibly crushed.

"No, we both agreed to that. I asked for you to show me what a punishment was like. Again, I never viewed what took place in any kind of abusive light. I left because I simply realized the lifestyle wasn't for me and I couldn't give you what you needed."

"You're all I need Anastasia," he vowed, venturing to give her a slow, chaste kiss on the lips.

She smiled. "The feeling is mutual. As far as I'm concerned, what happened a year ago needed to happen in order for us to be together. I never even think of our 'belt breakup.' That had nothing to do with why I've been so upset these last few weeks. To be fair, I assume a lot of girls would be upset if they discovered that their boyfriends were once closet dominants."

Christian inwardly chuckled. "You have such a way of phrasing things baby," he said, eyes sparkling with pride.

"What can I say? I'm trying to earn that English degree of mine," she replied, happy to lighten the mood.

"But it more than upset you," Christian pointed out, growing somber once again. "You left me." He cleared his throat, trying to swallow down the memory of Ana running away from him.

"I think your participation in BDSM struck a raw nerve with me because of how strongly I feel about women being treated as equals. I saw how Steven bossed my mother around, how he constantly put me down and how he generally disparaged all the women around him. He thought they were beneath him and that he had this innate right to control my mom. Those memories are ingrained in me. So I suppose a large part of my aversion to your past indirectly had to do with my own past, though it took me a while to put two and two together. I'm sorry I was a hypocrite for not revealing what Steven did sooner. I hope you understand why I kept it to myself and I hope you can forgive me."

"Of course I forgive you. There's nothing to forgive baby," he said without a trace of guile.

"Yes there is — just as I forgive you for not telling me about the submissives earlier. We both made mistakes, and I want us to move on from them."

Christian grabbed Ana's hand and laced their fingers together. "So where do we go from here?" His voice was tepid.

"Forward. The main thing is to keep being honest with each other. I also want you to keep seeing Flynn, and perhaps I can come along as well. I don't think we can have a clean slate, but we can certainly endeavor to have less messy slate. That's how most couples work. I want us to grow and learn from this experience."

Christian reverentially kissed her forehead. "That's all I want too baby."

"But you have to back off a bit," she said abruptly, her tone unyielding. "You can't go flying off the handle every time you see me with another guy. You can't wig out because I want to go to a party. You have to learn to let go of the reins a little. It's not just about respecting women — it's about respecting my independence."

Christian tugged his hand from Ana's grasp and began raking it through his hair.

"I know. I know. It's so fucking hard for me Ana. I'm trying but I'm so terrified of losing you."

Ana grabbed his agitated hand and placed it back in her lap, snuggling closer into his chest. "That's no excuse. By trying to control me in some silly effort to keep me from leaving you, can't you see that you're only pushing me further away."

A sob escaped his lips as he rested his forehead against hers. "No baby, don't say that. That's the last thing I want. I'm trying. I swear to you. I talk about this with Flynn twice a week. I know I can't dictate your life. But I'm a control freak and I'm just so worried I'm going to fuck up and scare you away again."

"I'll let you in on a little secret." Ana leaned in, whispering in his ear. "You _will_ fuck up again."

Christian reared his head back, wearing a bewildered expression.

"Christian, I don't expect you to be perfect. But I do expect you to be aware of your flaws — just as I need to be aware of mine — and try to minimize them. I have no doubt you'll go berserk when I do something you don't approve of — and I'm sure I'll snap or shut down when you do something I don't like. We all have our imperfections and they don't magically disappear just because you're in a relationship. The point is that we recognize them and constantly work on them to make the relationship stronger. They're not deal-breakers if you love the person and have the will to make it work."

"I have the will Ana — in spades," he said adamantly. "I know I can be a possessive ass, but I swear to you on my life that I will never do what Steven did to your mother."

"No part of me even worries about that Christian," she reassured him. "I'm not even remotely comparing you to Steven because there's no comparison. I'd never be with you if I thought you would ever treat me that way. I also understand why you need control, given your background. But you need to understand why I chafe under that control. Hopefully now that you know what happened to me, it'll be a little easier for you."

"I do understand Ana, and this does put things in a new light for me. I can't promise there won't be bumps — it's a struggle for me to let go because I fear it means letting you go — but I vow to respect not only you, but also your freedom. I know you want to experience college, and I'll support you in every way I can. I want to be there for every step of your life."

"That means supporting me next semester when I live with Kate and continue to work at Clayton's."

Christian nodded glumly. "I know."

Ana reached up to caress his cheek. "I want to experience college, but that doesn't mean you won't be a huge part of that experience. I won't lie — you need to chill with the marriage talk. I'm still a teenager for goodness sake! But make no mistake, I'm your future wife Christian."

His face instantly lit up as he yanked her into his arms, her chest flush with his. He breathed a sigh of relief as he peppered the side of her neck with light kisses. She returned his embrace with all her strength. After a minute, they reluctantly pulled apart.

"Thank you Ana. Knowing you're as committed to us as I am means the world to me. I promise to ease up on you. I want you to have fun and meet new people. I won't lie though. I'll miss you," he said, downtrodden at the thought of no longer living with Ana.

"Hey, you act like I'm moving across the country! I'm just going to live at Kate's for a semester so I have some girl time and know what it feels to like to live on my own. That's all. You'll still be there — probably every night I suspect, pissing Kate off."

Christian threw her a devious grin. "Damn straight. In fact, I can't fucking wait to piss that girl off."

Ana rolled her eyes. "Exactly. This will be something new for us. I don't regret rushing into a relationship with you, but we practically moved in together from day one. I just want us to do the normal girlfriend-boyfriend thing where we go out on dates and maybe afterward the guy sneaks into the girl's bedroom for a little nookie," she winked.

Christian bent down to taste Ana's plump lips, his mouth lingering on hers in a sensual kiss that robbed her of coherent thought.

"First of all, I wouldn't describe what I'll do to your body as 'nookie,'" he smirked when he saw her flushed appearance. "Second of all, I believe you're using your patented distraction technique to keep my mind off the fact that you won't be in _our_ bedroom when we engage in this so-called nookie."

"I believe you used a little distraction yourself Mr. Grey with that smooch," she retorted.

Christian laughed, the sound reverberating through the night air. "Smooch. Nookie. After all the shit we've done together, you still talk about sex like a shy middle-schooler. You're too much Ana. This is why I love the hell out of you."

She giggled. "You've broadened by bedroom horizons Mr. Grey, but not my vocabulary. And incidentally, I love you too."

It was the first time she had uttered those words since their debacle. Christian's eyes widened before he smashed his lips on hers to steal another passionate kiss.

After several heated minutes, they pulled back to catch their breaths.

"OK. So you'll stay at Kate's but we'll still see each other — a lot," he added pointedly.

"Yes silly. Remember, we've got plans for New Year's Eve," she reminded him, wearing an ear-to-ear grin.

"Ah, while we're on the subject — one of the companies I'm looking to take over is hosting a massive gala to ring in the New Year. There are a few prospective employees I'd like to bring on board who will be there."

Ana's face fell. "Oh, OK. I guess we can go to that. You'll make a lot of good contacts," she said, trying to plaster on a fake smile.

Christian tenderly stroked her hair. "Wait, you didn't let me finish. Elliott's also throwing some raver or whatever the hell he calls it at his place. Kate and a bunch of her friends are supposed to be there. I thought you might enjoy that better."

"Yes," she beamed, pecking him on the cheek.

Christian returned the favor by smothering her face in kisses, his arm wrapped securely around her back as she further curled into his lap.

"I have to warn you though, I've developed a taste for tequila," she said, playfully arching her brow.

"That's fine," he chuckled. "As long as I'm the one who carries you home and holds your hair while you puke your guts out."

"Hey, I handled three shots without vomiting — and that's with Kate's free hand in pouring," she said in mock indignation.

"How about we compromise? Let me be the bartender and leave the margaritas to me."

"OK, but don't short-change me."

He kissed the tip of her nose. "Never baby."

"Seriously Christian, thank you. Elliott's party sounds like fun."

"There's nothing to thank me for baby. I want to give you the world — whether it's a party, a book or an entire freaking library."

"I know you do. You have a heart of gold. That's why I love you. But all I really want is you."

"I know you do," he echoed her words. "And that's why I love you."


End file.
